Difference of Opinion

Lately, I’ve been thinking a bit about difference of opinions.

Being someone who has no problem with expressing my beliefs, I find I often anger others if they don’t agree with me or I don’t agree with them but I don’t understand why anyone would waste time and energy on being angry or indignant if I’m not forcing anything upon them. Beliefs run strong and that is a wonderful part of being human but I find that rather than use reason in dealing with difference of opinions, anger and/or resentment is often the choice of the majority.

But how are difference of opinions anything to get angry about? Now, if something is forced upon someone, then by all means, one must fight for their beliefs but if not, is it not beneficial to hear difference of opinions? I find they will either change one’s beliefs through the processing of new information or reinforce your beliefs and either way, one grows as a human, do they not?

And how exactly is this a bad thing??

Fortunately, I’ve been raised to think for myself and understand not everyone has to think like me. Also, I personally believe that it’s best to teach through example rather than through anger, bitterness or comment. So the best I can do is be who I am, live my beliefs and work for them and treat others in the manner that I would like to be treated, (granted they are not imposing any force upon me.) But, as mentioned above, not everyone thinks like me and so I am continually saddened to see all the name calling, the insults, the mightier-than-thou attitude, the disrespect, the intolerance and the blatant disregard for difference of opinions that is seemingly everywhere, from Facebook statuses to the President of the United State’s speeches.

Speaking of which, a very important election is coming up in a few months here in America and I’m noticing many people are treating others who disagree with them with a level of contempt that befits Hitler.

While we may not all get along, can we not treat one another with respect rather than contempt if one has a difference of opinion other than our own?

I’ve found teaching is best done by example, so perhaps if more people thought about the way they acted, difference of opinions wouldn’t be so hard to deal with…

That’s my opinion and it’s okay if you disagree :) But I’d love to hear why though…

Ways to know society no longer thinks of you as “young”…

…even though you, yourself, still does.

And while I think many would agree that “51 is the new 21”, I can’t help but notice society has been throwing a particular message in my face lately – that I’m no longer part of the “young crowd”.

Well…

To hell with society, I say!

However…

Perhaps it’s because my thirty-fifth birthday is quickly approaching or maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I thought I’d share some of my observations of society’s little plan to make me care about what it thinks…So, here are few…

WAYS TO KNOW SOCIETY NO LONGER THINKS OF YOU AS “YOUNG”.

1. People your own age complain about being old.

2. When you date someone younger than you and your friends and/or family feel the need to ask if he or she might just be TOO young, even though they’re well over the age of twenty.

3. Your health insurance sends you a letter about an increase in premium BECAUSE you’re getting older.

4. Your 3-year old nephew asks you why you don’t have a boyfriend.

5. On your next birthday, you’ll be checking a whole new box in the age category on forms.

6. People gasp and say “You look so much younger!” when they find out how old you are.

7. Nick at Nite now airs the sitcoms from YOUR youth, not your parents.

8. A large portion of your friends don’t want you to call after ten at night anymore…

9. You find yourself saying to a CO-WORKER, “That was before your time.”

Change is good. Efficiency is better.

I generally like change. I lived in five different places in the five years I was in college. I’ve chosen jobs that regularly offer variety – filmmaking, script reading and waiting tables. I don’t settle when I date. I’ll typically always try something once and when I feel stagnate, I’ll take the necessary steps to stop it.

But then, on the flip-side, I’ve noticed that when I find something that works, I’ll be very hesitant to make change. And I wonder, is that a good thing or not? Well, stay with me for a second and I’ll answer that but first, a brief story…

I was waiting tables at a restaurant part-time for some lunch shifts for the past six years. It fit my schedule, I liked the people there and it was comfortable. I knew what to expect and it worked in my life. I never really re-evaluated though if this was truly the best place for me to be. But then, forces of nature beyond my control made me re-evaluate what I wanted. I was laid off with practically no notice and so change was thrust upon me.

Now I actually like working in restaurants. I love food and wine. I love the atmosphere. I love the whole idea of people meeting and talking over food and having good conversation. I’m Italian, it’s part of our culture. I love innovation and creativity in the food and work space and basically, I feel at home in restaurants. But in hindsight, while I loved my last job, it wasn’t the most efficient choice I could have made for myself. It worked though so it was easy to stay.

But then, when I found myself in the position of having no choice but to leave it, while I wasn’t thrilled initially, I started to realize it wasn’t such a bad thing.

Change is great and I liked the idea of making a change but I didn’t want to make a change just for the sake of change. I needed more than that.

And that’s when I realized, change is good. But efficiency is better.

When I decided I could have been using my time in a much more positive way for my life, this forced change became one of the best things that could have happened to me. I started writing more and looking for a new restaurant that would better fit my wants and needs. And now here I am, three months later with a children’s book written and new employment that is beyond exciting and challenging and thoroughly inspiring.

Though I like change, I was never prompted to make it because my life worked. Perhaps though, a good way to think about change is not just simply asking oneself if change is needed but rather asking if change will bring more efficiency to your life. And just to be clear, efficiency means (thanks to my beloved Apple dictionary) “achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort or expense, working in a well-organized and competent way.”

So go ahead and ask yourself – would change make my life more efficient?

If the answer is yes, perhaps you may want to make a change. For me, I’ve now found…

Change is good, but Efficiency is better.

Stream of Positivity

It’s easy to get distressed about the state of America (yes, the world as a whole but I’m writing about my homeland for purposes of this being a blog post for the Fourth of July 2012.) And I bet good money everyone, who are ANYWHERE on the political spectrum and aware of even a little about the affairs of this country, would have something to say about what’s wrong with America.

The list is long and plentiful, I believe.

BUT

There are good things too and those are rarely talked about or thought of. As one who talks about politics and/or reads politics on a daily basis and therefore get depressed quite often, I decided today will not be a day I focus on what’s wrong. But rather, today, I will focus on what’s right. Because yes, America has its challenges, its dysfunctions, its disasters and its idiocy but it also has its glory, its independence, its fight, its brotherhood and its specialness.

This list might not be as long as it’s partner, Mr. Negativity, but it’s not too short either.

Here’s my stream of positivity on some good things about America!

built on the principal of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, allows the possibility for anyone to change their situation in life through the work of their own mind and body, the UNITED states, the different climates, “brown vs. board of education”, the constitution, opportunity to openly protest, the soldiers who defend it, the first amendment, the separation of powers, the dream it stands for, the opportunity it provided for my grandparents, the life it allows for me, the beauty of its strength, the thirteenth amendment, its flag, its atlantic and pacific shores…

I invite you to add to this list with your own positive thoughts about America…

Cheers, Happy Fourth of July!

Connection

To supplement my income until filmmaking brings in the dough, I work as a reader and part-time lunch server. A couple of months ago, I was laid off from the serving job I had worked at for about six years. I primarily worked Mon thru Wed lunches and not only did I have these same shifts since I started, but I rarely deviated from them.

The math tells a story. For six years, serving the same three lunch shifts week in and week out, one can only guess how many people I’ve met in terms of this job only. I think a number in the mid thousands is a fair estimate, yes? With that number in mind, think about how some of those people were regulars, meaning they came in on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and how those same people could start to become more to me than simply another human I was serving.

Well, for the first time for me as a server (and I’ve served on and off for about fifteen years), this happened. I thought about it today and realized something about these people. Can’t say we were friends but hard to say we weren’t. Can’t really say I thought much about them outside of work but while with them there, conversation flowed and carried over to next time. Can’t say I wanted to see them all the time but after two months, I do miss them. This may not be the typical relationship I have with people in my life, but I can say something for sure.

With many of my regular customers, I’d be lying if I said them all, I felt a connection.

Perhaps it was just being in the same place at the same time, over and over again, but is it not a connection nonetheless? For some, this may be the UPS guy who comes into your office everyday or the sandwich shop girl who makes your meal the moment she sees you coming. These connections, while seemingly random and lacking in depth, can be very real and meaningful.

So this blog is dedicated to those connections I made while at my last job. Due to circumstances outside my control, I was unable to say goodbye to most of them and they went from being in my life for years to being someone I’ll probably never see or talk to again, unless our paths just happen to cross… And while this is what it is, and life will go on and I’ll likely forget many of these people, the connection we shared will always exist and just maybe, we’re all the better for it.

I think I am.

So Cheers!

to the pretty lady who sat at the counter, ordered quickly and treated everyone with respect and a smile;
to the silent businessman who appreciated good service and being left alone;
to the adorable senior citizen couple who were both sharp, witty and kind;
to the vendor who came in for a pulled pork sandwich every now and then and told us about his poker games;
to the couple who were outside the door exactly at open so they could get the booth;
to the business lady who kept to herself but let you know she appreciated you remembering her order;
to the lawyer who became part of our restaurant family;
to the outspoken Italian who still came in after the passing of his dear significant other:
to the woman who was his significant other, who had become my friend before she left us, RIP Andy;
to the group of guys who came in, ate quick and made you laugh;
to the owners of the building the restaurant was in, who were cool and respectful;
and to the guy who came in for the same to-go and always made a point to say hello.

My Father

Strong. Loving. Determined. Stubborn. Honest. Amazing. Calm. Kind. Rigid. Tough. Caring. Real. Extraordinary. Deep. Nerdy. Intelligent. Hard working. Powerful. Well read. Philosophical. Intriguing. Unusual. Smart. Cute. Wonderful. Successful. Willful. Conscious. Helpful. Principled. Trustworthy. Firm. Good.

My father.

A gift from the forces of nature that was bestowed upon me without any doing of my own. I must have done something right in another life… And when I get sad or depressed or think the world is against me and nothing is going my way, all I have to do is think about my father and I suddenly realize, I’m the luckiest person in the world. (not to mention my amazing mother, but that’s another blog…)

Good parents are truly invaluable.

It’s not about what they give you or do for you or offer you.

It’s about WHO they are.

 

Truth

I went on a date tonight with a boy whom I find attractive, smart and intriguing. Pretty much all the qualities I’m looking for, not to mention he’s taller than me, hah, something I love.

However…

I suddenly found myself reverting back to the shy, insecure girl of nineteen who I often remember fondly but never miss too much. There she was tonight though, rearing her ugly head as the self-conscious me. Man, I don’t miss being a teenager, but why, I wonder, did this retro-self of mine make a cameo appearance?

And then it hit me.

Maybe it’s because this is someone I could actually be with.

A friend of mine made an observation of me a little while back and I brushed him off, not wanting to hear it, but truth be told, his comment hasn’t left my mind since he’s said it. Basically, he told me I date men who pose no real possibility of being someone I would have a real relationship with, so I in turn feel comfortable with them. I thought he was crazy at the time, but now, well… I think he’s actually quite astute.

Sometimes, no matter how smart one is, others see us in a light in which we are unable to see ourselves. They act as a mirror of sorts, being reflective and can be both welcoming or not, but if they illuminate truth, it’s only a matter of time till one sees it for oneself…

I may not have all the answers when it comes to my dating life, but every step I make toward finding the real love I’m searching for even if I sabotage myself often, I can’t help but think I’m moving in the right direction.

Truth has that way. It can be hurtful, that’s for sure, especially when brought to one’s attention despite one’s best effort to deny it, but once appreciated and understood, it offers the best foundation to leap from…

I’m leaping. We’ll see where I land…

To be continued.

Self Image

I recently encountered someone who would say one thing about himself but then his actions would completely contradict exactly what he said. I kept noticing it and started to think about it. Was he delusional? In denial? Or just full of shit and perhaps did or did not know it?

But then, as I was driving, I was struck with a memory about myself.

When I was in my mid-late twenties several years back,  I was dating regularly. Some relationships lasted a few months, others not even close, but the point is, I was dating. I remember, however, telling guys that I didn’t date much and I wasn’t really looking for a relationship. I didn’t tell them this to pull a fast one on them. I wholeheartedly believed it… or so I thought until I realized something one day.

I had this image of myself in my head that wasn’t true in reality, based on what I actually did. I thought of myself one way, perhaps the way I wanted to be, but I wasn’t actually that way.

And I remember that when I realized this, it was like the clouds parted and I was enlightened.

So, I cut this guy some slack because I really do think he thinks one way about himself without being conscious about how in reality, that isn’t the case at all. I’d love to share with him my story of enlightenment but I don’t think it will do any good. One has to realize this for oneself…

Self image.

Do you see yourself as you really are?

Something Special

Have you ever hit such a low point in dealing with the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s who you fancy) that you consider just changing your number and moving to Alaska all in an effort to forget your behavior?

Hah, well, maybe I’m exaggerating… a little, but who hasn’t sent one too many texts or let their pride get in the way or drunk dialed or became a bit insane, like in that scene in SWINGERS when Mikey phones the girl who gave him her number at a bar like fifteen times that same night?

I bet good money we’ve all been there. And it’s not pretty.

And after going through yet another episode in which I perhaps did not handle myself as well as I would have liked, I realized that yes, I can get too explainy, and yes, I fight like a lion if one hurts my pride and yes, if I had believed someone only to learn they were full of shit, I get upset. Very upset. But when I sit back and think about it, I realize I get upset because I didn’t meet the one I’ve been looking for. So, in actuality, it’s not them. It’s me.

I have a high standard for who I’m going to be with. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw from SEX IN THE CITY, “I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” And if I date someone who I like and want to pursue but then see they aren’t exactly feeling it or are moving away from it rather than toward it, I lash out. It’s something I need to work on… lesson learned. Again. But there’s another factor involved here and it’s called…

Something Special.

It’s not hard to find someone to be with if one keeps their expectations low or are willing to put up with others who are disrespectful, dishonest or unkind. But what about those of us who are not willing to accept any of this? Of course no one is perfect, myself included, but as the old saying goes, it’s about finding someone who is perfect for you.

But something incredibly special exists, right?

YES.

I’ve been blessed with two parents who found each other when they were in their teens and are still madly in love to this day. They set the bar high. So I’ve seen with my own two eyes, that yes, something special does indeed exist. But then, when I look around me and see the many people I know in relationships, I also realize that while something special does exist, it’s incredibly rare.

One could sigh at this, but I’ve made a decision.

Something special is worth finding…

Pain

Life hurts. People hurt us. We hurt ourselves.

For a long time, I kept to myself out of fear of being hurt. Sure, I had friends and even boyfriends, but I made sure to never let them get too close to me. Even to this day, I still (to some degree) live the life of a loner but I’ve definitely been much more conscious about being more open to others than I ever have in the past.

Today, however, it really bit me in the ass.

I had opened up to another person even though we had something going against us – a vast age difference. He was much younger than me. At first, it bothered me but after getting to know him, I gradually didn’t care about the age and only cared about the person. I thought he had felt the same way until I learned today that was not the case. And it hurt. I had exposed myself and thought I understood someone only to realize I didn’t. At all.

As I walked out of his life, I thought about the pain that comes from liking someone who decides not to like you back. How it’s enough to make you put that drawstring right back on your heart so that you don’t have to feel such pain because man, it stings like a bitch. But then, I stopped myself…

Yes, this whole trying to be open to people is hard enough on its own and then throw in someone else, who ends up hurting you, and man, you want to down a bottle of vodka, but I can’t help but be happy with myself for not pulling up that drawstring around my heart like I had so many times in the past.  All these things are so incredibly new to me that yes, I am dealing with pain that can bring tears to my eyes in seconds, but at least I’m dealing, putting myself out there, being vulnerable, not settling and searching for the gold.

Pain.

It hurts.

But would we know happiness without it?