life

What we talk about when we talk about love

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The other day, a friend asked me if I had been to Sicily, the place where my parents were born and the root of my culture. I said “no, not yet” and it made me think of something…

First, a little background.

My husband is not from the state we live in. While I have my immediate family here and have had a life in Los Angeles for the past thirty years, my husband has not. His family and friends are on the east coast but his passion for music and the Pacific Ocean led him out west. (Thankfully!)

A little over a year into our relationship, we decided to step things up a notch. We moved in together. And we wanted me to meet his parents. At that time, roundtrip flights to Orlando were going to cost us nearly a thousand dollars. Having just moved in together and needing to pay for a few surprise expenses like car work and dental bills, we did not have an extra thousand to spend.

A little more background.

I am Sicilian, as most my readers know, and going to Sicily has been on my goal list for as long as I can remember. I have a ton of family there and when I was single, I was planning to go visit there for a month. I had been saving up my frequent flier miles for a round trip ticket for almost a decade.

Then, I met my husband and though I was able to take the trip for the first time in my life, I had postponed it because I wanted to get to know him and felt like something magical was happening.

It was indeed and flash forward back to where we were… moved in and wanting to go to Florida so I could meet his parents but lacking in the funds department.

I went online and looked up how many miles I would need for two round trip tickets to Orlando. It was the exact amount for my Sicilian trip.

Though this even surprised myself, I immediately offered them to be used to fly to Florida. My husband insisted I not give up my trip but I was steadfast on the idea and ultimately, he accepted the gift.

We went to Florida and had the most wonderful of trips. His parents were an absolute pleasure and welcomed me in with open arms, thrilled to see their son and I in love.

I had zero regrets on using those miles. And that’s when I realized I was deeply in love with him and my priorities had shifted. Though Sicily is extremely high on my list, he’s higher.

Six months later, my husband’s father fell ill and passed away.

And that was when I realized those miles were never meant for Sicily.

The Facts And Nothing But

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As I was leaving work tonight, a co-worker/friend and I were talking about some things I write and for the first time someone called me an “investigative reporter.”

To be clear, she used it in a descriptive manner when talking about my inquisitive nature.

I thought about it as I drove home. I’ve always been inquisitive and not afraid to ask any question (hey, no one’s forcing an answer!) but investigative… that word. It stuck with me and my brain started thinking….

Now, unless you’ve been under a rock lately, chances are you’ve noticed the tension in the air about the new President of the United States. Everyone and their mother has an opinion on the topic and most are not afraid to tell you it.

The wrath though. That’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my lifetime. But that’s a topic for another post.

Trying to wade through the abundance of opinion, pontification, falsehood, agenda-driven “alternative facts” and just down right nasty lies has made the job of someone who wants the-facts-and-nothing-but insanely difficult.

The amount of time I spend researching something has escalated, as the truth-tellers have narrowed.

And that’s when it hit me.

I have to some degree become an investigative reporter, out of sheer necessity to find the truth.

Well, you do what you gotta do.

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
– Winston Churchill

Find Your Flow

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I have a story to tell you. A personal one.

When I came upon something that opened my mind, relaxed and yet strengthened my body and brought me closer to nature, I was floored.

Yoga.

It has since become a part of my spirituality.

My very first experience with yoga wasn’t amazing though. The instructor gave me a dirty yoga mat that I didn’t know was dirty until the guy who cleaned them told me right after class and then she kept calling out my name every ten minutes because she knew me, but still, it was my first time!

I did go back though and eventually, I learned about it and found my flow.

But life struck last year and I got married, moved and changed jobs all within 9 months, causing me to ignore the flow and jump right into the chaos without my precious life preserver.

Big Mistake.

I kid you not when I tell you that my muscles have tightened, my mind has been cloudier, my waist has expanded and my inner peace has struggled with the daily grind.

At first, I didn’t know what had happened. Here I was, happily married, with a job that pays my bills and then some and living in a beautiful new townhouse I got to call home. And yet, something inside didn’t feel at ease. My shoulders were always scrunched, my sleep was erratic and my bad habits came out of the woods ready to rage.

Then one day, I was looking through Groupon and a yoga studio caught my eye. It was close to home and offered a view of the ocean during practice. The price was amazing and I thought, “Damn, it’s been almost a year since I’ve taken out my mat!”

The moment I went, I was hooked right back on the yoga sauce.

That was two months ago. I do power yoga (a yin/yang/yin 75 min class) twice a week and I feel on top of the world.

When someone says, what difference can a little stretching make? I tell them:

All the difference.

Find your flow.

Namaste.

 

 

Countdown till Christmas –1 days to go!

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I apologize for the delay in posting this last post of my countdown till Christmas but my husband is a follower of my blog (and one of my biggest fans, which I am grateful for!) and I didn’t want him to see this until after I gave him the surprise. …

It’s been a fun filled Christmas Eve and I hope you have had one as well. My husband and I exchanged presents today as tomorrow is all about exchanging with family. One of the presents I gave him was homemade, as I believe in giving him one every year. Today, I wanted to do something special for him as he makes my life special in ways I could never have imagined.

Today, I made him a framed collage of the first four and half years we’ve known each other. And he was very happy with it :)

And I want to thank the universe that I was fortunate enough to find my soulmate. We are vastly different and yet extremely alike. He teaches me everyday and helps make me a better person. I hope I do the same for him. He challenges me and yet allows me to be the curious thinker that I am. I believe I’ve done something right to have met this amazing tall, dark and handsome man. (Seriously, when I first met him, I thought he was waaaayyy out of my league ;) but he chose me!)

So, in ending this ten day countdown I’d like to wish you a Merry Christmas and good night. May you find love and peace in your lives, whatever that means for you.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu

Countdown till Christmas – 2 days to go!

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As I was about to walk into a grocery store, I saw an elderly lady, late 70s/early 80s, dressed warmly, sitting on chair and ringing a bell to collect money for the Salvation Army. She said “Merry Christmas” or “Hello” to various people as they came and went but many walked right past her, without even an acknowledgement. It’s one thing to choose not to donate, but it’s another to be downright rude.

So I walked right past her and gave her a big smile, saying “Hello.” She responded with, “Hello” and a tiny smile back.

As I grabbed a basket in the insanely packed grocery store (I’m not kidding, full shelves were empty,) I decided I was going to do this my entire trip. I was going to go out of my way to be nice to people.

I allowed people to plow ahead of me as they seemed in a rush. I smiled when a woman bumped into me. When someone apologized for walking right in front of me and making me nearly fall, I simply said, “No worries.”

And you know what? It felt good. Really good.

No matter what kind of day one has had, is it too much for a little common courtesy?

I think the universe rewarded me for my efforts also. I kid you not, twice I reached a shelf looking for something I wanted only to find it empty – slices of sharp cheddar and arugula lettuce. But then, when I glanced in the back or nearby, I found what I was needed. And there was only one of each, as though they were there just for me.

Positivity begets positivity. Try it. Let it swirl all around you this holiday season (and then maybe it will be commonplace for the whole year! that’s my goal…)

Oh, and when I excited, the sweet old lady was being ignored by yet another busy shopper. So I walked right by her, looked her in the eye and said, “Merry Christmas.” I must have surprised her because she said, “Oh! Merry Christmas to you” and then a big smile spread across her cold, chapped lips.

I smiled right back.

#countdowntochristmas

Countdown till Christmas – 3 days to go!

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In keeping with the theme of learning and helping, I decided to brainstorm on a way I could be of help to the community next to me. It’s a collection of apartments for senior citizens.

After perusing their website and learning more about the community, I came upon their wish list for donations. One of the things listed was “individuals who could provide specialty workshops.” I don’t know if this is exactly what they have in mind, but I’m thinking of starting a book club for them. Reading books not only keeps a mind active but also provides ways for one to learn and grow.

As a book junkie and professional book reader, I’ve been a loner for a lot of my life. Yes, I’m social and have friends but I can get lost in a book and before I know it, it’s been days since I’ve had contact with the outside world. Well, maybe not anymore since I’m married now but before that it was more often than I care to admit… Needless to say, but I will anyway – finding a way to incorporate books with other people will challenge me and that’s a way I can help myself while I help others.

I’ll be paying the community’s main office a visit tomorrow (I came up with this idea too late to visit today…) to see if they are interested in having me volunteer my time to host a book club for them once a month.

Stay tuned, I’ll keep you updated!

#countdowntillchristmas

Countdown till Christmas – 4 days to go!

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I decided today I was going to do something in an effort to help the homeless. I didn’t want to just go out and find someone to hand money to though. So I searched online for a way to help a shelter in my area.

And I found the Beacon Light Mission. It’s been around since 1902 and started as a place for soldiers to rest. After WWII, demand was great and they grew in size and became a fully functioning shelter for men. It moved locations again in the 1970s and has gone through changes over the years but still remains a shelter for homeless men. And in 2011, a twenty-bed Women’s shelter was added on.

After researching both shelters, I learned each has a wish-list on Amazon for things they need so I hopped on over to the site, using Amazon Smile (my choice of charity is UNICEF), and I ordered a bunch of underwear for the shelters to give to those who stay there. The address was in the system, allowing the packages to be sent directly to the shelters. And they’ll get there just in time for Christmas!

It’s amazing how one can find a vast array of ways to help others if they just simply look. It isn’t enough to post a meme on your Facebook page or say out loud that you’re against something. It takes action.

Be the change you want to see in the world.
– Ghandi

#countdowntochristmas

Countdown till Christmas – 5 days to go!

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Five days till Christmas! It’s about 75* degrees right now in Los Angeles, so it’s a bit difficult to feel the seasons change but I do live vicariously through east-coasters as I just heard my hometown of Buffalo has received eight inches of snow! (I may be more happy about that than they are though….)

I remember growing up there and my mom needing to scrape the ice that built on the car simply while we were shopping. Brrrrr……! But I digress….

Thinking of the season changes led me to thinking about Buffalo which led to me to thinking about my grandparents. I’m fortunate to have three of them still with me, two in their nineties and one close to it. I grew up knowing them well and I’ll forever be grateful that both sides chose to leave Sicily in the 1950s to come to America to give their children a better life.

As a first generation Italian American (Sicilian to be specific), I take pride in where I’m from and realize that America is a melting pot of immigrants from all over, which to me is a beautiful thing. There is a reason so many people want to be here and I do not take for granted for one day the freedom I have because of those before me who fought for it.

Today, in the spirit of love and being helpful, I decided to write hand-written letters to my grandparents in their native Italian language, which I am rusty at and would be nowhere without my Italian/American dictionary.

I know it’s a small thing but it’s the small things that make up the moments of our life and if I can put a smile I my grandparent’s face, then that’s a moment I want to create.

During this holiday season, why not make sure to take time to appreciate those in your life who helped shaped your family for the better? Send them a card. Give them a call. Tell them you love them. And make them smile.

#countdowntochristmas

You may have been born in 1977 if…

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any of the following rings a bell, applies to you and/or you can relate:

  1. VHS was a very real thing to you and you may have even created a mix of films taped directly off the television or HBO if you were lucky. 6 hours baby. That’s three movies.
  2. Landlines was not a word. We had phones with cords, long ones for mobility. And some of us even had beepers. (FYI I was not one of them.)
  3. “TGIF” was cool.
  4. “Beverly Hills, 90210” was the real deal. Remember when Brenda took a pregnancy test?! I nearly lost sleep…
  5. A foam rectangle called The Step was neon and popular as hell.
  6. Speaking of neon, 25% of your wardrobe was in that color scheme.
  7. You remember the numbers on McDonalds “Burgers Sold” climbing to a billion….
  8. Smoking sections existed. And they were everywhere.
  9. You dreamed of Kirk Cameron taking you to prom. Or maybe Alyssa Milano?
  10. The Internet came about somewhat quick, at least it seemed that way since you were busy finishing high school and trying to make sense of what the hell to do next.
  11. You never got a trophy for being adequate. But then again, you never really cared about trophies to begin with.

Relationship Fun

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I loath routine. And both myself and my husband have a great dislike for boredom.

When we first moved in together, I asked if he’d be willing to do something to keep the intrigue alive and not only did he agree, but it’s since become a part of our romantic life…

Okay… So, what did I ask him?

I asked if he would allow me to get ready for our date nights without him and if he could knock on our bedroom door at a designated time to “pick me up.”

He said yes and got ready in his home studio.

That was three years ago and we’ve been doing it ever since.

See, you still get the mystery of it all. You don’t know what the other looks like for the date and whether they may have a surprise for you. You get to see each other looking nice in full form, not in each stage. You get to plan surprises for the other. And you get to wait and do your own thing before going out.

Give it a try.

Or maybe you have your own fun device? If so, please share!