philosophy

Positivity

/ christinaparisi / 1 Comment

I know, in my mind and soul, that positivity is a force of moving forward, a force of dealing with things for the better and a healthy way to view life. I know this. And yet…

It’s hard to stay positive sometimes.

When things are not going the way one wants them too, whether it be with relationships, career, love, family or whatever, the circumstances of life can certainly bring one down. Maybe it’s your fault, maybe it’s not. But sometimes, life can be a difficult thing to handle and staying positive generally suffers.

I don’t want to complain. I have been given many gifts in my life, from amazing parents to a healthy upbringing and a great family but sometimes, I think about the struggle I face in making films or the lack of finding a co-pilot for this voyage we call life and I get down. Plain and simple. Not down the way I feel about seeing the government do things I’m against but down in the sense that I wonder if the struggle of living is worth it.

I know in my heart it absolutely is. But sometimes I’ll still doubt this, and I think any thinking person will do so also. Life is not easy, plain and simple, especially in these trying times…

Sometimes, it’s hard to go to sleep. Sometimes, it’s hard to get out of bed. Sometimes, one wants to drink the sorrow away or smoke a bowl and let the sorrow fade from reality but it’s still there when the daze clears, so guess what! Time to fade it away again… I’ve had many vices in my life so I know they cushion problems and negativity. But I also know they aren’t the answer. And I’ve learned DENIAL is one of the biggest vices anyone can have, and perhaps one of the most destructive. To quote the brilliant movie AMERICAN BEAUTY, “Never underestimate the power of denial.”

I wish I had the answers to give but I’m still searching for them myself. I do know that positivity comes back to you and that it’s one of the best protective coats one can put on in times of struggle. Can’t be false though, it has to be real.

It’s what guides me when the location for my next film suddenly becomes unlocked, when the boy I want to know just won’t let me, when I get sad that my career isn’t where I want it to be, when I have to work day jobs to make a living, when I realize I have no one who truly knows me, when I think about how I’m mortal and it’s all a matter of time, when…

Well, I could go on. As could anyone I suppose. But I guess, if this blog is meant to do anything, it’s to let others know they’re not alone when they feel they are alone and scared and sad and negative. And that if I can offer anything from what I learned, it’s that positivity is key. Sure, it may not feel as good as some other vices, but it doesn’t make you sick or unhealthy. In fact, it does just the opposite…

I think we can all use this reminder. I know I can.

Inspiration

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I debated writing this blog because I didn’t want it to come off egotistical but then, I remembered someone who had inspired me and I thought, screw it. I’m going to write it and let those who read it decide for themselves if it’s written in vanity…

A couple months ago, a regular who comes into the restaurant I work a few days a week at asked me if anyone has ever painted me. I practically laughed and said no, not thinking much of it. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she’s an artist but she hasn’t been doing any paintings in quite a while and she liked my face and told me I’ve inspired her to start again. She told me how when she and her husband had first met me years ago, she told him that she wanted to paint me. I was humbled by the experience and told her she could paint me if she wanted to. So then, we started talking about it. We met and I asked her some questions about the process and what would be expected of me. Honestly, I really enjoyed talking to her. I can appreciate the artistic process of finding one’s subject. As a filmmaker, I continually find subjects I want to explore in an artistic manner.

Anyway, we set a time and I went and sat for her. It was simple really. She let me sit and read a book, which is something I do all the time. But then, when I saw the first painting of me, I was blown away. It’s not an exact replica or anything, as she is a bit abstract, but she tried to capture a feeling and it was surreal to see the painting and be part of this artistic process for her. She tells me I’ve inspired her to paint and I’m really happy about that. It caused me to remember someone who had inspired me and had actually changed my life.

Years ago, when I was in college, I had a boyfriend for four years. He was my best friend and a great guy but I wasn’t being honest with myself that he really became just a friend to me, and not someone I wanted to be with on a romantic level any longer. Then one day, I crashed an English class where I met a graduate student (I was an undergrad.) He flirted a lot with me but most importantly, he got me to feel what it was like to be attracted to someone again. Not long after, I broke up with my boyfriend, which was one of the hardest things I ever did, and became friends with this grad student. He opened my mind to new music, new films, new books and a whole new way of thinking. I don’t know if he realizes that he did this for me because, I’ll be honest, I’ve never told him, but he truly inspired me. He inspired me to become the filmmaker I want to be. To live the life I want to have and I will forever be grateful for that.

Inspiration comes in many shapes and forms. But where ever one finds it, it’s lasting and memorable. But what I now realize is that it’s true on both sides.

We can inspire and be inspired. And what a beautiful thing that is.

To date or not to date

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

That is the question.

I have an amazing father. Smart, respectful, honest and kind. And though I am eternally grateful for him, he has set the bar very high for any guy I could possibly conceive to be with. One would think these traits aren’t THAT hard to come by, and perhaps it’s because I live in LA, but wow. Yeah. These traits are far and few in between and then add that to meeting someone I’m attracted to and whew! We just deleted close to 100% of the men I meet.

Granted, when I was younger, I set the bar much lower. RIP to my ex-boyfriend who has actually not passed away but in all due respect, has passed away in my mind. Is that morbid? I hope not. It’s illustrative. And then, when I got older and moved back to my lovely town of LA, which I actually adore but is not really set up for dating for those of us who like honest relationships, I partook in some innocent and fun flings. But now that I’m getting to the point where I’d rather not get a drink with you but actually work on my career unless it’s going to be worth my time, I’m trying hard not to become cynical. Or make a romantic comedy about it.

Anyway, I digress. As I was driving home tonight, I had a thought while I was listening to Eminem, who mind you is actually quite intelligent and poetic. Sure, maybe not the best to listen to as one is thinking about dating, late after a night out, but still, he’s honest and raw which is more than I can say for most people. And he made me think, and I like that. Lately, people have been asking me about dating. Am I dating someone? Who? Why not? And not that I feel on the spot, but I realize it’s valid for them to ask considering I’m 33 and have not really made dating a priority in the past several years. And when I do consider it, I seem to like those who are completely wrong for me…

Sometimes I wonder, is dating worth it if it’s not what is one’s top priority? It’s an issue I’ve grappled with for quite a while. As all my friends start to get married, I find myself caring more about my film getting finance than meeting a guy to go out with. Is dating in LA the problem or is it me? Is it because I’m a filmmaker trying to succeed in this crazy business, as are three-quarters of the men I meet, who seem to mostly talk about filmmaking rather than do it so relationships with them are mostly out of the question or do I not care enough about dating? I see my friends who bend over backwards to make the guys or girls in their life happy and I wonder, should it be that hard? Is love something we need to work at or is it something that happens naturally when it’s with the right one? And rather than give a shit about the guy who doesn’t call you or the girl who doesn’t return your text, why not just move on and live your life until the right one comes along? Is it so wrong to just be and if it happens, it happens. And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t? I don’t know… but I seem to be moving farther and farther away from caring about cool guys since there are so few. Not asking for pity but just calling a spade a spade.

Honestly, I just want to make my films. Period. I normally keep my head down, or in a book, but sometimes, one will get me out of my hole and I’ll ponder this all over again…

So ladies and gentlemen, I’ll leave you with this thought – do you want to be with just anyone or is it best to just find the thing that makes you happy and go after that and then, if love happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t…

Am I cynical or the voice of reason? You decide for yourself…

Consider the alternative

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This past weekend, my one-and-a-half year old nephew came down with a cold and with that cold, he had a fever of 103.8. And this worried me, greatly. I’ve learned that high fevers are quite common for young babies but still, that didn’t comfort me when I saw my nephew’s checks glow bright red and his eyes droop before he fell asleep in my arms.

Normally, my nephew has the energy level of a speed freak at Disneyland on Christmas. His energy is intense and rivals that of a football player. And considering I babysit him regularly, I know of what I speak. His energy levels me. By the end of a day with my baby nephew, I need a nap. A long one. And while I absolutely love this little man like no one I have ever loved, when he sleeps, I’m happy.

But then came this weekend, and his mopey-ness really brought me down.

And this made me realize that while we may think some things are hectic and trying at times, we should consider the alternative.

While the fact that he sat with me on the couch as we watched some cooking show was pleasant, I was sad that he wasn’t his crazy self because of his cold. No constant hide-n-seek, no trying to go up and down the stairs every second and no dancing to the music I played. Seeing his glassy eyes and sweaty forehead made me want to cry and I realized, I would take his energetic self any day rather than this sad and sick young baby before me.

On my list

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I was listening to the Ricky Gervais podcast and he, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington were chatting about things, including death and such. And then I thought about how often I say, “I’m putting that on my list” – meaning, I refer to something that I want to explore/do/see/etc…

So, this led me to sit down and do my next blog on making a list of twenty-one things (I like odd numbers) that I absolutely must do before I pass on to the next level, whatever that may be. (And maybe, after reading this, you might want to write your own. You never know, writing it down may crystallize things so that when opportunities arise or become even remotely possible, you jump on them…)

1. drive a Ferrari, on a road I can do at least 100mph

2. spend a month in Italy, speaking the language fluently

3. have at least one feature film distributed in all the major cities (preferably worldwide, but I’d accept this, considering the business I chose…)

4. visit Liverpool

5. visit each continent, at least once

6. meet Jonathan Franzen

7. meet Francis Ford Coppola, not from chance but from purpose

8. work at a vineyard, at least for a day

9. visit the gravesites of Dostoevsky, Tolstoy and Victor Hugo

10. scuba dive

11. fall in love with someone who makes me laugh and continually surprises me, and I do that for them

12. read the Bible

13. climb a mountain

14. publish something

15. learn something new each and every day I’m conscious

16. ride in a hot air balloon

17. own a dog that looks like Toto, who I name Lenny (after John Lennon, of course)

18. kiss someone who makes me go weak in the knees

19. invent something I can patent

20. meet Kenneth Lonergan and tell him how much his film “you can count on me” changed my life

21. never settle

It’s healthy to disagree.

/ christinaparisi / 3 Comments

Today, someone asked me if we were still friends because a few days ago we had disagreed about something. And I replied that we were, indeed, still friends.

But this got me thinking about disagreeing… While I firmly believe it is more than okay to agree to disagree with friends, loved ones and even enemies, I wonder how others feel about this. If we were all replicas of one another, wouldn’t that be boring? And who wants friends who only agree with them? I don’t know about you, but I like when others disagree or see things from a different perspective because it will either reinforce my beliefs or open my mind to a new way of thinking, and both of those things are beneficial, so what’s wrong with that?

I have, of course, come across others who do not appreciate differing points of views, those who try and try to either push their beliefs as the right and only way of thinking or get personal and attack my way of thinking if it’s in disagreement with their own. I often wonder why one would feel the need to do so… and while I think it says more about them as people than anything else, I still wonder…

Disagreeing is healthy, I believe, as long as one holds respect for differing points of view and places no imposition upon another person, such as forcing their beliefs upon another. Once that happens, freedom is taken away and that’s when one must fight. But if this imposition does not occur, isn’t disagreeing a challenge of the minds? And isn’t that exciting? I think so. But if you don’t, why not? Are you not comfortable with your own thoughts? Do you need others to validate your beliefs or are you confident in them?

We live in a world were there is a lot of information, some valid, some false, some fabricated, some factual, and etc. It is up to us to decipher what is meaningful to us and what isn’t and then deal with the consequences. Others can indeed teach us new things or lead us to strengthening our own beliefs and principles but what is there to fear from disagreeing if one remains respectful and non-forceful?

I have learned many things from those I disagree with and have in turn, changed my own beliefs. At the same time, others have told me they have learned from my beliefs and have changed their own. To me, this is beautiful and makes life interesting.

The next time someone disagrees with you or you disagree with someone else, what if you just stop. Think if you truly do agree or disagree. And rather than get upset or personal and go into attack mode, you state your own beliefs respectfully and engage them in an intellectual discussion.

You never know what you might learn, or teach…

Finding your calmness

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What I find to be an interesting story…

The other day, I was walking with a close friend of mine to our cars after a party. She was parked on the street outside the parking lot that I had parked in, but since she didn’t know the area too well, she planned on waiting for me to exit the lot and then follow me to the freeway entrance. So, I walked to my car, got in and proceeded to go down this little hill incline from the lot to an alley that would deposit me right behind her if I turned onto the street she was parked on… except, whoops! What I thought was an incline turned out to be more like a curb and when I causally started to move my car down it, EKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! My car got stuck!

Okay, I think. I’ve definitely been in some interesting car situations before (ask anyone who’s driven with me) so I get out the car to survey the damage. My friend also gets out of her car, seeing what’s just occurred and tells me, “Uh, Christina, your back tires are in the air.” Turns out my car was not going anywhere. The little incline, which was more like a curb, made my car stuck and while the bottom of my car held it in place, the wheels in the back were raised above the ground. As my friend and I tried to lift the back of the car to push it down, we didn’t get anywhere because no one was in the driver’s seat to move it. But then, lo and behold, a very nice guy who just happened to be walking by asked if we needed help. Such a sweetheart! He and my friend, who mind you is a cute little thing that probably weighs little more than a buck five, lifted my car as I accelerated and whoosh…. my car scrapes down the hill. Of course, the bottom scratches like a DJ scratching a record but it gets down and I get out to thank the nice guy, as I notice my dear friend got water sprayed all over here. Oh yeah, forgot to mention it had been raining. Anyway, the guy smiles and takes off as I ask my friend if she thinks my car’s okay. She says probably not and then mentions that she can’t believe how calm I am about the whole thing.

And that’s when it hit me. I was really calm. I figured, hell, shit happens and what I thought was a smooth hill turned out not to be but what? Should I yell and cry about it? What’s that gonna do? Nothing, but make the situation worse. Turns out I was lucky though and I didn’t hit anything under my car that mattered.

But the thing that really stayed with me was this…

I found my calmness. And I’m not letting it go.

Everyday is a day of thanks…

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As Thanksgiving Day 2010 approaches in a few hours, I’ve started thinking about what it means to be thankful. Truly THANKFUL. And I’ve deduced while it’s very easy to say one is thankful for something or raise their glass in cheers to thanks over a turkey dinner, it’s quite difficult to actually value the things one is thankful for and live accordingly.

Allow me to ask a few questions:
Are you thankful for your parents? And if so, do you let them know and show them your gratitude?
Are you thankful for your children? And if so, are you in their lives as a responsible parent and let them know how thankful you are for them in the way you treat them?
Are you thankful for the freedom you enjoy in America? And if so, are you thankful to the many people who’ve shed their own blood so that you can enjoy it?
Are you thankful for your health? And if so, do you appreciate it by treating your body well?
Are you thankful for the love you receive from others? And if so, do you return it and let them know your appreciation?

I ask these questions as examples of what it truly means to be thankful and how a day out of the year may remind us of what we are thankful for, the thanks do not begin nor stop there.

My parents never celebrate Valentine’s Day because to them, every day is Valentine’s Day. Flowers may be nice to get on one’s birthday but they don’t account for days of mistreatment. While Thanksgiving may provide us Americans a special day in which we all give thanks, should it really be any different than any other day?

Perhaps on Thanksgiving this year, instead of giving thanks on just this small window of time, you use it to remind yourself that everyday is Thanksgiving.

We as Americans are fortunate to live in a society in which we are granted our own “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” While we may disagree on politics, and some have a tougher time than others in their pursuit of happiness, this freedom can not be denied.

For that, I am thankful. Each and every day. Well, for that and… my family, friends and health.

You’re how old?

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The other night, I was at a bar where the scene was quiet young. And by young, I mean those who just became legal to drink. My friend and I were chatting with some people and I believe it was I who had mentioned the crowd was rather young at this particular bar and so, our ages came up. When this cute young girl said she thought I was twenty-five, I corrected her by telling her, “Nope, thirty-three.” And it was at this point where her jaw dropped. LITERALLY DROPPED. She couldn’t believe it. To her, thirty-three was old.

A different night, I was talking to a man in his later fifties and asked him the well-known question by Satchel Paige, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?” He answered that he would be in his early to mid thirties, remarking that it would be old enough to know himself and have certain knowledge of such. To him, that was the age he felt.

As I embark fully into my thirties, having recently turned thirty-three, I find myself thinking about age and whether it really matters or not. I suppose in terms of biology, it does. For example, a woman who wants to carry a baby must biologically be able to do so or the biological fact that we cannot live forever, but otherwise, does it really matter?

Clearly, we must mature into adulthood, but is there a single answer as to what “adulthood” is? I don’t believe so. For some, it’s getting married and having children. For others, it’s being independent and going after a demanding life dream. Or maybe a combination of both. I suppose it’s whatever is important and meaningful to that particular individual. Being one who has opted to go after the difficult livelihood of a filmmaker and not want the traditional adulthood of home, kids, etc… I find that I may perhaps think less about age than others, but regardless, I wonder why age itself would limit or define someone, with exception to reproduction and mortality. I plan on listening to the music I love until I die, I plan on seeing concerts until I’m unable to leave the house, I plan on making movies until I am physically no longer able to and I plan on living like I’m the age I feel, not the age I am, until my clock stops ticking.

Must age dictate what we can or cannot do?

Sure, we age every day, but while we are living, why not live as though we don’t? Yeah, we have to be aware of reality but what is age really, other than a measurement of our time on earth? There is no chart that says one must do X by so and so age. You create your own chart.

I’m thirty-three and have never had a full cup of coffee.

The next time you find yourself saying, “I’m too old for that” – ask yourself  – Why, exactly?

And then ponder this thoughtful question:

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?”
– Satchel Paige

Labeling

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Today, someone asked me if I minded if others perceive me as something I do not believe myself to be. And my answer to him was roughly, “No, not at all.”

I may have stumped this person, or perhaps he understood. I’m not sure. But it started me thinking about why I don’t mind it and what that means.

I used to care greatly about what others thought of me. And to some degree, I still battle caring, but since I’ve consciously tried to eliminate minding what others’ think or perceive about me, it’s relatively minuscule. I realized I accomplished a goal I set out for, and it made me happy.

But as a filmmaker and student of human behavior, I started thinking about why some others choose to label me. Is it because I agree and/or disagree with some things a collective does or doesn’t? Is it to make themselves feel better, in particular about disliking or liking me? And if I were to say something such as, I believe man should be kind to thy neighbor, does that automatically make me a Christian dogmatic soul? It may seem ridiculous to think so, but my experience has shown me that some others like to label people and will do just this. Well… not one to defend myself other than by doing my best to be honest about who I am, I figure if one wants to know me, they should watch the way I act and treat others and myself. That’s really all there is to it. Don’t true individuals belong to a party of one? I suppose if others feel the need to “label” me, so be it. That’s their problem, not mine.

I was talking to my father, a very smart man, about how I’ve noticed some people who don’t like my beliefs or agree with them choose to get personal and go into “attack” mode, so I asked him why he thought this was. And his response to me was, “Because their own position is weak.” I believe this brings up an important point. He asked the question that if one wants to truly discuss an issue or feels different about an issue with the one they are discussing it with, what would be the need to attack and get personal if they believed their own point was strong? Wouldn’t they be confident enough to let their beliefs do the arguing and want to learn why the other person thought differently? But when one’s position is weak, getting personal or attacking makes sense. If this is the case, however, a choice is needed to be made. Personally, I choose to stop the discussion when one has disrespect by choosing to use expletives, attack or get personal because that is no longer an intelligent discussion. Yes, you may be called many things for doing this, but really, it only strengthens your stance. And though this seems to anger some even more… as my father noted, it’s interesting what it says about them.

Time is valuable.

It’s comical that some others speak of tolerance and yet are intolerant if you disagree with them. It’s mind-boggling that some others try to label you into a nicely organized category rather than just look at the very person you are, what you do and how you deal with them and yourself. It’s unfortunate that a defensive mode is often the choice, leading what could be an honest discussion into becoming a crude emotional pontificating mess. It’s difficult to stand up for what you believe when others try to knock you down, but it’s this difficulty that makes your beliefs stronger.

If you ever find yourself wanting to place a label on someone, as the beautiful film, American Beauty, noted, “Look closer” – things may not be as you thought they were from a distance…