It’s time for a Revolution

As one who is deeply interested in the political affairs of her country and the world in which she lives, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea that it’s truly time for a revolution.

Revolution, according to my Apple dictionary, means “a forcible overthrow of a government or social order in favor of a new system.” So, I must amend my meaning. I want to change our current government, peacefully, and I don’t want a new system, but rather return to the system this nation was founded on.

Our constitution.

But the trigger for me thinking a lot about this isn’t so much to do with my unhappiness with the current state of affairs of my beloved country, though I am greatly, but rather with the fact that I support Ron Paul, a GOP presidential nominee candidate who I believe can lead the revolution. Many people have asked me why I support him. It’s simple. He’s a true constitutionalist, who says what he means and means what he does. In today’s world, returning to the constitution as supreme law would greatly revolutionize the government because America tends to adhere to it only when convenient. While some may say that Paul lives in a dream world, separate from reality, I wholeheartedly disagree and believe he is one of the few politicians who actually sees the reality in front of him and is scared to death at what America has become. Just like he says, the current state is the extreme, not him. We’ve gone so far from the constitution that he may seem like an extremist by that measure but in reality, he’s a champion of freedom and liberty, the very principles this amazing nation was founded on and if that’s the extreme, one has to ask why it’s not the norm…

So as I’ve been thinking about this, I naturally started to consider the foundation of this nation, such as the Revolutionary War, in which the new Americans fought against British rule in the later 1700s, and the Civil War, in which some Americans fought for freedom and liberty for all in the mid-1800s.

And in the middle of thinking about this, I’ve been watching and learning about the occupy protests that have been happening across the states. Now, I love that we live in a country where protests are allowed, but I’m sad that they have such an unclear message. I believe the revolution needs to come with changing the system, changing the government to return to the freedoms and liberties this nation was founded on and that needs to happen within. That’s why instead of going out and “occupying”, I choose to fight for the candidate I believe will fundamentally alter the state of our government, which in turn alters the state of lives.

I’m not naive. I know that many think Ron Paul has no chance of getting the GOP nomination and then winning the presidential race but I disagree. If anything, now is the time Ron Paul DOES have a chance. Just like my predecessors, I am prepared to suffer the risks associated with a revolution so that future generations can have a better life. While some things Ron Paul speaks of are risky and will monumentally change the face of current America, I believe it’s only a matter of a time for the inevitable to happen and with him at the helm of the ship, we’ll have a true leader ready to make change. TRUE CHANGE.

It’s time for a revolution. It may not be easy, there may be a lot of risk involved, but just think where we’d be if those before us didn’t fight to the death for the freedoms we’re able to enjoy.

Now, it’s our turn.

A night at the restaurant

As a filmmaker who is not able to fully support herself from just filmmaking, I work at two other jobs. I’m a reader for a production company and also a server at a bistro, where I work a few lunch shifts a week. But on occasion, I will work a dinner shift to help either my boss or another server and this past weekend, I did just that. One of the things I like about serving is that it offers a wonderful opportunity to people watch and observe human behavior. And that night, I noticed some things, perhaps more so than normal because I wasn’t used to the atmosphere, and I began making a mental list. I later thought, hell, I’ll share these in my blog. So…

Observations from a night at a restaurant:

1. I am not alone in talking with hands. A LOT of people do this.

2. Yes, stereotypes exist but cannot be applied across the board and it’s a wonderful thing to see them be proven wrong.

3. Wine is the drink of choice over dinner for many, red more than white.

4. Hungry people can be scary.

5. Food brings people together.

6. I’m incredibly fortunate to work at such a great restaurant, that actually has great owners who genuinely care about their employees and guests. With all the serving jobs I’ve had in my life, and I’ve had MANY, I can easily say that this one by far takes the prize as THE BEST.

7. It’s never good when one tries to be funny and they’re the only one laughing. Please do your server a favor and don’t put on a show for them. If you’re naturally funny, it will come out without trying so hard.

8. It’s lovely to see people truly enjoying each others company. It’s depressing to see people forcing it.

9. There’s an awesome energy after the last customer leaves for the night and the staff can let their hair down.

 

Sabotage

“Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something).”

This is the definition of sabotage, according to… you guessed it, my Apple dictionary, which my blog readers know very well is my go to dictionary for definitions… and new readers will soon learn.

I write today about sabotage because I’ve become aware of the fact that I do this.

TO MYSELF.

And in particular in my relationships with men.

Now, I will choose to draw blood before I do anything harmful to my films or my filmmaking career but when it comes to my personal relationships with men, well…

I’ve recently come to realize that while I may not run from them, and do in fact look for them on occasion, it’s only a matter of time before I out right sabotage them.

My career goals have never been a problem for me. They have been clear, precise, and something I want with all my heart. But my personal romantic goals have been… well, let’s just say a bit more unclear. Now, I should disclose that I’ve had two looooong relationships in life, one in high school (3 years) and one in college (4 years), so I can say that I’ve been on that side of the line and know about it. But since then, and that’s about, to be completely honest, over ten years ago, I haven’t lasted longer than five or so months with someone and even that’s probably pushing it. Now, it’s been easy to ignore since priority number one for me has been my films and my filmmaking career, which let me tell you is not an easy thing to accomplish in life, but as I get more into the swing of things in my field, certain aspects of my behavior in this arena are dawning on me.

Now, I’ve made attempts to date in the past. And I have, with numerous guys. Hell, I’ve even used online dating sites. But nothing has stuck. And this weekend, the reason why hit me.

I sabotage things with men so I won’t get hurt and have to deal with any of it.

I went to a wedding last weekend and met a really attractive and nice guy. So naturally, after talking and dancing with him, I proceeded to drink too much, ignore him and then leave without saying so much as a goodbye. And this isn’t the first time I’ve done such odd behavior around guys. Typically, if you like me, I won’t like you. If you don’t want to be serious, I’ll be serious. If you’re nice, I’ll be mean. If you’re mean, I’ll be nice. If you ignore me, I’ll believe I want to be with you. If you don’t ignore me, I’ll make sure you soon do. It’s all soooooo stupid but I admit, I partook in this behavior and only now, at thirty-four, do I realize that I’ve largely sabotaged my own love life. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I’m not going to get too involved into dwelling on the past. The past is the past and so be it. But the exciting thing is that this knowledge is now going to come in handy in my future, not that I want to marry the next guy I meet but… I’m just going to be me, let the chips fall where they may and not be so scared about dealing with anything. And so, since I’ve learned something priceless, I thought I’d share it with my readers. And this is it…

If things aren’t going your way, seriously, stop. And ask yourself one question:

AM I THE REASON?

Art and its Audience

I was fortunate enough to be invited to screen one of my films, “Rhythm of Causality”, at the ITSA Film Festival in Northern California this past weekend…

Any time I get to screen my film with an audience, I feel on top of the world. As a filmmaker who is a writer/director, I make the films that are true to me, but I don’t make them to not be shown, so when I have a chance to display them in front of an audience, it’s a wonderful treasure since it’s quite difficult to have such an opportunity…

I held a cast and crew screening of my latest short, “Your Move”, which will be heading out on the 2012 film festival circuit shortly. While I was thinking of what I wanted to say to the talented cast and crew I worked with, I came to the conclusion that we are all artists, in our various crafts, coming together to create my vision of this film.

But what is an artist? Is it simply someone who creates art? But what is art? Is it subjective?

Once again going to my handy Apple dictionary, art by definition is “the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form…”

Well… that could be taken many ways and I suppose that is something beautiful about art.

It IS subjective.

What one person finds to be art, another may find to be trash. Art is in the eye of the beholder… but it’s also in the eye of the creator.

I find that it can get complicated when one chooses to be an artist. You may make the art that is true to you but without an audience, where does it go? What happens to it? How do you make a living? I used to think those questions were irrelevant, that an artist (whether one is a filmmaker, painter, musician, etc) should only create what is meaningful to them and to hell with those who don’t understand, but then, reality set in and I realized, while that may be at the essence of artwork, the audience must be taken into consideration because ultimately, they are the ones who will carry on an artist’s work.

Now, that brings the question of what an audience means. Is it the masses? Everyone? Or is it a select few?

I believe an honest artist should create artwork that is true to him/herself, realize an audience is part of the process and take it into consideration while not allowing it to be the reason to create anything false and then let the chips fall where they may. If it finds an audience, wonderful. If it doesn’t, an artist can question why that is and think about it… deciding whether or not they want to change, according to their own beliefs.

After making several films and screening in front of various audiences, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am only capable of making films (which is my artwork of choice) that I believe in, that mean something to me, that are true to what I want to represent and create but at the same time, I’m very aware of the fact that an audience will be the recipient of such artwork. So, I learn from them and apply what I’ve learned to my artwork, all the while staying true.

And you know what, the collaboration I have with my cast and crew has now added a third member, and that’s its AUDIENCE.

Parenthood?

The other day, I was watching an episode of “The Big C”, an awesome show on Showtime that stars Laura Linney, one of my favorite actresses. And one of the episodes had to do with someone telling someone else that they were pregnant. It was a surprise, as this man and woman had had sex but were in no way heading toward babyland together. Hell, they weren’t even really dating. And this got me thinking. And even though it’s quite obvious, I discovered…

Anytime you have sex, there is a possibility of creating a child.

Sure, some have disorders or body environments in which creating a child is impossible or nearly so, and I am not including those in this blog, but for the majority, becoming pregnant is a reality if one chooses to have sex. And yes, taking precautions with condoms, birth control pills and such is smart and useful if one is not trying to conceive, but still, you run the risk. And you know what, it’s a risk that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Now, without getting into a discussion about pro-life/pro-choice, as that is for an individual to decide for oneself, one should think about this issue when one engages in an activity that could create a child.

A CHILD!

SSSSSSCCCCCCCCRRRRRAAAAATTTTCCCCCHHHH…. (that’s a record scratch)

Hold the phone. I’m losing people. Who wants to talk about this? I know, it’s not a reality many want to face but suppose you face it before the fact. You might just learn something about yourself, and save yourself and others a lot of pain.

So, I thought to myself, what would it be like to be pregnant… and after five minutes, I nearly gave myself a heart attack. As I fully realized that having children is not the path I want to take in life, this exercise really made me think about it. Made me think about cause and effect, consequences of actions and such and I think I am the wiser because of it.

This doesn’t mean one should live in solitary confinement, but it does mean one should be aware of this obvious fact that is often overlooked and take it seriously. Very seriously.

Having children is a life-altering choice and parenthood is the ultimate responsibility. You are actually creating LIFE. And since children are dependent upon their parents, it is up to them to provide a foundation for them, one that whether a parent likes it or not, will be part of their child for the rest of their life…

Something to think about it. For yourself, but more so, for those who don’t have a say in the matter – the children.

 

 

 

walk the talk

I must admit. I did not become interested in politics and my country’s government until about three or so years ago, when I entered my thirties. I had voted in the major elections but other than that, I didn’t place it too high in my priorities.

Then, to the credit of my parents, I started becoming more interested in what was happening in America. I started to learn about the government, all sections, and the issues. I began to develop my own political philosophy by learning as much as I could. I read books, studied history, looked up the actions of those in power. I quickly realized that most, if not all, of television news and journalism had become heavily biased, so I dismissed them as a valid source soon into my journey, which yes, did make it much harder to find the truth, but the search was interesting and took me places I perhaps otherwise would not have gone and explored.

And then, it was time for the election of 2008. I had not been very involved in the build-up, the primaries and such, as my political enlightenment had just been forming. I did know, however, that I was not thrilled with Obama or McCain. And then Obama won.

I did not vote for Obama. Yes, his beliefs are vastly different from my own, but it was more than that. He seemed empty. A solid orator but an inexperienced individual who was all talk. I know he had great support and the people voted him in office, so I accepted him as my president, but I wasn’t happy about it.

But now, election 2012 is on the horizon and I made the decision to become dedicated to being part of this process of the government of my country. I researched all those who are presidential contenders and in my search, I found the one I was looking for.

Ron Paul.

His actions over the past fifty or more years have PROVEN he is honest, a man of true conviction, consistent, a believer in the Constitution, freedom and liberty and someone who could not be bought or manipulated by the big government/big business political machine. He walks the talk. And so, I decided, I must too. If I was going to have an informed opinion and a solid political philosophy, then I couldn’t just talk about it, or I’d be a contradiction of my own beliefs and no better than those who I condemn.

I dedicated myself to helping put Ron Paul in the white house. I hope he wins the GOP nomination and then the 2012 Presidential Election but even if he doesn’t, I will know that I tried my hardest to put him there and didn’t just talk about it.

This past weekend, I attended the Republican Liberty Caucus of California in Downtown, Los Angeles. I cheered Ron Paul on, voted in the straw poll, heard him give the keynote speech, and became an even greater supporter of his, if that was possible. Some in the media have tried to paint this convention as one in which Ron Paul “bussed” us in but that is not the case. I was at the convention yesterday, I voted in the straw poll, I was there with seven other friends, and I came by my own volition. Allow me to assure you that Ron Paul did not bring us “in busloads”. I was there because I support him and want him to be our next president. His supporters were people from all over, who are truly devoted to him. There were Perry supporters there but Paul supporters outnumbered them greatly. I did not see anyone else there supporting the other contenders. It was a great day and evidence of the support Ron Paul has. The energy was amazing.

I walked the talk. And it feels unbelievable.

Films I can watch over and over…

Most films, I only want to watch once and if anything, mayyyyyyybe twice, but pretty much, It’s rare these days I find a film I want to watch again.

But then, I think back to some amazing films, films I will watch over and over and over and over… (these are the kind of films I long to make) so I thought I’d offer you my list, since it’s two in the morning and I can’t sleep and films are, of course, what’s on my mind..

Top Ten Films I could watch over, and over, and over, and over…. because they are just sooooo damn good…..

1. You Can Count On Me

2. Godfather I & II

3. Goodfellas

4. Swingers

5. Home For The Holidays

6. Mother

7. Breakfast Club

8. Casino

9. Apocalypse Now

10. A Clockwork Orange

 

Care to add any of yours?? I’d love to hear them!

Remembrance…

Today marks the tenth year since 9/11/01 happened. That was a day in which enemies of the United States hijacked U.S. air crafts and flew them into U.S. buildings, killing thousands of Americans. It was a day that will likely live in the memories of all those who witnessed it, both from up close and from afar, and of all those who were affected by it, whether from a grand scale or a smaller one. It was a direct attack on American soil, and will not easily be forgotten.

Dictionaries tell us remembrance is the act of remembering. And remembering is important. Understanding the past helps one deal with the future. Remembering that which came before can help line the road for that which is to come. Remembering helps one deal with life and the changes that come with it. Remembering can help ease the pain and salute the fallen, can help comfort the present and cheer their victories, can help appreciate a struggle and embrace the effect of such.

Remembrance is important.

I remember…

learning the twin towers had been destroyed by airplanes and being sent home from work.

my grandfather’s silent demeanor and amazing grilled steak.

my uncle’s relaxed state of being and love for his family.

the town I grew up in, in upstate New York, and the friends I had while doing so.

the day I finished Atlas Shrugged, which propelled me to go on and study philosophy for the rest of my life.

the day I learned my sister needed me.

the moment I met my beautiful nephew, who has shown me what love really means.

the day I was told I should meet a girl I would really like, who turned out to be someone who feels like an extension of myself and who became one of my closest friends.

the day I decided I didn’t want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one, but rather only wanted to be in one that I was passionate about.

when I was made fun of in the seventh grade for, I believe, not understanding something.

the shooting of my very first short film, Making Your Tea, and how I’ve learned so much since then…

Remembrance is important, yes. It’s a wonderful source to learn from and lean on.

But it’s the present that is our here and now, the only moment we are guaranteed.

And it’s the future that is to come, for ourselves (hopefully) but most importantly, for the children after us.

Let us remember to fight for a better world for them. And let us never forget that.

Support system

As most of my readers know, I am an independent filmmaker and I recently finished my latest short film, “Your Move”. It’s about to hit the 2012 festival circuit with a (hopefully) great run and I suddenly find myself feeling a bit of an “empty nest” syndrome. But rather than focus on that, my brain wandered to thinking about all those who have been cheering me along, lifted me up, kept me going when times got tough, and basically, been my cheering section as I navigated along the playing field…

After I graduated college, I knew I wanted to be a filmmaker but how to do that wasn’t as clear for me. I found myself working as an assistant editor and making a good living off it, working on shows like “American Idol” and “The Kennedy Center Honors”. But it wasn’t where my heart was and though I learned a ton on the job, I knew it wasn’t going to get me to where I wanted to be, which was making my own films. So, long story short, I quit, went back to waiting tables and began making films. I’ve made short films, since they’re what’s been feasible for me, and I haven’t stopped since I made that decision. That was over six years ago. I had that defining moment where I thought to myself, literally, either you can go after money and just work in the entertainment industry in whatever capacity available to you or you can struggle and go after the exact career you want. I choose the latter, for better or worse, and haven’t been happier since.

But times have been tough. Being an independent filmmaker is probably one of the hardest careers one could choose for oneself. And I’ve had to make sacrifices and difficult choices along the way…

I just finished my latest (and fifth) short film, “Your Move”, and I now find myself in that familiar position of taking it out on the festival circuit and hoping it has the chance to be shown, so that it may find an audience and help forward my career as a filmmaker. And in this calm before the storm, it got me thinking about the tremendous amount of support I’ve received from so many in my life. From my close friends and family who come out and work on my films to those who pass around my trailer link to spread the word, from my parents whose love for my films have helped me propel them to great heights to those who express to me how my films have affected them and why. I have this tremendous amount of support and as I was thinking about it, I almost became breathless.

And so, since I don’t have an opportunity to express my gratitude on a grand scale, like at an award ceremony or such (just yet), I will leave it to my blog and to one-on-one encounters. To those who believe in me, support me, care about my films and my filmmaking career, I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I know plenty of people who may think they are my “friend” but show little support if any and in fact, seem to wish I don’t succeed, and to them, I say, may you find happiness in your own life, but to those who support me, a thank you just doesn’t feel enough. I know how special you are and how important your support is in helping me do what I do. And I will forever be stronger because of it.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

(With special thanks to Charles P., Grace P., Paul P., Ali P., Amy P., Giovanni P., Nonna e Nonno R., Nonna e Nonno P., Nicole K., Jamie M., Julie W., Tina C/L., Paul L., Mike W.)

Love comes in all forms.

I just finished my latest short film. It’s called “Your Move” and it’s been the focus of my life for the past year.

One night, about a year ago, I was having dinner with my parents. My father told a story about his day and I was instantly struck by it. In fact, it stayed with me after he told it and I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It was a story of humanity, of the interconnection between us and the relation that has to action one may or may not take. I knew it was the seed for my next film. But I had just made a short film, “Rhythm of Causality”, and it didn’t do as great on the festival circuit as I would have liked. So I was a bit down about that and thinking about what to do next but then, hearing this simple story my father told about his day inspired me. So I thought, hell, if my audience hasn’t found me yet, than that’s all the more reason to keep going at it.

“Your Move” is going to the printers tomorrow for DVD duplication and then it will be heading out into the world for (hopefully) a wonderful 2012 film festival circuit life. As with all my films, it’s my baby, my everything. Filmmaking is my love. And the films I make are the offspring of that love.

I know it sounds kinda odd because normally people love other humans. And I do. But I also just love making films. It’s what gets me through the day. What gets me up in the morning. What gets me through the tedium of having to have other jobs until I can support myself from it. It’s my dream. My life. And every time I finish a film, I get a bit sentimental. It’s an emotional thing for me. It’s the culmination of so much hard work, dedication and perseverance. It’s love come to fruition.

Now, I’m not one to just settle, for anything. Life is too short, I say. And I want fireworks in my life. Chemistry. Adulation. Hard core physical attraction. Stimulating conversations that never end. Romeo and Juliet type love. And though I haven’t found this with a man yet, filmmaking has given it all to me.

Love comes in all forms.