Please forgive me

I suck.

I haven’t written a post in over two months.

In my defense, I’ve been hard at work finishing my novel and booking writing clients for paid writing work but I know… that’s no excuse. And my post before this said something similar…

Here’s the thing. I’m in transition. I am a filmmaker but God help me, that’s the hardest damn thing to crack through, as you need a ton of money to make one. Writing, however, is something I’ve always loved and since I’ve been told I have a gift with it (no one has told me that about filmmaking…) I thought I’d focus on that right now.

But please, allow me to ask you, my readers, for forgiveness… I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I wrote until I logged on to write this and I’m sorry.

I’ll be straight with you. I’m trying to establish my writing career so I can finally retire from waiting tables but that’s very difficult since waiting tables pays triple (if not more) than many writing assignments. (Never let anyone tell you waiting tables is easy. IT’S NOT. PERIOD. A restaurant manager told me they know servers make more but they don’t do it because of what it entails and think it says about them, but that’s another story…)

Anywho, my diet coke addiction is at an all time high BUT I am going dry for at least five weeks (no alcohol!) to shave off all this holiday weight I gained. Yeah… not only did I gain everything back that I lost but I gained more on top of that! Stay tuned… loss is coming…

So, as I send my book to my trusted readers to read over the next two months and research which fiction agents to target, I will return to my blog and hope my readers forgive me and continue to come along on my journey of life.

Stay tuned…. I’ll be detailing my continuing weight loss battle but also my career twist as a writer….

Happy 2019!

Computer bag update*

A few months back, I wrote a blog post about my worn computer bag. It’s something that’s been with me for nearly seventeen years, from my first job in the entertainment industry, and it’s very special to me BUT, and this is a big BUT, it’s worn to the bone.

The leather (faux likely) is peeling off to the point that it leaves a trail behind me wherever I go and every time I’m in public with it, I see pitiful glances thrown its way and mine. The lining is nearly gone and it can no longer withstand any natural elements outside of sunshine but it’s like a member of my family.

It’s been with me through every single film/writing job I’ve had since I graduated college and that was almost two decades ago (not quite, but almost…)

I decided, however, not to treat myself to a new one until I get my first book published, which I’m in the process of… (For those following that situation, I just finished part 2 of 3, and am on page 260 of it now, with likely completing the whole book by the end of summer, with plans to submit to agents by the first of the new year…)

But I’m a tad far away from that publishing goal so a new bag had been no where in sight until…

One day, after seeing my sorry-looking computer bag, my brother mentioned he had a computer bag he was no longer using and offered it to me. He had no idea I was waiting to buy one… And when I saw his was basic black leather, my fav type, I couldn’t believe it.

The universe took care of my bag on its own, along with a little help from my brother.

Not only could I stay within my plan of not buying a new one until I published my book, but I scored a nice bag to use in the meantime allowing me to put my original baby to rest (and boy did she need it!)

Life.

“Expect the best, prepare for the worst and don’t be surprised when you get what you deserve.” – Lionel Goulet

Thank you, brother. Little did you know that bag will get me through the transition to the next phase of my life and I appreciate it.

And thank YOU readers for all your continued support.

 

Stay tuned for more info on my book and new bag :)

#soldbooknewbag

My computer bag is falling apart

I’ve had it since I was fresh out of college, working in a well-known film producer’s office on the Paramount lot, ideal to the point I thought I knew it all.

This bag has been through my film development jobs, my production jobs, my assistant editing jobs, my script/book reading jobs and as of now, my writing jobs.

But damn, it’s falling apart as it nears its seventeen-year birthday. The mostly faux leather is peeling, the strap is fraying and it has more wrinkles than the entire cast of Golden Girls.

You can see this beauty above.

I can’t part with it though. I’ve become rather superstitious about it as I write my first novel. I’m about 150 pages in and have this belief I need to keep this bag until I get this book published. Then and only then will I buy myself a new computer bag.

I’m reeeeeeeally hoping this happens soon. Talk about motivation. I can’t have my laptop falling out…

I invite you to follow me along on this journey of mine I’m calling #soldbooknewbag

Yin and Yang

Yin and Yang. Opposite forces working together. I often think of this when I come across pessimism, which sadly, seems to be a lot these days.

I’m a filmmaker, as my readers know, and I’ve been in the throws of finishing my latest short film. This past year has been insane for me. I, in all seriousness, got married, changed jobs, directed/produced/edited my seventh film to date and moved – all within the past twelve months.

I’m not complaining. But I am proof that people can do what they need to do if they believe. There will ALWAYS be a thousand and one obstacles and reasons why something will be hard and/or challenging or have 1/100 odds.

But that’s the good stuff. That’s the gooey part of life that tests us. That shows us what we’re made of. That makes you either believe in yourself or think you aren’t good enough.

And lately, I’ve been thinking about this.

When other people tell me that I shouldn’t try for Sundance, I’m truly baffled. And I kid you not, I’ve had more than one person say there’s no reason to go for it. I don’t know anyone there… They’ve already decided… The fee is expensive… And blah, blah, blah….

Look, I know the odds are against me. I know every filmmaker and their mother wants to screen at Sundance because it makes careers. I understand it’s late in the game.

But I also know I wrote a letter to the programmer asking for an extension because I wanted my film to look its best and I was given one. I know that when you bet against the odds, the rewards are much greater. I understand that not everyone will like my film but I’d be a fool not to try to get it in front of as wide of an audience as possible. I believe in it. I believe in me. I believe in my work.

And when people tell me I’m a fool for going after something that only a few achieve, I use it to balance my belief that if you don’t try, then you can never achieve it. (Explains a lot of the frustration in the world, no?)

Yin and Yang.

Without darkness, there would be no light.

But it’s up to us to choose on what to focus….

Determination

The other day, I was working my normal lunch shift, waiting tables in Silicon Beach, when something happened that happens about twice a year and reminds me of why I do what I do.

As I approached a table, I recognized one of the two women. She had been a regular of mine at a restaurant I worked at many years ago. She was startled that I remembered her but she remembered me as well.

We briefly caught up before she told me she was here celebrating her friend’s birthday. Knowing that, I went out of my way to add additional touches so their meal would be extra special. (See, it pays to be cool to your server…)

Throughout their lunch, we chatted a bit and it was lovely.

As their meal came to an end, the woman who I had recognized, said, “Tell me, Christina, what is it you really do? I know it’s not this.”

She said it with such certainty that she wasn’t worried in the slightest if that offended me. I told her she was right – I’m a filmmaker/writer. She asked about my work. I gave her my card and told her a couple of my shorts are available on Amazon. She told me she’d be looking for them.

Sometimes it’s difficult to pursue a career where only a very small percentage of the population succeed at it on a financial level. Not to mention how many people and dollars one needs to helm such a project.

But when someone like this guest takes an interest in me based on our conversation and genuinely wants to see my work because of it, I’m reminded that waiting tables is a means to an end and it’s that end I’m determined to reach…

(Picture above is me shooting a short documentary on my honeymoon #justmarried – shot on my iPhone! @parisiprods)

 

kryptonite

For all those who know about Superman, you’ll clearly know about Kryptonite. But for those who have lived on another planet and don’t know what that means, kryptonite is an ore and according to my Wikipedia, “the one weakness of an otherwise invulnerable hero.”

Okay, I know I’m not invulnerable but I’m going to make a comparison here. Seriously, I have my shit together when it comes to my career, my goals, my family and friends. I have made any and all sacrifices I’ve needed to in order to continue making films and I barely bat an eye because I know that it’s exactly what I want in life. I will stand up to any and all who stand in my way and I never balk at confrontation. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, just setting up my argument. The bottom line is, I know what I want and will not settle for anything less…. when it comes to my career.

And as far as family and friends go. Well, I didn’t use to take this seriously but about five or so years ago, I realized how important family and true friends are and I have consciously made a point to be loyal and care about all those who are true to me. I hope I have shown that to those who are close to me but I suppose, you will have to ask them if that is true. I do believe it is.

My personal life in regards to men, however, well… that’s another story. Because I have spent so much time on trying to get my films made, I’ve been able to ignore the personal aspect of my life for quite some time. Having had two long-term boyfriends, one for three years in high school and another for four years in college, I’m able to say that I get what it means to be in a relationship but it’s not a focus of mine. An aspiration, yes. One that will maybe happen one day but if it doesn’t with someone who rocks my world, well, then, it doesn’t. I don’t want anything less. That said, I realize I have a problem. I tend to go for exactly the wrong type of person and today, when one of my friends told me I was being the cliché, it finally hit me. I am f’ed up in this regard. And I need to change my behavior.

Not easy, people. Not easy at all. And I think there are many of us who can relate to partaking in bad behavior with the opposite sex.

Why on earth would one care about someone who doesn’t care about them? Why would anyone ever give the time of day to someone who ignores their thoughts? Why would anyone consider someone who treats them with little respect? It’s crazy, right? I know. Yet, I partook in that behavior. And I’m totally embarrassed and realize that while I may have my shit together in other regards, I have some things to learn in regards to my personal life. I’m glad I won’t settle but I’m not glad I pursue exactly who I shouldn’t. Why would one who treats you bad be on your list of someone worthy of getting to know???

Kryptonite. Some men are this for me. And I need to find my shield to it. Could it just simply be logic?

Damn…

I think it is.