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Outweigh

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

My boyfriend is returning today after working in San Francisco since Friday. And I miss him. Honestly, much more than I thought I would…

See, I used to live alone. For seven years and to be frank, I loved it. I enjoy my alone time and relish in it so living with others has always been a bit difficult for me. I tend to hurt other people’s feelings simply by wanting to spend time alone so needless to say, I was looking forward to a three-day weekend flying solo.

Or so I thought.

After about twenty-four hours of all me time, which included cooking shrimp (something my boyfriend hates!), I began to notice a few things…

First off. Sleeping sucked. I woke up every three hours for some reason. And sleeping diagonal with one knee out just wasn’t what it used to be.

Also… I noticed he wasn’t there to show that I washed the floors and it made it not as satisfying. And arriving home after a long walk wasn’t the same without him being there to give me a big hug and ask about it, genuinely wanting to hear about the heart-shaped leaf I found or the funny saying on the corner church (“Soul Food Inside”). Cooking, even if it was shrimp, wasn’t as much fun without seeing my boyfriend clean his second helping. And I would have bet against it if someone told me I preferred to watch films with him rather than alone but it’s true. After watching both Indie films “Afternoon Delight” and “C.O.G.”, I wanted to hear his thoughts on them and wished he was beside me.

I began to think back on living alone all those years and suddenly, they weren’t as sunny as I remembered them. Lonely nights. Over indulging in vices. Days without human contact. Going in circles in my head with no one to pull me out…

I started out on Friday thinking I was getting a piece of my freedom back, living alone and answering to no one. But I ended up learning a valuable lesson.

I will always like my alone time but I like being around my boyfriend so much more.

Should you play along when you disagree?

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

NO. Absolutely not.

But I thought about this question tonight and thought it was worthy of being a blog post. (You tell me?)

Tonight I was asked (in so many words) if I would do what others wanted of me in terms of filmmaking so that I could eventually make the films I want to make. To put it in film jargon, would I be okay without having final cut initially? (Final cut is the cut you see when you go see a finished film…)

It’s a very smart question. And I wanted to answer it honestly.

I know in my heart and mind, the answer is unequivocally NO, but why? I didn’t want to just spew out “No! I’m an artist and have my integrity!” That’s generic and meaningless. The question though, (which you would think I would be asked more but honestly, I’ve found most people don’t want to talk to someone going after a high-reaching dream, especially a woman in a male-dominated field, so I’m actually not asked about my career choice very often at all…) is important and made me think.

As an independent filmmaker, I’ve been fighting an upward battle for almost ten years now so I am no newbie to understanding how this industry works. I’ve worked on a wide span of things and got a taste of the industry after I graduated college and I soon learned that I didn’t want to play any games of who knows whom and what big trend is the next to follow. I just wanted to make the films I believed should be made.

A lot easier said than done.

If you’ve seen any of my short film collection, you’ll likely know I tell humanistic stories which I hope others can relate too and learn from and use as an instigator toward making them think about their own life.

That is WHY I do what I do.

If I were to make a film that didn’t allow me the final say, it wouldn’t be the humanistic story I wanted to tell and therefore, I don’t want to be a part of it.

For me, it’s as simple as that.

I don’t want to be famous. I want to tell visual cinematic stories.

And I really hope to reach my audience….

Tonight though, I was put to the test. I was asked point blank – would I make something if I didn’t have control over it?

I don’t know if this person knew how much I needed to be asked this question, but I did.

It felt like someone was paying attention to what I was doing and in a weird way, understood the choice we independent filmmakers have to make.

I’m up against the formidable challenge that is getting a feature film made but would I want to make this film if it wasn’t my vision?

NO.

(Get ready, Driving Your Mind the film is coming…)

Ways to be free of aggression…

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I have noticed lately, from personal and shared experiences, that aggression is in the air so I thought I’d compile a list of the ways I combat aggression and keep it out of my life. Perhaps it could help you too :) and please, add your own ways to this list in the comments section…

1. Allow others to think differently than you (granted they don’t force anything upon you.)

2. Smile. At others and to yourself.

3. Figure out what is making you aggressive and make CHANGE. Others may have to change too, you may think, but you can’t control them so control yourself.

4. Communicate. Keeping things inside or simply not talking about things with others takes so much more time, energy and effort. (Ignoring something is the best way to keep it around. Dealing with it head-on makes it STOP.)

5. Breathe. Focus on it. (And may I suggest doing yoga?)

6. Stop worrying about what others are or are not doing for or to you. Take care of yourself. Everything else will be a gift you decide to keep or not.

7. Smell the roses. Literally and figuratively. Take time to enjoy the simple pleasures nature gives you. It will help keep things in perspective.

8. Cook something from scratch. Trust me. It’s therapeutic.

9. Read. Whatever appeals to you.

10. Get rid of the negativity in your life. This could be a person, place or thing. Make a list if necessary.

11. Love yourself. Otherwise, you’ll never truly love anyone else.

Have Courage, Will Film

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I launched a Kickstarter campaign a little over three weeks ago to “kick off” the fundraising portion of my feature film debut, Driving Your Mind, a film I co-wrote with editor, Suzanne LaBrot. I’m not asking for the budget of the film by any means but rather a modest amount (in my opinion) to help get the ball moving for this film.

It has not been easy. I’ve tried my best to offer value for value but the reality is it’s down to the last five days of the fundraising campaign and I’m at about 45% funded.

Imagine trying to move a mountain, by yourself, with your arms. That’s kinda what it’s like if you’re a writer/director/producer trying to get an independent feature film made. At least, for me, I often feel like I’m trying to move mountains. Making a film is hard. It’s damn hard. But when mountains do finally nudge a bit and the sun streaks through, that right there is the essence of life and exactly the reason I do this.

Kickstarter helped me see I have to go outside this small box I live in. At first, it was an eye-opening experience to see only a handful of people I know decide to support me in this endeavor (and I’m taking into account all who supported me, both financially and/or with other actions) But then! I realized how large this world is and how my work has only been exposed to a select few…

It’s ME who needs to step this up now. I need to throw out my hatred of networking, all of my fears about being perfect and what not and get the budget I need to make this film without sacrificing any quality. I need courage. I am going up against the steepest of mountains. And thinking about this, I’m reminded of a moment from my childhood…

When I was no taller than my waist, I had a fear of something on television. It was big and scary and busted through its clothing and turned an odd shade of green. The Incredible Hulk. This green giant scared the bee-jeezus out of my brother and I when we were kids until one day, my father decided to show us this hulk was nothing to fear. He made us go to the television screen when the show came on and touch it as the Hulk grew into full form. It terrified me to think of doing anything like that at that moment… but then… after a minute, being coaxed by my father… I did it. I touched the hulk on the screen and nothing bad happened.

I need to channel that moment right now and touch “the big screen.”

Have courage. Will film.

(And for anyone interested, please find my kickstarter campaign link below! Thank you for the consideration! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/drivingyourmindinc/come-along-for-the-ride-with-driving-your-mind/description)

Hope

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I am an independent filmmaker. I’ve made 6 short films to date and I am in the process of raising the funds for my feature film debut, which I wrote with a writing partner.

And I am desperately trying not to lose hope that the movie industry will return to its 60s/70s-era spirit and revive the mindset of vying to create art for wide audiences.

Scorsese, Coppola, Cassavetes… just a few filmmakers who had something original to say and did so in a creative way. Where are they now? Scorsese has somehow managed to figure out how to maintain his art while working in the studio system – God bless him!; Coppola figured out a way to finance his own work (largely through his winery) – YAY!!!!, and Cassavetes, well, he unfortunately has passed on, but may he RIP knowing he created original films. Who is following in their foot steps? Very few. I am trying. And in my personal opinion: Wes Anderson, Sophia Coppola, Richard Linklater, Kenneth Lonergan and David O,Russell are among the few who have attempted to break through the studio system and make original and intellectually stimulating films that tell humanistic stories in artistic ways.

Look, I get that people like comic books and being scared and I understand there is an audience to see Avengers 25 and Saw 15 but what about the rest of us? It is so hard these days to find an original film at a movie theater that is character-driven yet not written down to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Fortunately, the Internet has allowed for easier viewing of more options but the studio system has in large part shunned the rest of us in terms of theatrical releases.

That’s why when I go to an AMC (which screens indie pics to some degree btw) and watch a film like BOYHOOD by Richard Linklater, I am brought to tears.

This film is unique. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s smart. It’s honest. It’s slow. It’s life unfolding and yet manages to make sense of it.

It’s art.

When I walked out of the theater, thinking about the film I just saw, I had a smile from ear to ear. Not so much because I was happy a film similar to those I make was getting some recognition, but because of another very important factor that has stayed with me to this moment.

It gave me hope.

“Boyhood”
GO SEE IT.

Simple questions to gauge how happy you are…

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Happiness. That elusive feeling we all want, whether we admit it or not. That beautiful energy that swirls around those who feel it. That pleasurable experience from finding a piece of what you’ve been seeking, that can take your breath away at the same time elevate you.

Why would you not want it?

Of course, it’s one of the hardest things to attain and I’d beg to argue the most sought after. Don’t most people want the well-beloved material items – money, cars, drugs, art – so they can be happy, or so they think?

I think happiness is most difficult to find because it comes from within.

That’s a primitive thought though. Aristotle declared, ” Happiness depends upon ourselves,” many, many, many years ago.

Sometimes to get to the good stuff, the bad stuff has to come out too though. I’ve had some dark, dark moments but when the light did emerge, I felt an inner peace I had never felt before.

Here’s some simple questions I’ve found to be helpful to gauge how happy one is. Perhaps they can help you too!

1. How often do you smile at someone before they’ve smiled at you?

2. Do you yell a lot?

3. As you read this, are your shoulders scrunched up?

4. Do others try to spend time with you?

5. Do you care about what others think?

6. Do you lie? How often? How big?

7. Do you exercise in any way on a weekly basis?

8. Are you proud of your eating habits?

9. Are you proud of yourself?

10. Do you cuss at others to get your words across?

11. Do you enjoy your days?

If you don’t like any answers to these questions, it’s NEVER too late to change…

Cheers!

Truth.

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When the story about Edward Snowden first hit the news, I thought not much of it. A whistleblower. Cool. But let’s see where it goes. I said nothing.

I continued to research about the government of the land I live in, which I’ve been doing since I started getting involved in politics about five years ago. Each day I continue to grow more distrusting of BOTH parties. The only one in politics who has ever ignited a fire in me was Ron Paul and he’s never been given his due. BUT. He ignited the fire and that is the first step. He’s ignited it for many others too. He’ll go down in history for it, I hope (as long as history is written as is, not just from a few people’s perspective…,) and my generation and those before and after me will continue the torch he’s passed on. His son barely holds it, in my opinion, but…

Edward Snowden continues it.

I’m sure of it now after seeing the interview he gave to NBC news. He’s a man who believes in what he did for the people of the US. He tried and continues to try to harm no one. He wants us to know what is happening. He is my hero.

Is he yours?

Allow me to pass along an interesting story I think demonstrates true politics and the reason I no longer look at Democrats/Republicans the same.

I knew Ron Paul had mentioned something about Snowden. Was it positive? I think so, maybe, not too sure actually… I haven’t given Snowden full thought until he fully spoke. It was time and I’m glad he gave this interview. Ballsy. Think about it. Anyway, I listened. Then, I looked up what Ron Paul thought, AFTER I formed my own opinion.

It was the same.

That is truth. That is a political figure who DOES what he says and SAYS what he does. He is the real deal. It would match his principals to feel this way but would he stand by them?

It’s Ron Paul. OF COURSE HE DOES.

I learned that on February 13, 2014, Ron Paul petitioned for clemency for Edward Snowden.

My political hero fighting for another one of my heroes.

This is truth. These men will do as they say.

When was the last time you saw this strong behavior in the politician you vote for?

THINK ABOUT IT.

Empathy

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Recently, I was told by a close friend that she wished I could be more empathetic toward her.

I wasn’t sure exactly what to do with that so I gave it thought. My friend deserved that from me. First, I looked up the word to make sure I truly understood what it meant.

Empathy – n. the ability to understand, recognize and/or share the feelings of another.

I paused. Hmmm… this didn’t exactly describe herself at all, though she may believe otherwise, but that’s neither here nor there. She should be as empathetic as she wants to be.

This did however answer my doubts. I believe I very often understand and recognize feelings in others and will act accordingly. The thing is, I act accordingly how I choose to, not by what is expected of me. In the past, this same friend has chastised me for not letting her dwell and feel sorry for herself. I don’t do that. For myself or anyone else. I also believe in letting others deal with the consequences of their mistakes while being a friend with positive energy and words of inspiration I can share.

These words and positive energy however seem to have meant nothing to her. She told me to leave her alone and wished I could be more empathetic.

And that was where I found the problem lied. It wasn’t that I didn’t have empathy, it was that I didn’t have the empathy she wanted. I’m still not sure why she felt the need to tell me what I was lacking but it was made clear – I wasn’t doing something that she wanted or expected me too.

Who wants to play that game? Not me.

Empathy.

I think it is important to understand and recognize the feelings of others.

As it is equally important to allow people to empathize with you in their own way.

Otherwise, you’re just asking for pity and charity.

There’s a big difference between recognizing someone’s feelings and feeling sorry for them…

A Walk

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I had a few errands to do today and fortunately had some extra time so I decided to take a walk to get them done. I also wanted to write a blog today but hadn’t committed to one idea for it yet. Then, as I was putting on a shirt before hitting the pavement, I was struck with the thought of combining these two things, so…

Here is my walk with pictures (and a little writing to round the story out.) I recommend doing this yourself too. You’ll be surprised at how much more you notice when you have a camera in your hand on your walk.

A Walk

Off I go!
start

Lovely… but killer on my sinuses.
photo 5

With a bright blue sky though, I’ll suffer.
photo 4

These signs are EVERYWHERE. (I don’t have a pet…)
photo 3

Is this a large bonsai tree???
photo 2

First stop, where my sour-puss faced helper informed me that they can open up my media mail package to make sure I’m not lying about what’s inside. I replied, “Wow, that’s a lot of time. Fine, as long as you put it all back together.”
photo 1

It’s like a drunk not able to pass a bar. photo 5

Of course I bought something.
photo 1

Third stop (because it’s in walking distance.) I prefer Von’s, Sprouts and Fresh & Easy but they aren’t…
photo 4

photo 3
My theory: they’re trying to piss off…

the McMansions being built directly across the street.
photo 2

Eleven things I would say now to my sixteen year-old self

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Wow. I got a pit in my stomach as I wrote that.

High school wasn’t my favorite time in life. It was one of my least favorite actually. Maybe that’s why I thought it would be a cool idea to think of eleven (my favorite number) things I would say to my insecure, lost in dreams, sixteen year old self now, if I were somehow able too, (I guess I’m still a little lost in dreams…)

TO: 16-YEAR-OLD CHRISTINA
FROM: 36-YEAR-OLD CHRISTINA

Advice it is wise to heed. Who better to give it to you?

1. Go to the dentist every six months. Just do it. Trust me. And floss.

2. High school is but a tiny blip on your journey. It may not feel as such but know that IT IS.

3. With freedom comes responsibility. Use it wisely. DO NOT get a credit card until you’re at least thirty.

4. Pinch yourself HARD every time you let a guy treat you anything but wonderful. Your arms will get red so hopefully you will learn not to tolerate this sooner than later.

5. And vice versus. Treat guys and others the same way you want to be treated. Period.

6. Don’t lie.

7. Enjoy the ability to BURN FAT like it’s nobody’s business. This will not always be the case.

8. Write in big letters “THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND ME” on something you will look at everyday.

9. Be kind. You may feel like the world is cruel and against you but you seriously have no idea how good you have it.

10. Don’t give up so easily.

11. Know you’ll always get the parking ticket so DON’T CHANCE IT EVER.