life

Saying Goodbye When It’s Time

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I said goodbye to a friend this week. And no, before you think the worst, no one died. Only the realization that two people should not put each other through trouble anymore. When expectations of what being a friend means differs tremendously between two people, it’s time to end the pain.

And that’s okay.

Full disclosure, a regular question to me over years would go like this –  “She’s doesn’t seem that happy with you. Why are you friends exactly?”

While differences can be part of the fun, if those differences cause someone pain, well, time to cut the cord, no? It’s okay not to be friends with everyone.

I mean, come on… different strokes for different folks.

It’s quality. Not quantity.

Friends compliment life. And when necessary, they challenge you. But if they try to make you something you are not, to fulfill their needs, then… is that friendship? What’s worse is if they try to make you feel bad, over and over again, for being yourself, then it’s clear they’re not happy with you as a friend and again, why are we friends exactly?

Not easy, though. Especially when dealing with human emotions.

But I’ve learned over the years that friendship is whatever a pair defines it to be. I have been blessed with dear friends I’ve retained since my teens. And while we may go a year without talking, we know we care about each other as life moves swiftly and we go in different directions.

Friendship is what you make of it. If both people really want to be in it.

“Real friends were the kind where you pick up where you’d left off, whether it be a week since you’d seen each other or two years.”

— Jojo Moyes, One Plus One: A Novel

 

 

 

 

 

A Yes In a Sea of No’s

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Any writer can tell you part of the process of being a writer is seeing and hearing the words “thanks but no thanks” over and over and over again.

And damn, it can be painful. Over time, I’ve become rather numb to it, instead focusing on and believing in the work that I do, though also assessing feedback – compliments and constructive critique – and acting accordingly. Notes from generous editors have at times made my work all the better. The hard part is figuring out which notes to take… but I digress.

While splashing around in this sea of no’s, when a YES comes your way and a piece of your writing – in this case, my flash fiction – gets published, it can be one of the most meaningful experiences, especially when the publisher gets what you’re trying to do.

My YES came from a fellow WordPress site – 100wordsofsolitude.

100 Words of Solitude is a project started by writers and professors in an effort to capture individual perspectives on what the world is currently experiencing. They’re selecting 100 pieces of 100 words each from writers all over the world and they have generously accepted one of mine and published it yesterday.

It’s a micro piece of fiction where I attempt to explore the disconnect in the age of Coronavirus. I would love to hear your thoughts!

And a big thank you to the curators at 100 Words of Solitude for finding meaning in my work and sharing it with others.

Sunday Meditations… We have an opportunity here… #coronavirus

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First off, thank you to those who are working their assess off so the rest of us can remain healthy and safe. YOU – those in healthcare, emergency services, grocery and delivery – ARE the REAL HEROES in this scenario – not the government. THANK YOU SO MUCH

That said, I’ve been thinking about the opportunity that we as individuals, citizens of all nations, have been given because of this virus.

Yes, the virus is killing people but….

it’s allowed the world to breath.

THE WORLD.

Do you understand what that means? Because I can barely grasp the significance myself at first thought…

Animals are returning to their natural habit… smog is clearing and here in Los Angeles, it’s downright gorgeous (that’s where I live.. tell me about where you live please!) Dolphins are abundant here, before yes, but now so are whales, right by our pacific coastline.

And then priorities… how have they shifted? Family and loved ones are the top while careers are put on pause. It makes you think about how you spent your time before…

What will happen when the virus is vaccinated and people try to live on? The world will be different from here on out, no matter who or what you believe, but what’s important is how different YOU are when this is over… at least, that’s what I’m thinking for myself.

Because I’ve changed.

Already.

Have you?

And despite the understandable financial struggle, I’ve watched nature live without much interference by man and that has paid me plentiful.

And now, I wonder…

Can we can rise from this, better than ever before, knowing now what’s truly important….

Things or People?

Truth or Money?

#coronavirus #thechoiceisours

Monday Moments – Coronavirus

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This will be one of my free flowing posts – for those who are new to my blog, I sometimes write in stream of consciousness – as I attempt to capture what the heck is going on….

It started as a virus China was struggling to contain. soon though, it spread like a racehorse around the globe, catching many by surprise. toilet paper seemed to be the hot commodity for some unknown reason. shouldn’t it be food? schools began to close, jobs were lost (i was one of them.) warnings abound. social media blew up. why does everyone think they are experts when it’s clear they haven’t even researched what they’re arguing? this event gives an excuse to release anger. that is what scares me the most, more than getting this virus. we can battle back and forth about what should or shouldn’t be done but what good will that do unless you are in a position to do something? is anyone else thinking this is a wash and rinse cycle happening on a global scale? maybe mother nature saying a big F U to humanity. i mean, look at what we’ve done to her… is this payback? and if so, don’t we deserve it on some level? that said, i fear for the elder generations… their weak systems, yes, but more the way they are being treated. why must youth be so revered when it lacks in perspective and too often, wisdom and strength? being home isn’t so bad. it’s quite lovely when you love the one you’re with. i can’t imagine if you don’t. divorce will likely be a result… speaking of results, what will this world look like when we come out of this? that is THE question. to guess, many places will not reopen. unemployment will skyrocket and the government will provide handouts, sending us into TRILLIONS of debt. and that will be the next big F U… it isn’t sustainable. oh the humanity

 

Revisiting Sex And The City Fifteen Years Later

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The other day, I decided to turn on Season 4 of Sex and the City. No reason for selecting that particular season, only that I saw it on my Amazon Prime homepage and thought, wow, it’s been a hell of a long time since I watched the show that meant the absolute world to me way back in the early 2000s, so why not put it on while I decorate….

Well…. one thing led to another and I watched the entire season – all 18 episodes – in a matter of five days.

And yes, I will admit, watching in hindsight makes me realize it wasn’t as far-reaching or convention-defying as I thought it had been but still… at the time, it pushed boundaries the status quo imposed and allowed women to explore their sexuality and individualism in a way no other show had before. It empowered a whole generation of people.

And it showed women were not the lesser sex; simply a different sex than the one who had been dominating.

For all I mention, I will never forget this show. Sex and the City made me feel not so alone, not so crazy to want to explore life rather than have children right after college (or ever, for that matter) and defined us women as strong, powerful humans with the expectation to have every right a man has. It didn’t show us in the kitchen or watching children, it showed something else I will state after a quick story….

Post college, my dear friend would recap entire episodes since I didn’t have HBO (or a TV for that matter, haha!) She would detail every moment, every scene, and I was captivated, waiting until I could make it over to her place to watch what we had just discussed and dissected.

Watching the show present day, however, showed me the difference in which I viewed the material, especially in relation to marriage.

When I was in my twenties, or even early thirties, I wasn’t sure marriage was for me. I thought perhaps I liked my independence just a tad too much to be good for someone or have someone be good for me, not to mention I had determined children were not going to be in my plan, so that was limiting in selecting a partner as well. You’d be surprised how many men want children. Not just women.

Exactly the type of material Sex and the City explored, right? Which is why I loved the show so damn much. It was almost a religious experience for my friends and I, but that’s another discussion…

Now, though, having found a man whom I genuinely want to spend the rest of my days with, I realize Sex and the City no longer confirmed my singlehood, but rather, what it really did, at its core, was show us CHOICE.

And I will never forget that it did that for me and still does. And I’d imagine a ton of other women would agree. I believe it gave us, in particular me, a voice that marriage, kids, sexuality, all of it, was a matter of choice, not a predetermined route to be defined by society or religion or anyone else other than the person(s) involved.

So, thank you Sex in the City, and Sarah Jessica Parker, and all those who created the show, for having the courage to do so when it wasn’t in vogue or so readily accepted, and while, sure, if the show was made today it would be different, what it was is precisely why it was so perfect at the exact time it was made.

It helped paved the way to be where we are today.

And that is a beautiful thing. At least to me.

#sexandthecity

 

Gym Observations

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Hi All!

Been a hot minute since I wrote about my weight loss journey. Still rocking the gym five to six days a week and though I am all about pizza and bread and wine still, I have employed moderation to maintain my weight, though still want to shed ten more pounds… (Don’t we all?)

Anywho, as someone who now goes to the gym more than she ever thought she would, I have a few observations about gyms and gym etiquette that I would love to share with my readers, so here goes!

7 Observations From A Gym-Goer

1. Sweat, while a natural body activity, is really disgusting when it’s left on shared equipment. Rule #1 – wipe up your sweat! Though most do, there are those who don’t and they give us germaphobes a run for our money.

2. Mirrors are helpful and hurtful. Yes, they help you eye your form and movement but damn if they are not a constant reminder of where you are versus where you want to be. So, I’ve begun to change the way I think of them to use them as motivation rather than a source of depression.

3. After making a gym visit part of my morning routine, it’s become more enjoyable. At first, I would go whenever I fit it in but I noticed that if I didn’t go before noon, chances were I wasn’t going to that day. For me, the gym is something I like, but not loved, and it takes a lot of energy, which I have most of in the morning. My husband, on the other hand, likes to go at the end of his day. It works for him. Point being, once you figure out what works best for you, the gym is less a nuisance in your day and more a part of it, at least from my experience.

4. I can take the grunters. I can take the full faces of makeup and perfume smells. I can even take the machine hoggers. But what I can’t stay quiet about are the gym-goers who watch stuff on their phones with the volume up. Come on! Of course, we all want to do it, but have some respect and either use ear plugs or simply don’t do it. No one should be forced to listen to your news program or children’s videos or the latest episode of the Kardashians (for the love of all that’s holy!)

5. Machines under the air conditioner are coveted and rightly so. They are the gems, at least for me whose body runs at 100 degrees at all times, and once you figure where these machines are, they will be the best thing to get you to stay at the gym and not leave mid-workout. Well, that and discipline, of course ;)

6. Women can be just as strong as men. I get that genetically, males and females have differences making it perhaps easier for men to gain strength, but let no one tell you men are inherently stronger. Just walk into a gym and you will see that is definitely not the case.

7. I am typically the only one wearing flip flops. I know it’s more dangerous but I don’t use free weights so is it really? the crew at my gym let me slide and I feel more comfortable. (For those who don’t know, I wear flip flops 365 days out of the year, whenever and wherever I possibly can. I even bought a “fancy” pair…)

Do you have any of your own gym observations? Please share!

And stay tuned, the holidays are approaching and I’m going to try to do the impossible – continue to lose weight and be healthy…

 

 

 

 

Lessons from time spent with my 90 year old Nonna

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When my mother called to ask if I would join her on a trip to visit my 90 year-old grandmother, without hesitation, I said yes and began to look forward to it.

Growing up on the east coast, I spent quality time with my Nonna but when my immediate family moved to Los Angeles when I was ten, our visits were not as often but were still filled with quality time whenever we saw each other, which was yearly. As she aged, my Nonna could no longer travel to us but I could still travel to her and have managed to get out to NY on average once every two to three years. Distance is an obstacle but I believe time spent with others is not about quantity but rather quality.

As I wait for my plane to board to return home, I’m reflecting on the past four days I’ve spent with my Nonna and how amazing it was to be around this lively ninety year-old Sicilian woman. And I learned a few things I’d like to share…

  • Age is but a number and does not define a person.
  • Being in the moment can be just sitting there, in a person’s presence.
  • See things for yourself before you form an opinion, regardless of what others tell you.
  • Love keeps you young and alive. Bottom line.
  • Family is a window to look into to help understand yourself.
  • Letting others be who they are is perhaps the best thing you can do for someone you love.
  • Making a 90 year-old laugh is one of the greatest joys I’ve experienced.

I wish so bad I could just take her home with me and let her breath the Pacific Ocean mist for her remaining days (though I think she has a looooooonnnng time to go!) but alas, that is likely not to happen as she told me she can’t travel and the rest of my family are there with her…

“In ever conceivable manner, the family is the link to our past, bridge to our future.”
– Alex Haley, author

 

 

Please forgive me

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I suck.

I haven’t written a post in over two months.

In my defense, I’ve been hard at work finishing my novel and booking writing clients for paid writing work but I know… that’s no excuse. And my post before this said something similar…

Here’s the thing. I’m in transition. I am a filmmaker but God help me, that’s the hardest damn thing to crack through, as you need a ton of money to make one. Writing, however, is something I’ve always loved and since I’ve been told I have a gift with it (no one has told me that about filmmaking…) I thought I’d focus on that right now.

But please, allow me to ask you, my readers, for forgiveness… I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I wrote until I logged on to write this and I’m sorry.

I’ll be straight with you. I’m trying to establish my writing career so I can finally retire from waiting tables but that’s very difficult since waiting tables pays triple (if not more) than many writing assignments. (Never let anyone tell you waiting tables is easy. IT’S NOT. PERIOD. A restaurant manager told me they know servers make more but they don’t do it because of what it entails and think it says about them, but that’s another story…)

Anywho, my diet coke addiction is at an all time high BUT I am going dry for at least five weeks (no alcohol!) to shave off all this holiday weight I gained. Yeah… not only did I gain everything back that I lost but I gained more on top of that! Stay tuned… loss is coming…

So, as I send my book to my trusted readers to read over the next two months and research which fiction agents to target, I will return to my blog and hope my readers forgive me and continue to come along on my journey of life.

Stay tuned…. I’ll be detailing my continuing weight loss battle but also my career twist as a writer….

Happy 2019!

My Grandpa’s Funeral

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For those who don’t know, I sometimes write in a stream of conscious way. For this post, I’ll be doing so…

Il funerale di mio nonno

after the news, tears came. then came the plans. flights were booked. messages were sent. i just wanted to get there. flying was a nightmare but worth it. sleep would be had whenever possible. met parents at the buffalo airport at 6 am est after leaving LA the day before at 9 am pst. hugs with them, especially my mother. my beautiful mother.

la mia bella nonna. my beautiful grandmother. more tears came before a little sleep. then the wake. four hours of visitors. family seen, some I’ve seen recently and others I hadn’t. it was beautiful. and touching. and emotional. and a testament to my grandfather.

being surrounded by his family was his favorite thing in the world. and that was exactly how we celebrated him.

my aunts and uncles and cousins planned a wonderful memorial to him. it was absolutely lovely. hearing about his last moments made me understand what true love looked like. till the moment my grandfather passed, he thought about his wife. and the fact he was surrounded by family in those last (surprisingly) lucid hours makes me feel good. i know he wouldn’t want it any other way.

he was 97. lived an extraordinary and beautiful life (from fighting for the Italians and stationed in Africa to becoming a prisoner of war in the US during WWII to immigrating his family to America in the 1950s) and he gave me my mother. for that I will be forever thankful.

seven months ago I took my husband to meet him. i’m so grateful I had those moments with him. when he wasn’t giving me advice on having children (he did not like that we chose not too, haha!) he was telling his grandson-in-law stories about Sicily and our family’s early years in America. and he was still making my grandmother blush with stories about stealing kisses when she was in her teens.

the funeral and reception gave family and friends a time to honor him one last time before laying his body to rest.

and that’s when I looked around, saw all of my family’s faces in the same room and was filled with a warmth that I believe was love.

family.

love.

it’s what it’s truly all about, no?

thank you Nonno. I love you. and may you rest in peace and meet your love again wherever you are…

 

Quick Road Tripping

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I know I’ve been a bit silent on my blog recently and I apologize. These past couple weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, as I’m sure many of you can relate to as we enter 2018.

2018?!

How the hell did that happen? Wasn’t it just 1995? But I digress… Over the past four days, I traveled to Northern California to see my sister and her six-month old baby and then to one of my oldest and dearest friends, who is in a nearby city and also happens to have a six-month old baby.

I was in baby heaven.

But before anyone asks, here’s my response to why we decided to not have children.

This past weekend was fantastic. Hanging with little babies full of love is not a bad way to spend a long weekend, that’s for sure. And I was able to see a dear friend of mine who I don’t get to see anywhere near as often as I’d like.

Though this road-trip of mine (solitary btw, which I recommend for everyone, married or not!) was short and sweet, I did make some observations along the way that I would love to share with you, my readers, as I have in the past :)

Also, happy new year to you all!

Some observations from a short road trip from Southern California to Northern and back again…

  • get your gas where it’s cheap. Prices at gas stations can fluctuate several dollars within miles of each other.
  • bring a car trash bag. it will make your life easier.
  • ignore your phone. people will text and call but do your own thing when on the road. it’s freeing and a great time to be in your head…
  • san francisco drivers are no joke. they get the job done and take no prisoners. los angeles drivers either wait for, what my brother calls, “the golden invitation” for lane changes and such, thinking they own the road, or they cut your off and then brake. I am a Los Angeleno but SF has us here. The drivers there need and want to drive. Here, everyone drives whether they want to or not.
  • be careful of “Economy” car rentals. Though my car did what it had to, it had no key fob to open doors (I used a key, what?!), no arm rest, side mirrors adjustable only by hand (yup, it’s still a thing!) and the most annoying beep if you didn’t immediately put your seatbelt on.
  • sing out loud to your heart’s desire. it’s cathartic
  • And I may have said this before but it’s worth repeating. It’s incredibly easy to drive over 90mph. My advice- keep your eyes on the speedometer unless you want to fork over hundreds of dollars to the state.

 

#roadtripping