Once upon a time, there were two men, Adam and Aaron, both of whom were looking for someone to date and get to know and who knows, maybe even end up marrying! Both men wanted to find a woman to share their life with. Both men wanted love, security and happiness.

But each man viewed women very differently.

Adam appreciated women. He viewed them as beautiful individuals. He knew that both sexes were equal but different and he celebrated the differences among them. He enjoyed the complexities of the female mind and heart and he was willing to share the complexities of his own mind and heart. He found women beautiful and though not all of them had been nice to him, he understood women were every bit as important as his own gender.

Aaron, on the other hand, didn’t appreciate women. He viewed them as irrational individuals. He thought that both sexes were vastly different and believed men were superior in some ways, even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud. He found the complexities of both men and women to be overwhelming, more often than not, and though he found women beautiful, he viewed that beauty with skepticism and distrust.

Both men had previous relationships and both men had been hurt by women in their past.

After years of searching the lands far and wide, each man found a mate. Adam found Rose, a beautiful woman with long flowing hair and a mind that rivaled that of Einstein. She was deep in thought and simple in taste. Rose was strong, honest and hardworking. Aaron found a beautiful woman too, Daisy, also with long flowing hair but her mind didn’t rival that of Einstein. And Daisy was mean, dishonest and petty.

Both men married the woman they met but only one man ended up happy.

Adam and Rose lived happily ever after despite hardships they faced. Aaron and Daisy did not live happily ever after. They divorced a few years later.

Moral of the story:

What you seek has everything to do with how you view it.

Two days ago, I got engaged to the man I’ve been with for over two years. I have absolutely no doubt that he’s the one.

I searched for years. And years. And years. And then on labor day 2012, I met him in Manhattan Beach around dusk after meeting online (yes, it can work!!) Parking had been a nightmare and I was about ten minutes late. He was patient about it and as I walked in a rush up to the pre-selected coffee shop, I saw him sitting on a ledge outside it, waiting for me.

He stood up.  I smiled. Instant attraction. At least on my part, I suppose he’ll have tell you how he felt. His smile was infectious. I wanted to be around it. And to this day, his smile is maybe the one thing on this earth that makes me feel truly at home.

We walked for miles that day, around the beaches and streets of what I later learned was his favorite place on earth, the beautiful ocean side town of Manhattan Beach. As the sun set, we decided to get a drink at a bar that overlooked the Pacific Ocean. Normally, we’d both want to face the view, but that day, neither one of us seemed to notice it as we sat side by side on a couch in the corner and talked for a long while.

He walked me to my car a bit later and told me he had fun and that he wanted to do it again. I immediately loved his honesty and vulnerability. I didn’t allow myself to be that vulnerable though. I said sure, yeah (even though I wanted to see him the next hour…) Have I mentioned he makes me want to be a better person?

He called me the next day. And ever since then, we haven’t been apart.

Now that the dust has settled and the initial state of euphoria has subsided, there’s a lot of decisions to be made about a wedding and everything that entails and costs… It’s rather overwhelming. What does a dream wedding even mean? It’s just a day. As many people have said before me, it’s the marriage that matters, not the wedding.

Today, as my mind reeled with thoughts on what to do and how to get married and what that all means to myself and future husband since I can’t tell you how many people have given me their opinions and suggestions on the matter, I opened my laptop when out slipped a piece of paper with the words “I love you” on it. From the man who’s going to be my husband.

It’s the love that matters.

Euphoria comes and goes. And after the dust settles, it’s about what is real. And it’s there I’ll find any answers I’m looking for…

1987.

I was ten years old and a newbie to Los Angeles, California, having moved from upstate New York (Buffalo to be precise) after my father got promoted and was relocated.

This east to west coast move was difficult for me. Very difficult. I went from a world I knew and loved, including having a best friend I lived next door too who was closer to me than maybe anyone, to an unknown fifth grade elementary school a week or two after arriving in a city where the sun was out practically every day and a TV star was my neighbor (Tony Danza!).

Now, I know kids have it much rougher but in my world, at ten-years-old, this was rough. I didn’t know how to suddenly fit in, considering I knew no one and everyone else seemed to know each other, not to mention we’re talking LOS ANGELES people. Coming from Buffalo, let me tell you. BIG difference in the reality before you, total culture shock, but that’s another story…

My main dilemma was making friends and dealing with terribly missing the ones I left behind. I was troubled and I started acting out in weird ways – wearing multiple layers of clothes, making lists with ways on how to not get too close to another friend, retreating into a world of make-believe…(started writing my first scripts around age 11 or so.) Fifth grade was tough.

But then something amazing happened.

I was cast in the school production of GREASE as Frenchie, one of the Pink Ladies. It’s a big part for anyone who doesn’t know and I beat out another girl for it. Needless to say, I was thrilled!!!!!!! It was the shining star in my horrible year. It made me happy. Oh so happy. I was practically floating out of school that day….

But then, after I arrived home, I learned in a matter-of-fact way that for two weeks before the play we would be returning to Buffalo for an uncles’s wedding.

WHAT?!!!!!!

I stopped in my tracks. The moment is still vivid in my memory and trust me, it was some time ago (hello, 37.)  I couldn’t believe it. Did I hear wrong? How could this be?!

The next morning, I told the play director (who happened to be the mother of the actor who played Boner on Growing Pains) and in return she told me I couldn’t miss two weeks of rehearsals.

It took me less than a second to realize this meant I wasn’t going to play Frenchie. I was crushed. The one saving grace I found all year and now that was going to get pulled from me?? Really world??

Yes. It was. I was made an extra since I wouldn’t be returning until a few days before the play opened.

And that was the moment I learned this very important lesson that I channel often:

Life isn’t fair.