life

25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 8

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For the original idea, please go here.

17 Days till Christmas – spreading love by calling my grandparents

I grew up as a first generation American in a Sicilian immigrant family. And some of my fondest childhood memories are of being at my grandparent’s house.

They not only loved me (and my siblings and cousins) immensely but also kept our cultural heritage alive and well.

From the backyard vegetable garden to the passed-down sauce recipe. From the family gatherings to the black and white photos of coming to America by ship. My grandparents helped in making me appreciate where I come from.

I try to appreciate them and stay connected but sometimes, I fail.

For today, I chose to spread the love by picking up the phone and calling my grandparents. They were pleasantly surprised. My grandmother and I chatted for over twenty minutes, catching up and swapping memories. It was absolutely wonderful. I even made her laugh a few times.

Sure, the world moves fast. And yes, there are only so many hours in the day. But shouldn’t calling (and visiting) loved ones be a part of it?

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 5

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For the original idea, please go here.

20 Days till Christmas – spreading love by loving myself and the one closest to me. 

Life moves fast and often times I move fast right along with it. My husband though is a little different. And he helps me take time to be in the present moment.

So when this morning, as we were waking, he asked, “Want to start the day with a walk on the beach?” I said yes immediately, something I don’t normally do. But I know how much he loves these walks and how much he loves when I join him, so rather than say no because of the list of things I wanted to get done before work, I replied yes. For him. And for me. (The stuff will still get done; it’s simply a matter of shifting my hierarchy of what comes first and examining exactly how I use my time…)

Walking hand in hand, my husband and I breathed in the fresh ocean air as we talked about life. We even made a friend.

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Today I chose to spread the love by being in the moment for my husband and myself.

Loving oneself and those closest to us is not something to do yearly or only on birthdays. It’s something to do everyday.

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

 

Why Generation Y has been given a special gift

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While there are differing opinions on what age group Generation Y actually consists of, I’ve decided to go with those born in the later-1970s to early-1990s.

I was born in 1977 and feel like I am right on the cusp of that generation. Too young to be included in Generation X, too old to be anywhere near Generation Z, so I go with Generation Y.

Now that’s out-of-the-way, I want to take a minute to speak to Generation Y and explain how I think we’ve been given a very special gift.

We had an analog childhood with a digital adulthood.

We got a taste of both worlds and the transition came right as we transitioned from childhood into adulthood, making it rather seamless for us.

Think about it for a minute. Did you play outdoors all the time while growing up? Did your television have a few cable channels at most, and maybe you even distinctly remember getting cable for the first time? Did you have no way of getting ahold of someone unless you called them on a phone, the one that is now referred to as a landline? Remember when pagers came on the scene? I never had one but that was part of the beginning…

Does it feel like time is moving faster than it ever has before?

It sure does to me. We, as Generation Y, never had all these devices and social media platforms to continually check and update. Perhaps things moved a little slower because of it. And I wonder if because our days are now filled with so much “stuff” – endless channels of social media and entertainment to choose from and let’s not forget, those pesky smartphones attached to everyone’s hands – time is just passing us by as we document what we had for lunch that day and who is dating whom.

Technology has crept into our lives in so many ways, from automated services to wearable devices, and while I understand and appreciate the many benefits of it, I can’t help but wonder if the children of today are losing a part of their childhood because of it all?

I watch my young nephews interact with smartphones and tablets and video gaming consoles with deft ease and I wonder if they will ever appreciate a lack of technology. They were born into the technological boom. It’s all they know.

Unlike Generation Y.

We grew up without endless technology at our fingertips. Our analog upbringing practically forced us to use our imaginations in playtime and fortunately, our teenage years will not be remembered via Facebook and Instagram but rather Polaroids and reels of film. We played in the dirt rather than watching it in a video. And while I understand that I write in generalizations for purposes of this blog post, I also understand that there was something very special about growing up in a world where connection was more often made with other people than with a wireless router.

Switching Jobs? Here’s 11 ways to deal with the stress…

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Until the day I can support myself as a writer/filmmaker, I will have to work other jobs. That’s my reality and a choice I’ve made so I can go after the work I want. Long story short, I’ve chosen to work in restaurants, as a server, for many reasons but largely because I love food and wine and being a server in LA allows me a flexible schedule with short hours and high pay while I write and make films. Also, the people in that industry are by and far pretty damn cool and I’ve learned a lot. But right now, I’m in the middle of transitioning between restaurants and it got me thinking…

11 Ways To Deal With Stress While Switching Jobs

1. Be Respectful. Anger and resentment gets you nowhere and typically… it only makes matters worse.

2. Have a Plan. Yes, I know, if you want to make God laugh you should tell him your plans. Things happen. Plans change. But still, isn’t it better to have some guide rather than none during the process?

3. Schedule Sleeping and Eating.  It’s easy to forgo sleep but so important not to. A body needs energy, especially if one has to do double duty for a bit.

4. Let those in your life know that you love them. More often than not, these are the exact people who get the brunt of your stress.

5. Know Why you’re doing what you are doing. If you don’t, question it until you do and then act accordingly.

6. Beginnings Are Temporary. Embrace that. It’s only a matter of time till it becomes less unknown.

7. 2nd Chance Time! Try things different this time around. Every beginning is also a new opportunity.

8. Leave vices at the door.  Easy to run away with when times get hard but vices are temp solutions and trouble…

9. Keep Things in Perspective. Ask yourself – Is this life or death? No? Then, settle down…

10. Take 15 minutes and give it to yourself every day. This should be ALL ABOUT YOU and there is nothing wrong with that.

11. Breathe. It helps. It just does. And try closing your eyes while you’re at it… makes it even better!

Take yourself out of the equation

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Misery loves company.

I think there’s truth to that. It makes sense to some degree that miserable people want to share their misery or see other people be miserable in an effort to feel less alone. After all, when someone’s happy, they often want to share that too.

The other day, I was chatting with a friend and she was going on for a while about all that was wrong with her life. Some of the issues she was dealing with had to do with other people’s choices and actions having an effect on her. After listening for a while, I shared something with her that I apply when other people try to make me part of something I don’t want to be a part of.

I take myself out of the equation.

It really is that simple.

This doesn’t mean one shouldn’t help others; it simply means that it’s YOUR choice to help or not.

Years ago, I worked as an assistant editor and a boss of mine come up with the idea of having me check on my co-workers assignments at the end of the night to make sure they were done right. I would be receiving no additional pay but could perhaps have a better title. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. Basically, he wanted to hold me responsible for all the assistant editor work. My work was fine; others weren’t.

So I took myself out of that equation.

The fact he had people who weren’t doing their job well had nothing to do with me nor did I want it to. I explained that I was hired as an assistant editor and would do my job to the best of my ability. Perhaps if I wanted to grow with this company, I would have made a different choice but I didn’t. The point is though – it was my choice to make.

Others may try to put you in their equations but remember, as long as no one forces you (because that becomes a whole other situation,) only you can decide to be a part of something or not.

Misery may love company but that doesn’t mean you have to be it.

——–

(For purposes of this blog, I use the word “equation” mostly figuratively though in the sense of this definition, taken from the Collins English Dictionary, “a situation, esp one regarded as having a number of conflicting elements.“)

Lose the Fear

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One of my favorite times to write a blog post is when a theme keeps popping up in my daily life. And if it’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to, well…. I feel useful and I love that.

Many of those who I know, including myself, are frustrated. Frustrated with… the reality of things, the direction the world is going, what our predecessors left us, how to continue, money, time, etc. I could go on but the point is, frustration is in the air.

I don’t have any answers beyond reality but I am sometimes asked my opinion on things from those in my life and this topic has come up several times recently. Now don’t get me wrong. I’d be nowhere without the mentorship of my father, mother, philosophers, bosses and others so I include myself in seeking advisement, but when I am asked my opinion on something, I take it seriously. And I’ve been thinking a lot about those of us who are going after employment in the difficult-to-succeed-in entertainment industry, largely because that is the world in which I inhibit, but also because it’s a subset of people who fascinate me. Once you reach a certain age, the level of difficulty to be successful in this industry sets in and it’s the ones who truly want to be doing it, that keep doing it. Frustration is plentiful here. But while I learn from this industry, I believe the best advice out there about frustration can apply to anyone:

Do not operate from a foundation of fear but rather one of optimism.

Allow me to explain how this is helpful. I study philosophy. Ayn Rand, through her expansion on the Law of Identity, which is attributed to Aristotle but possibly could date further, taught me A = A. Reality is what it is despite how I perceive it. Coming from this premise, I can appreciate that reality is not always about control but is always about choice. Things will happen beyond my control and I can choose how to deal with them. If I am fearful of the outcomes, I will start from a defeatist point of view. 

A wise man once said, “Life is a struggle.” It is, no matter who you are. So if perhaps I come from a place of knowing that and accepting it, then I can start from an optimistic point of view.

Now one could say, “Hang on, fear is good. Who knows what will happen and one should be prepared, especially if life is a struggle…” I thought this too, for a while, but then realized there is a big difference between being an optimistic realist and a pessimistic realist.

Realism is seeing what is true to life.

Within that context, being optimistic is seeing what could be.

Being pessimistic is seeing what can’t be.

Considering life isn’t easy no matter how you look at it, which point of view do you want to take?

Little changes

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It’s the little things in life that really take us through our days, no?

While the big things can be splendid and magnificent, they are likely rare and not an everyday thing. But we as humans, fortunate enough to be alive that is, live every second of everyday. And even if you are the “it” celebrity of the moment or at the peak of your career, you still deal with the seconds and minutes of every day, no matter who you are.

The other day, I was watching the comedian Louie CK, who I think does a great job at delivering a social commentary in a comedic yet sharply observant way, albeit comfort is not his main concern. Anyway, I was catching up on his show and in one of his stand up bits, he said life is short “if you’re a child who died” but otherwise, it’s not so short.

This got me thinking about how long life is (hopefully!) and yet how short it ends up in the grand scheme of things. I started thinking about time in a different way. How what I do now may have ripple effects that don’t even come to life until my physical presence is gone and how small I really am.

And yet, how large I am too. How one person can make a difference and truly change the world. Hello, Steve Jobs…Albert Einstein…

Life is short in the grand scheme of things but long in the sense that everyday is 24 hours, which means we have 1440 minutes in every single day given to us and that IS a lot of time for us to do many things.

With this new outlook on time, I decided that if it’s the little things in life that get us from day to day, then it’s also the little changes along the way that help define and mold us into the people we are and become. While it’s important to smell the roses, it’s also important to ask if the roses are what you want to be smelling and if not, what is?

Here’s my list of eleven little changes I want to start implementing. Do you have any?

1. No longer kill insects when I see them. Only do so if I have to.

2. Practice more patience in the car. (I drive in LA, this will be VERY hard.)

3. Buy even less processed food than I do. (love chips and canned soup…)

4. Spend more time in and with nature.

5. Focus on breathing.

6. Meditate.

7. Ride my bike instead of driving, way more than I do.

8. Clean my shower more.

9. Treat my amazing fiance with even more love, as he not only allows me the freedom to express myself loudly but also has patience  and the most calming presence I’ve ever known.

10. Use cash more instead of credit.

11. Recognize the differences and celebrate those that move love, peace and wisdom forward.

The Living

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I’ve been struggling lately with something. I don’t think I’m looking for it. I know I hate it. And yet, it seems to be everywhere and all I want to do is call it out for what it is.

Bullshit.

Pardon my language but “nonsense” is just not strong enough a word. I’m talking about the real deal. The meaningless crap that sucks one’s life away. The people who talk the talk but walk a very different walk. The actions of most Republicans and Democrats in office.

It’s all been driving me a bit mad, lately. As though my bullshit meter got turned to high alert… so how to stop it from making me absolutely miserable?

Recently, my sister recommended the show “The Walking Dead” to me. At first I said, “nah, I’m not into zombie stuff,” but then she proceeded to tell me about how the story wasn’t all about that but actually more about the living, the humans who survived. Now, that intrigued me. So I watched the first episode and haven’t been able to stop. It poses and explores all kinds of deep questions about survival and humanity. It’s complete mind candy.

And lo and behold, I think it’s helped with my struggle about dealing with bullshit.

As I watched this story unfold about survival, I realized that life IS a struggle, zombies or no zombies, and it’s ALL about how we deal with that struggle.

I will never be able to stop all the bullshit out there but I can learn to live in a world in which it exists because the bottom line is, it does. Life is imperfect. It’s a struggle. There are evil forces out there. I can let that fact make me miserable or I can choose otherwise. It’s up to me to decide what to focus on. Like the characters on the show demonstrate, living isn’t simple and it isn’t black and white. It’s gray and all sorts of messy. But what it ultimately comes down to, at its very core, is how we treat ourselves and others.

Quiet Please!! The Universe is Speaking…

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There are times you have to just Stop. Listen. Think. And Do.

And your only guide is the Universe.

Yes, I’m one of those. I believe it’s true. The universe DOES in fact speak to you and I.

Not always. And not in complete sentences. But the winds blow a story and if your eyes and ears catch it, messages may linger long enough for one to be able to learn a little something from them.

However…

There will be times you like what the Universe is telling you, and it’s a no-brainer. You just easily go along with it. You even think it’s genius and you ponder how on earth you didn’t see it before. Ah…

But then, there are times where you want to ignore the Universe, pretend it doesn’t exist and even convince yourself that it simply has no idea what it’s talking about it….

Come on, we’ve all been there.

Who doesn’t have a fickle relationship with the Universe?

Recently though… I’ve begun to notice some changes….

The Universe started to give me platforms to stand on and then it threw out a few opportunities I could go after, to gain and learn from. It did though, also give tests and curve balls and I have the bruises to show the pain that came with them.

But as I dealt with each obstacle, I grew stronger and more honest, until one day, I suddenly realized the Universe DOES have my best interests at heart and it WILL reward sincere behavior…

But NOT without hard work.

And you HAVE to be paying attention.

Now, what I call the Universe, another may call a Spirit. or God. Buddha. Allah. Jesus. Peace. Love. Guru. Nothing.

Whatever. It’s different for everyone.

But if we listen.

Truly listen.

We can hear which way our winds blow and what the Universe is saying…

QUIET PLEASE!

A most interesting mirror

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can be in the form of a wildly precocious three-year old nephew.

Last weekend, this young boy no taller than my mid-thigh, spent three full days and nights living with myself and my parents (his grandparents) and I think I may have learned more about myself in those three days than perhaps I had in quite a while. I was also shuffling some other things around in my mind so perhaps it was fate that this weekend occurred or maybe I just paid more attention than usual, but regardless, I had the most fascinating weekend.

You just never know.

Rather than bore you with extended details of the entire seventy-two hours, many of which I was nowhere near my nephew, I thought I’d just write, in the form of a script, a few of the reflections I saw in this mysterious and honest mirror.

SCRIPT

At a modern family home in Los Angeles, a NEPHEW (3) and his AUNT (35) hang out and chat on various occasions over a three-day period…

Nephew: Are you going out tonight?
Aunt: Yeah.
Nephew: Why?
Aunt: I’m hanging out with my boyfriend.
Nephew: Just tell me, are you going to a bar?

Nephew: Let’s play Auntie.
Aunt: Hang on, I’m finishing up something on my computer.
Nephew: I want to play.
Aunt: Hold on, I’ll be done soon.
Nephew: You’re on your computer a lot.

Nephew: Your office is kinda dirty.
Aunt: Well… I haven’t vacuumed it in a while.
Nephew: I’ll do it.

Aunt: I’m a little sad right now.
Nephew: Why Auntie?
Aunt: Just not feeling very pretty right now.
Nephew: You’re pretty in your sparkly shirt. But not this shirt.

Nephew: Get up!
Aunt: I’m still sleeping.
Nephew: Why do you want to sleep more?
Aunt: I like to sleep.

Nephew: Why can’t I say bad words?
Aunt: Because they are disrespectful.
Nephew: But everyone says bad words.
Aunt: Uh…

Aunt: Here sweetie, I made you eggs and bacon.
Nephew: Why are these scrambled eggs brown?
Aunt: They’re burned a bit.
Nephew: Oh.
Aunt: I’m not great at making eggs.

And one for the road, taken directly from being on the road…

Nephew: Wow, outside is going by quick.
Aunt: Oh. Oops. Auntie sometimes drives too fast.