marriage

I care.

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I completely surprised myself.

As someone who has never cared for the gender roles society tries to assign and in fact has more than often gone out of their way to disprove them, it struck me odd when I found myself tending to my husband’s every need the past two days and not minding it.

Let me explain.

It’s very easy to go along with the flow when your significant other is healthy and things are going smoothly, both rocking the world in your regular vibe, being on your own little cloud nine…

But then, there are days when things don’t go smoothly and the flow I mentioned starts to ebb.

Like when one of you get sick.

A few days ago, my husband got hit with whatever flu is going around and the poor guy’s throat has been so sore he hasn’t been able to talk, all the while his body has ached for days. I can still see it in his eyes. He’s not himself. This bug has taken over him.

And so, for the past two days, I’ve found myself taking care of him – asking him what he wanted and going to get it right then, doing all the laundry, preparing his favorite tuscan white bean soup and making sure he got fluids and plenty of rest.

And I didn’t mind it at all.

If someone asked me five years ago if I would one day take care of someone like I have the past two days, I might have either laughed thinking they didn’t know me at all or if they did, wonder what they’d been smoking.

My priorities were so much different then.

And as I was driving home from work tonight, I realized I no longer equated taking care of someone as being weak but instead saw it as one of the strongest things you can do.

And I smiled because I’ve come a long way from the girl who lived alone in a studio and loved it.

I care.

And it feels good.

What we talk about when we talk about love

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The other day, a friend asked me if I had been to Sicily, the place where my parents were born and the root of my culture. I said “no, not yet” and it made me think of something…

First, a little background.

My husband is not from the state we live in. While I have my immediate family here and have had a life in Los Angeles for the past thirty years, my husband has not. His family and friends are on the east coast but his passion for music and the Pacific Ocean led him out west. (Thankfully!)

A little over a year into our relationship, we decided to step things up a notch. We moved in together. And we wanted me to meet his parents. At that time, roundtrip flights to Orlando were going to cost us nearly a thousand dollars. Having just moved in together and needing to pay for a few surprise expenses like car work and dental bills, we did not have an extra thousand to spend.

A little more background.

I am Sicilian, as most my readers know, and going to Sicily has been on my goal list for as long as I can remember. I have a ton of family there and when I was single, I was planning to go visit there for a month. I had been saving up my frequent flier miles for a round trip ticket for almost a decade.

Then, I met my husband and though I was able to take the trip for the first time in my life, I had postponed it because I wanted to get to know him and felt like something magical was happening.

It was indeed and flash forward back to where we were… moved in and wanting to go to Florida so I could meet his parents but lacking in the funds department.

I went online and looked up how many miles I would need for two round trip tickets to Orlando. It was the exact amount for my Sicilian trip.

Though this even surprised myself, I immediately offered them to be used to fly to Florida. My husband insisted I not give up my trip but I was steadfast on the idea and ultimately, he accepted the gift.

We went to Florida and had the most wonderful of trips. His parents were an absolute pleasure and welcomed me in with open arms, thrilled to see their son and I in love.

I had zero regrets on using those miles. And that’s when I realized I was deeply in love with him and my priorities had shifted. Though Sicily is extremely high on my list, he’s higher.

Six months later, my husband’s father fell ill and passed away.

And that was when I realized those miles were never meant for Sicily.

Countdown till Christmas –1 days to go!

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I apologize for the delay in posting this last post of my countdown till Christmas but my husband is a follower of my blog (and one of my biggest fans, which I am grateful for!) and I didn’t want him to see this until after I gave him the surprise. …

It’s been a fun filled Christmas Eve and I hope you have had one as well. My husband and I exchanged presents today as tomorrow is all about exchanging with family. One of the presents I gave him was homemade, as I believe in giving him one every year. Today, I wanted to do something special for him as he makes my life special in ways I could never have imagined.

Today, I made him a framed collage of the first four and half years we’ve known each other. And he was very happy with it :)

And I want to thank the universe that I was fortunate enough to find my soulmate. We are vastly different and yet extremely alike. He teaches me everyday and helps make me a better person. I hope I do the same for him. He challenges me and yet allows me to be the curious thinker that I am. I believe I’ve done something right to have met this amazing tall, dark and handsome man. (Seriously, when I first met him, I thought he was waaaayyy out of my league ;) but he chose me!)

So, in ending this ten day countdown I’d like to wish you a Merry Christmas and good night. May you find love and peace in your lives, whatever that means for you.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu

This Is Marriage.

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I’ve been having this reoccurring dream. Nightmare actually.

The dream is me finding out my husband is not going to marry me. Well, in the dream we are still dating and I learn he’s changed his mind and I am utterly and totally devastated. I wake up with a feeling that I never want to experience in real life. It’s scary.

I’ve been married six months now and it’s by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I thank the universe that I found the love of my life. Sure, it took me thirty-five years but then, there’s no age limit to finding love. Yeah, I guess there are consequences (perhaps no children, maybe lots of loneliness) but once The One is found, the wait proves to be well worth it. But I digress…

In that six months, I’ve had this dream about three or four times.

I should confess that I don’t handle lack of control well. And opening up myself to someone else, trusting them, loving them, is very scary. Maybe not for you, but it is for me.

I had this dream a few nights ago. And I woke up from it feeling that devastation yet again.

But as I came out of this hurtful slumber, I heard a voice say, “Morning baby.”

So I opened my eyes and said, “I just had the worst dream ever. I dreamt you didn’t want to marry me.”

My husband then turned to me and replied, “That’s funny because I was actually lying here, wanting to hug you so bad but worried I was going to wake you.”

And a smile spread across my face.

That is marriage.

Making your partner feel stronger just by being you.

#holdoutfortheone

 

 

25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 12

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For the original idea, please go here.

13 Days till Christmas – spreading love through cooking.

I am one of those who believe in the power of food.

I’m Sicilian and my family has incorporated food into our very way of being, from the passed-down recipes to the regular Sunday afternoon dinners where pasta is the first course. Perhaps it’s in my blood but I adore real food and I adore it most when I am enjoying it with others.

Fresh vegetables and lean protein are two of my husband’s favorite things. He’s had a long week and has been working very hard.

Today, I want to spread the love toward my new husband through cooking. I know what he likes and I decided to put my love into food and prepare for him one of his favorite meals – beef stew. I’m also making some chocolate chip cookies for him to have as a treat over the weekend.

Showing one’s love through food is an excellent way to nourish both the belly and the soul. And when you do it for someone you love, it’s a win-win for everyone involved.

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

My wedding dictionary

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Balance Beam: what the bride will feel like she’s walking on at times.

Bride: someone who will have a lot of decisions to make.

Cake: deliciousness.

Calendar: something that appears much longer than it actually is.

Children: not wanted, sorry.

Dress: cloth and beads that cost the price of a car.

Flowers: kinda unnecessary, albeit pretty.

Food & Drink: yes and yes.

Groom: someone who is along for the ride.

Guest List: hardest damn part of the whole affair.

Honeymoon: pure fun.

Invitations: an awful lot of wasted paper.

License: something I’m sure we’ll forget.

Love: the guiding light.

Marriage: The Point.

Wedding: a great big party, of all sizes, that celebrates a couple’s love.

Wedding Industry: a business, first and foremost, with a lot of extra add-ons that seem…unnecessary… foolish even, like a movie premiere spotlight, outside the church?