spirituality

Bluntness

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I sometimes get in trouble with people when I answer a question honestly and it’s an answer they don’t like or agree with.

Anyone else ever have this problem? Sometimes, I really get where Larry David is coming from but this isn’t the time to review his show….

I’m blunt. Many of my readers have figured that out by now and some I think even like me for it. My friends, my good friends who know me deeply, tend to really appreciate it and call on me when they need a blunt, honest answer that won’t be sugar-coated. I like that I can offer that but honestly, it’s not the reason for my bluntness.

Being blunt comes naturally to me. It always has. As far back as I can remember, I’ve had the mindset that time is precious so why waste it? Sugar-coating something or not being honest until it surfaces is to me, SUCH A WASTE OF TIME.

And one thing I’m not willing to do is waste my time. I don’t know how much of it I have, so every second is going to be worth it.

Back to straight-forwardness always coming naturally to me… One story that comes to mind is when I was 22 and a cop bothered me about smoking a cigarette in broad daylight in a place smoking was allowed. I couldn’t help but ask him if he thought he was protecting and serving by carding someone minding their own business and enjoying a cigarette before work when people were getting raped and molested? To his credit, he smiled and told me about “the problem” of underage smoking.

When I see people lie or sugarcoat things so as not “to offend” or “be rude”, I can’t help but wonder, isn’t it more rude not to tell the truth? Why let someone feel good based on a lie or puffery? Can they really feel good about that? And when did one person’s opinion need to be politically correct or adhere to another’s set of rules to be valid?

Black and white is my language. If I have to decode what you are trying to say, chances are our friendship will remain on the surface. And God forbid if I have to call you out on what you’re pretending not to say, all hell will break loose and somehow I become the devil… It perplexes me….

But to show that this is not one-sided, allow me two honest-to-God true stories:

At 18, a college freshman, I was dating a boy in my dorm who I had a major crush on. I had broken up with my high school boyfriend two months prior – I had been with him for three years. Dating wasn’t something I was great at, not to mention my HS boyfriend was the popular senior and I was the loner sophomore.

A few weeks into dating this new boy at my college dorm, I get upset for some reason and get jealous and wanted him to sweep me off my feet. The girl across the hall from me, who had become a friend of mine as much as one could in a few weeks, told me some things: “Wake up, girl. You’re not his fucking girlfriend, so don’t act like it. You’re being jealous and needy. You need to go with it. Grow up.”

She nailed it. I’ve loved her since and she’s a big part of my life now, a girl I love and will adore forever.

At 20, a girl I met at my sorority came over to my boyfriend’s house (the boy mentioned above, whom I ended up dating for four years) and while we were hanging out, I said something stupid, like I asked where something was and it was right in front of me. This girl, who barely knew me, said, “Open your eyes fuck head.”

I fell in love with her. So blunt. So true. I laughed out loud.

These two girls are my best friends in the whole world and have been, going on twenty years now.

My point is with all this is – I love bluntness. Maybe it’s not for everyone but it’s for me and as long as it’s the truth and nothing but, why do I keep coming across people who give me shit for it?

One of my favorite authors/philosophers, Jean Paul Sartre, once said, “Hell is other people.”

In my twenties, I thought he was on to something.

In my thirties, I think it’s sad.

But as I near being forty, I realize hell is other people only if we let them be.

My sister told me that being blunt is part of my personality but with it comes the understanding that people will react as they see fit.

Great point.

Being blunt is a choice and perhaps a way to live a more honest life. Try it…..

 

 

What we talk about when we talk about love

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The other day, a friend asked me if I had been to Sicily, the place where my parents were born and the root of my culture. I said “no, not yet” and it made me think of something…

First, a little background.

My husband is not from the state we live in. While I have my immediate family here and have had a life in Los Angeles for the past thirty years, my husband has not. His family and friends are on the east coast but his passion for music and the Pacific Ocean led him out west. (Thankfully!)

A little over a year into our relationship, we decided to step things up a notch. We moved in together. And we wanted me to meet his parents. At that time, roundtrip flights to Orlando were going to cost us nearly a thousand dollars. Having just moved in together and needing to pay for a few surprise expenses like car work and dental bills, we did not have an extra thousand to spend.

A little more background.

I am Sicilian, as most my readers know, and going to Sicily has been on my goal list for as long as I can remember. I have a ton of family there and when I was single, I was planning to go visit there for a month. I had been saving up my frequent flier miles for a round trip ticket for almost a decade.

Then, I met my husband and though I was able to take the trip for the first time in my life, I had postponed it because I wanted to get to know him and felt like something magical was happening.

It was indeed and flash forward back to where we were… moved in and wanting to go to Florida so I could meet his parents but lacking in the funds department.

I went online and looked up how many miles I would need for two round trip tickets to Orlando. It was the exact amount for my Sicilian trip.

Though this even surprised myself, I immediately offered them to be used to fly to Florida. My husband insisted I not give up my trip but I was steadfast on the idea and ultimately, he accepted the gift.

We went to Florida and had the most wonderful of trips. His parents were an absolute pleasure and welcomed me in with open arms, thrilled to see their son and I in love.

I had zero regrets on using those miles. And that’s when I realized I was deeply in love with him and my priorities had shifted. Though Sicily is extremely high on my list, he’s higher.

Six months later, my husband’s father fell ill and passed away.

And that was when I realized those miles were never meant for Sicily.

Find Your Flow

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I have a story to tell you. A personal one.

When I came upon something that opened my mind, relaxed and yet strengthened my body and brought me closer to nature, I was floored.

Yoga.

It has since become a part of my spirituality.

My very first experience with yoga wasn’t amazing though. The instructor gave me a dirty yoga mat that I didn’t know was dirty until the guy who cleaned them told me right after class and then she kept calling out my name every ten minutes because she knew me, but still, it was my first time!

I did go back though and eventually, I learned about it and found my flow.

But life struck last year and I got married, moved and changed jobs all within 9 months, causing me to ignore the flow and jump right into the chaos without my precious life preserver.

Big Mistake.

I kid you not when I tell you that my muscles have tightened, my mind has been cloudier, my waist has expanded and my inner peace has struggled with the daily grind.

At first, I didn’t know what had happened. Here I was, happily married, with a job that pays my bills and then some and living in a beautiful new townhouse I got to call home. And yet, something inside didn’t feel at ease. My shoulders were always scrunched, my sleep was erratic and my bad habits came out of the woods ready to rage.

Then one day, I was looking through Groupon and a yoga studio caught my eye. It was close to home and offered a view of the ocean during practice. The price was amazing and I thought, “Damn, it’s been almost a year since I’ve taken out my mat!”

The moment I went, I was hooked right back on the yoga sauce.

That was two months ago. I do power yoga (a yin/yang/yin 75 min class) twice a week and I feel on top of the world.

When someone says, what difference can a little stretching make? I tell them:

All the difference.

Find your flow.

Namaste.

 

 

Countdown till Christmas – 10 days to go!

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I’ll be straight with you right out of the gate. Christmas is not a religious time for me. I understand its roots lie in Christianity with the birth of Jesus Christ and I acknowledge that but for me, I choose to celebrate this time of year by spreading love and being with those who I care about.

And keeping in the spirit of helping others, I decided to write a ten-day countdown to Christmas where on each of the ten days I will attempt to learn something new in the name of giving, joy and love, all in an effort to be of help to others.

Today, I decided to catch up on politics and I noticed a bunch of stories about a “fake news” epidemic. After I wondered how this FINALLY got to be acknowledged, I researched more and began to see that it was all about the dissemination of fake news and not the actual fake news itself!

So, in an effort to help promote integrity in journalism, I would like to share a video of a reporter who is reporting on Aleppo and is actually there and witnessing what is occurring. With the vast amount of dishonesty in journalism, it is getting increasingly more difficult to find honest news and we desperately need it. Aleppo is getting chewed up by the news media and my search for trustworthy news about it was quite difficult… But I found one and would like to pass it along in an effort to help others search for honest news among the sea of deception that is out there…

 

Yin and Yang

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Yin and Yang. Opposite forces working together. I often think of this when I come across pessimism, which sadly, seems to be a lot these days.

I’m a filmmaker, as my readers know, and I’ve been in the throws of finishing my latest short film. This past year has been insane for me. I, in all seriousness, got married, changed jobs, directed/produced/edited my seventh film to date and moved – all within the past twelve months.

I’m not complaining. But I am proof that people can do what they need to do if they believe. There will ALWAYS be a thousand and one obstacles and reasons why something will be hard and/or challenging or have 1/100 odds.

But that’s the good stuff. That’s the gooey part of life that tests us. That shows us what we’re made of. That makes you either believe in yourself or think you aren’t good enough.

And lately, I’ve been thinking about this.

When other people tell me that I shouldn’t try for Sundance, I’m truly baffled. And I kid you not, I’ve had more than one person say there’s no reason to go for it. I don’t know anyone there… They’ve already decided… The fee is expensive… And blah, blah, blah….

Look, I know the odds are against me. I know every filmmaker and their mother wants to screen at Sundance because it makes careers. I understand it’s late in the game.

But I also know I wrote a letter to the programmer asking for an extension because I wanted my film to look its best and I was given one. I know that when you bet against the odds, the rewards are much greater. I understand that not everyone will like my film but I’d be a fool not to try to get it in front of as wide of an audience as possible. I believe in it. I believe in me. I believe in my work.

And when people tell me I’m a fool for going after something that only a few achieve, I use it to balance my belief that if you don’t try, then you can never achieve it. (Explains a lot of the frustration in the world, no?)

Yin and Yang.

Without darkness, there would be no light.

But it’s up to us to choose on what to focus….

Spirituality

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I went camping in Yosemite for three nights, four days and had a spiritual experience.

When I’m asked what religion I am, I say I’m agnostic. I don’t know if a God exists one way or another as I don’t have tangible proof of either. And I don’t presume to know what others should or should not believe in, but I do find that my religion is found in nature.

Spirituality is the state of being spiritual, and being spiritual mostly relates to religious matters of the spirit. (At least for purposes of this blog, these are the definitions I’ll be using…)

I’ve struggled all my life with how organized religions often preached love yet they’re in fact some of the most intolerant and evil-minded organizations out there, and they often believe that others must believe as they do.

I couldn’t imagine this was religion. So I shunned it. For many years. But as I got older, I began to truly question it and my search through theology and philosophy and experience led me to finding a religion that made sense to me. That I could see in front of me. That I could experience the truth of.

Nature.

Natural forces don’t care about your feelings and sorry to say, but they don’t care about your religious beliefs either. They are Cause and Effect. They are life.

Answers can be found in nature. Causality. The Food Chain. Life. Death. Family.

“The world is emblematic. Parts of speech are metaphors, because the whole of nature is a metaphor of the human mind.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson