love

25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 5

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For the original idea, please go here.

20 Days till Christmas – spreading love by loving myself and the one closest to me. 

Life moves fast and often times I move fast right along with it. My husband though is a little different. And he helps me take time to be in the present moment.

So when this morning, as we were waking, he asked, “Want to start the day with a walk on the beach?” I said yes immediately, something I don’t normally do. But I know how much he loves these walks and how much he loves when I join him, so rather than say no because of the list of things I wanted to get done before work, I replied yes. For him. And for me. (The stuff will still get done; it’s simply a matter of shifting my hierarchy of what comes first and examining exactly how I use my time…)

Walking hand in hand, my husband and I breathed in the fresh ocean air as we talked about life. We even made a friend.

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Today I chose to spread the love by being in the moment for my husband and myself.

Loving oneself and those closest to us is not something to do yearly or only on birthdays. It’s something to do everyday.

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

 

25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 4

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For the original idea, please go here.

21 Days till Christmas – spreading love with holiday cheer

For our first Christmas as a married couple, my husband and I decided to upgrade our Christmas tree. Instead of the grocery store three-footer we normally get, we drove to a lot and picked out a grown up tree. We went to one that was run by a Kiwanis Club, an organization that helps its local community, and all the proceeds go to charity.

Holiday cheer may seem simple. And it can mean different things to different people, depending on the holiday one is celebrating. To some, its purpose may be religious. To others, it’s a frivolous affair. And even to others, it’s a time to eat good food and be around people they love.

Whatever the reason, holidays have a way of bringing people together and well, isn’t that a beautiful thing?

So this year, my husband and I went all out. We strung lights, hung decorations, made gingerbread cookies and are now about to retire to bed to watch Chevy Chase flex his hilarious holiday muscles as he takes us on a vacation…

Happy Holidays!!

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

25 Days of Spreading Love – A countdown to Christmas: Dec. 3

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For the original idea, please go here.

22 Days till Christmas – spreading love with a friend

A little while ago, I was listening to a filmmaker talk during a panel discussion and he mentioned how he was good at being a filmmaker, a dad and a husband but not so good at being a friend.

That’s always stuck with me. I understand what prioritizing is all about and how friendships can be difficult to maintain when other things come before them.

But a beautiful thing about friendships is that the door can always remain open. And I truly appreciate my friends who understand the way I prioritize my life.

I had made plans to go to a dear friend’s place for tea today. We haven’t had one-on-one time in months. I decided to go to her and spend the couple hours we had (before I had to go to work) just listening and being there for her.

The universe works in mysterious ways. She actually needed to talk about something and I had no idea. We spent our visit doing just that.

I think more times than not, being a friend means just listening. And rather than judging, just sharing your thoughts.

 

Spread the love. #spreadthelove

 

Spread the Love

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When I married my husband a few months ago, I glimpsed into a future world of love, a love that years ago I wasn’t sure existed. Every day he shows me what it means to love and be loved.

I can’t say I’ve always been particularly closed off to love but I also can’t say I’ve been the type to welcome it in with open arms either. I’m 38 so I know that I’m part of the group “who waited to get married.”

I used to think love was complicated. I used to think love meant pain. I focused more on me than on finding someone else to love.

Ah, youth. And my early thirties.

The universe smiled on me though, taught me some lessons and then introduced me to the man I’ll be with till, well… it decides to take him back I suppose. But at present, I’ll focus on the here and now. Which leads me to this blog post.

Though I have been given this gift, I sometimes fail to always recognize it and appreciate it. I’ve found myself taking love for granted recently. And I’ve had moments of feeling anger over stupid things.  I’ve spoken to people in my life not from a place of love but from a darker place and at times when I could have projected warmth and understanding, I chose distance and lack of care.

What better time to realize this and want to change it than during the holidays?

I want to walk the talk though. And I’d love to invite you along with me as I do another blog project. (For past ones, click here, here and here.)

Starting tomorrow, December 1, I’ll be counting down the days until Christmas with a daily blog post detailing a way I’ve spread love and put it out in the world.

I realize love can be defined in more ways than maybe any other word used but for purposes of this blog project, I’ll be using the word to mean expressions of kindness and good will.

We live in a world that is far from perfect. People get hurt and die every day, in horrific ways. That is the reality of life. So why not try to balance it with acts of love? And maybe if we begin to do it consciously, it will become part of the fabric of who we are.

So why not meet me here tomorrow (posts will go up at various times but will be daily) and begin this journey with me? Let’s spread the love!

Lessons From A Honeymoon

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My husband and I were recently married, as my blog readers likely know considering my surge in wedding related blog posts over the past six months, and we decided to hit the open road for a little shy of two weeks to explore western America. We began in Los Angeles and drove up the coast through Northern California and then headed into Oregon and then Washington, with a finale in Las Vegas.  We drove the entire way and clocked over 3000 miles. I will never forget it.

We like to explore and see things off the beaten path, things difficult to see when flying in and out of a city rather than driving in and out of one. Along the way, I learned more than I ever thought I would – about love, life and myself. And I learned about my new husband too.

As an independent filmmaker who also works multiple jobs, spare time is not something I typically have. Boredom? Don’t know it. Vacations? A rare concept. So for me, this road trip Honeymoon was all about spending time with the love of my life, turning off the technology that never seems to sleep and thinking of only the moment I was in. Spending days doing nothing but loving, being and exploring the world around me, along side my new husband. We took time to smell the roses and God damn, were they beautiful….

And now, I thought I’d take a moment to share 11 things I learned along the way:

1. Less is more.

2. Going thirty miles over the speed limit is incredibly easy to do, even if that speed limit is 70.

3. Trust and communication are absolute necessities. In all walks of life.

4. When you are upset with someone else, it often times has more to do with yourself than with them.

5. Nature is a pure religion, with its beliefs demonstrated in its being.

6. Technology has become too important. Perhaps a step away is always in order.

7. Don’t judge anything by its cover. Especially restaurants. The fanciest could be crap; a hole-in-the-wall could be a local gem.

8. Life moves fast. Very fast.

9. Marriage is two. Big decisions can no longer only be made by one.

10. Hotels with heated pools are smarter. They are.

11. The answer is love.

To everyone whose wedding I’ve been to…

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Maybe it’s just me but now that I’m getting married, I am realizing that I have a few things to apologize for to those whose weddings I’ve been to.

In my defense, I could say I’ve never really known much about weddings and while that is true, it’s a very poor excuse. I’ve just never really given them much thought or cared to. Definitely not to the degree they deserve. I realize now how much goes in to each and every one, no matter what shape or size. And how it’s truly an honor to be included in such an intimate occasion.

I have not always treated weddings as they deserve to be treated so I would like to take a moment to write an open letter to anyone whose wedding I’ve been to…

I am sorry for ever making it about me.

I am sorry for drinking tooooooo much. Too much would have been okay, tooooooo much was not.

I am sorry for when I actually wrote on an RSVP that I might bring that guest you so nicely offered me but would have to confirm at a later date. (J, I hope you’re reading this!)

I am sorry for having an uninvited date arrive after dinner at your wedding. (N, I hope you’re reading this!)

I am sorry for being late.

I appreciate you including me and was honored to be there.

Thank you.

Cheers to eternity!

My wedding dictionary

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Balance Beam: what the bride will feel like she’s walking on at times.

Bride: someone who will have a lot of decisions to make.

Cake: deliciousness.

Calendar: something that appears much longer than it actually is.

Children: not wanted, sorry.

Dress: cloth and beads that cost the price of a car.

Flowers: kinda unnecessary, albeit pretty.

Food & Drink: yes and yes.

Groom: someone who is along for the ride.

Guest List: hardest damn part of the whole affair.

Honeymoon: pure fun.

Invitations: an awful lot of wasted paper.

License: something I’m sure we’ll forget.

Love: the guiding light.

Marriage: The Point.

Wedding: a great big party, of all sizes, that celebrates a couple’s love.

Wedding Industry: a business, first and foremost, with a lot of extra add-ons that seem…unnecessary… foolish even, like a movie premiere spotlight, outside the church?

Ways to know you’ve reached the comfort zone in your relationship

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Maybe it happens after the second month of dating. Maybe it takes you both a year. Whatever the length, there will come a time in your relationship when you both will either separate or reach a point of comfortableness. (And yes, the later is a good thing! I realize that now, after thirty-something years…)

11 WAYS YOU KNOW YOU’VE REACHED THE COMFORT ZONE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

1. you no longer have underwear the other hasn’t seen.

2. things that were once cute are now NOT CUTE AT ALL.

3. you’ve seen each other pee.

4. they’ve seen you at your worst, and stayed around past morning…

5. you both weigh ten pounds more than when you first met.

6. they’ve seen it all – nose spray, hair remover and control-top pantyhose.

7. you’ll have at one point or another asked your mate if they were okay because of how long they’ve been in the bathroom…

8. you two speak your own language, that only the both of you fully understand;

9. you understand each other without speaking.

10. you’ll have at one time or another disappointed the other because, yes, you did in fact watch the next episode of the show you both love.

11. the mystery has been replaced by a sense of home, and it feels unlike anything you’ve ever experienced in the best way imaginable….

Flow of a funeral.

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Shock. Sadness. Grief. Pain. Regret.

Quick plans. Bereavement fares. Last minute seats.

Supportive job. Supportive parents. Supportive friends.

Reality. Love. Channeled strength from the one gone.

Closed casket. Family members. Spirituality.

Hands held. Cheeks kissed. Tears streamed.

Mortality magnified. Thought.

Goodbye.

Memories. Food. Family. Friends. Strength in numbers.

Love.

Clean up. Continual goodbyes. Revelations.

Love.

Tears. Questions. Reality.

Love.

Finality. Headstone. Acceptance.

Lesson learned from the deceased.

Meaning. Growth.

Love.

Together, Not Against

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My boyfriend and I have been in our new place for a few months now but we have yet to accept that we have a third roommate, our neighbor’s television.

Our neighbor is LOUD. And she watches television incredibly often (does she work, I don’t know?) and it’s always on decibel 900. (I hope that’s loud, I’m actually not so sure about the whole decibel thing…) She also SLAMS her front door shut and talks at the TOP of her LUNGS as she yaps on the phone for hours. And did I mention she likes to do wall-shaking laundry at two o’clock in the morning?

But hey that’s life. I’m very fortunate and I know it and if this is the worst of my problems, I should shut the hell up. But there was one particular morning, my boyfriend and I learned an important lesson and I’d like to share it with my readers.

We had gone to bed the (Sunday) night before around one in the morning. The television in our neighbor’s apartment, which happens to share a very THIN wall with us, had droned on and on from eight until only God knows since we managed to fall asleep despite the noise.

Then, at around 7:30 in the morning, the television came back on. It sounded like Oprah on crack and a LOUD studio audience. My boyfriend and I were jolted awake and neither of us were happy about it. I grabbed my eye cover and yelled about the noise all the way to the bathroom while my boyfriend grunted and sighed. Under the covers, I tried to will the damn thing off. My boyfriend covered his head with the blanket. Nothing worked though. Cackling middle-aged women were practically in our bedroom at eight o’clock in the morning.

We got more pissed as the minutes passed. I started devising a plan and spoke it out loud despite my boyfriend’s snap, “No talking. It’s too early.” I continued talking about the letter I was going to write to my neighbor and how I would make my point as effectively as possible, using manipulation even if I had too (the things we say when we’re tired!), and I wasn’t done… But my boyfriend got upset and said that we could kiss our apartment goodbye (dramatic much?) and how I’d only be rocking the boat and causing trouble and that she’d probably start to do it even louder.

We laid opposite each other, having gone from practically hugging to no longer touching. I was upset. He was upset. And then, practically at the same time, we both breathed and looked at each other and realized what was happening. My boyfriend hugged me and said that it’s crazy for us to be taking it out on each other right now. I agreed and squeezed him back, thinking, this isn’t about me. Or about him. Or about our neighbor.

It’s about US.

We’re in this together.

We are not against each other.

It may sound simplistic but I’ll tell you this, my whole perspective at how I see the world changed in that moment of realization. Dramatic, much? Yeah. But moments that shape us qualify for such, no?