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Art and its Audience

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I was fortunate enough to be invited to screen one of my films, “Rhythm of Causality”, at the ITSA Film Festival in Northern California this past weekend…

Any time I get to screen my film with an audience, I feel on top of the world. As a filmmaker who is a writer/director, I make the films that are true to me, but I don’t make them to not be shown, so when I have a chance to display them in front of an audience, it’s a wonderful treasure since it’s quite difficult to have such an opportunity…

I held a cast and crew screening of my latest short, “Your Move”, which will be heading out on the 2012 film festival circuit shortly. While I was thinking of what I wanted to say to the talented cast and crew I worked with, I came to the conclusion that we are all artists, in our various crafts, coming together to create my vision of this film.

But what is an artist? Is it simply someone who creates art? But what is art? Is it subjective?

Once again going to my handy Apple dictionary, art by definition is “the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form…”

Well… that could be taken many ways and I suppose that is something beautiful about art.

It IS subjective.

What one person finds to be art, another may find to be trash. Art is in the eye of the beholder… but it’s also in the eye of the creator.

I find that it can get complicated when one chooses to be an artist. You may make the art that is true to you but without an audience, where does it go? What happens to it? How do you make a living? I used to think those questions were irrelevant, that an artist (whether one is a filmmaker, painter, musician, etc) should only create what is meaningful to them and to hell with those who don’t understand, but then, reality set in and I realized, while that may be at the essence of artwork, the audience must be taken into consideration because ultimately, they are the ones who will carry on an artist’s work.

Now, that brings the question of what an audience means. Is it the masses? Everyone? Or is it a select few?

I believe an honest artist should create artwork that is true to him/herself, realize an audience is part of the process and take it into consideration while not allowing it to be the reason to create anything false and then let the chips fall where they may. If it finds an audience, wonderful. If it doesn’t, an artist can question why that is and think about it… deciding whether or not they want to change, according to their own beliefs.

After making several films and screening in front of various audiences, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am only capable of making films (which is my artwork of choice) that I believe in, that mean something to me, that are true to what I want to represent and create but at the same time, I’m very aware of the fact that an audience will be the recipient of such artwork. So, I learn from them and apply what I’ve learned to my artwork, all the while staying true.

And you know what, the collaboration I have with my cast and crew has now added a third member, and that’s its AUDIENCE.

Parenthood?

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The other day, I was watching an episode of “The Big C”, an awesome show on Showtime that stars Laura Linney, one of my favorite actresses. And one of the episodes had to do with someone telling someone else that they were pregnant. It was a surprise, as this man and woman had had sex but were in no way heading toward babyland together. Hell, they weren’t even really dating. And this got me thinking. And even though it’s quite obvious, I discovered…

Anytime you have sex, there is a possibility of creating a child.

Sure, some have disorders or body environments in which creating a child is impossible or nearly so, and I am not including those in this blog, but for the majority, becoming pregnant is a reality if one chooses to have sex. And yes, taking precautions with condoms, birth control pills and such is smart and useful if one is not trying to conceive, but still, you run the risk. And you know what, it’s a risk that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Now, without getting into a discussion about pro-life/pro-choice, as that is for an individual to decide for oneself, one should think about this issue when one engages in an activity that could create a child.

A CHILD!

SSSSSSCCCCCCCCRRRRRAAAAATTTTCCCCCHHHH…. (that’s a record scratch)

Hold the phone. I’m losing people. Who wants to talk about this? I know, it’s not a reality many want to face but suppose you face it before the fact. You might just learn something about yourself, and save yourself and others a lot of pain.

So, I thought to myself, what would it be like to be pregnant… and after five minutes, I nearly gave myself a heart attack. As I fully realized that having children is not the path I want to take in life, this exercise really made me think about it. Made me think about cause and effect, consequences of actions and such and I think I am the wiser because of it.

This doesn’t mean one should live in solitary confinement, but it does mean one should be aware of this obvious fact that is often overlooked and take it seriously. Very seriously.

Having children is a life-altering choice and parenthood is the ultimate responsibility. You are actually creating LIFE. And since children are dependent upon their parents, it is up to them to provide a foundation for them, one that whether a parent likes it or not, will be part of their child for the rest of their life…

Something to think about it. For yourself, but more so, for those who don’t have a say in the matter – the children.

 

 

 

walk the talk

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I must admit. I did not become interested in politics and my country’s government until about three or so years ago, when I entered my thirties. I had voted in the major elections but other than that, I didn’t place it too high in my priorities.

Then, to the credit of my parents, I started becoming more interested in what was happening in America. I started to learn about the government, all sections, and the issues. I began to develop my own political philosophy by learning as much as I could. I read books, studied history, looked up the actions of those in power. I quickly realized that most, if not all, of television news and journalism had become heavily biased, so I dismissed them as a valid source soon into my journey, which yes, did make it much harder to find the truth, but the search was interesting and took me places I perhaps otherwise would not have gone and explored.

And then, it was time for the election of 2008. I had not been very involved in the build-up, the primaries and such, as my political enlightenment had just been forming. I did know, however, that I was not thrilled with Obama or McCain. And then Obama won.

I did not vote for Obama. Yes, his beliefs are vastly different from my own, but it was more than that. He seemed empty. A solid orator but an inexperienced individual who was all talk. I know he had great support and the people voted him in office, so I accepted him as my president, but I wasn’t happy about it.

But now, election 2012 is on the horizon and I made the decision to become dedicated to being part of this process of the government of my country. I researched all those who are presidential contenders and in my search, I found the one I was looking for.

Ron Paul.

His actions over the past fifty or more years have PROVEN he is honest, a man of true conviction, consistent, a believer in the Constitution, freedom and liberty and someone who could not be bought or manipulated by the big government/big business political machine. He walks the talk. And so, I decided, I must too. If I was going to have an informed opinion and a solid political philosophy, then I couldn’t just talk about it, or I’d be a contradiction of my own beliefs and no better than those who I condemn.

I dedicated myself to helping put Ron Paul in the white house. I hope he wins the GOP nomination and then the 2012 Presidential Election but even if he doesn’t, I will know that I tried my hardest to put him there and didn’t just talk about it.

This past weekend, I attended the Republican Liberty Caucus of California in Downtown, Los Angeles. I cheered Ron Paul on, voted in the straw poll, heard him give the keynote speech, and became an even greater supporter of his, if that was possible. Some in the media have tried to paint this convention as one in which Ron Paul “bussed” us in but that is not the case. I was at the convention yesterday, I voted in the straw poll, I was there with seven other friends, and I came by my own volition. Allow me to assure you that Ron Paul did not bring us “in busloads”. I was there because I support him and want him to be our next president. His supporters were people from all over, who are truly devoted to him. There were Perry supporters there but Paul supporters outnumbered them greatly. I did not see anyone else there supporting the other contenders. It was a great day and evidence of the support Ron Paul has. The energy was amazing.

I walked the talk. And it feels unbelievable.

Films I can watch over and over…

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Most films, I only want to watch once and if anything, mayyyyyyybe twice, but pretty much, It’s rare these days I find a film I want to watch again.

But then, I think back to some amazing films, films I will watch over and over and over and over… (these are the kind of films I long to make) so I thought I’d offer you my list, since it’s two in the morning and I can’t sleep and films are, of course, what’s on my mind..

Top Ten Films I could watch over, and over, and over, and over…. because they are just sooooo damn good…..

1. You Can Count On Me

2. Godfather I & II

3. Goodfellas

4. Swingers

5. Home For The Holidays

6. Mother

7. Breakfast Club

8. Casino

9. Apocalypse Now

10. A Clockwork Orange

 

Care to add any of yours?? I’d love to hear them!

Remembrance…

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Today marks the tenth year since 9/11/01 happened. That was a day in which enemies of the United States hijacked U.S. air crafts and flew them into U.S. buildings, killing thousands of Americans. It was a day that will likely live in the memories of all those who witnessed it, both from up close and from afar, and of all those who were affected by it, whether from a grand scale or a smaller one. It was a direct attack on American soil, and will not easily be forgotten.

Dictionaries tell us remembrance is the act of remembering. And remembering is important. Understanding the past helps one deal with the future. Remembering that which came before can help line the road for that which is to come. Remembering helps one deal with life and the changes that come with it. Remembering can help ease the pain and salute the fallen, can help comfort the present and cheer their victories, can help appreciate a struggle and embrace the effect of such.

Remembrance is important.

I remember…

learning the twin towers had been destroyed by airplanes and being sent home from work.

my grandfather’s silent demeanor and amazing grilled steak.

my uncle’s relaxed state of being and love for his family.

the town I grew up in, in upstate New York, and the friends I had while doing so.

the day I finished Atlas Shrugged, which propelled me to go on and study philosophy for the rest of my life.

the day I learned my sister needed me.

the moment I met my beautiful nephew, who has shown me what love really means.

the day I was told I should meet a girl I would really like, who turned out to be someone who feels like an extension of myself and who became one of my closest friends.

the day I decided I didn’t want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one, but rather only wanted to be in one that I was passionate about.

when I was made fun of in the seventh grade for, I believe, not understanding something.

the shooting of my very first short film, Making Your Tea, and how I’ve learned so much since then…

Remembrance is important, yes. It’s a wonderful source to learn from and lean on.

But it’s the present that is our here and now, the only moment we are guaranteed.

And it’s the future that is to come, for ourselves (hopefully) but most importantly, for the children after us.

Let us remember to fight for a better world for them. And let us never forget that.

Support system

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As most of my readers know, I am an independent filmmaker and I recently finished my latest short film, “Your Move”. It’s about to hit the 2012 festival circuit with a (hopefully) great run and I suddenly find myself feeling a bit of an “empty nest” syndrome. But rather than focus on that, my brain wandered to thinking about all those who have been cheering me along, lifted me up, kept me going when times got tough, and basically, been my cheering section as I navigated along the playing field…

After I graduated college, I knew I wanted to be a filmmaker but how to do that wasn’t as clear for me. I found myself working as an assistant editor and making a good living off it, working on shows like “American Idol” and “The Kennedy Center Honors”. But it wasn’t where my heart was and though I learned a ton on the job, I knew it wasn’t going to get me to where I wanted to be, which was making my own films. So, long story short, I quit, went back to waiting tables and began making films. I’ve made short films, since they’re what’s been feasible for me, and I haven’t stopped since I made that decision. That was over six years ago. I had that defining moment where I thought to myself, literally, either you can go after money and just work in the entertainment industry in whatever capacity available to you or you can struggle and go after the exact career you want. I choose the latter, for better or worse, and haven’t been happier since.

But times have been tough. Being an independent filmmaker is probably one of the hardest careers one could choose for oneself. And I’ve had to make sacrifices and difficult choices along the way…

I just finished my latest (and fifth) short film, “Your Move”, and I now find myself in that familiar position of taking it out on the festival circuit and hoping it has the chance to be shown, so that it may find an audience and help forward my career as a filmmaker. And in this calm before the storm, it got me thinking about the tremendous amount of support I’ve received from so many in my life. From my close friends and family who come out and work on my films to those who pass around my trailer link to spread the word, from my parents whose love for my films have helped me propel them to great heights to those who express to me how my films have affected them and why. I have this tremendous amount of support and as I was thinking about it, I almost became breathless.

And so, since I don’t have an opportunity to express my gratitude on a grand scale, like at an award ceremony or such (just yet), I will leave it to my blog and to one-on-one encounters. To those who believe in me, support me, care about my films and my filmmaking career, I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I know plenty of people who may think they are my “friend” but show little support if any and in fact, seem to wish I don’t succeed, and to them, I say, may you find happiness in your own life, but to those who support me, a thank you just doesn’t feel enough. I know how special you are and how important your support is in helping me do what I do. And I will forever be stronger because of it.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

(With special thanks to Charles P., Grace P., Paul P., Ali P., Amy P., Giovanni P., Nonna e Nonno R., Nonna e Nonno P., Nicole K., Jamie M., Julie W., Tina C/L., Paul L., Mike W.)

Your problem is not my problem.

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It’s interesting. I’ve been noticing a particular behavior among many people lately that has been making me think. When some people have problems, they have this way of trying to make them your problems too.

Now, I’ve been very fortunate to have been raised by two amazing parents who’ve demonstrated to me what self-reliance, love and responsibility mean.

Self-reliance is taking care of one self. Accepting the circumstances of reality and then molding them to become what you want through hard work, dedication and intellect.

Love is something given, not taken. And it’s an amazing foundation to leap from, whether it be one’s love of life, of another or of oneself. And love given to you is not to be taken for granted.

And responsibility is accepting the choices one makes and the consequences of such and in regard to circumstances outside of one’s control, it’s about how one deals with them. It’s owning one’s actions.

Now, back to what I’ve been observing. It’s very easy to try to make your problem someone else’s problem. For example, say you drank too much at a bar last night, so you call your boss and say you’re sick and have them cover it for you. Or say you wrecked your car and have no transportation so you continually call others for rides, saying you don’t have a car and can’t get around. Or say your friend couldn’t drive you somewhere, so you argue that’s the reason you couldn’t get somewhere.

But the thing is, your problem is your problem. It’s no one else’s problem.

Now, someone could CHOOSE to help you but that’s a choice they have to make. In my opinion, it shouldn’t be something you expect. Sooooo many seem to have the “woe is me” attitude and when things go wrong, they feel they are owed something or that others should grant them something and many seem to enable this behavior, thinking they’re being a good person or perhaps are acting out of guilt or some misplaced feelings of compassion, but really, it only makes worse, in my opinion. If you enable this behavior, nothing will stop one from passing the buck, from making excuses, from failing to recognize the need to deal with one’s own problems, from accepting responsibility, from repeating this behavior, from trying to make their problems yours.

Your problems aren’t my problems… unless I allow them to be.

Possibility

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I take commitments very seriously, which may explain why I have a hard time making some of them…

I’ve been noticing some things about my behavior lately that have intrigued me. I love getting the mail. Seriously. I don’t like to make specific plans more than a week in advance unless it has to do with my films or other work. I don’t like the term “best friend” but prefer “close friend”.  I like to know when my brother needs me to babysit my nephew (which I do on a weekly basis) as soon as possible. I prefer to say “Maybe” on Facebook invites over “Yes”.  And I love playing things by ear (unless it’s with a guy on our first couple dates and in that case, I get annoyed if he wants to plan it the day of without a valid reason.)

All of these things led me to wonder… do I shun commitment? But after thinking about it I believe, no, I don’t. I just take it very seriously because if I do commit, then I want to do so wholeheartedly. And with all the flakiness in the world, especially in Los Angeles, I’m protective of my time and value it greatly so I’m not willing to just give it up freely.

But then… I also realized there’s something more here… and that’s when it struck me.

Possibility. I love possibility.

Using my beloved Apple dictionary, possibility means “a thing that may happen or be the case” and possible means “able to be done.” In so many words it’s that which may or may not happen but could happen. And to me, possibility makes life exciting. The unknown. The chances of greatness. The potential.

Perhaps some people like to be certain of what their days are going to hold for them and that’s cool if it works for you, but I’ve never liked routine and I hate too much structure. For me, life is all about change but I’ve learned one has to be open to it to fully grasp it, allow it and understand it. And this is where possibility comes in.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that I LOVE getting the mail. It’s kinda odd but I’ve loved getting it for as far back as I can remember. And then I thought… it’s the possibility that something can arrive that I like so much. Sure, it’s mostly bills or junk, but it could also be a card from someone you haven’t spoken to in years, a wedding invite for a close friend, a magazine that has an article about your friend in it, and so on… And I came to the conclusion that my hesitation toward commitment is really about possibility. Now, I realize one needs to commit to things in life but I also think commitments should be taken seriously.

Life itself is the ultimate canvas for possibility. And anything is possible.

Measurement

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In a few days, I’ll be turning the big 3-4. Another year I’ve spent on this planet in which the sun has rotated around the earth.

So what?

I’m a firm believer that one is only as old as one feels. For some reason or another, I’ve noticed others think years have to be defined by what they are “supposed” to be doing. You’ve all heard the expressions, “I’m too old for this…” “I shouldn’t be doing that at my age…” “If I was younger…” But hell, why does age matter so much?

Okay, biologically speaking, sure, women can only have kids for so long. But besides that, why can’t one start a career at any age, get married at any age, act immature at any age, or live their dream at any age?

Well, I think you can. Maturity does not come with age, it comes with wisdom. One could argue some ten-year olds are smarter than some fifty-year olds. Just take a look at our Congress. But I digress…

A couple of days ago, I was talking to my sister on the phone and my birthday came up and I shared with her something I do on my birthday, which I’ve never told anyone. Not that it’s some big secret but it’s just never came up in a conversation before. See, several years back, I decided to write myself a note every birthday and then on the following birthday, I open it and read it. It helps me see how far I’ve come, how far I didn’t go and what has changed or not changed about me. It’s quite interesting, actually, especially if you’re of the observe-human-nature type. And this got me thinking when I said it out loud to her…

Age is a great measurement of our time on this earth. Other than that, though, I could care less about it.

Think about it. You think of your age and you can place yourself in a specific time. For example, in 1987, I was ten years old so that means I was entering the fifth grade, had just moved to California from New York and had decided I wanted to be in a play and learn drama.

And this whole story leads me to this blog. I’ve decided to list thirty-four lessons learned, one for every year of my life, every rotation around the sun I’ve lived through, because instead of some number, it’s the experiences that matter most to me and it’s the lessons I learn that help me live a fuller life, which to me is what gives my life meaning. So here goes!

(Quick note – From 0-5, I’m going to theorize…)

YEAR 1 – My mother is an amazing and wonderful woman. (Based on being told that I would hardly go with anyone but her, and I still feel this way.)

YEAR 2 – I like to learn. (Based on being told I started Preschool early.)

YEAR 3 – I can do anything a boy can do. (Based on memories of always wanting to do exactly what my older brother did.)

YEAR 4 – Weather is important. (Based on memories of enjoying jumping in the leaves, playing in the snow, getting to wear shorts after so long, and staying out late at night to play.)

YEAR 5 – The world is larger than I thought. (Based on a memory I have of sitting on a bus for kindergarten orientation.)

YEAR 6 – Religion is a part of life. (Based on memories of first grade at a private, Catholic school where nuns were our teachers and our coloring sheets were about God and Jesus.)

YEAR 7 – Friendship is wonderful. (Based on memories of my neighbor and first best friend, Liz, who I adored playing with.)

YEAR 8 – Learning can be fun. (Based on memories of my third grade teacher, who made math enjoyable with a game she posted all over the back wall.)

YEAR 9 – Boys are cute and I like them in a different way than I like girls. (Based on memories of certain boys.)

YEAR 10 – Life is hard. (Moved away from my childhood town of Buffalo, NY, and left behind my best friend. Also, started a new school in Los Angeles.)

YEAR 11 – I want to be in the entertainment business. (Got my parents to get me headshots and take me to auditions and such.)

YEAR 12 – Life is really hard. (Started another new school, for seventh grade, and didn’t really fit in. Tried out for the play and didn’t get a role. Began acting really weird.)

YEAR 13 – I really want to be in the entertainment business. (Got an agent, went out on auditions, took acting classes, started writing.)

YEAR 14 – I’m not like everyone else and have a hard time fitting in. (Started another new school for ninth grade and once again, didn’t really fit in. Drifted from the close friend I made the previous year but did form a friendship with a new girl I got along with rather well. Fought with my parents. Lied a lot.)

YEAR 15 – Experimentation can be both good and bad. (Not getting specific on this one here.)

YEAR 16 – I love to drive. (Period.)

YEAR 17 – Independence is important to me. (I looked for a college away from home… but not too far away. Decided on San Diego State. Couldn’t wait to get away and live on my own, though I was fully supported by my parents.)

YEAR 18 – Relationships with men can be both destructive and wonderful. (Got out of a dysfunctional relationship I had in high school and entered into a relationship with an awesome guy I met in my dorm.)

YEAR 19 – Partying too much is a bad thing. (Got on academic probation, for the second time.)

YEAR 20 – Friendships are truly important and can teach you a lot about yourself. (After deciding (more so subconsciously than otherwise) that I didn’t need close friends after I left NY and  having been a bad friend throughout the previous years, I finally started to realize close friendships are extremely important.)

YEAR 21 – I want a relationship with my little sister. (After talking to her one night on the phone and learning she was sad and was having eating issues, I realized I hadn’t been there as much as I could have been and have tried to always be there for her since that moment.)

YEAR 22 – I can be okay on my own, without a boyfriend. (Having had a boyfriend in high school from sophomore year to entering college and then immediately getting into another relationship with a great guy for the next four years, I hadn’t really been “on my own.” Knowing I cared more about this person as a friend than a boyfriend, I gathered the courage to break up with him and with the exception of dating people for up to five months or so, I haven’t had a serious relationship since.)

YEAR 23 – Life is hard and tough decisions are needed to be made. (Graduating from college was rough for me. I loved taking classes and loved living in San Diego but knowing I wanted to make films, I knew I had to leave and head back to LA, which I did, but it wasn’t easy.)

YEAR 24 – A job and money are very important.

YEAR 25 – I want to work in the entertainment industry and I like living alone. (I quit waiting tables and worked as an intern at a production company, an assistant for producer Scott Rudin, a receptionist for a post production firm and a set PA. Also, I moved into a studio after having either lived with my parents or roommates and then lived alone for the next seven years.)

YEAR 26 – My father is an amazing man. (After having a bumpy relationship with my father because we butted heads on a lot of things, I began to see him for the amazing man that he is.)

YEAR 27 – Life is about the choices we make for ourselves, especially in the situations we face due to our own making and to no fault of our own. (I was unhappy working as an assistant editor so I quit my job where I was assisting on the latest round of “American Idol”, went back to waiting tables and started to write my first short film. Family became much more important to me as “partying” became less important.)

YEAR 28 – Change is good. (I directed my first short film. I quit smoking cigarettes. I became a better friend. I valued my parents more. I began to mend my relationship with my older brother.)

YEAR 29 – Not only do I want to work in the entertainment industry, but I will continue to live my life as a filmmaker, making the necessary sacrifices because this is what I want to do, what will make me happiest and life is too short not to go after my dreams. (Got into my first film festival with my first short film, began working freelance for Imagine Entertainment as a reader and I still do this to this day, found a serving job I liked that allowed me to work a few lunch shifts a week and started cutting out negativity from external forces I had allowed in my life.)

YEAR 30 – Failure is okay as long as I learn from it. (My second short film didn’t get onto the festival circuit. I was depressed but decided, okay, I’ll keep moving on. I studied what went wrong there and then made my third short, which played on the ’08 fest circuit and gave me my first Los Angeles screening.)

YEAR 31 – Reality is truth, but I can take that reality and mold it through my own actions and mind. (Realized if I wanted to be a filmmaker, sacrifices were going to have to be made. So I made them.)

YEAR 32 – I am capable of love. (My nephew was born and I experienced true, honest and unconditional love for the first time. I would take a bullet for him.)

YEAR 33 – Living one’s dreams makes them reality. (I shot my fifth short film and am prepping it to submit it for the 2012 festival circuit. My last film is being sold on Amazon, my blog is building a readership and my films are building a fan base, albeit small but hey, it’s a beginning.)

YEAR 34 – ???

Boy, have things changed!

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I just posted a status on my Facebook page that was about how times have changed since I was a kid (1980s) but then, I quickly deleted it because I thought, that’d be a fun blog to write. So, here goes…

Some things that illustrate how times have changed since I was a kid:

1. In art class, we were taught to make ashtrays for our parents.

2. My mother held me as my father drove us home from the hospital.

3. Educational toys were building blocks and an abacus.

4. We knew our neighbors.

5. If you didn’t see a movie in the theater, you’d have to wait a loooooong time to see it.

6. Our classrooms had one Macintosh computer and printing text banners over multiple sheets of printing paper were all the rage.

7. Neon was everywhere.

8. Teenage stars didn’t look like they were thirty-five.

9. Many of our toys were made with nails, wood, paint, staples and pieces that could easily be swallowed.

10. MTV actually played music videos.

11. Jack Tripper could act like a fairy to pretend he was gay and no one sued.