Lessons From A Honeymoon

My husband and I were recently married, as my blog readers likely know considering my surge in wedding related blog posts over the past six months, and we decided to hit the open road for a little shy of two weeks to explore western America. We began in Los Angeles and drove up the coast through Northern California and then headed into Oregon and then Washington, with a finale in Las Vegas.  We drove the entire way and clocked over 3000 miles. I will never forget it.

We like to explore and see things off the beaten path, things difficult to see when flying in and out of a city rather than driving in and out of one. Along the way, I learned more than I ever thought I would – about love, life and myself. And I learned about my new husband too.

As an independent filmmaker who also works multiple jobs, spare time is not something I typically have. Boredom? Don’t know it. Vacations? A rare concept. So for me, this road trip Honeymoon was all about spending time with the love of my life, turning off the technology that never seems to sleep and thinking of only the moment I was in. Spending days doing nothing but loving, being and exploring the world around me, along side my new husband. We took time to smell the roses and God damn, were they beautiful….

And now, I thought I’d take a moment to share 11 things I learned along the way:

1. Less is more.

2. Going thirty miles over the speed limit is incredibly easy to do, even if that speed limit is 70.

3. Trust and communication are absolute necessities. In all walks of life.

4. When you are upset with someone else, it often times has more to do with yourself than with them.

5. Nature is a pure religion, with its beliefs demonstrated in its being.

6. Technology has become too important. Perhaps a step away is always in order.

7. Don’t judge anything by its cover. Especially restaurants. The fanciest could be crap; a hole-in-the-wall could be a local gem.

8. Life moves fast. Very fast.

9. Marriage is two. Big decisions can no longer only be made by one.

10. Hotels with heated pools are smarter. They are.

11. The answer is love.

Why I didn’t register for my wedding.

I’m getting married in a few months and par for the course, I’ve been getting asked a ton of questions about it: where are you getting married? when is it? what color is your dress? how are you doing your hair? what is the groom wearing? what’s the color scheme? are you having a wedding party?

And those questions are easy. I give the answer and people seem to accept those answers with a nod of their head or a warm smile or a cute story about their own wedding.

But then… there’s another question that keeps popping up. And my answer seems to either confuse people or offend them, neither of which is my intent.

Q: Where are you registered?

A: I’m not.

Yes, it’s true. I did not register at any store for my wedding and here’s the simple reasons why:

I think the whole point of gifts should be that they come from the mind of the giver, not the receiver.

I think gifts should be surprising and not predetermined.

I think telling someone what you want for a gift defeats its purpose.

While it’s very kind people are asking my fiance and I what we would like as a gift, I can’t help but think that the purpose of an invite is not to invite someone to give you a gift but rather an invite for someone to join you in celebrating a most joyous occasion. And any gift they decide to give can just come from the heart.

Nearly three years ago, I received the ultimate gift when the universe introduced me to my fiancé. I am grateful everyday that I’m with him. Had the universe asked me what I wanted for a gift, I would never have been able to draw him exactly on paper and yet, he’s the most perfect gift I’ve ever received, which I never really knew I needed until I was given it.

To everyone whose wedding I’ve been to…

Maybe it’s just me but now that I’m getting married, I am realizing that I have a few things to apologize for to those whose weddings I’ve been to.

In my defense, I could say I’ve never really known much about weddings and while that is true, it’s a very poor excuse. I’ve just never really given them much thought or cared to. Definitely not to the degree they deserve. I realize now how much goes in to each and every one, no matter what shape or size. And how it’s truly an honor to be included in such an intimate occasion.

I have not always treated weddings as they deserve to be treated so I would like to take a moment to write an open letter to anyone whose wedding I’ve been to…

I am sorry for ever making it about me.

I am sorry for drinking tooooooo much. Too much would have been okay, tooooooo much was not.

I am sorry for when I actually wrote on an RSVP that I might bring that guest you so nicely offered me but would have to confirm at a later date. (J, I hope you’re reading this!)

I am sorry for having an uninvited date arrive after dinner at your wedding. (N, I hope you’re reading this!)

I am sorry for being late.

I appreciate you including me and was honored to be there.

Thank you.

Cheers to eternity!

My wedding dictionary

Balance Beam: what the bride will feel like she’s walking on at times.

Bride: someone who will have a lot of decisions to make.

Cake: deliciousness.

Calendar: something that appears much longer than it actually is.

Children: not wanted, sorry.

Dress: cloth and beads that cost the price of a car.

Flowers: kinda unnecessary, albeit pretty.

Food & Drink: yes and yes.

Groom: someone who is along for the ride.

Guest List: hardest damn part of the whole affair.

Honeymoon: pure fun.

Invitations: an awful lot of wasted paper.

License: something I’m sure we’ll forget.

Love: the guiding light.

Marriage: The Point.

Wedding: a great big party, of all sizes, that celebrates a couple’s love.

Wedding Industry: a business, first and foremost, with a lot of extra add-ons that seem…unnecessary… foolish even, like a movie premiere spotlight, outside the church?