Timing

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I’m sure it’s safe to say that most of us, if not all, have heard the expression “timing is everything”.

Today, I’m pretty sure that not only is there truth in that but it was likely first said by someone who realized that life is like a puzzle, and there are moments that come together and fit perfectly to create a whole. I think we finish a ton of puzzles throughout our lifetime, some many more than others, but I also think timing has a lot to do with them.

I recently lost a job all the while dealing with the fact that my latest film has been rejected from the majority of film festivals I’ve submitted it too. (For those who don’t know, filmmaking is my life.) And while it would be very easy to get depressed about these two things, I’ve been trying incredibly hard to stay positive.

But I’ve had some help.

Is it a coincidence that I just happen to find a guy who I genuinely want to know and be with right before I lose a job that I enjoyed very much? Now while the fact I lost the job makes me sad, it’s hard to stay that way after meeting someone who makes me so happy.

But okay, I chalk it up to a coincidence and leave it at that.

Tonight, however, makes me think it might not just be happenstance…

As mentioned, I’ve been thinking a lot about my films, which isn’t that surprising since I probably think about them 90% of my day, but in particular, I’ve been thinking about my latest film which has yet to play a festival. It deals with the topic of individual responsibility for oneself. Those who are avid fans of my films, cheer me on and tell me to keep doing what I’m doing (though give me constructive criticism as well,) but it’s been hard because I know I make films that are not going to appeal to the masses. While there is definite room in the cinematic marketplace for escapism films, they seem to be all the rage and I by no means make them.

Today, I was cleaning out my office and came upon a DVD of a film called “Think of Me”. I looked it up on IMDB and saw that Lauren Ambrose was in it. I’m a huge fan of hers from her work in “Six Feet Under” so that was enough to get me to play it. I popped it in and settled back with a bowl of popcorn, a glass of wine and some diet coke on ice. I was hooked within ten minutes. And captivated until the end. I had tears in my eyes and I don’t cry at movies unless they somehow connect with me, deeply, on a human level. This film did and chances are, next to no one has heard of it.

Timing.

This is the EXACT film I needed to see right now. It was beautiful, courageous, honest, real and thoughtful. And the fact that it was made gives me such hope that I have a renewed energy about making the films I make. Sure, these films may not reach the audiences or profit level that a film like “The Avengers” might but I realize I don’t care. Artists stay true to themselves and I believe there IS an audience for honest work based in reality.

Timing may not be everything but damn, it sure it is something.

To try

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Have you ever heard of this idea or question or whatever you call it, that goes something like this:

Try to pick up that pencil. Either you do or you don’t. There is no try.

Well, it’s always stayed with me. I think I heard it in a film but I can’t be entirely sure of that. Regardless, I have been one who has thought trying wasn’t good enough. Either you do or you don’t. But what if trying is the doing? What then?

I’m a filmmaker (for those who don’t know) and I’m greatly trying to get my films out there. It’s been a hard road and sometimes, I get a bit down when I don’t reach the heights I set for each of my films or my career as a whole for that matter. There have been wonderful moments, like playing at a festival and then having someone from the audience come up to me to talk about my film, but there’s also been really sad moments, such as recently, when my latest film gets one rejection after the next. So sometimes, I struggle with keeping my positivity in check.

But I try.

I try to keep the faith. I try to stay on track. I try to keep moving forward. I try to get my life to a place I want it to be. I try to find someone to share it with. I try to see reality. I try to be honest. I try to love. I try to treat others with respect. I try to be creative in all that I do. I try to understand everything I can. I try to be conscious. I try to make my one opportunity at life be everything I want it to be.

I try. But sometimes, I don’t succeed.

And with this trying, comes some depression, hardship, anxiety, reality battling my dreams, dealing with the truth, deciding what I will accept or not accept from others, figuring out if there’s someone out there I could love and could love me back…

But still, I try. And I will try for as long as I can breathe.

In a beautifully written moment in my favorite new show BOARDWALK EMPIRE, the main character says to the woman he’s with after she starts to realize he has a dark side, “We all have to decide for ourselves how much sin we can deal with.” Wow. Poignant. But maybe it’s applicable here also. Perhaps we all just have to figure out what we’re willing to try and not.

Sure, you may be able to pick up a pencil. That’s easy. But some things, like going after your dream job or finding your true love, aren’t so easy. So you have to try. And you might not succeed but maybe, just maybe, the trying is enough.

I don’t know, but at least I’m trying to figure it out…

Some rules are made to be broken.

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A couple of days ago, I walked into a restaurant with the boy who I’m dating. When the host seated us, my date asked if we could have a table where we could sit next to each other rather than across from each other.

I paused.

Hold the phone.

First, allow me to explain. I’m an ex-server. I’ve waited tables for more years than the average three-year old can count up to and therefore, I know the rules of serving. And one of them, which most servers would back me on in a heartbeat is this: sit where the host seats you and don’t ask for a table with more chairs than your party is going to sit in.

Dilemma though.

Truth is, I wanted to sit next to him. Plain and simple. So I glanced around and saw there were several open tables and so I justified it in my head. But this got me thinking about rules. Are some to be broken? Or do we break them only when it’s convenient to us?

Well, I decided this. Considering it was nice to sit near him, that I want to do it again and that I liked how he asked for a table in which we could do so, I figure some rules are meant to be broken.

BUT

I am now taking that one off my server rules list. Let couples sit near each other! I will never again roll my eyes at the thought, even if they take up my four top.

I had a dream.

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I had a dream a few nights back that has not left me. Its simplicity in message was like a slap to my face. And I needed it. It was as though my subconscious looked my conscious in the eyes and charged full steam ahead.

Well… my subconscious won. But before I tell the dream, here’s some back-story…

I’ve been a bit down lately because my latest film “Your Move” has yet to play a festival. My confidence has taken a hit. And while I try to remind myself that when I made the all-or-nothing choice of being a filmmaker I accepted rejection, I still struggle with it. And lately, the struggle has been at an all-time high because though I love all my films, I applied everything I learned from them to this one and I feel it deserves to be shown in front of an audience. Alas, it has not though, except for my cast and crew screening which was one of the best nights of my life. But I digress…and there’s more.

While I’m feeling this way about my filmmaking, I also happen to meet a boy whom I really like. He makes me really happy, just being around him and though I feel like I know him, it’s also super exciting learning about him. But, as my readers know, relationships do not come easy for me so I’m struggling. BUT, I have jumped in, sink or swim. Perhaps this dream was trying to help me to not feel so scared about it.

Okay. I had a dream.

And in this dream I was hanging out with some friends but no one in particular whom I can remember. And we were in a place that was very high up and some people where jumping over a cliff and landing in these holes before they reached the ground. Some in my dream thought it was crazy but others were excited and enthusiastically jumping right over the edge. I was on the fence about it, should I? Shouldn’t I? I was worried. But then, I turned to my friend (?) and simply said “I’m going to do it.” We had to weave through people to get to the cliff but once there, I talked myself into it. Pretty much by saying over and over again, “Just do it.” (or something to that effect.) So, I took a deep breath, (I know, cliché, but I really remember doing this in the dream,) and I leaped over the cliff…

I went down in slow motion and made it into the hole. I landed on the ground with both feet (and I swear to God, this image is so crystal clear in my mind that I really wish I could draw.) Not a scratch was on me. I felt great. Then…

I woke up. And I’m pretty sure I had a smile on my face.

I think my subconscious took care of my conscious here and it’s really nice to know it’s looking out for its twin.

Sweet dreams!

30 days of something new…

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I like originality. And I like freshness. And I like coming across new things.

So… I’ve decided, similar to my 31 days project, that I would use this month to discover new things. Each day, for the thirty days of April, I will somehow incorporate something new into my life in whatever category I’ve assigned for that day. For example, today, considering I just came up with this idea, the category is projects. I have to devise a new project for myself…

Hence, this blog post about that new project. Below, you will find my list of categories matched with their assigned day. You will be able to find each day’s post on this new page of my blog – 30 days of April ’12, where I will detail what I’ve incorporated new into my life, according to each category, perhaps only for the day or maybe longer. Please join along if you would like! But even if you don’t choose to, I’d love to hear any feedback you may have… cheers!

April 1 – projects

April 2 – food

April 3 – exercise

April 4 – drinks

April 5 – books

April 6 – words

April 7 – photos

April 8 – television programming

April 9 – websites

April 10 – filmmaking

April 11 – news

April 12 – friends

April 13 – money

April 14 – car

April 15 – games

April 16 – nature

April 17 – fruit

April 18 – history

April 19 – family

April 20 – Italian language

April 21 – music

April 22 – clothing

April 23 – technology

April 24 – health

April 25 – politics

April 26 – restaurants

April 27 – philosophy

April 28 – quotes

April 29 – the opposite sex

April 30 – anything

Yes, some of these categories will take some creativity on my part to come up with incorporating something new into my life for the day or longer but that’s part of the fun… I hope you join me on this adventure. Check back tomorrow and every day in April!

exercise!

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For those who have been following my month of deciding to incorporate exercise into my life, I hope I don’t disappoint you too much. For those who haven’t, please see my former blogs exercise? and exercise. for a recap of my exercise adventure.

Soooo…. I meant well and I didn’t exactly fail at it, but I didn’t fulfill my goal as much I would have liked.

Here’s the truth. I wanted to exercise three times a week but in reality, I pretty much did it once a week.

Here’s what happened. I hate routine. I really do. No excuses but at first I thought I could do it every Tuesday, Friday and Sunday and after the first week of that, I thought to myself, “Christina, you hate routine. Just do it any three days out of the week.” So the second week, I altered the days and then forgot when exactly the new week began and the old one ended and what days I did it and so on…

But I did keep exercising, sort of, if once a week counts? In my world, I’ve decided it does.

Yes, I set a goal but then determined it was wrong for me and so… I changed it. Roll with the punches right? I try not to be too rigid but I also try not to give up. So, I’ve decided this…

I like jogging/power walking and doing body crunches (who knew!) So, I’ve altered my goal to fit my needs and it’s this – exercise at least once a week, try not to eat carbs after ten at night (I love sandwiches and work late so this one is especially hard for me) and walk as much as possible.

Three days a week? It just isn’t me. If I was trying to drastically lose weight or something, I’d be more rigid but the reality is I’ve already lost about three pounds doing just this and that’s enough for now so it’s just about being healthy and that’s something I want to do everyday. In particular, less Diet Coke, I’m down to about one a day on most days, less carbs, more cardio, more walking rather than driving if possible, less sugar and wine and stretching every day.

And you know what, I feel better after this month regardless of routine or not. It took me a bit to find my exercise groove, but I’ve found it and I like it. And it’s here to stay. (But I will write another blog about this six months from now to let you know the latest in my exercise saga…)

celebration

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This weekend I went to a bridal shower. Now, I hope I won’t be hurting anyone’s feelings when I say I normally hate these things because all those who know me should know traditional events, such as this particular societal ritual, are not normally my cup of tea.

That said, I went to a shower for one of my closest friends this weekend and I admit, I had a wonderful time. So this got me thinking… why was this one any different from the others I’ve been to? (And granted I haven’t really been to that many because many of those who are in my social circle are a lot like me and not to mention, my relatives live in another state…)

But then it dawned on me, it was because we were able to actually be ourselves, our true selves, and be there to celebrate the bride, whom we all know and love, and have a good time. There wasn’t any of that typical PC crap. We could actually say what we felt and celebrate the girl we love without having to be fake. Everyone there seemed to truly want to be there and it was just a good time all around.

Yes, the bride is a dear friend of mine but it was the honesty, the acceptance, the love, the warmth, the family, the celebration and the respect that made this day fun. So many times, these societal traditions tend to be a pain for all those involved, tend to be loaded with gossip and bullshit, tend to be more stressful than not and tend to be something done out of obligation rather than desire. But I didn’t feel that way this time and it seemed all those who attended didn’t either.

Now that is a true celebration.

text message etiquette

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I was talking to a friend of mine about text messaging and it led us to discussing proper text message etiquette… and this got me thinking that there really is such a thing. So, I’m going to share my top nine rules of text messaging, (I hate even numbers if you haven’t figured that out yet.) Feel free to agree or disagree right here, and of course, please add your own!

TOP NINE RULES OF TEXT MESSAGE ETIQUETTE according to Christina Parisi (with a little help from a friend…)

1. If your question takes more than three sentences to answer, CALL. DO NOT TEXT.

2. Always reply to a text, even if it’s not a question, to acknowledge you received it. (This comes from my friend, but I wholeheartedly agree.)

3. Be aware – not everyone understands text abbreviations. I swear to you, I have had to Google some…

4. Spell check is the enemy, as I’m sure we can all agree, but if it changes your message to such a degree that its indecipherable, send another text correcting it…

5. Group texts are annoying. Plain and simple.

6. Sarcasm doesn’t translate well through texts so be wary of your use of it. (I’ve learned this the hard way.)

7. There are just some times sending a text is inappropriate – deaths, special events, flaking… (but yes, I know, they are the easier way and I am guilty of this too.)

8. My biggest pet peeve – sending me a text to ask me how I am if we haven’t talked in a while. Really? Beyond “fine”, how much can I really say in a text?

and finally, perhaps the most important….

9. Emoticons have their purpose but are not meant for EVERY text you send.

It is what it is.

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There are some things in life one has control over. And then there are some things one doesn’t and you just have to say, it is what it is.

For example, I have a pretty bad case of OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. Not the typical one that most have, like those who need to check if their oven is off before they leave the house or have their alarm clock set to an odd number (and I do both by the way) but rather the one that makes someone go a little extreme and need medicine to alter the chemical imbalance. I fought it for many years and tried desperately to fix it on my own but then, when it reached its worse, I realized it’s part of my brain makeup and once I finally accepted that, I sought help and have done a pretty good job of correcting it, as much as I can but…

It is what it is.

There are things about all of us that we wish were otherwise. Some people are short and wish they were taller. Some people are born with defects and wish they weren’t. Some people get cancer and have to deal with the truth of it. Some people mess up and suffer severe consequences because of it and then think, if only… But when something is permanent, it is what it is, and one must deal.

While we live in reality, sometimes it’s easier to pretend things aren’t what they are or try to deny something that one doesn’t want. My favorite line in any film is “Never underestimate the power of denial” – American Beauty. But I choose to try really hard to live in the here and now and in reality. Many times, it’s not the easiest or funnest, but I know inside it’s the right thing for me to do.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking lately about the fact that there are things about me that just are. Things I cannot change.  And when others have problems with one of these things, well… my attention gets drawn to it and I have to accept all over again that some things are beyond my control. And I like to be in control.

But then… I think…

Yes. It is what it is. Nothing is perfect. And what’s so wrong with that?

 

 

Butterflies

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You know that common expression, “He/She gave me butterflies”?

Well, one could argue it implies someone is smitten, nervous, excited. And it’s probably because one is in the presence of someone else who makes them happy but also a little sick at the same time, mostly because they really like being around this particular person but then this same person also makes them nervous in that they could not like them back. Come on, you know what I mean… (And if you don’t, wow, I’m sorry for you! Get out there and learn…)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it because I recently felt butterflies. And I forgot what a wonderful feeling they are. It reminded me of being in high school, when I was so thrilled that a popular senior wanted to date me, an insecure sophomore, or when in college, after bluntly asking the boy I liked if he just wanted to be friends, he came to my door five days later and we spent the next four years together.

I think the trick is to find someone who gives you butterflies forever, in the excited way since the sick way should disappear after a while. While every day my not be a honeymoon in any relationship, I think it’s this feeling that acts as the glue for when they’re not.

Butterflies. They begin with a cocoon, which isn’t the most attractive of things and is only partially complete, and then they turn into a beautiful thing that spreads its wings and flies. One could argue that’s like one person finding another, who makes them and their world even better.

God, am I turning into a romantic? Likely not, but… I do love the romantic period of the 19th century… hah