philosophy

Butterflies

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

You know that common expression, “He/She gave me butterflies”?

Well, one could argue it implies someone is smitten, nervous, excited. And it’s probably because one is in the presence of someone else who makes them happy but also a little sick at the same time, mostly because they really like being around this particular person but then this same person also makes them nervous in that they could not like them back. Come on, you know what I mean… (And if you don’t, wow, I’m sorry for you! Get out there and learn…)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it because I recently felt butterflies. And I forgot what a wonderful feeling they are. It reminded me of being in high school, when I was so thrilled that a popular senior wanted to date me, an insecure sophomore, or when in college, after bluntly asking the boy I liked if he just wanted to be friends, he came to my door five days later and we spent the next four years together.

I think the trick is to find someone who gives you butterflies forever, in the excited way since the sick way should disappear after a while. While every day my not be a honeymoon in any relationship, I think it’s this feeling that acts as the glue for when they’re not.

Butterflies. They begin with a cocoon, which isn’t the most attractive of things and is only partially complete, and then they turn into a beautiful thing that spreads its wings and flies. One could argue that’s like one person finding another, who makes them and their world even better.

God, am I turning into a romantic? Likely not, but… I do love the romantic period of the 19th century… hah

Do things happen for a reason?

/ christinaparisi / 6 Comments

As those who know me or follow my blog are well aware, I am not religious (I’m agnostic, actually) and I don’t believe in fate. But lately, I’ve been wondering… do some things happen for a reason? Or is it simply a matter of timing?

Ron Paul came into my life this past year when I was searching desperately for someone who I could believe in and could fight for to become my president. Since I’ve found him, I’ve been motivated to volunteer my time and work hard on his campaign. In the process, I’ve truly learned about what an amazing human he is. And during all this, I’ve been dealing with my career as a filmmaker…

I make films that I know not all people want to see. I wish they would but reality dictates otherwise right now. See, I believe in individual responsibility, in as little government as possible as the Constitution states, in philosophy, in making people think, in drawing out what one doesn’t want to think about. I don’t do it because I want to be different or controversial or antagonistic. I do it because it’s what’s real to me, what’s meaningful to me and what I’m drawn to as a filmmaker. It’s my life. And in effect, it’s my life’s work. But it’s not that popular right now. So, what do I do?

I keep at it.

And I think about the time when these values will appeal to the masses, even if they don’t right now.

And that’s where Ron Paul comes in. I truly wonder about the timing that he’s entered my life. It’s practically Kismet, but I never believed in that. He’s been at it for forty plus years and has never wavered from his principles. He’s braved the masses rejecting him, ridiculing him, ignoring him. But now, his time has come. Not only has he predicted this entire mess we find ourselves in as Americans, with blame belonging to BOTH the right and the left, but he’s resonating with America’s youth because they aren’t okay with the status quo.

It’s the likes of him and people like my parents, two individuals who have never asked for anything from anyone but came to America as legal immigrants and used their own efforts to achieve success and instill responsibility into their children, that I am motivated by to continue making the films I believe in and not succumb to anything but.

It’s a tough road to stand by one’s personal beliefs but when I see people like my parents and Ron Paul, I’m reminded that it’s our beliefs and principals that matter. And while the success of those who feel this way may not happen overnight, what’s important is that they remain true to themselves. Success is defined by each individual…

Perhaps the author of Charlotte’s Web, E.B. White, had it right when he said – “Your whole duty as a writer is to please and satisfy yourself, and the true writer always plays to an audience of one. Start sniffing the air or glancing at the trend machine, and you’re as good as dead, though you may make a nice living.”

mortality

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

I am watching “Breaking Bad” and have become hooked. Great show. Unbelievable writing, acting, direction… I don’t watch much television. In fact, I probably turn it on once a week, but that’s taking into account I watch television shows after the fact when they come out on DVD or will try to catch up on hulu.com if it’s something I enjoy while I’m eating or something, like The Office (though without Micheal Scott, they reallllllly need to call it a day.)

Anyway, as I watch “Breaking Bad”, I am reminded of the importance of life and how at any moment it can be taken from us, whether it be from cancer, criminal activity, accident, happenstance or just dumb luck. And the only moment we have is the one we are currently in. That said, this blog is not written with the intent of being morbid, but rather with the intention to wake people from the living dead.

The living dead.

What a waste.

Look around. It’s easy to see many people just going through the motions like a robot, doing what the think they should be but not what they actually want, almost as if they are just trying to make it to the next day, without feeling anything. I don’t know about you, but this saddens me when I see it. And if you haven’t noticed it, perhaps it’s because you are one of the living dead.

Life itself is THE “once in a lifetime opportunity” so how can it be wasted so easily??

I don’t get it. Fortunately, I was raised by parents who encouraged me to go after my dreams and I will be forever grateful but I also had to come to my own conclusions that I didn’t want to just settle for what others thought was best or for what one was “supposed” to do, especially to fit within societal mores.

Now, this is not to imply everyone should feel similar or think just like me. Not at all. What’s important to one person may not be important to the next, and that’s completely okay, provided no one forces ANYTHING upon another person. (Protection from that is actually what government is for, but I digress…) If you’re happy working on a corn field in Iowa, then by all means, go get yourself a job on one and enjoy! If you’re happy having ten children with your high school sweetheart, more power to you!

The point is to find what IS important to you, what motivates you, what you are truly passionate about and love with every inch of you being and GO AFTER THAT.*

Life can be taken at any moment, regardless of how careful one lives, but one can fight with all their might not to be the cause of their own death through the choices they make and also, not to go down without living the life one wants to live.

It’s NEVER too late until you take your last breath.

You have one chance before death comes and that is your life. Are you making the most of it?

I find it’s a good question to ask myself…

* (Again, I must point out this does not include use of force on any other person to achieve anything you want.)

kryptonite

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

For all those who know about Superman, you’ll clearly know about Kryptonite. But for those who have lived on another planet and don’t know what that means, kryptonite is an ore and according to my Wikipedia, “the one weakness of an otherwise invulnerable hero.”

Okay, I know I’m not invulnerable but I’m going to make a comparison here. Seriously, I have my shit together when it comes to my career, my goals, my family and friends. I have made any and all sacrifices I’ve needed to in order to continue making films and I barely bat an eye because I know that it’s exactly what I want in life. I will stand up to any and all who stand in my way and I never balk at confrontation. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, just setting up my argument. The bottom line is, I know what I want and will not settle for anything less…. when it comes to my career.

And as far as family and friends go. Well, I didn’t use to take this seriously but about five or so years ago, I realized how important family and true friends are and I have consciously made a point to be loyal and care about all those who are true to me. I hope I have shown that to those who are close to me but I suppose, you will have to ask them if that is true. I do believe it is.

My personal life in regards to men, however, well… that’s another story. Because I have spent so much time on trying to get my films made, I’ve been able to ignore the personal aspect of my life for quite some time. Having had two long-term boyfriends, one for three years in high school and another for four years in college, I’m able to say that I get what it means to be in a relationship but it’s not a focus of mine. An aspiration, yes. One that will maybe happen one day but if it doesn’t with someone who rocks my world, well, then, it doesn’t. I don’t want anything less. That said, I realize I have a problem. I tend to go for exactly the wrong type of person and today, when one of my friends told me I was being the cliché, it finally hit me. I am f’ed up in this regard. And I need to change my behavior.

Not easy, people. Not easy at all. And I think there are many of us who can relate to partaking in bad behavior with the opposite sex.

Why on earth would one care about someone who doesn’t care about them? Why would anyone ever give the time of day to someone who ignores their thoughts? Why would anyone consider someone who treats them with little respect? It’s crazy, right? I know. Yet, I partook in that behavior. And I’m totally embarrassed and realize that while I may have my shit together in other regards, I have some things to learn in regards to my personal life. I’m glad I won’t settle but I’m not glad I pursue exactly who I shouldn’t. Why would one who treats you bad be on your list of someone worthy of getting to know???

Kryptonite. Some men are this for me. And I need to find my shield to it. Could it just simply be logic?

Damn…

I think it is.

31 days – the aftermath

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

As many of you may know, in December I decided to follow a 31-day calendar that I made for myself. And on each day in that month, I had to do something that would get me out of my box, which is the life I was used to. Overall, it was a challenging yet incredibly rewarding project and not only did I learn a lot about myself, but I took from it things that will stay with me forever. But more on that in a moment…

First, I’d like to write about a theme that kept occurring as I went through this month and that was one of happenstance. Once again going to my trusty Apple dictionary, happenstance means “coincidence.” Now, I am not a believer that the world is predetermined and I tend to side with the rationalists in philosophical thought. Descartes’ “I think, therefore I am” are words I live by. But that said, call it what you will – karma, fate, destiny, happenstance, divine intervention – there’s no denying the world works in mysterious ways. However…

You know how when you’re in a hurry, you manage to catch every red light on the street? And you know how when you have time to kill and don’t want to be early, there isn’t any traffic? Or when you spill something in your car and you need to clean it up but every light you pass is green? Well, I’ve always wondered, is that a coincidence or are you just aware of it more because it matters?

Think about it…

While I was doing this month-long project, I can’t tell you how many times things just happened to fit perfectly together, like Nature was working with me. For example, on the day I had to find a shell on the beach and figure out a way to make it into a necklace, as I was about to turn around, I found one that just happened to have a perfect hole in it. What are the odds?

And another time when the day called for me to write a poem, a friend of mine had just died and I happened to be attending her funeral the next day. So naturally, I wrote a poem for her.

I don’t think these things are weird or predetermined but I do think it’s all about energy and awareness. If we are conscious (aware,) we notice things with our mind rather than just act on emotion. And positive energy flows and it comes back to those who give it out. And the same for those who unleash negative energy. What’s that famous expression?? Oh yeah.. Karma. It’s a bitch.

But I can’t take sole credit for this realization in terms of this project. The other day, I was hanging out with some friends and one of them was listening to me about my 31-day project and he said something about how most people focus on the negative but rarely the positive. He mentioned that positive things happen everyday, such as some of the things I was talking about in regard to this, but he said they mostly go unnoticed. And as I was listening to his point of view, I kept thinking, he’s totally right. Then add that to my own thought of – was I just aware of these moments of karma, happenstance, whatever you want to call them, because I was on high alert with the project I was doing? Perhaps… (Kudos, Roger! Loved our talk.)

Again, awareness and energy. So important.

I try very hard to unleash positivity rather than negativity but it’s hard in today’s world, especially when people often perceive your positivity as some offense to them and yet, those who are negative seem to bond and wallow in their misery together. Well, I can’t do that. Nor do I want to. That said though, I really learned through this project to not only be positive but to FOCUS on the positive things that happen rather than just the negative. Recently, I’ve been turned down to five film festivals already for my latest film. I was starting to get sad but then, instead, I changed my focus and decided to think about the fifty other festivals, including many top-tier ones that can help my career, that have not turned me down and you know what, I honestly do feel better.

I’ve been thinking more and more about this project and how helpful it’s been to me. Not only did it make me go outside my box, it taught me things about myself. Like by eating vegan for a day, I realized I am a carnivore through and through. And by not being able to drive, I was forced to walk and though I’ve always loved walking, I realized it was more refreshing and simple to just walk the mile to the store instead of getting in my car every time I needed something there.

31 days.

Not too long of a time but long enough to learn that I will indeed be thinking outside my box without being forced. I’ve decided this month is all about doing things that are good for me and trying to get rid of my bad habits. Yeah, yeah. Everyone says this but seriously, DOING it, is quite different. And my 31 days project has propelled me to do just that.

PS:

Thanks to all who came along on this ride with me. I appreciated the support and company. And to those who have expressed a desire to do something similar, please let me know how your experience goes…

It’s time for a Revolution

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

As one who is deeply interested in the political affairs of her country and the world in which she lives, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea that it’s truly time for a revolution.

Revolution, according to my Apple dictionary, means “a forcible overthrow of a government or social order in favor of a new system.” So, I must amend my meaning. I want to change our current government, peacefully, and I don’t want a new system, but rather return to the system this nation was founded on.

Our constitution.

But the trigger for me thinking a lot about this isn’t so much to do with my unhappiness with the current state of affairs of my beloved country, though I am greatly, but rather with the fact that I support Ron Paul, a GOP presidential nominee candidate who I believe can lead the revolution. Many people have asked me why I support him. It’s simple. He’s a true constitutionalist, who says what he means and means what he does. In today’s world, returning to the constitution as supreme law would greatly revolutionize the government because America tends to adhere to it only when convenient. While some may say that Paul lives in a dream world, separate from reality, I wholeheartedly disagree and believe he is one of the few politicians who actually sees the reality in front of him and is scared to death at what America has become. Just like he says, the current state is the extreme, not him. We’ve gone so far from the constitution that he may seem like an extremist by that measure but in reality, he’s a champion of freedom and liberty, the very principles this amazing nation was founded on and if that’s the extreme, one has to ask why it’s not the norm…

So as I’ve been thinking about this, I naturally started to consider the foundation of this nation, such as the Revolutionary War, in which the new Americans fought against British rule in the later 1700s, and the Civil War, in which some Americans fought for freedom and liberty for all in the mid-1800s.

And in the middle of thinking about this, I’ve been watching and learning about the occupy protests that have been happening across the states. Now, I love that we live in a country where protests are allowed, but I’m sad that they have such an unclear message. I believe the revolution needs to come with changing the system, changing the government to return to the freedoms and liberties this nation was founded on and that needs to happen within. That’s why instead of going out and “occupying”, I choose to fight for the candidate I believe will fundamentally alter the state of our government, which in turn alters the state of lives.

I’m not naive. I know that many think Ron Paul has no chance of getting the GOP nomination and then winning the presidential race but I disagree. If anything, now is the time Ron Paul DOES have a chance. Just like my predecessors, I am prepared to suffer the risks associated with a revolution so that future generations can have a better life. While some things Ron Paul speaks of are risky and will monumentally change the face of current America, I believe it’s only a matter of a time for the inevitable to happen and with him at the helm of the ship, we’ll have a true leader ready to make change. TRUE CHANGE.

It’s time for a revolution. It may not be easy, there may be a lot of risk involved, but just think where we’d be if those before us didn’t fight to the death for the freedoms we’re able to enjoy.

Now, it’s our turn.

Sabotage

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

“Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something).”

This is the definition of sabotage, according to… you guessed it, my Apple dictionary, which my blog readers know very well is my go to dictionary for definitions… and new readers will soon learn.

I write today about sabotage because I’ve become aware of the fact that I do this.

TO MYSELF.

And in particular in my relationships with men.

Now, I will choose to draw blood before I do anything harmful to my films or my filmmaking career but when it comes to my personal relationships with men, well…

I’ve recently come to realize that while I may not run from them, and do in fact look for them on occasion, it’s only a matter of time before I out right sabotage them.

My career goals have never been a problem for me. They have been clear, precise, and something I want with all my heart. But my personal romantic goals have been… well, let’s just say a bit more unclear. Now, I should disclose that I’ve had two looooong relationships in life, one in high school (3 years) and one in college (4 years), so I can say that I’ve been on that side of the line and know about it. But since then, and that’s about, to be completely honest, over ten years ago, I haven’t lasted longer than five or so months with someone and even that’s probably pushing it. Now, it’s been easy to ignore since priority number one for me has been my films and my filmmaking career, which let me tell you is not an easy thing to accomplish in life, but as I get more into the swing of things in my field, certain aspects of my behavior in this arena are dawning on me.

Now, I’ve made attempts to date in the past. And I have, with numerous guys. Hell, I’ve even used online dating sites. But nothing has stuck. And this weekend, the reason why hit me.

I sabotage things with men so I won’t get hurt and have to deal with any of it.

I went to a wedding last weekend and met a really attractive and nice guy. So naturally, after talking and dancing with him, I proceeded to drink too much, ignore him and then leave without saying so much as a goodbye. And this isn’t the first time I’ve done such odd behavior around guys. Typically, if you like me, I won’t like you. If you don’t want to be serious, I’ll be serious. If you’re nice, I’ll be mean. If you’re mean, I’ll be nice. If you ignore me, I’ll believe I want to be with you. If you don’t ignore me, I’ll make sure you soon do. It’s all soooooo stupid but I admit, I partook in this behavior and only now, at thirty-four, do I realize that I’ve largely sabotaged my own love life. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I’m not going to get too involved into dwelling on the past. The past is the past and so be it. But the exciting thing is that this knowledge is now going to come in handy in my future, not that I want to marry the next guy I meet but… I’m just going to be me, let the chips fall where they may and not be so scared about dealing with anything. And so, since I’ve learned something priceless, I thought I’d share it with my readers. And this is it…

If things aren’t going your way, seriously, stop. And ask yourself one question:

AM I THE REASON?

Art and its Audience

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

I was fortunate enough to be invited to screen one of my films, “Rhythm of Causality”, at the ITSA Film Festival in Northern California this past weekend…

Any time I get to screen my film with an audience, I feel on top of the world. As a filmmaker who is a writer/director, I make the films that are true to me, but I don’t make them to not be shown, so when I have a chance to display them in front of an audience, it’s a wonderful treasure since it’s quite difficult to have such an opportunity…

I held a cast and crew screening of my latest short, “Your Move”, which will be heading out on the 2012 film festival circuit shortly. While I was thinking of what I wanted to say to the talented cast and crew I worked with, I came to the conclusion that we are all artists, in our various crafts, coming together to create my vision of this film.

But what is an artist? Is it simply someone who creates art? But what is art? Is it subjective?

Once again going to my handy Apple dictionary, art by definition is “the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form…”

Well… that could be taken many ways and I suppose that is something beautiful about art.

It IS subjective.

What one person finds to be art, another may find to be trash. Art is in the eye of the beholder… but it’s also in the eye of the creator.

I find that it can get complicated when one chooses to be an artist. You may make the art that is true to you but without an audience, where does it go? What happens to it? How do you make a living? I used to think those questions were irrelevant, that an artist (whether one is a filmmaker, painter, musician, etc) should only create what is meaningful to them and to hell with those who don’t understand, but then, reality set in and I realized, while that may be at the essence of artwork, the audience must be taken into consideration because ultimately, they are the ones who will carry on an artist’s work.

Now, that brings the question of what an audience means. Is it the masses? Everyone? Or is it a select few?

I believe an honest artist should create artwork that is true to him/herself, realize an audience is part of the process and take it into consideration while not allowing it to be the reason to create anything false and then let the chips fall where they may. If it finds an audience, wonderful. If it doesn’t, an artist can question why that is and think about it… deciding whether or not they want to change, according to their own beliefs.

After making several films and screening in front of various audiences, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am only capable of making films (which is my artwork of choice) that I believe in, that mean something to me, that are true to what I want to represent and create but at the same time, I’m very aware of the fact that an audience will be the recipient of such artwork. So, I learn from them and apply what I’ve learned to my artwork, all the while staying true.

And you know what, the collaboration I have with my cast and crew has now added a third member, and that’s its AUDIENCE.

Parenthood?

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

The other day, I was watching an episode of “The Big C”, an awesome show on Showtime that stars Laura Linney, one of my favorite actresses. And one of the episodes had to do with someone telling someone else that they were pregnant. It was a surprise, as this man and woman had had sex but were in no way heading toward babyland together. Hell, they weren’t even really dating. And this got me thinking. And even though it’s quite obvious, I discovered…

Anytime you have sex, there is a possibility of creating a child.

Sure, some have disorders or body environments in which creating a child is impossible or nearly so, and I am not including those in this blog, but for the majority, becoming pregnant is a reality if one chooses to have sex. And yes, taking precautions with condoms, birth control pills and such is smart and useful if one is not trying to conceive, but still, you run the risk. And you know what, it’s a risk that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Now, without getting into a discussion about pro-life/pro-choice, as that is for an individual to decide for oneself, one should think about this issue when one engages in an activity that could create a child.

A CHILD!

SSSSSSCCCCCCCCRRRRRAAAAATTTTCCCCCHHHH…. (that’s a record scratch)

Hold the phone. I’m losing people. Who wants to talk about this? I know, it’s not a reality many want to face but suppose you face it before the fact. You might just learn something about yourself, and save yourself and others a lot of pain.

So, I thought to myself, what would it be like to be pregnant… and after five minutes, I nearly gave myself a heart attack. As I fully realized that having children is not the path I want to take in life, this exercise really made me think about it. Made me think about cause and effect, consequences of actions and such and I think I am the wiser because of it.

This doesn’t mean one should live in solitary confinement, but it does mean one should be aware of this obvious fact that is often overlooked and take it seriously. Very seriously.

Having children is a life-altering choice and parenthood is the ultimate responsibility. You are actually creating LIFE. And since children are dependent upon their parents, it is up to them to provide a foundation for them, one that whether a parent likes it or not, will be part of their child for the rest of their life…

Something to think about it. For yourself, but more so, for those who don’t have a say in the matter – the children.

 

 

 

walk the talk

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

I must admit. I did not become interested in politics and my country’s government until about three or so years ago, when I entered my thirties. I had voted in the major elections but other than that, I didn’t place it too high in my priorities.

Then, to the credit of my parents, I started becoming more interested in what was happening in America. I started to learn about the government, all sections, and the issues. I began to develop my own political philosophy by learning as much as I could. I read books, studied history, looked up the actions of those in power. I quickly realized that most, if not all, of television news and journalism had become heavily biased, so I dismissed them as a valid source soon into my journey, which yes, did make it much harder to find the truth, but the search was interesting and took me places I perhaps otherwise would not have gone and explored.

And then, it was time for the election of 2008. I had not been very involved in the build-up, the primaries and such, as my political enlightenment had just been forming. I did know, however, that I was not thrilled with Obama or McCain. And then Obama won.

I did not vote for Obama. Yes, his beliefs are vastly different from my own, but it was more than that. He seemed empty. A solid orator but an inexperienced individual who was all talk. I know he had great support and the people voted him in office, so I accepted him as my president, but I wasn’t happy about it.

But now, election 2012 is on the horizon and I made the decision to become dedicated to being part of this process of the government of my country. I researched all those who are presidential contenders and in my search, I found the one I was looking for.

Ron Paul.

His actions over the past fifty or more years have PROVEN he is honest, a man of true conviction, consistent, a believer in the Constitution, freedom and liberty and someone who could not be bought or manipulated by the big government/big business political machine. He walks the talk. And so, I decided, I must too. If I was going to have an informed opinion and a solid political philosophy, then I couldn’t just talk about it, or I’d be a contradiction of my own beliefs and no better than those who I condemn.

I dedicated myself to helping put Ron Paul in the white house. I hope he wins the GOP nomination and then the 2012 Presidential Election but even if he doesn’t, I will know that I tried my hardest to put him there and didn’t just talk about it.

This past weekend, I attended the Republican Liberty Caucus of California in Downtown, Los Angeles. I cheered Ron Paul on, voted in the straw poll, heard him give the keynote speech, and became an even greater supporter of his, if that was possible. Some in the media have tried to paint this convention as one in which Ron Paul “bussed” us in but that is not the case. I was at the convention yesterday, I voted in the straw poll, I was there with seven other friends, and I came by my own volition. Allow me to assure you that Ron Paul did not bring us “in busloads”. I was there because I support him and want him to be our next president. His supporters were people from all over, who are truly devoted to him. There were Perry supporters there but Paul supporters outnumbered them greatly. I did not see anyone else there supporting the other contenders. It was a great day and evidence of the support Ron Paul has. The energy was amazing.

I walked the talk. And it feels unbelievable.