Restaurant server humor

As most of you know, I wait tables a few nights a week at a restaurant to add to my writing income. I’ve been serving for much longer than I care to admit but I’ll put it this way – I started serving before having a cell phone was a popular thing…. yup! (And I’m not talking a smartphone, but any cell phone.)

Anyhoo, one of my favorite subjects to write about is restaurant humor – in particular, servers. There is so much material, I feel I could endlessly write about it… haha!

But I write today because I want to share my last three Blasting News restaurant server articles with my readers here. One of these articles even went viral and has been clicked on almost 100k times. (Can you guess which one?) I’ve begun to learn about the power behind social media and sharing…damn, it’s huge!

Personally, I think it’s a good thing. The gatekeepers of information are no longer able to thrive and transparency has never been so widespread. The future is globally connected and news journalists no longer have to be on a popular payroll to spread a story. In fact, the Internet has helped us see who is actually telling the truth and who isn’t… but that’s a post for another day.

Please find my latest restaurant server humor articles below and PLEASE add your own comments here for any of the articles. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these, funny or not! And if you do like any, please share!

Seven things servers wish guests wouldn’t do when dining out…

You might be a restaurant server if you…

10 Things restaurant servers know more about than most people…

Thanks for reading!

 

(Photo via Pexels.com)

 

My wedding dictionary

Balance Beam: what the bride will feel like she’s walking on at times.

Bride: someone who will have a lot of decisions to make.

Cake: deliciousness.

Calendar: something that appears much longer than it actually is.

Children: not wanted, sorry.

Dress: cloth and beads that cost the price of a car.

Flowers: kinda unnecessary, albeit pretty.

Food & Drink: yes and yes.

Groom: someone who is along for the ride.

Guest List: hardest damn part of the whole affair.

Honeymoon: pure fun.

Invitations: an awful lot of wasted paper.

License: something I’m sure we’ll forget.

Love: the guiding light.

Marriage: The Point.

Wedding: a great big party, of all sizes, that celebrates a couple’s love.

Wedding Industry: a business, first and foremost, with a lot of extra add-ons that seem…unnecessary… foolish even, like a movie premiere spotlight, outside the church?

Ways to know the Christmas Holiday Season is officially over

It’s another new year! Whoo Hooo!! And it’s put me in the mood for another top eleven list (and again, for any new readers, eleven is my favorite number so my lists tend to be for that amount…) I have been noticing some signs that the Christmas Holiday Season is over and it got me thinking…

Eleven Ways to Know the Christmas Holiday Season is Officially Over

1. Most streets look like death row for trees.

2. You notice your romantic relationship either deepened or grew a bit apart. (And for those flying solo, you either embraced your singleness or cried about it.)

3. The phrase “You better be good or Santa will know!” no longer has the effect you’re going for when saying to young children.

4. You realize how much paper is actually wasted during the holiday season while you desperately attempt to stuff your recyclables into the tiny blue container.

5. Everyone suddenly has to go to the gym/do yoga/run a marathon.

6. Most of the gifts you bought are now selling for 75% off.

7. You now have the absolute right to ask for any Christmas music to be turned off.

8. You wonder what exactly you spent all your money on.

9. The stores are lining their shelves with Valentine’s Day gifts.

10. The guilt of what you put inside yourself is almost too much to bear.

11. Taxes replace good cheer.

You might be Sicilian if…

As I was driving in the car with my nephew, he told me he wanted some of Grandma’s pasta but with no sauce. I said, “No sauce?! What kind of an Italian are you?” to which he replied, “I’m Italian?” I said, “Oh yes, you’re fifty percent. Sicilian actually.”

This short little conversation got me thinking about being Sicilian and yes, as those who know me well know, I do draw a distinction between Sicily and the mainland of Italy. So in good fun, here is a list I made up…

YOU MIGHT BE A SICILIAN IF…

1. You repeatedly get asked if your family is in the mob.

2. You like your pasta spicy and you refer to it as “sauce” – never “gravy”.

3. You draw a distinction between Sicily and Italy.

4. You wonder if any of your ancestors were actually in the mob.

5. Talking and yelling are synonymous.

6. Sunday dinner is at 3 in the afternoon.

7. Suo famiglia e tutto.

8. It would be painful to talk without the use of your hands.

9. You relate to The Godfather films on a personal level.

10. When you are asked if you’re Italian, you say, “I’m Sicilian.”

11. You had to shave in the first grade.

Ways to deal with irrational people

Irrational, adj – not logical or reasonable

1. Do so only if necessary. Life is much to short for their nonsense.

2. Continue to be logical with them despite their lack of it. Teach by example!

3. Ask them questions such as: “How does that make any sense?” “Huh?” “Does your head hurt?”

4. Deep breaths. In and out.

5. Suppress any political aspirations they may have, which are likely just so they can be among their kind.

6. Pray for them, if this is your thing.

7. Keep them away from the children. Far, far away.

8. Try to help them channel it for good use.

9. Sigh.

10. Walk away.

11. Let karma handle it.