I’ve recently finished the book “The Trial” by Franz Kafka. It is an incomplete work, but there is an end chapter that though leaves things undone, concludes the story nicely, in my opinion. I’m sure there are many people out there who have read this book and devised their own theories about what Kafka meant in his writings and so I go into this knowing that I am but one of many to ponder this work but I was deeply touched by this striking book, and it got the wheels in my brain turning…

If someone tells you that you are wrong, do you accept it? Who determines your right and wrong? You, others, a spiritual or religious guide perhaps? In other words, who is your judge? Your final arbiter?

I suppose we have to come to this answer within ourselves but if it isn’t one’s own mind, then I must say, that is granting something or someone else A LOT of control over one’s life. And though one may argue the law in the society one lives in is the final arbiter, I have to ask, is it really?

Take for example a situation in which you think you’ve done something wrong. Do you think it’s wrong because you disagree with it and feel you made a mistake or do you think it’s wrong because someone else does?

A priest in the book tells a parable to the main character K. For those who haven’t read the book, I will not repeat it here nor give anything away since one will have to draw their own conclusions as to what it means and how it applies to the story after reading it for oneself. But as for myself, after reading it, I felt like it jolted me, and though I’m still unsure of its total significance, I’m shaken. It’s made me wonder if we want what we can’t have, if we fight for something because we think we should or because we really want it, if we are wasting our life on that which doesn’t matter… Considering we are all mortal and will perish isn’t the important thing how we spend our time on earth?

It’s interesting. We can sit here and think about what toppings to get on our pizza, or what television show to DVR, or what pair of jeans to buy, but in the grand scheme of things, does any of that truly matter? And while it’s indeed important to stop and smell the roses, have our real roses been sold out to fake ones? Are we even aware anymore of what is going on in the greater world around us?

If one’s judge of what is important and what isn’t, what is right and what is wrong, what should be and what shouldn’t be, isn’t oneself, who is it? And do you trust whoever it is?

One of the largest wastes of time is a little something called passive aggressiveness, which I define (with the help of my Apple dictionary) as an intentional indirect behavior done to avoid a confrontation. An example of such would be “the silent treatment.” I write that it’s a waste of time because how could it accomplish anything meaningful if one is indirect and trying to avoid the reality of the situation? Now if you are three years old, I understand you entertaining passive aggression as an option but I say, once you’re able to dress yourself, leave the passive aggressiveness behind you because all it does is display your immaturity and lack of a backbone to say what’s really on your mind.

I believe I’m a direct person but it’s not with an intention to be mean but to simply be truthful and not waste someone’s time or my own. Sure, I’ve done my fair share of passive aggressive behavior, which is why I feel I am qualified to write about this topic, but here’s the bottom line I’ve deduced:

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

I hate to be the one to tell you this but you could be hit by a bus tomorrow and no longer be living. Do you really want to go out with pouting about something when likely the person you were pouting around barely noticed or if they did, chose to ignore it? Why not just say what’s on your mind, how you really feel and if you have a problem with something or someone, you communicate it clearly. Drop the innuendo, the cold shoulder, the random attempts to “get back” at someone. How about just deal with it, confront it, and move on. Aren’t there so many other things to do with one’s time?

Now, there’s a special ingredient in this recipe of directness and open communication that will either make the dish a success or not. And that’s something called

TACT

Once again, using my lovely Apple computer to help me be specific, Apple defines this as ” adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues.” And I think the lack of this is what gives directness a bad name.

But with it, life moves along much less complicated, much less confusing and much less annoying. If you are partaking in passive aggressive behavior because you don’t want to know or deal with the truth but still are hoping this will change something or someone, ask yourself, who are you really being passive to? You or them?

But we are all individuals that need to decide how to live our lives and if passive aggression is your thing, so be it, carry on. But for those who don’t partake or try not to, here’s a handy formula:

directness with tact = truth & more time for other things

As I was driving to Sacramento, CA, this past weekend, I found myself incredibly happy about being able to use the carpool lane on the 405 freeway during Friday morning traffic.

No joke. Yes, my excitement from such an event doesn’t come anywhere close to the excitement I feel from significant things, like when my nephew was born or my films get a new screening date, but nonetheless, it’s an excitement that feels nice and happens a lot more often than the really momentous kind.

And this got me thinking…how do the little things affect people? (And by “little thing” I mean something that has small to no value in the grand scheme of one’s life.) If one is too focused on the larger and more serious events in one’s life, will time be given to “smell the roses” and pay attention to the little things that happen during the course of the day? And if so, will one focus only on the negative little things, like getting a parking ticket or stepping in gum, rather than the positive little things, like the perfect consistency of a banana or no line at the grocery store? And if one does see a positive little thing for what it is, not dwelling on it but enjoying it, and deal with the negative little things as a part of life and move on accordingly, will one’s existence be that much more enjoyable?

I think so.

I’ve been very fortunate to have been around incredibly loving relationships, from my parents and grandparents in particular.

And since I know a bunch of people in long term relationships, I see all different types of them. Sure, I may never see what happens behind closed doors, but I believe that a loving relationship will shine through whenever the two are together. That doesn’t mean my standard of a loving relationship is their standard of a loving relationship. It just means the love between the two people is real because it’s apparent. Even if it’s just in the way they look at each other.

I was with a couple the other day and the husband was leaving to go somewhere and his wife was staying behind with me and others to hang out. About ten or so minutes after he left, he called me and asked me to offer his wife a blanket in case she got cold because he knew she would be shy and not ask for it. It may seem simple but it kinda took my breath away. He seemed genuinely concerned about her and I thought it was really touching.

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend and he was telling me a story and mentioned that sometimes men need to be pushed toward marriage when they’re in a relationship. And I stopped for a second and thought about that. Would you really want to have to persuade someone into marrying you?

When I see two people in a relationship who really dig each other and get each other and love each other, it makes me happy. I like knowing it exists, because it seems so rare these days. I know everyone has to find what they’re looking for and only they can determine what that is, but I wonder why anyone would settle for anything but a truly loving relationship? And if more people held out for that, would the divorce rate be so high?

You may think I’m an idealist, living in a world that doesn’t exist. But I’m not, in fact, I’m a realist. And that’s probably why I’m single.

Are you a patient person?

We are human beings and by being a human being, we have the capacity to think. That fact alone, however, does not mean we automatically do so. WE must be conscious and participatory in regards to the content of our thoughts. (This is with respect to those who have the ability to do so…)

Clearly, we’re influenced by life. Our childhood is of great importance, as this is the onset of patterns of behavior. If only every parent would realize how large of a responsibility it is to have children and set good examples, but that’s another discussion.

Do you act on conscious thought or impulse?

Consciousness is the state of being awake and aware of reality, and the more you think, the deeper your consciousness goes. One may choose to wander through life thinking only as much as one needs to in order to get by, as this proves not to be difficult with the many distractions available, such as television, drugs, and an abundance of technological gadgets, but what does prove to be difficult is overcoming these distractions and making the choice to be a more conscious individual. Recent times are telling and one could argue the distractions in life are overcoming people, and instead of us controlling them, the power has begun to shift and we are allowing it.

As the world moves forward, times change, and they will continue to change daily. Not long ago, the World Wide Web was little more than an idea of a distant future. People wrote letters by mail and waited weeks, if not months, for a reply. Back then, distractions were nowhere near what they are today. But then, neither was the opportunity. In 2010, we have the world at our fingertips. Literally. From cell phones to Blackberrys, GPS to video-tele-conferencing, we can practically reach anyone, anywhere, anytime. This is a generation of speed, where information can be sent and received at a lightning pace.

But is all this speed an advantage?

One could argue many individuals have become too dependent on the speed in which things happen, and contemplation is getting lost in the shuffle. Judging from Americans, it appears as though more people are choosing fast food over cooking, liposuction over exercise. The editing style of television has become increasingly quicker, where now many shows appear to be little more than thirty-second sound bytes and eye candy.

But is all this speed a good thing? Has it lessened the value of patience? And if so, where does that leave the things in life that take time and effort? What about them? More often than not things of great value and significance take the most time and work, as not everything comes quick and easy, but is that what people have come to expect and desire? And in the process, do they ignore that which takes time?

Patience proves to be difficult, and waiting can reach the level of torture. Plain and simple, patience does not come easy. Perhaps a reason it is a virtue is because one can discover truth through it, not the warped perception of reality that often comes with rashness.

Time is telling, and even if one doesn’t hold patience high in their moral standards, truth will continually be revealed. But in this “immediate gratification” society, is anyone listening?

Think about yourself.

Have you lessened what you value so you can simply have it quicker?

One of the main reasons I’m compelled to write and make the films I make is the hope that I can provoke others to think and make positive change in their life. It hasn’t been the easiest of paths in life but then, most rewarding things do not come easy. It is hope that carries me when the difficulty weighs me down.

Perhaps most of us have heard the famous question – “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” – but let’s take that quote and flip it. What would you do if you knew you would fail? Hm…. maybe not much? Perhaps, even nothing? Because you may think to yourself, well, what’s the point if I’m going to fail??? And you may have some validity to that point but what I often come across is this being the mentality of many who have no actual proof that they will fail. Sure, odds may be stacked against them. Yes, there may be incredible obstacles to overcome and perhaps sacrifices will need to be made but, still, that doesn’t mean failure is inevitable.

And this is where hope can be very helpful…

We are only certain of this very moment. Anything can happen the next one. But hope is like fuel for our minds and bodies. It provides motivation to move forward despite the possibility of failure.

But wait, some may say, isn’t that just being an eternal optimistic, trapped in a world of idealism?

It is, if one fails to see reality as it is. But if one chooses to keep their eyes wide open, see the truth that is in front them, not their perception of the truth, but that which actually is, than no, it’s not. For example, one may see a chair and a table in a room. But say they believe the room is empty and take that as truth despite the reality. But then say they try to lay down carpet. Well, they will be forced to see that which is, not that which they wanted to be.

Reality + action + hope = anything is possible.