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Censorship

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I’ve recently started reading Henry Miller’s “Tropic of Cancer”.

This is a famous book, for many reasons, but I’ll admit, it hasn’t been high on my list. But when I saw it at a used book sale, I thought, hell, I’ve been meaning to read it and so I bought it. Now for those of you who don’t know, and for those of you who do please bear with me, this book came out in the 1930s and rocked the world. It’s explicit, in particular in sexuality, and it wasn’t until 1964 when the US Supreme Court declared it “non-obscene” (whatever that means according to whom, I don’t know) that American readers could purchase it.

I tend to love anything that dares to venture beyond societal controls. Not just for the purpose of such, but rather for the purpose to expose the world to new ideas and shed light on being different and thinking different. I love that. And perhaps it is this value that lead me to reading this book. Nonetheless, it got me thinking about censorship and how ridiculous it all is.

Living in the age of political correctness and watering down everything to make sure one’s subject matter appeals to everyone, I tend to not care much for modern-day news programs, newspapers, television shows and films. I don’t want to hear what is kosher, I want to hear what is true. That said, I’m a filmmaker and I hold high regard for those who think for themselves, go after what they want and are not afraid to voice how they really feel. And this book seems to be one of those. While it may not be that outrageous in present day, it was in its time and when one dares to think outside the box not just to do so but to actually state a point of view, I wholeheartedly stand up and applaud.

Censorship is the devil. It’s limiting and yet is done so in the name of compassion.

But Free Speech is the engine that drives freedom.

Without it, those who are governed, are doomed.

Don’t be fooled otherwise.

Acceptance

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I was going to start this blog off with a story about how my instinct was right, how I was able to remember something even though my mind couldn’t, how my hands danced from memory…

But then things didn’t go as planned.

My three year-old nephew loves to swing my giant teddy bear around by using the Beatles tie I’ve wrapped around its neck. This morning, I saw it, and realized it’s no longer a tie knot but rather, just a solid, thick knot. So, I untied it and proceeded to drape the now very long and stretched out tie around my neck thinking I would have no problem remembering how to tie a tie. For Christ’s sake, I worked at a job where I had to WEAR a tie. Granted, this was about ten years ago, but still, I thought it’d be like riding a bike and it would all just come back to me.

Nope. Not even close.

I tried a good solid fifteen times before I finally huffed and threw the tie down on my bed. I continued to unpack, did some laundry but as soon as I walked back in my room and saw that damn tie, I found myself trying again. And by this point, I had thought about what a great blog post it could be, writing about instinct and how even though it’s been years, my hands were still able to tie a tie even though my mind lagged behind it, but again…

Nope. Not even close.

I tried though, and tried and tried and then finally got in front of a mirror, where I channeled up my days at I’Cugini, where I would stand in their employee bathroom at the age of twenty-five and tie that tie around my neck five days a week. Ahhhh.. It didn’t exactly work. But I don’t like to fail at things, so I kept at it.

And this time, I did come close. But by no means did I tie this MF’ing tie.

So, now my blog post is about acceptance.

I have accepted I cannot for the life of me

remember

how

to tie

a tie.

Signs you might not want children

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Yes, as I’ve mentioned before in various posts, I am one of those people who just don’t think children are part of their journey. In my twenties, I was kinda on the fence. Not sure what path my filmmaking career would take me on, I placed only it in top priority and then acted from there. When I entered my thirties, it became clearer that having children, who are, I might add, the most precious thing on earth, was not becoming any more important to me.

There were also, though, a few other signs…

Signs you might not want children…

1. the only kids you want to be around are the ones you know.

2. after four hours of holding, cleaning, feeding and changing a baby, you’re ready for their grandparent/parent to return.

3. despite how much you want your nephew to ask questions, you lose your patience after the fifteenth consecutive “why?”

4. the idea of being responsible for another human being poses an incredibly strong problem for your OCD.

5. you sucked at baby-sitting when you did it as a teen, but hated doing it anyway.

6. alone time means too much to even contemplate giving it up.

7. you think overpopulation is a SERIOUS problem.

8. having nephews/nieces COMPLETELY offers enough child bonding for you.

9. you’d much rather your friends make their events “adults only.”

10. you never see a parent/child and think, “Aww, I wish I had that,” but rather think, “Yeah… Thank God I don’t have that…”

11. you’d rather be able to drink alcohol, stay slim and eat sushi than go without for nine months.

To lie or not to lie

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This is the question for many.

Full disclosure first. I used to be a liar. A big fat liar with no shame. But I was also an adolescent. And between the ages of 12 – 16, I hit my lowest points. In hindsight, I suppose I thought it was an easy way to make that which wasn’t real be real. But it never was. And as I grew up, I started to realize the consequences of lying and how it didn’t really change anything of substance, only one’s perception, and no matter how many times one may say a lie, it doesn’t make it any more real. I love Seinfeld and while this is one of my favorite lines for the character George Costanza – “It’s not a lie if you believe it” – I have to disagree. It’s still a lie. It just makes you a much better liar. And George was one of the best!

Two things I recently experienced in dating land have made me think about lying and how it applies to such. With the popularity of online dating, many people weed through profiles in search of someone they might like to date. And profiles get pretty specific, with height, body type, age, etc. While I’m sure some people lie all over the place on their profiles and others tell no lies, there is one category I’m noticing lying is hugely popular.

Age.

A friend of mine who is over the age of fifty told me his theory on this. He finds it to be a necessary evil, noting some will not give another a chance if their age is not in his/her preferred bracket, thus limiting them right out of the gate. He explained he didn’t want to be limited in such a way. I told him I understood the logic behind it but still, it’s lying and that’s not a good thing in my book.

To lie or not to lie?

Recently, I was chatting with a different friend of mine who is in his early twenties. He was telling me about his Friday night and mentioned that he can’t seem to lie to girls anymore. I’d like to think I helped him with this, but who knows. The bottom line is he’s questioning the whole lying method he had once used. But then he said to me, “Real men know how to lie when they talk to women.”

Without even a pause, I said to him, “Real men don’t have to lie.”

And neither do women.

At least, that’s how I see it.

Bookstores are alive and well…

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I was faced with a dilemma tonight. As a book reader for a film production company (and an avid reader on my own) I sometimes read up to two books a week. That’s a lot for my eyes and brain to handle, but I love it and would do this job even if I didn’t need the money, but when I was given an assignment and the book was in digital form but totaled over four hundred pages, I had to pause.

Could I really read a four hundred plus page book in digital form in three days?

No, I decided, I didn’t even want to try. My eyes hate it and so do my mind and body. So I went to a bookstore and bought a hard copy.

I love actual books. The feel of the pages, the way they fit in my hands, even the smell of them, and truth be told, I am not ready to go digital with them.

I was surprised to see that many others feel the same…

As I walked into a Barnes and Noble around 9pm this Thursday night, I found the place hopping. People were all around. A woman entered right as I did and a man was in line ahead of me to pay at the counter. Everywhere I looked, people were perusing the many different sections of the store. I was walking behind a young couple when I spotted this and then, I knew. It was a sign for me.

Hard copy books will not die.

As my cashier rang me up, I asked him how business was after remarking about Borders going bankrupt. He mentioned Borders hadn’t had an online store, just a deal with Amazon and I remembered that was the case and I never really liked it. I always wondered why they didn’t have their own retail online store… He thought that had something to do with their going out of business. Who knows, but regardless, it was nice to see the written page is alive and well.

And I learned tonight, I’m not alone in believing that some things just don’t have to be digital.

The latest adventures in dating…

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If you’ve been reading my blog, in particular the last post in which I mention it, one of my year-long goals is to find the one. Yeah, a bit dramatic, I know, but I’m not kidding. I don’t want to find the okay one, the ever popular this-one-will-do one or the even more popular I-could-do-a-lot-worse one.

I just want to find The One.

This quest of mine started around a year or two ago when I finally decided the time had come to truly start looking for a co-pilot. Since the relationship with my college boyfriend, which lasted four years and ended over twelve years ago, I haven’t really been too concerned about finding The One. But today, it struck me that I’ve grown since my quest began, for the better, and that’s a good thing, right? Allow me to give a little back story before I write what I learned…

Over the past two weeks, I’ve been talking to a guy but we haven’t had our first date yet because he broke his foot and has been heavily dosed on pain killers. Well that and I also just started a new job and have been working a lot. Point is, we haven’t met up BUT we’ve been in contact every day since we starting talking.

Now, flashing back to maybe three or so months prior to this, one of my friends brought to my attention he noticed I’ll meet a guy I like but then have real high expectations and think he’s super great until shortly thereafter, I come to realize he really isn’t. Thanks Jim, and I agree with you now. But considering this behavior was still going on only a month or so ago, I know I’ve grown because…

I find myself giving a shit.

I may not be ready to walk down any aisle that ends with me being legally bound to someone, but I know I care because today while I was driving, I found myself thinking, “I wonder what his relationship to his parents is like… I wonder what kind of life he’s had… And even though he didn’t wish me a happy birthday on my birthday after he found out about it just the day before, I didn’t write him off but rather laughed it off. And when he asks me to text him after I get home from work at night so he knows I got home, I’m not annoyed at all but rather genuinely captivated.”

I finally understand the real meaning behind what Sean said in Good Will Hunting, “You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you’ve met, she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other.”

That is the question. And I’m finally asking it…

I’ve never bought a vaccum cleaner.

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In a little over three hours, the day will be August 14, 2012 and I will turn thirty-five years old.

Yesterday, I was at a friend’s house and she, myself and her house guest from the UK were hanging out before everyone sat down for dinner. We were just chatting and my friend mentioned her “Dyson”. I had no idea what she was talking about and therefore, said “your what?” Both she and her friend from the UK, who had obviously heard a lot about this, exclaimed “The Vacuum Cleaner!” I capitalize it because they both sounded like Dyson was THE ONLY vacuum cleaner. I quickly said, “Oh yeah, the one you showed me before.” As my friend got up to show me it again, I was struck with a thought and said it out loud:

“I’m turning thirty-five in two days and I’ve never bought a vacuum cleaner. Is that odd?

Everyone paused for a moment and then, the guy from the UK said, “No, that’s a good thing.”

I smiled.

For the past ten or so years, I’ve made a list on my birthday of the things I want to accomplish in the next year. I seal it and then don’t look at it until my next birthday. It’s fun. Seriously. Try it. Kinda fascinating to see what a year-ago-you was thinking about, and then how much it’s strayed or stayed the same…

Anyway, I typically list about five to seven things and then when I open it the following year, I’ll see I’ve accomplished about three to four of them. Decent numbers I think, considering how easy it is to plan and how much more difficult it is to actually follow through and do.

But this year, I thought I’d do something a bit different. Instead of making the list and sealing it for no one’s eyes to see but my own a year later, I decided to write it here, on my blog, and then a year later, I’ll read it and write what I’ve done or not. This added pressure of having to reveal to others what I have or have not done will be an interesting motivator for me. (And If you could care less, I completely understand but do suggest you not read the blog post I write a year from today.)

Now, on to the list…

THINGS TO ACCOMPLISH DURING 35

– get a publisher for the children’s book myself and my friend are writing

– shoot my next short film (which is already written)

– finish this short and have it ready to be out to festivals starting Sept. 1

– continue to fight for individual freedom

– find the one

Difference of Opinion

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a bit about difference of opinions.

Being someone who has no problem with expressing my beliefs, I find I often anger others if they don’t agree with me or I don’t agree with them but I don’t understand why anyone would waste time and energy on being angry or indignant if I’m not forcing anything upon them. Beliefs run strong and that is a wonderful part of being human but I find that rather than use reason in dealing with difference of opinions, anger and/or resentment is often the choice of the majority.

But how are difference of opinions anything to get angry about? Now, if something is forced upon someone, then by all means, one must fight for their beliefs but if not, is it not beneficial to hear difference of opinions? I find they will either change one’s beliefs through the processing of new information or reinforce your beliefs and either way, one grows as a human, do they not?

And how exactly is this a bad thing??

Fortunately, I’ve been raised to think for myself and understand not everyone has to think like me. Also, I personally believe that it’s best to teach through example rather than through anger, bitterness or comment. So the best I can do is be who I am, live my beliefs and work for them and treat others in the manner that I would like to be treated, (granted they are not imposing any force upon me.) But, as mentioned above, not everyone thinks like me and so I am continually saddened to see all the name calling, the insults, the mightier-than-thou attitude, the disrespect, the intolerance and the blatant disregard for difference of opinions that is seemingly everywhere, from Facebook statuses to the President of the United State’s speeches.

Speaking of which, a very important election is coming up in a few months here in America and I’m noticing many people are treating others who disagree with them with a level of contempt that befits Hitler.

While we may not all get along, can we not treat one another with respect rather than contempt if one has a difference of opinion other than our own?

I’ve found teaching is best done by example, so perhaps if more people thought about the way they acted, difference of opinions wouldn’t be so hard to deal with…

That’s my opinion and it’s okay if you disagree :) But I’d love to hear why though…

Ways to know society no longer thinks of you as “young”…

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…even though you, yourself, still does.

And while I think many would agree that “51 is the new 21”, I can’t help but notice society has been throwing a particular message in my face lately – that I’m no longer part of the “young crowd”.

Well…

To hell with society, I say!

However…

Perhaps it’s because my thirty-fifth birthday is quickly approaching or maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I thought I’d share some of my observations of society’s little plan to make me care about what it thinks…So, here are few…

WAYS TO KNOW SOCIETY NO LONGER THINKS OF YOU AS “YOUNG”.

1. People your own age complain about being old.

2. When you date someone younger than you and your friends and/or family feel the need to ask if he or she might just be TOO young, even though they’re well over the age of twenty.

3. Your health insurance sends you a letter about an increase in premium BECAUSE you’re getting older.

4. Your 3-year old nephew asks you why you don’t have a boyfriend.

5. On your next birthday, you’ll be checking a whole new box in the age category on forms.

6. People gasp and say “You look so much younger!” when they find out how old you are.

7. Nick at Nite now airs the sitcoms from YOUR youth, not your parents.

8. A large portion of your friends don’t want you to call after ten at night anymore…

9. You find yourself saying to a CO-WORKER, “That was before your time.”

Change is good. Efficiency is better.

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I generally like change. I lived in five different places in the five years I was in college. I’ve chosen jobs that regularly offer variety – filmmaking, script reading and waiting tables. I don’t settle when I date. I’ll typically always try something once and when I feel stagnate, I’ll take the necessary steps to stop it.

But then, on the flip-side, I’ve noticed that when I find something that works, I’ll be very hesitant to make change. And I wonder, is that a good thing or not? Well, stay with me for a second and I’ll answer that but first, a brief story…

I was waiting tables at a restaurant part-time for some lunch shifts for the past six years. It fit my schedule, I liked the people there and it was comfortable. I knew what to expect and it worked in my life. I never really re-evaluated though if this was truly the best place for me to be. But then, forces of nature beyond my control made me re-evaluate what I wanted. I was laid off with practically no notice and so change was thrust upon me.

Now I actually like working in restaurants. I love food and wine. I love the atmosphere. I love the whole idea of people meeting and talking over food and having good conversation. I’m Italian, it’s part of our culture. I love innovation and creativity in the food and work space and basically, I feel at home in restaurants. But in hindsight, while I loved my last job, it wasn’t the most efficient choice I could have made for myself. It worked though so it was easy to stay.

But then, when I found myself in the position of having no choice but to leave it, while I wasn’t thrilled initially, I started to realize it wasn’t such a bad thing.

Change is great and I liked the idea of making a change but I didn’t want to make a change just for the sake of change. I needed more than that.

And that’s when I realized, change is good. But efficiency is better.

When I decided I could have been using my time in a much more positive way for my life, this forced change became one of the best things that could have happened to me. I started writing more and looking for a new restaurant that would better fit my wants and needs. And now here I am, three months later with a children’s book written and new employment that is beyond exciting and challenging and thoroughly inspiring.

Though I like change, I was never prompted to make it because my life worked. Perhaps though, a good way to think about change is not just simply asking oneself if change is needed but rather asking if change will bring more efficiency to your life. And just to be clear, efficiency means (thanks to my beloved Apple dictionary) “achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort or expense, working in a well-organized and competent way.”

So go ahead and ask yourself – would change make my life more efficient?

If the answer is yes, perhaps you may want to make a change. For me, I’ve now found…

Change is good, but Efficiency is better.