25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 1

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For the original idea, please go here.

25 Days to Go – spreading love at yoga

I recently signed up for yoga classes at a studio near my home. Today I tried something called Kundalini and Meditation. It balances deep breathing techniques with body movement that’s both peaceful and emotional. Chanting and meditation are part of it as well.

During the practice, I couldn’t help but notice the participant right next to me because she was breathing very loudly. It was difficult to focus with the intense huffing and puffing that was taking place an arm’s length away from me.

My first impulse was to roll my eyes and try to figure out a way to discreetly move my mat.

But then, I realized this was a great opportunity to spread some love.

Rather than roll my eyes, I smiled at her.

Minutes later, the instructor had us all form a circle for a healing meditation. She mentioned someone could lay in the center if they wished. A minute later, my nearby yoga breather claimed it.

After the chant, as we all returned to our mats, the one from the center stood and thanked everyone for her experience. No one seemed to be paying much attention to her. No response was given by anyone.

So I continued to smile and nod and listen to what she was saying. After she was done, I told that her experience sounded cool and gave her another smile. She smiled back, happy to share.

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

Spread the Love

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When I married my husband a few months ago, I glimpsed into a future world of love, a love that years ago I wasn’t sure existed. Every day he shows me what it means to love and be loved.

I can’t say I’ve always been particularly closed off to love but I also can’t say I’ve been the type to welcome it in with open arms either. I’m 38 so I know that I’m part of the group “who waited to get married.”

I used to think love was complicated. I used to think love meant pain. I focused more on me than on finding someone else to love.

Ah, youth. And my early thirties.

The universe smiled on me though, taught me some lessons and then introduced me to the man I’ll be with till, well… it decides to take him back I suppose. But at present, I’ll focus on the here and now. Which leads me to this blog post.

Though I have been given this gift, I sometimes fail to always recognize it and appreciate it. I’ve found myself taking love for granted recently. And I’ve had moments of feeling anger over stupid things.  I’ve spoken to people in my life not from a place of love but from a darker place and at times when I could have projected warmth and understanding, I chose distance and lack of care.

What better time to realize this and want to change it than during the holidays?

I want to walk the talk though. And I’d love to invite you along with me as I do another blog project. (For past ones, click here, here and here.)

Starting tomorrow, December 1, I’ll be counting down the days until Christmas with a daily blog post detailing a way I’ve spread love and put it out in the world.

I realize love can be defined in more ways than maybe any other word used but for purposes of this blog project, I’ll be using the word to mean expressions of kindness and good will.

We live in a world that is far from perfect. People get hurt and die every day, in horrific ways. That is the reality of life. So why not try to balance it with acts of love? And maybe if we begin to do it consciously, it will become part of the fabric of who we are.

So why not meet me here tomorrow (posts will go up at various times but will be daily) and begin this journey with me? Let’s spread the love!

Out Of The Haze

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I’ve been sick these past few days. The sick where your nose is so stuffed you feel like you’re drowning. I got some sinus bug that doesn’t seem to want to go away but the orange juice and tomato soup I’ve been ingesting is trying to force it otherwise. And slowly, I’m coming out of the sick haze…

But two days ago was another story.

I was in bed, all day, in a nighttime-cold-medicine-induced-fog, and I had time to think. Sure, my thoughts were all over the place and half the time I think I was dreaming, but one thing my brain kept wandering to is the list of things I’ve been wanting to change but haven’t done a damn thing about. Things that are bad behaviors. Things that I know if I do change – like saving more money and not drinking as much wine – will only make me a better and happier person and yet, it never seems like the right time to make any changes. There’s always a reason not too. But in my sick daze and confusion, it all started to make sense, albeit in the most basic and simple way. (There’s a thin line between complicated and simple…)

The only thing stopping me was me.

Now, as I come out of the haze, I’m realizing…

Sometimes things have to get a little cloudy before the clarity comes.

Perserverance

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This past weekend I attended the Independent Film Forum, a yearly forum held about all things indie filmmaking. It’s filled with keynotes, case studies, market reports, networking opportunities and much more. It’s a great place to go to get an understanding of where things are currently in the indie film marketplace and also to meet others in the field.

Overall, the theme of this past weekend, as I saw it, was this:

Things are difficult for making independent films.

Even the keynote speaker opened his discussion with acknowledging how very poor his film did at the box office the previous night.

But things are also very exciting.

The entire marketplace is shifting right now and rediscovering itself, with new distribution platforms sprouting up constantly, making it easier than ever before to reach an audience.

But with that, comes the difficulty of being heard among the noise.

Is it just me or does it seem like there’s a constant stream of mindless content available everywhere you turn, all designed for the attention span of a three year-old? And does anyone else wonder why television is having a golden age but cinema remains mostly saturated with comic-book tales and 3D epics? Television is embracing complex, character-driven stories that audiences very clearly want to see. In my opinion, it’s time independent filmmaking caught up.

So, will there ever be a time that is “good” for independent filmmaking?

Chances are, probably not. The very nature of being independent implies a certain level of difficulty in that something is created outside the influence or control of others and in the film world, those “others” have a lot of control over theatrical distribution and exhibition. But with digital platforms, they do not. At least, not yet.

And yes, films are incredibly expensive to produce and money is hard to find. But was it ever being handed out or grown on trees? (It pains me sometimes to think about how many stories could be told, meaning films could be made, with $100 million dollars, which these days is just a third of a blockbuster’s budget but I shouldn’t get started…)

As an independent filmmaker, I believe we need to continue to try to make our character-driven films, despite the difficulties. There is an audience. One that perhaps don’t go to the theaters anymore because they want stories beyond the narrow offerings of box office blockbusters and consumer marketing opportunities. An audience who likely binge on cerebral episodic television but will come out to the theaters once again if we give them a good reason to.

As noted during a panel discussion at the forum, “It’s the wild wild west out there” in terms of independent film distribution.

And If that’s the case, then anything goes, so what better time for independent filmmaking to thrive?

Lessons From A Honeymoon

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My husband and I were recently married, as my blog readers likely know considering my surge in wedding related blog posts over the past six months, and we decided to hit the open road for a little shy of two weeks to explore western America. We began in Los Angeles and drove up the coast through Northern California and then headed into Oregon and then Washington, with a finale in Las Vegas.  We drove the entire way and clocked over 3000 miles. I will never forget it.

We like to explore and see things off the beaten path, things difficult to see when flying in and out of a city rather than driving in and out of one. Along the way, I learned more than I ever thought I would – about love, life and myself. And I learned about my new husband too.

As an independent filmmaker who also works multiple jobs, spare time is not something I typically have. Boredom? Don’t know it. Vacations? A rare concept. So for me, this road trip Honeymoon was all about spending time with the love of my life, turning off the technology that never seems to sleep and thinking of only the moment I was in. Spending days doing nothing but loving, being and exploring the world around me, along side my new husband. We took time to smell the roses and God damn, were they beautiful….

And now, I thought I’d take a moment to share 11 things I learned along the way:

1. Less is more.

2. Going thirty miles over the speed limit is incredibly easy to do, even if that speed limit is 70.

3. Trust and communication are absolute necessities. In all walks of life.

4. When you are upset with someone else, it often times has more to do with yourself than with them.

5. Nature is a pure religion, with its beliefs demonstrated in its being.

6. Technology has become too important. Perhaps a step away is always in order.

7. Don’t judge anything by its cover. Especially restaurants. The fanciest could be crap; a hole-in-the-wall could be a local gem.

8. Life moves fast. Very fast.

9. Marriage is two. Big decisions can no longer only be made by one.

10. Hotels with heated pools are smarter. They are.

11. The answer is love.

Why Generation Y has been given a special gift

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While there are differing opinions on what age group Generation Y actually consists of, I’ve decided to go with those born in the later-1970s to early-1990s.

I was born in 1977 and feel like I am right on the cusp of that generation. Too young to be included in Generation X, too old to be anywhere near Generation Z, so I go with Generation Y.

Now that’s out-of-the-way, I want to take a minute to speak to Generation Y and explain how I think we’ve been given a very special gift.

We had an analog childhood with a digital adulthood.

We got a taste of both worlds and the transition came right as we transitioned from childhood into adulthood, making it rather seamless for us.

Think about it for a minute. Did you play outdoors all the time while growing up? Did your television have a few cable channels at most, and maybe you even distinctly remember getting cable for the first time? Did you have no way of getting ahold of someone unless you called them on a phone, the one that is now referred to as a landline? Remember when pagers came on the scene? I never had one but that was part of the beginning…

Does it feel like time is moving faster than it ever has before?

It sure does to me. We, as Generation Y, never had all these devices and social media platforms to continually check and update. Perhaps things moved a little slower because of it. And I wonder if because our days are now filled with so much “stuff” – endless channels of social media and entertainment to choose from and let’s not forget, those pesky smartphones attached to everyone’s hands – time is just passing us by as we document what we had for lunch that day and who is dating whom.

Technology has crept into our lives in so many ways, from automated services to wearable devices, and while I understand and appreciate the many benefits of it, I can’t help but wonder if the children of today are losing a part of their childhood because of it all?

I watch my young nephews interact with smartphones and tablets and video gaming consoles with deft ease and I wonder if they will ever appreciate a lack of technology. They were born into the technological boom. It’s all they know.

Unlike Generation Y.

We grew up without endless technology at our fingertips. Our analog upbringing practically forced us to use our imaginations in playtime and fortunately, our teenage years will not be remembered via Facebook and Instagram but rather Polaroids and reels of film. We played in the dirt rather than watching it in a video. And while I understand that I write in generalizations for purposes of this blog post, I also understand that there was something very special about growing up in a world where connection was more often made with other people than with a wireless router.

Switching Jobs? Here’s 11 ways to deal with the stress…

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Until the day I can support myself as a writer/filmmaker, I will have to work other jobs. That’s my reality and a choice I’ve made so I can go after the work I want. Long story short, I’ve chosen to work in restaurants, as a server, for many reasons but largely because I love food and wine and being a server in LA allows me a flexible schedule with short hours and high pay while I write and make films. Also, the people in that industry are by and far pretty damn cool and I’ve learned a lot. But right now, I’m in the middle of transitioning between restaurants and it got me thinking…

11 Ways To Deal With Stress While Switching Jobs

1. Be Respectful. Anger and resentment gets you nowhere and typically… it only makes matters worse.

2. Have a Plan. Yes, I know, if you want to make God laugh you should tell him your plans. Things happen. Plans change. But still, isn’t it better to have some guide rather than none during the process?

3. Schedule Sleeping and Eating.  It’s easy to forgo sleep but so important not to. A body needs energy, especially if one has to do double duty for a bit.

4. Let those in your life know that you love them. More often than not, these are the exact people who get the brunt of your stress.

5. Know Why you’re doing what you are doing. If you don’t, question it until you do and then act accordingly.

6. Beginnings Are Temporary. Embrace that. It’s only a matter of time till it becomes less unknown.

7. 2nd Chance Time! Try things different this time around. Every beginning is also a new opportunity.

8. Leave vices at the door.  Easy to run away with when times get hard but vices are temp solutions and trouble…

9. Keep Things in Perspective. Ask yourself – Is this life or death? No? Then, settle down…

10. Take 15 minutes and give it to yourself every day. This should be ALL ABOUT YOU and there is nothing wrong with that.

11. Breathe. It helps. It just does. And try closing your eyes while you’re at it… makes it even better!

Take yourself out of the equation

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Misery loves company.

I think there’s truth to that. It makes sense to some degree that miserable people want to share their misery or see other people be miserable in an effort to feel less alone. After all, when someone’s happy, they often want to share that too.

The other day, I was chatting with a friend and she was going on for a while about all that was wrong with her life. Some of the issues she was dealing with had to do with other people’s choices and actions having an effect on her. After listening for a while, I shared something with her that I apply when other people try to make me part of something I don’t want to be a part of.

I take myself out of the equation.

It really is that simple.

This doesn’t mean one shouldn’t help others; it simply means that it’s YOUR choice to help or not.

Years ago, I worked as an assistant editor and a boss of mine come up with the idea of having me check on my co-workers assignments at the end of the night to make sure they were done right. I would be receiving no additional pay but could perhaps have a better title. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. Basically, he wanted to hold me responsible for all the assistant editor work. My work was fine; others weren’t.

So I took myself out of that equation.

The fact he had people who weren’t doing their job well had nothing to do with me nor did I want it to. I explained that I was hired as an assistant editor and would do my job to the best of my ability. Perhaps if I wanted to grow with this company, I would have made a different choice but I didn’t. The point is though – it was my choice to make.

Others may try to put you in their equations but remember, as long as no one forces you (because that becomes a whole other situation,) only you can decide to be a part of something or not.

Misery may love company but that doesn’t mean you have to be it.

——–

(For purposes of this blog, I use the word “equation” mostly figuratively though in the sense of this definition, taken from the Collins English Dictionary, “a situation, esp one regarded as having a number of conflicting elements.“)

Ways to relax when you don’t have time to relax

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You probably don’t have time to read this either so I’ll get straight to the list…

1. Breathe. I know it sounds corny but it’s the quickest way to relax when your body starts to tighten up.

2. Do yoga anywhere. Sure, maybe from a distance it looks a little odd to see someone standing in tree pose as they wait for the bathroom but trust me, it feels better than not doing it (and you’re standing there anyway…)

3. Work outside. If it’s possible, do this every now and then. The fresh air will likely help.

4. Vent to yourself. Go into a bathroom or closet or anywhere you can get a moment to yourself and then let loose. Yell, curse, punch the air, make fists, do whatever you feel like. It’s cathartic and no one gets hurt. Also, it’s surprisingly relaxing once you’re done.

5. Drink water. Keeps you fluid ;)

6. Write. Putting one’s thoughts into words can be liberating. It also has a way of making them real and more easy to understand. Reading them a day or two later can also be a tremendous help to put things in perspective.

7. Laugh. Easier said then done, yes, but just make sure you’re open to the possibility…

8. Observe. Take a moment to look around, people watch, absorb your surroundings. You may be surprised at how relaxed you begin to feel.

9. Turn off your electronics. When did people start equating relaxing with being on their computer?

10. Sit down. Standing is very useful but give your feet a rest every now and then. It also helps to get the body out of a rigid position. (If you sit often, then I’d reverse this and stand up more, giving your feet some action.)

11. Close your eyes. Try it. Isn’t it calming?

Lose the Fear

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One of my favorite times to write a blog post is when a theme keeps popping up in my daily life. And if it’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to, well…. I feel useful and I love that.

Many of those who I know, including myself, are frustrated. Frustrated with… the reality of things, the direction the world is going, what our predecessors left us, how to continue, money, time, etc. I could go on but the point is, frustration is in the air.

I don’t have any answers beyond reality but I am sometimes asked my opinion on things from those in my life and this topic has come up several times recently. Now don’t get me wrong. I’d be nowhere without the mentorship of my father, mother, philosophers, bosses and others so I include myself in seeking advisement, but when I am asked my opinion on something, I take it seriously. And I’ve been thinking a lot about those of us who are going after employment in the difficult-to-succeed-in entertainment industry, largely because that is the world in which I inhibit, but also because it’s a subset of people who fascinate me. Once you reach a certain age, the level of difficulty to be successful in this industry sets in and it’s the ones who truly want to be doing it, that keep doing it. Frustration is plentiful here. But while I learn from this industry, I believe the best advice out there about frustration can apply to anyone:

Do not operate from a foundation of fear but rather one of optimism.

Allow me to explain how this is helpful. I study philosophy. Ayn Rand, through her expansion on the Law of Identity, which is attributed to Aristotle but possibly could date further, taught me A = A. Reality is what it is despite how I perceive it. Coming from this premise, I can appreciate that reality is not always about control but is always about choice. Things will happen beyond my control and I can choose how to deal with them. If I am fearful of the outcomes, I will start from a defeatist point of view. 

A wise man once said, “Life is a struggle.” It is, no matter who you are. So if perhaps I come from a place of knowing that and accepting it, then I can start from an optimistic point of view.

Now one could say, “Hang on, fear is good. Who knows what will happen and one should be prepared, especially if life is a struggle…” I thought this too, for a while, but then realized there is a big difference between being an optimistic realist and a pessimistic realist.

Realism is seeing what is true to life.

Within that context, being optimistic is seeing what could be.

Being pessimistic is seeing what can’t be.

Considering life isn’t easy no matter how you look at it, which point of view do you want to take?