love

11 Days Till Christmas – Giving Back

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I wait tables, as many of you know, and as a server, I make tips (let’s hope the Department of Justice keeps it that way #tiptheft) and lately, guests have been rather generous during the holidays.

Don’t get me wrong. I work for my tips. I make sure to give every diner the restaurant experience that I would want and I always do it with respect and a smile, even if those aren’t reciprocated. I believe in value for value and feel I deserve the high tips I get.

On that note, today I decided to share some of those generous holiday tips I’ve received with a fellow tipped employee.

I received a massage today that was one of the best I’ve ever gotten. She literally made my shoulder pain go away. It’s a small strip mall foot massage place that doesn’t look as great as it actually is and to be honest, I’m not sure if my masseuse speaks english, but her hands work magic.

Value for value.

I decided to give back today by sharing some of the holiday tip money I’ve earned in my tipped position to another in theirs, one who perhaps doesn’t have the type of sales a popular restaurant server does.

11 Days till Christmas!!

#givingbackblogseries #givingback

Road Tripping Day 14

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The past two weeks have been some of the most amazing days of my life. Traveling the east coast with my husband as we visited close family and friends allowed me time to explore the great outdoors, see cities and states I hadn’t before and learn about love, life, myself and my relationships on a deeper level.

And I’d like to extend a big thank you to all who have come along for the ride with us.

If I had to say what I learned most from the trip, it would be how much I love my husband.

The universe gave me a chance to see how important the commitment I made to this man is to me and I have a new-found excitement for getting to be with him everyday, for all the days we are given.

I also learned a few overall lessons and made some observations that I thought I’d share with you for the last of my Road Tripping posts…

  • Bug spray is something now at the top of my packing list when traveling. Especially to the east coast.
  • Tim Horton’s is very popular on that same east coast. (FYI, it’s a coffee place for those like myself who didn’t know.)
  • Nissan Versas are a great rental. Smooth ride. Excellent mileage. Comfortable. (And no, I’m not getting paid by them…)
  • Subway fast food restaurants are everywhere. Literally everywhere.
  • Do not put on mascara while the car is moving.
  • Overpacking is a waste. I learn more about it each time I travel. Biggest takeaway – Ask myself if I really will wear/use/read it. If I hesitate, don’t bring it.
  • Priceline is my favorite travel website.
  • Heated hotel pools are also a favorite of mine.
  • My hair hates humidity, but I was prepared this time. I came armed with serum and a straightener.
  • Lyft is a Godsend.
  • Sometimes, Denny’s can in fact hit the spot.
  • Each state has different rules for speeding. Some take it insanely serious. Others, almost invite it. My advice – pay attention and act accordingly, unless you want to waste your money and time.
  • Rain is very different on the Atlantic/Pacific coasts. Atlantic is unpredictable, wild, warm, odd and part of life. Pacific is periodic, wet, cold and quite seasonal.
  • I love to collect things and my bottle cap, seashell and magnet collections grew rapidly over the past fourteen days.
  • I missed my bed, getting the mail and family the most while I was gone.

I am already looking forward to another trip. Stay tuned, as I hope you’ll join me then as well.

Cheers!

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 13

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The last destination on our east coast road trip was Toronto, Canada.

On the two-hour drive to get there from Buffalo, my husband and I reflected on the wonderful trip we’d just experienced over the past twelve days.

And a big thank you to all who have come along for the ride. It’s been fun going through it with readers and participants :)

Toronto is not entirely new to me. Growing up in Buffalo, Canada wasn’t really another country. It was the city next door. It was Niagara Falls. (Yes, the Canadian side gives the best views. BUT the Buffalo side gives a great sight of the rapids, unlike anything other. And it’s still America, so you don’t have to deal with going through the border. (It’s the getting back through the American side that has become a pain in the ass. I felt like I was being interrogated, but I digress…)

We live in a different world from the days of my childhood when my dad would pay fifty cents and go in and out of Canada with little effort. Terrorism is suspect though and America does not mess around. TSA even took the jar of Georgia peach jam I got for my mother. Sad… I felt invaded when they went through my whole bag and undid the great packing job I had strategized over but don’t get me started.

Toronto was fun and the view from the C & N building was no joke. 181 floors up. And there was a lightning storm happening while we strolled around as our ears popped. My husband was bummed a bit that the outer walkway was closed but to be honest, I was fine with staying behind the glass. (Please excuse the rain drops on the shot above; I tried my best.)

It was a wonderful way to close our two-week road trip, which started in Central Florida and ended in Toronto, Canada.

Tomorrow will be my last post for my road tripping series. Stay tuned as I list observations from the trip as a whole….

#roadtripping

 

 

 

 

 

Road Tripping Day 11 & 12

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I don’t want this feeling to end. I wish I could wrap it up and keep it in a little box so whenever I want it back, I could have it in a moment’s notice.

La Familia.

Growing up in a Sicilian household, the importance of family was instilled in me from the day I was born. I learned early on to have respect for one’s family and culture. To this day, my mother makes sauce on Sundays and speaks Sicilian to her parents. And yes, I too now make this sauce but no, not every Sunday. Many of those days, I’m at my folks.

The reason for the silence on my blog the past two days is that I literally did not have one moment to formulate my thoughts because I filled every second with family while in my birth town of Buffalo, NY. I was so blown away by the amount of love and respect and joy that swirled around me in the past forty-eight hours that I didn’t want to mess with it one bit (which I believed I’d have to do to write this post.)

In some ways, my Aunt J has always felt like a second mother. This says a lot because I am not truly comfortable with most people. But the relationship we formed when I was 0 – 10 stuck and despite great distance, I feel at home with her. Her children, my first cousins have been everything to me. Best friends. Family. A godson. And being back with them this weekend made it seem like no time or distance had passed between us. Talks were deep and beautiful and funny and wine-filled and lovely and special and so many more adjectives but I’ll stop…

In short, it was magical. And I didn’t want the feeling to end.

It was a ride and I’m already sad to be off but here’s a sneak peek of it:

The long way there. Hehe but we made it! Smiles, love, warmth, family, childhood. Grandparents. Love. Remembering the past while mixing it with the future. Intro’s to my husband. Tons of intros! Beautiful children, like the one’s we once were. Family. Love. Party time! Hands moving. Mouths going. Good times had by all. Smiles on a ninety-six year old. Family. Love. Niagara Falls! Majestic. Good food. Laughs. Pictures. Water. Lots and lots of water. Wings and pizza. Final dinner. Great times! Laughs galore. Family. Love. Tour of old hood. Husband. My love. My life. Late night chats. Early morning chats. Family. Love.

Till tomorrow…

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 7

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Today we left the Carolinas and made our way north to the Maryland/Washington DC area. My husband was born and raised in Baltimore and I have always wanted to see our nation’s capital so lucky for us, they’re very close to one another.

But getting there from the North/South Carolina border took us a good eight hours, with only a few stops. Traffic near the D.C. area can rival what one sees in L.A., though their freeways are not seven lanes, on both sides…

Thankfully, my love let me be the passenger so I could soak it all up without having to keep my eyes on the road (though I did try to be a second pair for him when the rain came down.)

I stared out the car window for many hours today, and with the help of some Apple music streaming, I thoroughly enjoyed the greenery that sped past as I made some more observations along the way, which I thought I’d share with you now, along with some lessons learned as well:

  • found out what a beltway is today (we don’t have them in California, right?) For those who don’t know, like yours truly, it’s a circular highway in an urban area.
  • Virginia means business when it comes to speeding. There are cops right along the freeway and every few miles, one will see a sign detailing the state’s strict speeding rules (and yet, their typical speed limit is 70mph… Catch up Los Angeles!)
  • Apple maps is hands down superior over Google Maps (though my husband would argue otherwise, hehe…)
  • Humidity can make a day of 65* feel twenty degrees warmer, no joke.
  • Rest stops aren’t as scary as I’ve made them out to be in my head. Or is that just the ones on the east coast?
  • I pee quite a bit more than I did as twenty-something, and what better time to realize that when in a car for eight hours. (TMI?)
  • Bug bites come in all shapes and sizes and they suck. Period. And I can’t stop SCRATCHING!!
  • As strange as it is, I literally cannot pronounce the word “Potomac”, not for the life of me.

 

Till tomorrow…

#roadtripping

Am I an asshole?

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I need a lot of alone time.

Definitely more than the average person and probably even more than the person who thinks they need a lot of alone time. Ask anyone who has lived with me, dated me or well, tried to get to know me.

I’m not saying this as some badge of honor. Oh no. It’s a problem and I know that.

But it’s me.

I like to spend time alone. I need it. As weird as it sounds, I’m still getting to know myself and without time alone, I don’t feel entirely free to do that.

Is this different from others? Or am I just more vocal about it? I seriously don’t know but hell, I’m coming clean on my blog right now.

I need a lot of alone time.

Do you?

Someone once said that if you can’t spend time alone, than you’re hiding something from yourself. Wait… Is that just a thought I had from all my philosophy study? I seriously don’t know. But I struggle with original thought when I study from the masters. Are we not to build upon them though?

I digress….

I need a lot of alone time.

But what do you do when that need hurts those you love?

Which side do you fulfill…?

Pause for a moment.

Today, I was talking to my father. Not about this. Not at all literally BUT in the conversation we were having, he asked something about living in reality….

And I was struck!

(Not the first time my father said a statement seemingly simple and yet, so therapeutic….)

Have I adapted to the fact that I am no longer living as one? Married, you are living as two. Individuals, yes. But choices no longer are your own because of the commitment you’ve made to another individual…

What then, if you need alone time?

Is that selfish?

Are you an asshole?

What say you?

Why I’m happy my husband and I waited five years to become Facebook friends

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I met my husband, Don, on Labor Day 2012 and sparks flew as we walked for hours around Manhattan Beach, talking and getting to know each other. This was followed with a drink by the pier and a couple more hours of conversation.

Talking to Don was like talking to an old friend who suddenly came back into my life. It was like we knew each other but didn’t. And he somehow made me believe true love did indeed exist.

So when a few months into our relationship I asked Don to be Facebook friends, and he declined, let’s just say I was most certainly thrown for a loop.

“How dare he?!” “What in the hell!” “That’s it. It’s over.” 

These are a few things that ran through my head when he told me he didn’t want to be Facebook friends. And then a big one sank in….

“What in the world is he hiding?!”

Now, up to this point, Don had not done a thing to make me distrust him and in fact, he did a lot of things that made me trust him, so this was mind-boggling.

The next night we were together, probably within fifteen seconds if I know myself, I unleashed on him. I questioned him and our entire relationship.

I simply couldn’t understand how we could date and be falling in love and yet he didn’t want to “friend me” on social media.

Then, he said something calmly and uncomplicated.

“I don’t want to get to know you through Facebook.”

My inner rage was jolted. And as though it was controlled by a gas-stove dial, the flame went from bursting to barely there.

He had a really solid point. And I liked it. I respected that he didn’t want to learn about me through a social networking service.

So I agreed. We would not be Facebook friends until we were ready.

There was one stipulation though – I would be able to see his page whenever I wanted to, under his login. Come on people, I’m no fool. But he not only agreed, he also invited me to do so right then and there.

Which, of course, I did. But after that, I’ve probably asked him to look at his page maybe five times in the five years we’ve been together. And that was only to see pictures.

Now… flash forward to last week.

After being married for a year and a half, I turned to Don while we were grabbing a drink before dinner and said, “Babe, you think it’s time we become Facebook friends?”

He gave me one of his adorable side-tilted smiles and said, “You want to? Let’s do it.”

He sent me an invite ten seconds later.

And then I realized, after all this time, it’s really fun to suddenly get to see each other’s Facebook life. Not that it’s much different from non-Facebook life, but it is its own entity and I’m not sure Don realizes it, but he discovered a whole new way for us to get to know each other.

I care.

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I completely surprised myself.

As someone who has never cared for the gender roles society tries to assign and in fact has more than often gone out of their way to disprove them, it struck me odd when I found myself tending to my husband’s every need the past two days and not minding it.

Let me explain.

It’s very easy to go along with the flow when your significant other is healthy and things are going smoothly, both rocking the world in your regular vibe, being on your own little cloud nine…

But then, there are days when things don’t go smoothly and the flow I mentioned starts to ebb.

Like when one of you get sick.

A few days ago, my husband got hit with whatever flu is going around and the poor guy’s throat has been so sore he hasn’t been able to talk, all the while his body has ached for days. I can still see it in his eyes. He’s not himself. This bug has taken over him.

And so, for the past two days, I’ve found myself taking care of him – asking him what he wanted and going to get it right then, doing all the laundry, preparing his favorite tuscan white bean soup and making sure he got fluids and plenty of rest.

And I didn’t mind it at all.

If someone asked me five years ago if I would one day take care of someone like I have the past two days, I might have either laughed thinking they didn’t know me at all or if they did, wonder what they’d been smoking.

My priorities were so much different then.

And as I was driving home from work tonight, I realized I no longer equated taking care of someone as being weak but instead saw it as one of the strongest things you can do.

And I smiled because I’ve come a long way from the girl who lived alone in a studio and loved it.

I care.

And it feels good.

What we talk about when we talk about love

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The other day, a friend asked me if I had been to Sicily, the place where my parents were born and the root of my culture. I said “no, not yet” and it made me think of something…

First, a little background.

My husband is not from the state we live in. While I have my immediate family here and have had a life in Los Angeles for the past thirty years, my husband has not. His family and friends are on the east coast but his passion for music and the Pacific Ocean led him out west. (Thankfully!)

A little over a year into our relationship, we decided to step things up a notch. We moved in together. And we wanted me to meet his parents. At that time, roundtrip flights to Orlando were going to cost us nearly a thousand dollars. Having just moved in together and needing to pay for a few surprise expenses like car work and dental bills, we did not have an extra thousand to spend.

A little more background.

I am Sicilian, as most my readers know, and going to Sicily has been on my goal list for as long as I can remember. I have a ton of family there and when I was single, I was planning to go visit there for a month. I had been saving up my frequent flier miles for a round trip ticket for almost a decade.

Then, I met my husband and though I was able to take the trip for the first time in my life, I had postponed it because I wanted to get to know him and felt like something magical was happening.

It was indeed and flash forward back to where we were… moved in and wanting to go to Florida so I could meet his parents but lacking in the funds department.

I went online and looked up how many miles I would need for two round trip tickets to Orlando. It was the exact amount for my Sicilian trip.

Though this even surprised myself, I immediately offered them to be used to fly to Florida. My husband insisted I not give up my trip but I was steadfast on the idea and ultimately, he accepted the gift.

We went to Florida and had the most wonderful of trips. His parents were an absolute pleasure and welcomed me in with open arms, thrilled to see their son and I in love.

I had zero regrets on using those miles. And that’s when I realized I was deeply in love with him and my priorities had shifted. Though Sicily is extremely high on my list, he’s higher.

Six months later, my husband’s father fell ill and passed away.

And that was when I realized those miles were never meant for Sicily.

Countdown till Christmas –1 days to go!

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I apologize for the delay in posting this last post of my countdown till Christmas but my husband is a follower of my blog (and one of my biggest fans, which I am grateful for!) and I didn’t want him to see this until after I gave him the surprise. …

It’s been a fun filled Christmas Eve and I hope you have had one as well. My husband and I exchanged presents today as tomorrow is all about exchanging with family. One of the presents I gave him was homemade, as I believe in giving him one every year. Today, I wanted to do something special for him as he makes my life special in ways I could never have imagined.

Today, I made him a framed collage of the first four and half years we’ve known each other. And he was very happy with it :)

And I want to thank the universe that I was fortunate enough to find my soulmate. We are vastly different and yet extremely alike. He teaches me everyday and helps make me a better person. I hope I do the same for him. He challenges me and yet allows me to be the curious thinker that I am. I believe I’ve done something right to have met this amazing tall, dark and handsome man. (Seriously, when I first met him, I thought he was waaaayyy out of my league ;) but he chose me!)

So, in ending this ten day countdown I’d like to wish you a Merry Christmas and good night. May you find love and peace in your lives, whatever that means for you.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu