I went on a date tonight with a boy whom I find attractive, smart and intriguing. Pretty much all the qualities I’m looking for, not to mention he’s taller than me, hah, something I love.

However…

I suddenly found myself reverting back to the shy, insecure girl of nineteen who I often remember fondly but never miss too much. There she was tonight though, rearing her ugly head as the self-conscious me. Man, I don’t miss being a teenager, but why, I wonder, did this retro-self of mine make a cameo appearance?

And then it hit me.

Maybe it’s because this is someone I could actually be with.

A friend of mine made an observation of me a little while back and I brushed him off, not wanting to hear it, but truth be told, his comment hasn’t left my mind since he’s said it. Basically, he told me I date men who pose no real possibility of being someone I would have a real relationship with, so I in turn feel comfortable with them. I thought he was crazy at the time, but now, well… I think he’s actually quite astute.

Sometimes, no matter how smart one is, others see us in a light in which we are unable to see ourselves. They act as a mirror of sorts, being reflective and can be both welcoming or not, but if they illuminate truth, it’s only a matter of time till one sees it for oneself…

I may not have all the answers when it comes to my dating life, but every step I make toward finding the real love I’m searching for even if I sabotage myself often, I can’t help but think I’m moving in the right direction.

Truth has that way. It can be hurtful, that’s for sure, especially when brought to one’s attention despite one’s best effort to deny it, but once appreciated and understood, it offers the best foundation to leap from…

I’m leaping. We’ll see where I land…

To be continued.