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Friendship

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking about friendship lately. Perhaps it’s because I just watched one of my closest friends get married in Cabo San Lucas to an amazing guy who loves her and yet, I see how she still manages to make time for her friends or maybe it’s because in the past ten years of my life, I’ve come to realize how important friendships are… Whatever the reason is, truth be told, I’ve learned that friendships are important and should be treated as such and I’ve been thinking about that lately…

One such person is a beautiful girl I hung out with tonight.  A girl I’ve known for fifteen years. A girl who I’ve only lived in the same city as for two of these fifteen years. But more on her in a moment…

I didn’t always feel this way about friendships. I wish I did, but honestly, I used to treat friendships as though they were disposable and I went through many close friends, most of whom I don’t talk to anymore or if I do, it’s nothing more than a casual hello. I blame myself for much of this because I thought it was easier to keep people at a distance than be vulnerable and open up to them. But then, in my late teens-early twenties, I began to realize how important friendships can be and was fortunate enough to meet people who helped show me this.

Recently, someone “de-friended” me on Facebook because he disagreed with a status I wrote about a political figure. No joke. And while I accept his choice, his lack of tolerance and his need to vent anger at me because he didn’t like what I wrote made me think again about the importance of friendship. To be fair, I don’t really know this person that well and can likely assume his anger isn’t really at me but rather his own life, but nonetheless, it was interesting…

Friendship by definition (from my handy Apple dictionary of course) says it is “the state of being friends.” I like being friends with those who don’t agree with me. Those who do agree with me. Those who kinda agree with me. Those who think I’m crazy. Those who think I’m a genius. Those who think I’m trouble. Those who think I’m perfect. Those who think I’m far from perfect. It really doesn’t matter. Friendships are based on two individuals and their individual natures.

I’ll never forget the day I moved into the co-ed dorms at San Diego State University and a girl across the hall from me told me that I would love her roommate. She said I had to meet her because we would get along great. At the time, I thought, sure, whatever. I don’t know anyone here so why not. But then… I met her roommate and this girl was like meeting a part of myself. It wasn’t that we were identical. Far from it. But we got along beautifully, appreciated each others differences and enhanced each others similarities. We’ve been close ever since, even though she left San Diego after the following year.

It’s interesting though because we’re actually quite different from each other. She’s a liberal thinker politically and I’m more of an independent, no-government thinker. She embraces pets while I have never had any. She wakes up at the crack of dawn and I’ll sleep till noon if you let me. She doesn’t eat meat and a steak is my favorite meal. Point is, we’re not people who think exactly alike and yet… we’re the closest of friends and have been for over fifteen years.

I’ve recently completed a final cut for my latest short film and when I told her I wanted to show it to her, she didn’t hesitate for a second. She simply said, “I want to see it” and we made a date for it. She watches with an honest eye, and doesn’t tell me what I want to hear but rather tells me the truth. I like that. I value that. I love that. When a film of mine was playing at a festival in LA, she was one of the first to show up and then sat right by my side. She’s helped on practically every set I’ve ever run and not only helps, but works hard. She believes in me and I value that. I believe in her and love her with all my heart. I am stronger because of her.

It doesn’t matter if we think alike. That’s irrelevant. It’s about respect. And appreciation. And love.

That’s friendship.

Top 5…films

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Man, this was a tough one. I’m making a DVD of my final cut for my exec producers to view and while I author it, I have a bit of down time waiting for certain renderings and exports. So, I started thinking about films, as my mind mostly gravitates to, and then I started thinking about my favorites and decided, hell, I have some time right now, why not make a list of my top 5.

Well… that quickly became impossible so I broke the list down into genres. And while this was most difficult to decide on “favorites”, I created a list of top 5’s for most popular genres, except for Gangster/Crime, I listed ten. This genre tends to have more of my favorite films than others so I chose to expand it…

Here goes!

Top 5… FILMS

DRAMA
1. You Can Count On Me (hands down my favorite film of ALL TIME)
2. American Beauty
3. Lost In Translation
4. The Machinist
5. The Truman Show

GANGSTER/CRIME
1. The Godfather Part I
2. The Godfather Part II
3. The Professional
4. Heat
5. Casino
6. Carlito’s Way
7. Scarface
8. Jackie Brown
9. Goodfellas
10. Pulp Fiction

COMING OF AGE
1. Breakfast Club
2. Pretty In Pink
3. Rushmore
4. Better Off Dead
5. Just One Of The Guys

THRILLER
1. Seven
2. Primal Fear
3. The Shining
4. A Clockwork Orange
5. Fargo

ACTION/ADVENTURE
1. The Bourne Identity
2. Rocky I
3. Iron Man I
4. Gladiator
5. Gangs Of New York

ROMANCE
1. When Harry Met Sally
2. Modern Romance
3. Say Anything
4. Good Will Hunting
5. Only You

WAR
1. Apocalypse Now
2. Saving Private Ryan
3. Braveheart
4. Dr. Strangelove
5. Life Is Beautiful

COMEDY
1. Mother
2. Father Of The Bride (1991)
3. Home For The Holidays
4. Swingers
5. Crimes & Misdemeanors

MISC(couldn’t quite categorize them, which is awesome!)
1. Following
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. Beautiful Girls
4. Amelie
5. Harold & Maude

Feel free to share yours, I love movie talk and am ALWAYS looking for recommendations!!

America the Great

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I love America. Is she perfect? Far from it but I believe in her and will fight for her and the principles she was founded on for as long as I live.

Now, I know many people condemn her and think other places are better to live and in so many words, that America is the root of all evil. In response to that type of thinking, I simply wonder why those who feel that way don’t just go live somewhere else then… It’s one thing to fight that which one finds wrong with their country, and thank God we live somewhere where we have the freedom to do this, but it’s another thing to condemn the very country you live in and benefit from if you share no patriotism toward it.

But please, allow me to explain where my great love for America comes from, to demonstrate the freedom and opportunities this amazing country offers, despite its failures and flaws…

I come from an immigrant family and perhaps in so many ways, we all do, but I am a first generation American. Both of my parents were born in villages in Sicily, Italy. Different towns but they moved to America within a year of each other, coming over by boat with their parents and siblings. Their parents dreamed of freedom and providing a better life for their children. It wasn’t easy for them to come, but they worked towards it and were granted permission to enter America.

My father comes from a family of farmers of the small town of Montemaggiore. His parents moved his family to Buffalo, New York, in the mid-to-later part of the 1950s. Once in America, my grandfather worked on the railroad. My father grew up without a lot of money but his father taught him the basic principles of working for a living and asking no one for anything.

My mother comes from a Sicilian family of the coastal town, Ficarazzi. Her parents moved her family to Buffalo, New York, in the mid-to-later part of the 1950s. Her father fought in WWII for Mussolini and had been a prisoner of war in America, where he spent many, many hours peeling potatoes. To this day, he hates potatoes. But he saw a country where opportunity and freedom were present and after the war, he and his family sailed across the Atlantic to New York City and eventually Buffalo, NY, where he got a job as a produce delivery man.

My grandparents came to America in hopes of a life of freedom and opportunity, and that is what they received. They did not come for handouts, paid health care or the like but rather simply to have the opportunity to create wealth and a life they wanted.

My parents’ families moved within a few blocks from one another but it wasn’t until my parents were teenagers that they met at a church social. My mother’s sister asked my father to walk them home and being the complete gentleman that he is, my father happily did so. On that walk, he met my mother, whom he found honest and sincere. They started dating but my dad, a rather serious man who knows what he wants, was perhaps a bit much for my teenager mother and she broke up with him, breaking his heart in the process. But… she couldn’t stop thinking about him and a year later, she phoned him and asked him to come over. My father, after a quick shower, showed up at her door within the hour and they’ve been together ever since.

Married in their early twenties, my parents worked hard to provide for the life they knew they wanted to have. Both my parents worked until my mom gave birth to her first baby, my brother. My father continued to work all night, and then went to school all day. He asked no one for anything and didn’t want the government to provide for him. All he wanted was the opportunity to provide for himself. My parents worked hard to create the life they have and have taught their children, all three of us, to do the same. I was raised to see that hard work pays off and that America, albeit far from perfect, provided the freedom to do so.

If it wasn’t for America, I wouldn’t have the life I have today. My parents, business owners and self-made individuals, started from practically nothing and showed me the living truth behind the “unalienable rights” granted to us in the Declaration of Independence: “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” No one gave my family anything but possibility and the right to their freedom and PURSUIT of happiness in their own life.

I am reminded of this every time I see Americans fight for entitlements and every time I see politicians try to take away more of our freedoms. This is not the land of entitlements, government handouts or freeloading. This is the land of freedom and opportunity and the right to pursue happiness without hurting one another. I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen this in action, to see a business produced from the ground up, to see my parents mold their own way in this world without help from anyone but I’m saddened to see America getting a bad rap for not being a giver of entitlements. I am saddened to see America not being beloved for the freedom it stands for and its principles our founding fathers fought so hard for.

Is America perfect? Absolutely not. Perfection does not exist. But in my opinion, it’s the closest thing to it on earth and despite its flaws, it deserves to be recognized as such.

Why else do you think soooooo many others try to come and live here? If only those who’ve been granted the gift of being an American citizen would value it… otherwise, I say to them – leave, and allow more space for those who risk their lives to partake in what America offers and stands for.

Being Vulnerable

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I’m not too proud of how I handled something lately. I overreacted and got upset because someone didn’t do what I wanted them to do. And while I may have had some valid reasons to get upset, I’m not happy at all about the way I acted toward this person.

Ahhh, always fun to be disappointed with oneself, right? Well, I’ve learned that rather than dwelling on it, it’s best to learn from it and figure it out…

First thing that came to my mind is the fact that I have a temper. I mean come on, I’m 100% Sicilian and from New York, but I try hard to keep it in check and it rarely flares. But when it does, I have to think about why the crazy behavior…

Hm…. and then it hit me. The situation made me vulnerable. And I despise vulnerability.

Once again, turning to my Apple dictionary, by definition vulnerability means “susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.” Well, who wants that, right? But while the physical part makes complete sense, the emotional part is a bit fuzzier. For example, when we put ourselves out there in dating land, are we not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable? But to what degree are we willing to do so? While most others are probably willing to be more vulnerable in order to get the reward, I’m definitely on the other side of the spectrum in which the moment I feel I’m in a position to be hurt emotionally, at all, I strike back. And I believe that’s why I acted, repeatedly, the way I had with this particular person.

One could argue we largely become who we are based on the experiences of our childhood.

When I was ten, my parents moved us from Buffalo, New York, to Los Angeles, California, and I had to leave my best friend behind. She was the world to me and I struggled greatly with this separation. I mean I started doing rather odd things, like making lists on how to not get too close with the new friends I made and wearing layers of clothing and not wanting anyone to touch me, but before I scare off my readers, I’ll stop there. Suffice to say, I did not take well to the feeling of loss. Though it may have been on a subconscious level, I think it was then that I decided I would not put myself in such a vulnerable position like that again. It kept me at a distance from people for many years. Throughout my young adulthood, I would change friendships like they were disposable. But then, I started building life-lasting friendships and that helped me see being vulnerable was okay and I thought I was really beating this. This recent behavior of mine, however, showed me it’s still in me.

The fear of being vulnerable.

But without some vulnerability in life, especially when dealing with our emotions toward others, do we not greatly limit ourselves? Yes, we have to see what is actually in front of us and being vulnerable is not to be confused with being in denial or naive, but doesn’t it take some vulnerability to connect with someone else?

Being vulnerable can actually be quite courageous.

A few of my favorite things…

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Anyone who has seen the film “Sound of Music” knows the song “My Favorite Things”.

While I am not a huge fan of musicals, and in fact, kinda loathe them, as I couldn’t sit through “Mama Mia” and will not make the time to see “Moulin Rouge”, “Sound Of Music” has a special place in my heart. Perhaps it’s because I saw it as a kid, perhaps it’s because I like how strong Maria is, or maybe it just got to me when they had to run from the Nazi’s, but regardless, I do like it. I haven’t seen it in probably fifteen years but I was thinking about the song “My Favorite Things” today as I was cutting my film and I couldn’t help but smile when the song popped into my head. I mean, just read these lyrics:

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Don’t you just want to get up and make clothes out of your curtains?***

Anyway, as I thought of this song, I started thinking about my favorite things and decided to write a blog about them. Below is a list of eleven (I like odd numbers) of my favorite things. Perhaps you may want to make your own list. Who knows, when you’re feeling sad, you may turn to your list and a smile will find its way upon your face…

***(inside joke for those who’ve seen the film)

“These are a few of my favorite things…”

1. My mother’s sneezes. She actually says “Ahh Choo, Ahh Choo”.

2. White sticky rice. I can eat it with just about anything, and at any time.

3. My Apple iMac –  a portal for my cyber life and an excellent tool for all my filmmaking.

4. Talking about films with my brother and father. We have very similar tastes and can talk for hours about the films of Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, Michael Mann and Brian De Palma.

5. Chicken wings (I’m from Buffalo, it’s in my blood.)

6. Red wine (I’m Sicilian, it’s in my blood.)

7. Making people laugh when they don’t expect it.

8. Music.

9. My nephew’s need to close every door in the house and point out every candle.

10. My sister’s laugh.

11. Making films.

 

“It’s all relative”

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The other day, I was talking to a very close friend of mine and I mentioned to her something someone said to me, that was about my character, which I completely disagree with, and she said to me, “It’s all relative.” And that got me thinking…

It REALLY is all relative. By definition, using my go-to Apple dictionary, relative means “considered in relation or in proportion to something else.”

Remember that film “Castaway” where Tom Hanks character was on a deserted island after a plane crash and he had to figure out how to live off the land, which included him figuring out how to eat crab? Then remember when he was found by the steamer ship and returned to civilization and at his welcome thing, crab legs were offered, which are typically thought to be delicious and of quality? Well, what I found so great about that scene was the look on Hank’s character’s face when he saw the crab legs. It’s so all relative… Considering the experience he had been through, crab legs were probably the farthest thing he wanted and yet, to many people, they would be thrilled to have a feast of them before their eyes. I LOVE that cinematic moment and it came to my mind when I started thinking about this.

Many of us, and I’m including myself in this, are very quick to make assumptions about people and things without truly getting to know them. It is so easy to see differences among us as bad or scary instead of embracing them and it’s so easy to make presumptions based on what is relative to our experiences but what about taking into account the fact that every experience is actually different? And while we may build theories based on our observations and experiences, individuals are unique.

I have a strong personality. I know that and sometimes, it can rub others the wrong way, especially those who take it like it’s something against them. I am the type of person who will ask questions if I want to know more. I will tell you what I truly think if you ask, but will do my best to have tact while offering an honest answer. I will state my opinion firmly and have no problem if you disagree with me. In fact, I like it. Who wants someone who thinks exactly as they do? Not me. I can appreciate individuality and embrace it in others and myself.

And I mention this because I’ve been realizing that many are quick to make judgements on me because of one thing or another thing, without seeing the whole. They see what is relative to their experiences and who and what they choose to be and do. Years ago, I gave up caring about what others think of me and decided I was just going to be true to myself and let the chips fall where they may. In fact, I made a film about this several years ago. It’s called “The Beginning” in case anyone reading this is interested…

Anyway, recently, a boy I grew quite fond of told me that I was dramatic and he didn’t like it. Hm… well, I am a filmmaker and I do live my life in an almost cinematic mode in which I dare to act perhaps larger than the average person, in the sense of what I mentioned above, but second, and most importantly, it got me thinking about how little he actually knew me. That was his conclusion based on his own criteria and just because he thought it, didn’t mean I had too. But I asked myself, do you think you’re dramatic? And I decided no. I think I’m quite a realist actually but I suppose that when dealing with reality, that which is ACTUALLY there, one can certainly think of it as dramatic because most of the time, people don’t want to deal with what is ACTUALLY there. If I like you, I’m gonna tell you that. If I want to see you, I don’t think there is a need to play games. If I don’t like you, you’ll know. Is that dramatic? Not to me.

But then, it’s all relative.

observations

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I’m going to write a rather lighthearted blog today. Life and my film have been filling me with lots of seriousness, so this blog is not going to…

I love to observe people. Hands down my favorite thing to do besides making films and sometimes, I observe little quirks and oddities about others that stay with me or deal with matters that make me think.  And FYI, I’m including myself in this mix. I constantly observe myself as well. So, I’ve decided to offer some of my observations to my readers. Maybe you’ll relate. Maybe you’ll be grossed out. Maybe you’ll pause and think. Who knows but I thought this would be interesting…

A Few Of My Observations

People often blow their nose and then look into the tissue at it.

When some people lie, they talk very fast.

Some eat each thing on their plate separately. First the meat, then the vegetables, then the potato…

Practically everyone has a cell phone. From senior citizens to young children.

Actual books are being replaced by computers. This depresses me.

Parking meters are increasingly becoming more expensive, to the point that they now accept credit cards.

Vulnerability for people is almost as great a fear as death is.

There are hardly any empty seats on airplanes these days. Remember when you would fly and be able to stretch across the whole aisle?

People often get surprised when you tell them the honest truth.

Most people do not tell others the honest truth.

Kids are constantly asking their parents to buy them things in stores, and parents are constantly coming up with reasons why they won’t.

Yoga makes some people sweat more than I thought was possible.

If you tell someone something they are trying not to face up to, they can get very upset with you.

Picking your teeth can be just as gross as picking your nose. Maybe grosser.

Positivity

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I know, in my mind and soul, that positivity is a force of moving forward, a force of dealing with things for the better and a healthy way to view life. I know this. And yet…

It’s hard to stay positive sometimes.

When things are not going the way one wants them too, whether it be with relationships, career, love, family or whatever, the circumstances of life can certainly bring one down. Maybe it’s your fault, maybe it’s not. But sometimes, life can be a difficult thing to handle and staying positive generally suffers.

I don’t want to complain. I have been given many gifts in my life, from amazing parents to a healthy upbringing and a great family but sometimes, I think about the struggle I face in making films or the lack of finding a co-pilot for this voyage we call life and I get down. Plain and simple. Not down the way I feel about seeing the government do things I’m against but down in the sense that I wonder if the struggle of living is worth it.

I know in my heart it absolutely is. But sometimes I’ll still doubt this, and I think any thinking person will do so also. Life is not easy, plain and simple, especially in these trying times…

Sometimes, it’s hard to go to sleep. Sometimes, it’s hard to get out of bed. Sometimes, one wants to drink the sorrow away or smoke a bowl and let the sorrow fade from reality but it’s still there when the daze clears, so guess what! Time to fade it away again… I’ve had many vices in my life so I know they cushion problems and negativity. But I also know they aren’t the answer. And I’ve learned DENIAL is one of the biggest vices anyone can have, and perhaps one of the most destructive. To quote the brilliant movie AMERICAN BEAUTY, “Never underestimate the power of denial.”

I wish I had the answers to give but I’m still searching for them myself. I do know that positivity comes back to you and that it’s one of the best protective coats one can put on in times of struggle. Can’t be false though, it has to be real.

It’s what guides me when the location for my next film suddenly becomes unlocked, when the boy I want to know just won’t let me, when I get sad that my career isn’t where I want it to be, when I have to work day jobs to make a living, when I realize I have no one who truly knows me, when I think about how I’m mortal and it’s all a matter of time, when…

Well, I could go on. As could anyone I suppose. But I guess, if this blog is meant to do anything, it’s to let others know they’re not alone when they feel they are alone and scared and sad and negative. And that if I can offer anything from what I learned, it’s that positivity is key. Sure, it may not feel as good as some other vices, but it doesn’t make you sick or unhealthy. In fact, it does just the opposite…

I think we can all use this reminder. I know I can.

Truth with a side of tact

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Sometimes I wonder if I am just a different breed of human than most of those I know.

Do you know the feeling? Or is it just me?

I used to play by certain “societal” rules when I was younger but then, I learned that I disagreed with a lot of them, so in typical Sicilian fashion, I started tossing them aside. Shouldn’t tell someone you don’t like their haircut? Why the hell not, I would think, if it’s horrible?? Shouldn’t make jokes in a time of sadness? Why the hell not, I would think, if it lightens the mood?? Shouldn’t do what you want? Why the hell not if it physically hurts no one and you would be unhappy otherwise?? Shouldn’t say what’s on your mind? Why the hell not if you think it???

Well, I certainly have learned my lesson that there are some sensitive people out there and I quickly got to understand the idea of TACT. Tact by apple definition is “adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues.” And I wholeheartedly agree that it is an important factor in life.

One must have tact, especially if one is going to tell it like it is.

But then, one who tells it like it is needs to deal with those who do so also. Ah…. If only there were more of them.

What if we all went around telling each other how we really felt? Would life be better? Worse? The same?

I venture to guess it would be better. Perhaps not in the short-term, as one deals with the intensity of the truth (told with tact of course) but in the long run, I bet life would be soooooo much better.

Just something to think about…

Inspiration

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I debated writing this blog because I didn’t want it to come off egotistical but then, I remembered someone who had inspired me and I thought, screw it. I’m going to write it and let those who read it decide for themselves if it’s written in vanity…

A couple months ago, a regular who comes into the restaurant I work a few days a week at asked me if anyone has ever painted me. I practically laughed and said no, not thinking much of it. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she’s an artist but she hasn’t been doing any paintings in quite a while and she liked my face and told me I’ve inspired her to start again. She told me how when she and her husband had first met me years ago, she told him that she wanted to paint me. I was humbled by the experience and told her she could paint me if she wanted to. So then, we started talking about it. We met and I asked her some questions about the process and what would be expected of me. Honestly, I really enjoyed talking to her. I can appreciate the artistic process of finding one’s subject. As a filmmaker, I continually find subjects I want to explore in an artistic manner.

Anyway, we set a time and I went and sat for her. It was simple really. She let me sit and read a book, which is something I do all the time. But then, when I saw the first painting of me, I was blown away. It’s not an exact replica or anything, as she is a bit abstract, but she tried to capture a feeling and it was surreal to see the painting and be part of this artistic process for her. She tells me I’ve inspired her to paint and I’m really happy about that. It caused me to remember someone who had inspired me and had actually changed my life.

Years ago, when I was in college, I had a boyfriend for four years. He was my best friend and a great guy but I wasn’t being honest with myself that he really became just a friend to me, and not someone I wanted to be with on a romantic level any longer. Then one day, I crashed an English class where I met a graduate student (I was an undergrad.) He flirted a lot with me but most importantly, he got me to feel what it was like to be attracted to someone again. Not long after, I broke up with my boyfriend, which was one of the hardest things I ever did, and became friends with this grad student. He opened my mind to new music, new films, new books and a whole new way of thinking. I don’t know if he realizes that he did this for me because, I’ll be honest, I’ve never told him, but he truly inspired me. He inspired me to become the filmmaker I want to be. To live the life I want to have and I will forever be grateful for that.

Inspiration comes in many shapes and forms. But where ever one finds it, it’s lasting and memorable. But what I now realize is that it’s true on both sides.

We can inspire and be inspired. And what a beautiful thing that is.