1987.

I was ten years old and a newbie to Los Angeles, California, having moved from upstate New York (Buffalo to be precise) after my father got promoted and was relocated.

This east to west coast move was difficult for me. Very difficult. I went from a world I knew and loved, including having a best friend I lived next door too who was closer to me than maybe anyone, to an unknown fifth grade elementary school a week or two after arriving in a city where the sun was out practically every day and a TV star was my neighbor (Tony Danza!).

Now, I know kids have it much rougher but in my world, at ten-years-old, this was rough. I didn’t know how to suddenly fit in, considering I knew no one and everyone else seemed to know each other, not to mention we’re talking LOS ANGELES people. Coming from Buffalo, let me tell you. BIG difference in the reality before you, total culture shock, but that’s another story…

My main dilemma was making friends and dealing with terribly missing the ones I left behind. I was troubled and I started acting out in weird ways – wearing multiple layers of clothes, making lists with ways on how to not get too close to another friend, retreating into a world of make-believe…(started writing my first scripts around age 11 or so.) Fifth grade was tough.

But then something amazing happened.

I was cast in the school production of GREASE as Frenchie, one of the Pink Ladies. It’s a big part for anyone who doesn’t know and I beat out another girl for it. Needless to say, I was thrilled!!!!!!! It was the shining star in my horrible year. It made me happy. Oh so happy. I was practically floating out of school that day….

But then, after I arrived home, I learned in a matter-of-fact way that for two weeks before the play we would be returning to Buffalo for an uncles’s wedding.

WHAT?!!!!!!

I stopped in my tracks. The moment is still vivid in my memory and trust me, it was some time ago (hello, 37.)  I couldn’t believe it. Did I hear wrong? How could this be?!

The next morning, I told the play director (who happened to be the mother of the actor who played Boner on Growing Pains) and in return she told me I couldn’t miss two weeks of rehearsals.

It took me less than a second to realize this meant I wasn’t going to play Frenchie. I was crushed. The one saving grace I found all year and now that was going to get pulled from me?? Really world??

Yes. It was. I was made an extra since I wouldn’t be returning until a few days before the play opened.

And that was the moment I learned this very important lesson that I channel often:

Life isn’t fair.

NO. Absolutely not.

But I thought about this question tonight and thought it was worthy of being a blog post. (You tell me?)

Tonight I was asked (in so many words) if I would do what others wanted of me in terms of filmmaking so that I could eventually make the films I want to make. To put it in film jargon, would I be okay without having final cut initially? (Final cut is the cut you see when you go see a finished film…)

It’s a very smart question. And I wanted to answer it honestly.

I know in my heart and mind, the answer is unequivocally NO, but why? I didn’t want to just spew out “No! I’m an artist and have my integrity!” That’s generic and meaningless. The question though, (which you would think I would be asked more but honestly, I’ve found most people don’t want to talk to someone going after a high-reaching dream, especially a woman in a male-dominated field, so I’m actually not asked about my career choice very often at all…) is important and made me think.

As an independent filmmaker, I’ve been fighting an upward battle for almost ten years now so I am no newbie to understanding how this industry works. I’ve worked on a wide span of things and got a taste of the industry after I graduated college and I soon learned that I didn’t want to play any games of who knows whom and what big trend is the next to follow. I just wanted to make the films I believed should be made.

A lot easier said than done.

If you’ve seen any of my short film collection, you’ll likely know I tell humanistic stories which I hope others can relate too and learn from and use as an instigator toward making them think about their own life.

That is WHY I do what I do.

If I were to make a film that didn’t allow me the final say, it wouldn’t be the humanistic story I wanted to tell and therefore, I don’t want to be a part of it.

For me, it’s as simple as that.

I don’t want to be famous. I want to tell visual cinematic stories.

And I really hope to reach my audience….

Tonight though, I was put to the test. I was asked point blank – would I make something if I didn’t have control over it?

I don’t know if this person knew how much I needed to be asked this question, but I did.

It felt like someone was paying attention to what I was doing and in a weird way, understood the choice we independent filmmakers have to make.

I’m up against the formidable challenge that is getting a feature film made but would I want to make this film if it wasn’t my vision?

NO.

(Get ready, Driving Your Mind the film is coming…)

I have noticed lately, from personal and shared experiences, that aggression is in the air so I thought I’d compile a list of the ways I combat aggression and keep it out of my life. Perhaps it could help you too :) and please, add your own ways to this list in the comments section…

1. Allow others to think differently than you (granted they don’t force anything upon you.)

2. Smile. At others and to yourself.

3. Figure out what is making you aggressive and make CHANGE. Others may have to change too, you may think, but you can’t control them so control yourself.

4. Communicate. Keeping things inside or simply not talking about things with others takes so much more time, energy and effort. (Ignoring something is the best way to keep it around. Dealing with it head-on makes it STOP.)

5. Breathe. Focus on it. (And may I suggest doing yoga?)

6. Stop worrying about what others are or are not doing for or to you. Take care of yourself. Everything else will be a gift you decide to keep or not.

7. Smell the roses. Literally and figuratively. Take time to enjoy the simple pleasures nature gives you. It will help keep things in perspective.

8. Cook something from scratch. Trust me. It’s therapeutic.

9. Read. Whatever appeals to you.

10. Get rid of the negativity in your life. This could be a person, place or thing. Make a list if necessary.

11. Love yourself. Otherwise, you’ll never truly love anyone else.