This is the question for many.
Full disclosure first. I used to be a liar. A big fat liar with no shame. But I was also an adolescent. And between the ages of 12 – 16, I hit my lowest points. In hindsight, I suppose I thought it was an easy way to make that which wasn’t real be real. But it never was. And as I grew up, I started to realize the consequences of lying and how it didn’t really change anything of substance, only one’s perception, and no matter how many times one may say a lie, it doesn’t make it any more real. I love Seinfeld and while this is one of my favorite lines for the character George Costanza – “It’s not a lie if you believe it” – I have to disagree. It’s still a lie. It just makes you a much better liar. And George was one of the best!
Two things I recently experienced in dating land have made me think about lying and how it applies to such. With the popularity of online dating, many people weed through profiles in search of someone they might like to date. And profiles get pretty specific, with height, body type, age, etc. While I’m sure some people lie all over the place on their profiles and others tell no lies, there is one category I’m noticing lying is hugely popular.
A friend of mine who is over the age of fifty told me his theory on this. He finds it to be a necessary evil, noting some will not give another a chance if their age is not in his/her preferred bracket, thus limiting them right out of the gate. He explained he didn’t want to be limited in such a way. I told him I understood the logic behind it but still, it’s lying and that’s not a good thing in my book.
To lie or not to lie?
Recently, I was chatting with a different friend of mine who is in his early twenties. He was telling me about his Friday night and mentioned that he can’t seem to lie to girls anymore. I’d like to think I helped him with this, but who knows. The bottom line is he’s questioning the whole lying method he had once used. But then he said to me, “Real men know how to lie when they talk to women.”
Without even a pause, I said to him, “Real men don’t have to lie.”
And neither do women.
At least, that’s how I see it.
2 thoughts on “To lie or not to lie”
I don’t believe in black and white. There are a million shades of gray (not just 50, ha!) when it comes to lying. Only two people and the context of their relationship can dictate what is a harmless lie and what is a substantive, material lie. At least, that’s how I see it.
interesting thoughts Jake, thanks for reading :)