general

stereotypes

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

One night when I was waiting tables at a restaurant, my boss and I had a conversation about a table who defied the typical stereotypes and we were both pleasantly pleased. Anyone who has waited tables knows about the stereotypes of certain customers… but without going into them, sorry!, let me just say they are there for a reason. It’s always nice, though, when they get proved wrong. And this got me thinking…

It’s a common stereotype that women, especially those in their thirties, are baby crazy and looking to settle down so they can have children. Well…..

I’m one of those who defy this stereotype. I’m thirty-four and I do not want children. When I was in my twenties, I was on the fence about the whole baby thing. Never being one to have that maternal instinct but rather one who craved a filmmaking career, I didn’t give children much thought. But then, when I entered my thirties, I began to think of whether or not it was something I wanted because obviously nature has a clock in regards to this. Around this time, my brother and sister-in-law had a child and because of my flexible schedule, I became a weekly babysitter to my beautiful nephew. At first, I wasn’t thrilled about changing diapers and dealing with baby issues but as soon as he came into this world, I fell in love with him more than I thought I was even capable of. He and I have become incredibly close since and I cherish him but my nephew helped me learn that although I think I am great at being an aunt, I am not made to be a parent. And I truly came to the realization that plain and simple, I don’t want children of my own.

Now, back to the stereotypes. Many say women want babies and are baby crazy and trying to get a guy to start a family but you know what, being on the other end of the stick, as a women who doesn’t want babies, let me tell you. It’s not just women. Men can be just as baby crazy. And being a woman in her thirties who doesn’t want children, I have come to think it can be more difficult than being a woman who does, because most men out there want children.

Anyway, my point of writing this blog is to demonstrate that while stereotypes may exist for a reason, they are not true in all circumstances so take heed the next time you so quickly apply them.

Trust me. There are exceptions.

And thank God for that because for me, who doesn’t like speaking in generalities, one of the coolest things in life is when stereotypes are proved wrong.

mortality

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I am watching “Breaking Bad” and have become hooked. Great show. Unbelievable writing, acting, direction… I don’t watch much television. In fact, I probably turn it on once a week, but that’s taking into account I watch television shows after the fact when they come out on DVD or will try to catch up on hulu.com if it’s something I enjoy while I’m eating or something, like The Office (though without Micheal Scott, they reallllllly need to call it a day.)

Anyway, as I watch “Breaking Bad”, I am reminded of the importance of life and how at any moment it can be taken from us, whether it be from cancer, criminal activity, accident, happenstance or just dumb luck. And the only moment we have is the one we are currently in. That said, this blog is not written with the intent of being morbid, but rather with the intention to wake people from the living dead.

The living dead.

What a waste.

Look around. It’s easy to see many people just going through the motions like a robot, doing what the think they should be but not what they actually want, almost as if they are just trying to make it to the next day, without feeling anything. I don’t know about you, but this saddens me when I see it. And if you haven’t noticed it, perhaps it’s because you are one of the living dead.

Life itself is THE “once in a lifetime opportunity” so how can it be wasted so easily??

I don’t get it. Fortunately, I was raised by parents who encouraged me to go after my dreams and I will be forever grateful but I also had to come to my own conclusions that I didn’t want to just settle for what others thought was best or for what one was “supposed” to do, especially to fit within societal mores.

Now, this is not to imply everyone should feel similar or think just like me. Not at all. What’s important to one person may not be important to the next, and that’s completely okay, provided no one forces ANYTHING upon another person. (Protection from that is actually what government is for, but I digress…) If you’re happy working on a corn field in Iowa, then by all means, go get yourself a job on one and enjoy! If you’re happy having ten children with your high school sweetheart, more power to you!

The point is to find what IS important to you, what motivates you, what you are truly passionate about and love with every inch of you being and GO AFTER THAT.*

Life can be taken at any moment, regardless of how careful one lives, but one can fight with all their might not to be the cause of their own death through the choices they make and also, not to go down without living the life one wants to live.

It’s NEVER too late until you take your last breath.

You have one chance before death comes and that is your life. Are you making the most of it?

I find it’s a good question to ask myself…

* (Again, I must point out this does not include use of force on any other person to achieve anything you want.)

Friendships can be family.

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

Okay, I’m single, and have been for quite some time now. By choice mostly… but that’s another story. I know that many will say friendships have to take a backseat when their friend finds their significant other. I get that. I’m not the one my friends are going to commit their life to, be executor of their will, have their children. So, yes, fine. But does that mean friendship is not existent if your friend marries or finds the love of their life?

No, I don’t think so. And when I do find that one, and hopefully I will, my close friends are going to be just as important to me still. They are part of my family and I don’t take that lightly.

Now, I’ve been through having friends determine friendship isn’t that important, especially if I disagree with their choice in their significant other. But I’ve learned that it’s their choice to make, not mine, and whether I agree or disagree, it will likely not matter nor should it I suppose, so even if all I really want is for my friend to be as happy as possible, I can’t be the one to decide who or what will make them happy. They need to decide that for themselves and I need to keep my mouth shut unless otherwise asked. (But chances are, they know how I feel because inside they see it too but will deny it so they will definitely NOT ask me, at least from my experience this seems to be the case…)

Anyway, I bring this up because I’ve been fortunate enough to have some great friends in my life. Those who will tell me when I’ve been an asshole or ridiculous or on the flip side, when I’ve been amazing and inspirational.

This past weekend, I hung out with two of my close friends (on different evenings.) One, who has been a friend of mine since I was eighteen and the other, who has been a friend of mine for eight years or so. And both of whom treat me with the utmost respect and who I really like being around. They’ve taught me what it means to be a good friend and I’ll be honest, I haven’t always been that. I’m not sure I really knew what that was when I was in my early twenties. But I do now and I’ve been fortunate to have these women in my life who not only show me that friendship isn’t something to be scared of or run from or feel the need to be defensive toward. It’s something beautiful, special and meaningful.

Nicole and Tina. I love you. Thank you, both, for not only being my friend but allowing me into your lives when I know they are very full and for making me a part of them, because you truly want to. (And Jamie, I know we didn’t see each other this weekend but I know how much you love me and I love you too!)

Friendships. True friendships.

They can be just as meaningful as family.

kryptonite

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

For all those who know about Superman, you’ll clearly know about Kryptonite. But for those who have lived on another planet and don’t know what that means, kryptonite is an ore and according to my Wikipedia, “the one weakness of an otherwise invulnerable hero.”

Okay, I know I’m not invulnerable but I’m going to make a comparison here. Seriously, I have my shit together when it comes to my career, my goals, my family and friends. I have made any and all sacrifices I’ve needed to in order to continue making films and I barely bat an eye because I know that it’s exactly what I want in life. I will stand up to any and all who stand in my way and I never balk at confrontation. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, just setting up my argument. The bottom line is, I know what I want and will not settle for anything less…. when it comes to my career.

And as far as family and friends go. Well, I didn’t use to take this seriously but about five or so years ago, I realized how important family and true friends are and I have consciously made a point to be loyal and care about all those who are true to me. I hope I have shown that to those who are close to me but I suppose, you will have to ask them if that is true. I do believe it is.

My personal life in regards to men, however, well… that’s another story. Because I have spent so much time on trying to get my films made, I’ve been able to ignore the personal aspect of my life for quite some time. Having had two long-term boyfriends, one for three years in high school and another for four years in college, I’m able to say that I get what it means to be in a relationship but it’s not a focus of mine. An aspiration, yes. One that will maybe happen one day but if it doesn’t with someone who rocks my world, well, then, it doesn’t. I don’t want anything less. That said, I realize I have a problem. I tend to go for exactly the wrong type of person and today, when one of my friends told me I was being the cliché, it finally hit me. I am f’ed up in this regard. And I need to change my behavior.

Not easy, people. Not easy at all. And I think there are many of us who can relate to partaking in bad behavior with the opposite sex.

Why on earth would one care about someone who doesn’t care about them? Why would anyone ever give the time of day to someone who ignores their thoughts? Why would anyone consider someone who treats them with little respect? It’s crazy, right? I know. Yet, I partook in that behavior. And I’m totally embarrassed and realize that while I may have my shit together in other regards, I have some things to learn in regards to my personal life. I’m glad I won’t settle but I’m not glad I pursue exactly who I shouldn’t. Why would one who treats you bad be on your list of someone worthy of getting to know???

Kryptonite. Some men are this for me. And I need to find my shield to it. Could it just simply be logic?

Damn…

I think it is.

31 days – the aftermath

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As many of you may know, in December I decided to follow a 31-day calendar that I made for myself. And on each day in that month, I had to do something that would get me out of my box, which is the life I was used to. Overall, it was a challenging yet incredibly rewarding project and not only did I learn a lot about myself, but I took from it things that will stay with me forever. But more on that in a moment…

First, I’d like to write about a theme that kept occurring as I went through this month and that was one of happenstance. Once again going to my trusty Apple dictionary, happenstance means “coincidence.” Now, I am not a believer that the world is predetermined and I tend to side with the rationalists in philosophical thought. Descartes’ “I think, therefore I am” are words I live by. But that said, call it what you will – karma, fate, destiny, happenstance, divine intervention – there’s no denying the world works in mysterious ways. However…

You know how when you’re in a hurry, you manage to catch every red light on the street? And you know how when you have time to kill and don’t want to be early, there isn’t any traffic? Or when you spill something in your car and you need to clean it up but every light you pass is green? Well, I’ve always wondered, is that a coincidence or are you just aware of it more because it matters?

Think about it…

While I was doing this month-long project, I can’t tell you how many times things just happened to fit perfectly together, like Nature was working with me. For example, on the day I had to find a shell on the beach and figure out a way to make it into a necklace, as I was about to turn around, I found one that just happened to have a perfect hole in it. What are the odds?

And another time when the day called for me to write a poem, a friend of mine had just died and I happened to be attending her funeral the next day. So naturally, I wrote a poem for her.

I don’t think these things are weird or predetermined but I do think it’s all about energy and awareness. If we are conscious (aware,) we notice things with our mind rather than just act on emotion. And positive energy flows and it comes back to those who give it out. And the same for those who unleash negative energy. What’s that famous expression?? Oh yeah.. Karma. It’s a bitch.

But I can’t take sole credit for this realization in terms of this project. The other day, I was hanging out with some friends and one of them was listening to me about my 31-day project and he said something about how most people focus on the negative but rarely the positive. He mentioned that positive things happen everyday, such as some of the things I was talking about in regard to this, but he said they mostly go unnoticed. And as I was listening to his point of view, I kept thinking, he’s totally right. Then add that to my own thought of – was I just aware of these moments of karma, happenstance, whatever you want to call them, because I was on high alert with the project I was doing? Perhaps… (Kudos, Roger! Loved our talk.)

Again, awareness and energy. So important.

I try very hard to unleash positivity rather than negativity but it’s hard in today’s world, especially when people often perceive your positivity as some offense to them and yet, those who are negative seem to bond and wallow in their misery together. Well, I can’t do that. Nor do I want to. That said though, I really learned through this project to not only be positive but to FOCUS on the positive things that happen rather than just the negative. Recently, I’ve been turned down to five film festivals already for my latest film. I was starting to get sad but then, instead, I changed my focus and decided to think about the fifty other festivals, including many top-tier ones that can help my career, that have not turned me down and you know what, I honestly do feel better.

I’ve been thinking more and more about this project and how helpful it’s been to me. Not only did it make me go outside my box, it taught me things about myself. Like by eating vegan for a day, I realized I am a carnivore through and through. And by not being able to drive, I was forced to walk and though I’ve always loved walking, I realized it was more refreshing and simple to just walk the mile to the store instead of getting in my car every time I needed something there.

31 days.

Not too long of a time but long enough to learn that I will indeed be thinking outside my box without being forced. I’ve decided this month is all about doing things that are good for me and trying to get rid of my bad habits. Yeah, yeah. Everyone says this but seriously, DOING it, is quite different. And my 31 days project has propelled me to do just that.

PS:

Thanks to all who came along on this ride with me. I appreciated the support and company. And to those who have expressed a desire to do something similar, please let me know how your experience goes…

To be thankful…

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Every thanksgiving, people around the US think about what they are thankful for and more often than not, the major things are only considered. Things such as one’s life, family, loved ones, children, job, and health. And while these things are by far the important ones to be thankful for, I was thinking today about all the little things we have to be thankful for in life also. While they may not take precedence in one’s mind on Thanksgiving, they’re still worthy of being mentioned and considered, so rather than write another blog about the large, ultra important things I am thankful for, I thought I’d dedicate this one to the little things I’m grateful for in my life that often go unnoticed.

And this is my nod to them…

I am so grateful and thankful for the following in my everyday life…

unexpected acts of kindness, no traffic when I’m running late, getting the exact seat I want at a movie theater, chocolate covered strawberries, making a child laugh and/or smile, Hershey kisses, laughter, red wine, Apple computers and Steve Jobs, white out, multiple cup holders, soft tissues, no lines at grocery stores, good timing, pickles, post-its, my Italian teacher, icee drinks, dvr, free samples, waking up and still having three hours of sleep left, hard cover books, bic pens, clear night sky where I can see the stars, window seats on airplanes, elbow room, free shipping, sharp cheddar cheese, cute boys who don’t know they are cute, sunglasses, sharpie markers, good conversation, puppy dogs, originality, gangster films, pretzels, hair straighteners and finally… something that might make into the most important group but perhaps shouldn’t…

Diet Coke.

Happy thanksgiving! I’d love to hear some small things you are thankful for…

31 days

/ christinaparisi / 6 Comments

I was looking though the latest issue of Glamour because it came in the mail free, and by looking though I mean smelling the constant perfume samples and eyeing anything that wasn’t about makeup, clothes and celebrities. And one item I came across was this calendar thing about 31 days of giving in the month of December and it made me remember this idea I had for me and my sister…

Years ago, my sister and I would make a calendar for a specific month and on each day, we listed something for the other person to do/not do etc. It was a great way to think outside the box and also do things one wouldn’t normally do or think to do. I can’t speak for her but I loved it. I think we did it a couple of times over the years.

But now, rather than bother her with this idea again, I decided I was going to make myself a calendar of things to do or not do for the month of December that will take me out of my comfort zone. It can be found below and I invite anyone to come along for the ride with me for all days, some days, just one day or even just hang out as a reader. In the tradition of the popular daily blogs, I will post a blog each day in December about the thing I had to do that day and how it went. Now, read below before you write this off as boring or something you’re not interested in. It’s all about setting challenges and stepping outside of comfort zones for myself and anyone who wants to do this as well, I would love to hear about it!

December 1: Have no soda of any kind. (And that includes Diet Coke, my absolute favorite)

December 2: Meditate for thirty minutes. The WHOLE thirty minutes in consecutive order.

December 3: Call someone today whom I haven’t spoken to in over a year.

December 4: Ask someone who has a different taste in films as I do to recommend their favorite movie and then watch it, in its entirety, no matter what it is.

December 5: Be a vegan for the day. Vegan. Not just vegetarian.

December 6: Do not go on Facebook at all, for the WHOLE DAY.

December 7: Say nothing negative. And every time I accidentally do, put a dollar in the jar*.

December 8: Do not spend any money today, unless an absolute emergency.

December 9: Do not drive or get in any car for any reason, unless it’s an absolute emergency.

December 10: Pick up a dictionary, an actual dictionary, open it at random with eyes closed and point to a word. Memorize that word and what it means. Do this five times.

December 11: Speak only Italian, a language I am not fluent in but am studying to be. Any time I speak English, put a dollar in the jar*.

December 12: Hug at least five people who are not family members, but also who are not total strangers.

December 13: Write a letter to someone I admire and actually mail it – not email, text or call.

December 14: Make a frame with things I have in my house and put a picture of myself as a child in it, to remember the innocence and freedom that is possible.

December 15: Do not use the words “like”, “shit”, “fuck”, “dude” or “totally”. For every time I do, put a dollar in the jar*.

December 16: Take all the money in my jar* and use it to buy toys for tots. Donate them to that cause.

December 17: Write a poem about someone I love and then give it to them.

December 18: Walk along the beach, find a shell and write a word in it that represents what I want for 2012. Figure out a way to make it into a necklace.

December 19: Wear the above mentioned necklace all day. Also, write the five words learned on December 10 and their meanings. For everyone not remembered, put a dollar in the jar*.

December 20: Let my hair dry on its own, without any dryer, straightener or styling product and wear it as is (hair tie allowed to keep it out of my face but that’s it!)

December 21: Sleep naked.

December 22: Drink nothing but water for the day.

December 23: Go for a walk and take a photo of something that is inspiring. Then, write a blog about it in hopes of inspiring others.

December 24: Do not play any “Words With Friends” today – a game I’m obsessed with. (This was suggested by my friend Tina, who is very aware of my obsession…)

December 25: Day off because we all need one.

December 26: Text, email, phone, write, whatever to a boy who intrigues me. (I’m single, so this is acceptable. For those who aren’t, ignore this one.)

December 27: Try some type of food I’ve never tried before. EVER.

December 28: Do not drink ANY alcohol of any kind, no matter what (unless of course, if my life depended on it because then, well, all bets are off.)

December 29: Teach someone something today they, hopefully, don’t know. And then ask them to teach me something. (And even if I already know it, I’ll keep that to myself unless asked.)

December 30: Write a short story.

December 31: Submit the above mentioned short story to something. Use the rest of the money in the jar to donate to Ron Paul’s Presidential Campaign :)

*money in jar goes to Toys for Tots until Dec 16. After that, money goes to Ron Paul’s campaign.

THE END!!!!! Relax and think about this previous month… I have a feeling a cumulative blog will follow…

It’s time for a Revolution

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

As one who is deeply interested in the political affairs of her country and the world in which she lives, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea that it’s truly time for a revolution.

Revolution, according to my Apple dictionary, means “a forcible overthrow of a government or social order in favor of a new system.” So, I must amend my meaning. I want to change our current government, peacefully, and I don’t want a new system, but rather return to the system this nation was founded on.

Our constitution.

But the trigger for me thinking a lot about this isn’t so much to do with my unhappiness with the current state of affairs of my beloved country, though I am greatly, but rather with the fact that I support Ron Paul, a GOP presidential nominee candidate who I believe can lead the revolution. Many people have asked me why I support him. It’s simple. He’s a true constitutionalist, who says what he means and means what he does. In today’s world, returning to the constitution as supreme law would greatly revolutionize the government because America tends to adhere to it only when convenient. While some may say that Paul lives in a dream world, separate from reality, I wholeheartedly disagree and believe he is one of the few politicians who actually sees the reality in front of him and is scared to death at what America has become. Just like he says, the current state is the extreme, not him. We’ve gone so far from the constitution that he may seem like an extremist by that measure but in reality, he’s a champion of freedom and liberty, the very principles this amazing nation was founded on and if that’s the extreme, one has to ask why it’s not the norm…

So as I’ve been thinking about this, I naturally started to consider the foundation of this nation, such as the Revolutionary War, in which the new Americans fought against British rule in the later 1700s, and the Civil War, in which some Americans fought for freedom and liberty for all in the mid-1800s.

And in the middle of thinking about this, I’ve been watching and learning about the occupy protests that have been happening across the states. Now, I love that we live in a country where protests are allowed, but I’m sad that they have such an unclear message. I believe the revolution needs to come with changing the system, changing the government to return to the freedoms and liberties this nation was founded on and that needs to happen within. That’s why instead of going out and “occupying”, I choose to fight for the candidate I believe will fundamentally alter the state of our government, which in turn alters the state of lives.

I’m not naive. I know that many think Ron Paul has no chance of getting the GOP nomination and then winning the presidential race but I disagree. If anything, now is the time Ron Paul DOES have a chance. Just like my predecessors, I am prepared to suffer the risks associated with a revolution so that future generations can have a better life. While some things Ron Paul speaks of are risky and will monumentally change the face of current America, I believe it’s only a matter of a time for the inevitable to happen and with him at the helm of the ship, we’ll have a true leader ready to make change. TRUE CHANGE.

It’s time for a revolution. It may not be easy, there may be a lot of risk involved, but just think where we’d be if those before us didn’t fight to the death for the freedoms we’re able to enjoy.

Now, it’s our turn.

A night at the restaurant

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As a filmmaker who is not able to fully support herself from just filmmaking, I work at two other jobs. I’m a reader for a production company and also a server at a bistro, where I work a few lunch shifts a week. But on occasion, I will work a dinner shift to help either my boss or another server and this past weekend, I did just that. One of the things I like about serving is that it offers a wonderful opportunity to people watch and observe human behavior. And that night, I noticed some things, perhaps more so than normal because I wasn’t used to the atmosphere, and I began making a mental list. I later thought, hell, I’ll share these in my blog. So…

Observations from a night at a restaurant:

1. I am not alone in talking with hands. A LOT of people do this.

2. Yes, stereotypes exist but cannot be applied across the board and it’s a wonderful thing to see them be proven wrong.

3. Wine is the drink of choice over dinner for many, red more than white.

4. Hungry people can be scary.

5. Food brings people together.

6. I’m incredibly fortunate to work at such a great restaurant, that actually has great owners who genuinely care about their employees and guests. With all the serving jobs I’ve had in my life, and I’ve had MANY, I can easily say that this one by far takes the prize as THE BEST.

7. It’s never good when one tries to be funny and they’re the only one laughing. Please do your server a favor and don’t put on a show for them. If you’re naturally funny, it will come out without trying so hard.

8. It’s lovely to see people truly enjoying each others company. It’s depressing to see people forcing it.

9. There’s an awesome energy after the last customer leaves for the night and the staff can let their hair down.

 

Sabotage

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“Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something).”

This is the definition of sabotage, according to… you guessed it, my Apple dictionary, which my blog readers know very well is my go to dictionary for definitions… and new readers will soon learn.

I write today about sabotage because I’ve become aware of the fact that I do this.

TO MYSELF.

And in particular in my relationships with men.

Now, I will choose to draw blood before I do anything harmful to my films or my filmmaking career but when it comes to my personal relationships with men, well…

I’ve recently come to realize that while I may not run from them, and do in fact look for them on occasion, it’s only a matter of time before I out right sabotage them.

My career goals have never been a problem for me. They have been clear, precise, and something I want with all my heart. But my personal romantic goals have been… well, let’s just say a bit more unclear. Now, I should disclose that I’ve had two looooong relationships in life, one in high school (3 years) and one in college (4 years), so I can say that I’ve been on that side of the line and know about it. But since then, and that’s about, to be completely honest, over ten years ago, I haven’t lasted longer than five or so months with someone and even that’s probably pushing it. Now, it’s been easy to ignore since priority number one for me has been my films and my filmmaking career, which let me tell you is not an easy thing to accomplish in life, but as I get more into the swing of things in my field, certain aspects of my behavior in this arena are dawning on me.

Now, I’ve made attempts to date in the past. And I have, with numerous guys. Hell, I’ve even used online dating sites. But nothing has stuck. And this weekend, the reason why hit me.

I sabotage things with men so I won’t get hurt and have to deal with any of it.

I went to a wedding last weekend and met a really attractive and nice guy. So naturally, after talking and dancing with him, I proceeded to drink too much, ignore him and then leave without saying so much as a goodbye. And this isn’t the first time I’ve done such odd behavior around guys. Typically, if you like me, I won’t like you. If you don’t want to be serious, I’ll be serious. If you’re nice, I’ll be mean. If you’re mean, I’ll be nice. If you ignore me, I’ll believe I want to be with you. If you don’t ignore me, I’ll make sure you soon do. It’s all soooooo stupid but I admit, I partook in this behavior and only now, at thirty-four, do I realize that I’ve largely sabotaged my own love life. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I’m not going to get too involved into dwelling on the past. The past is the past and so be it. But the exciting thing is that this knowledge is now going to come in handy in my future, not that I want to marry the next guy I meet but… I’m just going to be me, let the chips fall where they may and not be so scared about dealing with anything. And so, since I’ve learned something priceless, I thought I’d share it with my readers. And this is it…

If things aren’t going your way, seriously, stop. And ask yourself one question:

AM I THE REASON?