philosophy

Losing 25 pounds – post 12

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Yes…. the holidays got the best of me. I stopped going to the gym, I binged on eating and drinking and I said yes to more desserts in one month than I did all year.  While I enjoyed every minute of it, my body was wondering WTF?!

Sadly, my goal of losing 20 pounds did not come to fruition. YET. In fact, it increased. I had lost some weight but then put it all back on and then some in that gluttonous month we call December.

Yup, that’s my life at 41.

But I’m not gonna cry about it. I’m already back to the gym (four days this week!) and though I didn’t go 100% dry, I’ve cut my wine intake by like 85%. FOR REALS. It hasn’t been easy but my body has enjoyed every minute of it.

And yes, to the big fat question in the room – I have reset because I took a step back rather than forward.

But with this fresh new year beginning, what better reason than to start over and get down to business, with a refreshed mindset and a fiercer determination?

I mean, this is life, no? Making choices and learning from them while dealing with the consequences?

Instead of thinking I failed, I decided to look at this like I made some poor decisions but I acknowledge it and I’m paying the price.

Live. Learn. Evolve.

147 and counting down… stay tuned!

 

Please forgive me

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I suck.

I haven’t written a post in over two months.

In my defense, I’ve been hard at work finishing my novel and booking writing clients for paid writing work but I know… that’s no excuse. And my post before this said something similar…

Here’s the thing. I’m in transition. I am a filmmaker but God help me, that’s the hardest damn thing to crack through, as you need a ton of money to make one. Writing, however, is something I’ve always loved and since I’ve been told I have a gift with it (no one has told me that about filmmaking…) I thought I’d focus on that right now.

But please, allow me to ask you, my readers, for forgiveness… I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I wrote until I logged on to write this and I’m sorry.

I’ll be straight with you. I’m trying to establish my writing career so I can finally retire from waiting tables but that’s very difficult since waiting tables pays triple (if not more) than many writing assignments. (Never let anyone tell you waiting tables is easy. IT’S NOT. PERIOD. A restaurant manager told me they know servers make more but they don’t do it because of what it entails and think it says about them, but that’s another story…)

Anywho, my diet coke addiction is at an all time high BUT I am going dry for at least five weeks (no alcohol!) to shave off all this holiday weight I gained. Yeah… not only did I gain everything back that I lost but I gained more on top of that! Stay tuned… loss is coming…

So, as I send my book to my trusted readers to read over the next two months and research which fiction agents to target, I will return to my blog and hope my readers forgive me and continue to come along on my journey of life.

Stay tuned…. I’ll be detailing my continuing weight loss battle but also my career twist as a writer….

Happy 2019!

The Best Doctor Office Visit

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The other day, I went in for my yearly woman’s doctor’s office visit, to a place I’d been going to for nearly a decade.

Once there, I learned I was assigned a new doctor. I’ve had a few over the years, all of whom I liked, but none like this….

She was a truly one-of-a-kind, special doctor that you see in the movies but thought never existed in real life.

I know. I sound like I have a school girl crush. But in all seriousness, she was so rare I want to celebrate and spread the word on how good a doctor’s office visit can actually be, and here’s why:

  1. She entered, shook my hand and spent TEN MINUTES talking to me about myself and my life. She read notes the previous doctors had written and used them to ask about her new patient – me! (And FYI – she didn’t read from the notes; she came it knowing them.)
  2. She explained Every. Single. Thing. she was doing, reviewing and/or touching.
  3. She told me a little about herself, making it so much more personable (and trust me, in the position one is in during these doctor’s visits, this is incredibly appreciated…)
  4. She read my chart and DID NOT ask if my husband and I were going to have children. Every time I go, I have to tell my doctor we are not considering having children and then, we have to go through the song and dance of them trying to make sure I know what that means at my age (after 35, pregnancies are considered “geriatric”.)
  5. She had warm hands and told me when things were going to be cold.
  6. She was chatting with me so much about my book and family traditions that a nurse had to knock on the door to tell her the next patient was waiting…
  7. She then took off her gloves, shook my hand and told me what came next. I told her I was very happy to have her as my new doctor and she smiled, saying she was very happy to have me as her new patient, looking me straight in the eyes.

Pinch me please. Did I die and go to heaven?? To me, it’s rare to have this kind of treatment and doctor/patient relationship.

If you are in the southern Beach Cities area of Los Angeles, feel free to message me to ask for her info. I have no idea if they are taking new patients, but I have never felt better about a doctor’s office experience than I did yesterday.

 

 

Left Versus Right, Right Versus Left

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[In the case it isn’t evident, allow me to preface this post with the warning that this is my political opinion, based on research and experience.]

It’s difficult to watch any mainstream news outlet these days and even more difficult to scroll through my Facebook feed because of the abundance of material in which Liberals from the left yell about the right and Conservatives from the right yell about the left. It’s down right nauseating and what’s the worst, is the fact both sides think they’re completely right and the other side is the devil.

Granted, Trump continually gives people many, many reasons to talk mad trash, but when I whittled it all down, I was amazed at how much opinion and sarcasm could be found while substance was insanely lacking. Yes, his administration changes quicker than ice cream flavors at Baskin Robbins and corruption can be found all over (you’d be hard pressed to find any administration free of corruption,) but what really scares me is the fact he gives people reasons to continually use him to take out their own life frustrations. In fact, it seems he enjoys saying things just to make people show their misdirected anger. This is not to say he doesn’t genuinely do things that could anger someone – he absolutely does – but when emotion about one’s own life is not great, Trump provides a spring board and excuse to keep that negativity going and that is greatly troubling to me as it is mostly emotion based rather than logic based.

Now, I should mention I am non-partisan, belonging to no party, but if I had to say the one I relate to most, it would be Libertarian, though I have many problems with them as well. I hesitate to say this because when I say who I am closest too in ideology, people who disagree with my political beliefs will target that group as if they represent or speak for me and that’s a sure sign the conversation is about parties, not actions, and quite frankly, I’m just not interested. (I do mention it here so my readers have a better understanding of where I lean but that is the only reason why.)

Personally, I think while the left and right are trying to one up each other to make the most sarcastic comment, the American public will continue to head in other directions. Coastal states will start to realize they don’t hold all the cards and if one researchs both parties, as many are starting to do, sadly one will find insane corruption all over the place so neither of the main two parties should ever be claiming any moral/economic/social superiority…

But they do. And are.

And that’s what led us to Trump and I fear is going to lead us to another term with him at the helm. Though he was once believed to be a possibility of draining the swamp (i.e. getting rid of the muck of both parties,) time and time again he proves he is not the one to do the job. But that doesn’t mean the voting American public will not continue to send politicians a message. Disruptors prevail because right now, America is hurting and things need to change without the involvement of the two parties who brought on all the destruction and continue to do so.

The swamp is getting fuller, but it could actually be a good thing, because when the draining of it really does come, they’ll all be in one spot. And Trump adds to it every day.

As I watch independents grow and third parties become more and more represented on ballots (I’ve never voted for so many third parties on the local/state level than in our last election here in CA,) I believe things on the federal level will start to change quicker than ever and those on both Left/Right will start to take notice they’re digging their own graves…

But not before the able bodied third-parties waiting in the wings go for it. Yes, reporting is scarce, but I have seen the rise of these parties in the past few years in person so allow me to share that.

The above photo is from Ron Paul speaking at a Republican event. The Right did to him what the left did to Bernie Sanders – they used corruption, silencing and destruction to keep his voice quiet since he was by far not the party favorite. I personally witnessed some massive corruption. Direct message me with any questions you have on this…

2020.

it’s going to be interesting…. hang on America!

Losing 20 pounds – post 11

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My weight loss journey is moving forward smoothly!

I’ve decided to continue not checking the scale right now. A friend of mine told me it’s best to not look initially because my body is changing, as it builds muscle and reduces fat. And since muscle weighs more than fat because of its greater density, the number on that stupid scale can be deceiving and greatly reduce one’s confidence when they need it most so scale, back off!

She also mentioned it’s best to just see how I feel with the changes rather than focus on the number and you know what? She couldn’t be more right!

I truly feel my body become stronger. Bike rides with my husband have never been easier as we navigate the hills along the beach route we take. And at work, I can carry much heavier boxes than I have ever been able too. Also, I feel better after a workout. It takes me through my day in a way little else has before. It provides a boost and right now, as I finish my novel while still working all my other jobs, I need it!

My birthday is on the 14th of this month and right after it, I’m taking two weeks off of all booze and most sugars. I may be grumpy but my body needs the purge to reset and start new and better habits. Stay tuned for that one….

And as always, thank you, dear readers, for your support and encouragement. It means the world to me and helps me move forward in a more positive way.

 

Change Change Change

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I’ve been thinking a lot about change and wrote a piece about it on Hubpages.

Please find the link below…

“Why is change so hard?

 

As I’ve been talking about here on my blog for quite a while, it’s time for me to make some changes, from less wine to more exercise, and though I have definitely started this journey, the time to focus and kick it up a notch is NOW.

Stay tuned…

Relationships 401

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It’s interesting. Today I was watching an episode of Jerry Seinfeld’s show “Comedians in cars getting coffee” and it was the one where he had Julie Louis Dryfus on.

The camaraderie between her and Jerry was obvious and you could see he adored traits in her that were enviable, even after all these years. And she saw him, faults and all, as her comments attested.

But at the core – they really got each other.

That’s flippin’ important in any relationship, no? Friendship… Romantic…whatever…

But it also begs the questions – do you have to almost envy the person you’re with in order to want to be with them? And if you strive for the best, should that only be within yourself or does that include your partner too?

What say you?

Losing 20 pounds – post 7

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I did it.

I joined a gym.

This is a first for me and I’m not going to lie. I feel… nervous and apprehensive. I always pictured gyms as large sweaty rooms full of people trying to show each other up. I’m hoping I’m wrong but I guess I won’t know till I’m there.

Fortunately, my husband is a trainer-quality gym-goer so I am in very good hands for my first session, which will likely be tomorrow. If it wasn’t for him,  I’d be struggling far greater. I truly have only been inside a gym maybe three times my whole forty-year life.

I want to slap the 28 year-old me who took for granted a super fast metabolism. I should have been nurturing it and appreciating it.

But yes, hindsight is twenty/twenty.

Now, pictures of myself are becoming harder to look at. Quite simply, I am not happy with the way I look.

I should mention this is extremely personal. It is NOT a statement on how others should feel about themselves at any given weight. It’s about feeling good about oneself and if there is something you want to change to make that greater, then you should, as long as it’s done in a positive way.

For me, this means losing twenty pounds. That’s my truth and what I’ve determined will make me feel better about my body and my health. If I want to be around for a lot longer, I have to take steps to help ensure that, no?

And I’ve tried the past several months and appreciate all of you who have come along with me, but now, still weighing in at 141, I’m pulling out the big guns.

I’m a certified first-time gym member.

Stay tuned…

 

Being Alone

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As most who know me know, I love being alone.

I can spend days, if not weeks, without human contact and not even bat an eye. I’m not saying this as some badge of honor or anything. Merely as a fact about me. And one pertinent to what I’m about to tell you…

Recently, my husband was heading to the East Coast to visit his mother for some one-on-one time. I was planning to stay home and enjoy my alone time.

Well… things didn’t go exactly as planned.

It just so happened that my grandfather passed away and his funeral was scheduled during the eight days my husband was also away, so needless to say, my alone time at home was interrupted with a four-day-trip to New York.

I had a day alone before flying to the east coast and then I had three days alone after returning.

I know this sounds ridiculous but I was savoring each one of them.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love and adore my husband and we are seriously perfect for each other BUT we BOTH work from home and though our apartment is nice and large, our kitchen is the size of a bathroom (not kidding!) so when we’re both in there, moving is difficult. For someone like myself who loves (no, needs) alone time, this is all very difficult. I also work nights part-time so my sleep schedule is all over the place.

Anywho…

My grandfather’s funeral was beautiful and we celebrated him with love. I have no regrets and loved him very much.

When I returned home, I was keenly aware of my alone time countdown. I reverted back to the Christina who lived alone for seven years. I pee’d with the door open, I walked around with zit cream on, I worked wherever and whenever I wanted. I slept soundly as there was no one there who could wake me up. I cooked what I liked and didn’t care if the house smelled of shrimp (my husband despises it!) All in all, I had a good time. Not gonna lie.

I was so enthralled with this aloneness though, that I shared a little too much about it with my loving partner, who needless to say did not care too much to hear about how happy I was living it up in Aloneville.

Our reunion wasn’t as heartwarming as it should have been and I take the blame. Rather than express how much I was enjoying being alone, perhaps I should have told my husband how much I missed him.

But the funny part of this whole story, the reason I am writing this long tale, is that I didn’t realize I missed him until after he came home.

I know. Crazy. But that’s how it went.

First, I started to see how nice it was to have him by my side at night. Falling asleep on him is one of my favorite places in the world to be. And sleeping alone, though it was great to sleep diagonally in silence with all the covers, didn’t seem as significant as before. And when something good happened, like when a piece of mine got published, sharing it with him made it so much more meaningful than smiling to no one in the room.

I also realized coming home from work to an empty place isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Sure, the freedom to do whatever you want is tempting, but much less satisfying that coming home to a smiling partner, who is waiting to eat dinner with you and genuinely tells you they missed you all day.

But what really got me thinking was a few days after my husband returned, I shared with him how much I loved him and that I try to learn about us and grow every day and how I want to show him this more… and you know what, it turned around his entire day, taking it from a shitty one to not so bad.

Love is powerful.

It teaches us daily if we’re open to it. But with it, comes responsibility.

Thank you, Don. For putting up with my demand for alone time but you know what, I might not need it as much as I thought…

 

My Grandpa’s Funeral

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For those who don’t know, I sometimes write in a stream of conscious way. For this post, I’ll be doing so…

Il funerale di mio nonno

after the news, tears came. then came the plans. flights were booked. messages were sent. i just wanted to get there. flying was a nightmare but worth it. sleep would be had whenever possible. met parents at the buffalo airport at 6 am est after leaving LA the day before at 9 am pst. hugs with them, especially my mother. my beautiful mother.

la mia bella nonna. my beautiful grandmother. more tears came before a little sleep. then the wake. four hours of visitors. family seen, some I’ve seen recently and others I hadn’t. it was beautiful. and touching. and emotional. and a testament to my grandfather.

being surrounded by his family was his favorite thing in the world. and that was exactly how we celebrated him.

my aunts and uncles and cousins planned a wonderful memorial to him. it was absolutely lovely. hearing about his last moments made me understand what true love looked like. till the moment my grandfather passed, he thought about his wife. and the fact he was surrounded by family in those last (surprisingly) lucid hours makes me feel good. i know he wouldn’t want it any other way.

he was 97. lived an extraordinary and beautiful life (from fighting for the Italians and stationed in Africa to becoming a prisoner of war in the US during WWII to immigrating his family to America in the 1950s) and he gave me my mother. for that I will be forever thankful.

seven months ago I took my husband to meet him. i’m so grateful I had those moments with him. when he wasn’t giving me advice on having children (he did not like that we chose not too, haha!) he was telling his grandson-in-law stories about Sicily and our family’s early years in America. and he was still making my grandmother blush with stories about stealing kisses when she was in her teens.

the funeral and reception gave family and friends a time to honor him one last time before laying his body to rest.

and that’s when I looked around, saw all of my family’s faces in the same room and was filled with a warmth that I believe was love.

family.

love.

it’s what it’s truly all about, no?

thank you Nonno. I love you. and may you rest in peace and meet your love again wherever you are…