I take commitments very seriously, which may explain why I have a hard time making some of them…

I’ve been noticing some things about my behavior lately that have intrigued me. I love getting the mail. Seriously. I don’t like to make specific plans more than a week in advance unless it has to do with my films or other work. I don’t like the term “best friend” but prefer “close friend”.  I like to know when my brother needs me to babysit my nephew (which I do on a weekly basis) as soon as possible. I prefer to say “Maybe” on Facebook invites over “Yes”.  And I love playing things by ear (unless it’s with a guy on our first couple dates and in that case, I get annoyed if he wants to plan it the day of without a valid reason.)

All of these things led me to wonder… do I shun commitment? But after thinking about it I believe, no, I don’t. I just take it very seriously because if I do commit, then I want to do so wholeheartedly. And with all the flakiness in the world, especially in Los Angeles, I’m protective of my time and value it greatly so I’m not willing to just give it up freely.

But then… I also realized there’s something more here… and that’s when it struck me.

Possibility. I love possibility.

Using my beloved Apple dictionary, possibility means “a thing that may happen or be the case” and possible means “able to be done.” In so many words it’s that which may or may not happen but could happen. And to me, possibility makes life exciting. The unknown. The chances of greatness. The potential.

Perhaps some people like to be certain of what their days are going to hold for them and that’s cool if it works for you, but I’ve never liked routine and I hate too much structure. For me, life is all about change but I’ve learned one has to be open to it to fully grasp it, allow it and understand it. And this is where possibility comes in.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that I LOVE getting the mail. It’s kinda odd but I’ve loved getting it for as far back as I can remember. And then I thought… it’s the possibility that something can arrive that I like so much. Sure, it’s mostly bills or junk, but it could also be a card from someone you haven’t spoken to in years, a wedding invite for a close friend, a magazine that has an article about your friend in it, and so on… And I came to the conclusion that my hesitation toward commitment is really about possibility. Now, I realize one needs to commit to things in life but I also think commitments should be taken seriously.

Life itself is the ultimate canvas for possibility. And anything is possible.