That is the question.
I have an amazing father. Smart, respectful, honest and kind. And though I am eternally grateful for him, he has set the bar very high for any guy I could possibly conceive to be with. One would think these traits aren’t THAT hard to come by, and perhaps it’s because I live in LA, but wow. Yeah. These traits are far and few in between and then add that to meeting someone I’m attracted to and whew! We just deleted close to 100% of the men I meet.
Granted, when I was younger, I set the bar much lower. RIP to my ex-boyfriend who has actually not passed away but in all due respect, has passed away in my mind. Is that morbid? I hope not. It’s illustrative. And then, when I got older and moved back to my lovely town of LA, which I actually adore but is not really set up for dating for those of us who like honest relationships, I partook in some innocent and fun flings. But now that I’m getting to the point where I’d rather not get a drink with you but actually work on my career unless it’s going to be worth my time, I’m trying hard not to become cynical. Or make a romantic comedy about it.
Anyway, I digress. As I was driving home tonight, I had a thought while I was listening to Eminem, who mind you is actually quite intelligent and poetic. Sure, maybe not the best to listen to as one is thinking about dating, late after a night out, but still, he’s honest and raw which is more than I can say for most people. And he made me think, and I like that. Lately, people have been asking me about dating. Am I dating someone? Who? Why not? And not that I feel on the spot, but I realize it’s valid for them to ask considering I’m 33 and have not really made dating a priority in the past several years. And when I do consider it, I seem to like those who are completely wrong for me…
Sometimes I wonder, is dating worth it if it’s not what is one’s top priority? It’s an issue I’ve grappled with for quite a while. As all my friends start to get married, I find myself caring more about my film getting finance than meeting a guy to go out with. Is dating in LA the problem or is it me? Is it because I’m a filmmaker trying to succeed in this crazy business, as are three-quarters of the men I meet, who seem to mostly talk about filmmaking rather than do it so relationships with them are mostly out of the question or do I not care enough about dating? I see my friends who bend over backwards to make the guys or girls in their life happy and I wonder, should it be that hard? Is love something we need to work at or is it something that happens naturally when it’s with the right one? And rather than give a shit about the guy who doesn’t call you or the girl who doesn’t return your text, why not just move on and live your life until the right one comes along? Is it so wrong to just be and if it happens, it happens. And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t? I don’t know… but I seem to be moving farther and farther away from caring about cool guys since there are so few. Not asking for pity but just calling a spade a spade.
Honestly, I just want to make my films. Period. I normally keep my head down, or in a book, but sometimes, one will get me out of my hole and I’ll ponder this all over again…
So ladies and gentlemen, I’ll leave you with this thought – do you want to be with just anyone or is it best to just find the thing that makes you happy and go after that and then, if love happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t…
Am I cynical or the voice of reason? You decide for yourself…
2 thoughts on “To date or not to date”
you are wonderful. Someday a guy will see it and you won’t be able to get rid of him. You are very self sufficient and a lot of men can’t handle that. For Gods sake do not settle! Marriage and commitment are work but when you are with the right one it doesn’t feel like it.
Aw, Mrs. Kern, thank you for those words of kindness and inspiration.
And no worries, there will be no settling here :)