philosophy

Truth.

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When the story about Edward Snowden first hit the news, I thought not much of it. A whistleblower. Cool. But let’s see where it goes. I said nothing.

I continued to research about the government of the land I live in, which I’ve been doing since I started getting involved in politics about five years ago. Each day I continue to grow more distrusting of BOTH parties. The only one in politics who has ever ignited a fire in me was Ron Paul and he’s never been given his due. BUT. He ignited the fire and that is the first step. He’s ignited it for many others too. He’ll go down in history for it, I hope (as long as history is written as is, not just from a few people’s perspective…,) and my generation and those before and after me will continue the torch he’s passed on. His son barely holds it, in my opinion, but…

Edward Snowden continues it.

I’m sure of it now after seeing the interview he gave to NBC news. He’s a man who believes in what he did for the people of the US. He tried and continues to try to harm no one. He wants us to know what is happening. He is my hero.

Is he yours?

Allow me to pass along an interesting story I think demonstrates true politics and the reason I no longer look at Democrats/Republicans the same.

I knew Ron Paul had mentioned something about Snowden. Was it positive? I think so, maybe, not too sure actually… I haven’t given Snowden full thought until he fully spoke. It was time and I’m glad he gave this interview. Ballsy. Think about it. Anyway, I listened. Then, I looked up what Ron Paul thought, AFTER I formed my own opinion.

It was the same.

That is truth. That is a political figure who DOES what he says and SAYS what he does. He is the real deal. It would match his principals to feel this way but would he stand by them?

It’s Ron Paul. OF COURSE HE DOES.

I learned that on February 13, 2014, Ron Paul petitioned for clemency for Edward Snowden.

My political hero fighting for another one of my heroes.

This is truth. These men will do as they say.

When was the last time you saw this strong behavior in the politician you vote for?

THINK ABOUT IT.

Empathy

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Recently, I was told by a close friend that she wished I could be more empathetic toward her.

I wasn’t sure exactly what to do with that so I gave it thought. My friend deserved that from me. First, I looked up the word to make sure I truly understood what it meant.

Empathy – n. the ability to understand, recognize and/or share the feelings of another.

I paused. Hmmm… this didn’t exactly describe herself at all, though she may believe otherwise, but that’s neither here nor there. She should be as empathetic as she wants to be.

This did however answer my doubts. I believe I very often understand and recognize feelings in others and will act accordingly. The thing is, I act accordingly how I choose to, not by what is expected of me. In the past, this same friend has chastised me for not letting her dwell and feel sorry for herself. I don’t do that. For myself or anyone else. I also believe in letting others deal with the consequences of their mistakes while being a friend with positive energy and words of inspiration I can share.

These words and positive energy however seem to have meant nothing to her. She told me to leave her alone and wished I could be more empathetic.

And that was where I found the problem lied. It wasn’t that I didn’t have empathy, it was that I didn’t have the empathy she wanted. I’m still not sure why she felt the need to tell me what I was lacking but it was made clear – I wasn’t doing something that she wanted or expected me too.

Who wants to play that game? Not me.

Empathy.

I think it is important to understand and recognize the feelings of others.

As it is equally important to allow people to empathize with you in their own way.

Otherwise, you’re just asking for pity and charity.

There’s a big difference between recognizing someone’s feelings and feeling sorry for them…

I forgot my phone one day.

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I left the house feeling like something was off. I couldn’t place it. I just knew all was not right. I shrugged it off since I had to get to work though and carried on.

As I was waiting on a 405 off ramp, I glanced at my phone. Or where I thought my phone should be. Uh oh. I sunk my hand in my purse and swished around, hoping to feel that familiar rectangular piece of glass.

It wasn’t there. Damn.

It hadn’t even hit noon yet and I had a long workday ahead of me. I wouldn’t be home, or more notably at that moment, I wouldn’t see my phone, until nearly ten in the evening.

I panicked. A little. Not in the “HOLY SH*%, my finger’s just been sliced off” type way but in the “Crap, I have a two-hour break and without a phone, it will suck” type way.

I turned to the backseat. Damn.

I had forgotten my weekly Hollywood Reporter too (last week’s issue actually, which I was still trying to finish.)

I arrived at work. Oh well, I thought. I did my thing. Served some tables. Poured some drinks. Made some money.

I left for my break. I had a little over two hours before I needed to get back. I started to do the math in my head. I theoretically could have gone home to get my phone and still have time to grab a bite to eat and get some emails or phone calls done. I rationalized it in my head and got in my car.

The 10 was a parking lot, which I habitually got on since I normally work a double and leave around ten in the evening. I spent twenty minutes barely moving and berating myself for caring so much about my phone. I had other work I could do. In fact, I had a meeting with my writing partner the very next day and hadn’t written the scene we were to go over yet.

I went to a quaint little Chinese restaurant, ordered the beef fried rice and settled in for an hour or so at one of their red faux-leather booths.

I wrote the scene on the backs of two printed coupons I had in my car and three index-card-sized pages of paper I ripped out of a notepad I always keep with me.

Flash forward to the meeting with my writing partner.

I told her the story I just told you. Then I read her the scene (which took effort by the way because my writing was hastily scribbled and half the size it should be.) But I read it to her, to which afterward she replied,

“Thank God you forgot your phone.”

I was thrilled she liked the scene, which I wrote based on our notes from a prior session, but I kept wondering if I would have written this same scene had I not forgotten my phone? And what else do I not do because I have my little time-sucking machine attached to fingers should I find myself with an extra minute? I do not want to be a slave to this thing. Yes, I love the convenience of checking my email and not missing important calls but really, Facebook statuses and words with friends and random searches on the web should not be on my to-do list nearly as often as I do them. So readily on my phone.

Think about it. I say, forget your phone sometimes! Okay, just turn it off for a bit? Oh hell, at least put it on silent then…

How much more do you think you’d get done?

Recommendations of proper restaurant etiquette as told by a restaurant server

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I have been in the restaurant business for almost twenty years. Started as a hostess but quickly became a server and I soon fell for the whole machine that is a working restaurant. As I go after my life’s pursuit of filmmaking, restaurants have been my home away from home, my light in a dark tunnel, my pain in the ass and one of my best friends.

I love food. I love wine. I love family and friends. I love dining out. And I LOVE all four, at the same time.

HOWEVER!!

There are rules to restaurant dining…

All those who’ve worked in a restaurant longer than say a year, but most notably servers, are really the most qualified to make such rules simply BECAUSE we are the link between the food and the customer. That is essential in any restaurant dining and therefore, I feel completely qualified to make this list of what I like to call recommendations rather than rules of how one should conduct oneself when dining in public.

RECOMMENDATIONS OF PROPER RESTAURANT ETIQUETTE

1. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT enter a restaurant fifteen minutes before they close for anything other than picking up a takeout order or an employee there. (Respect the hours of service. Are you going to eat and leave in under fifteen minutes? Then, please come another time.)

2. Okay, no question is a stupid one, but things like, “Is there chicken in the chicken Caesar?” and “Why didn’t you tell me there was all this lettuce in the salad?” are just embarrassing for everyone involved. But if you insist on asking those gems, accept a smart-ass yet comical answer in reply. You deserve one.

3. If you don’t know wine, PLEASE don’t pretend you do. Allow us to help you. That’s why we are there.

4. Accept that your memory of a dish you think you had at a restaurant might be wrong. It will just save everyone a lot of time. Ask about it once, okay. Beyond that, the restaurant will and should win that conversation.

5. Birthday candles – YES. Singing – NO. There are others in the restaurant. Have some decency.

6. Hot water is not a beverage option. It’s an annoyance. Pay for some tea or drink the complimentary water that’s available.

7. Eat where you can afford.

8. If you lounge at a table well beyond your meal, fine, but adjust your tip accordingly in the server’s favor. Why? Because you aren’t renting the table. You are there for a meal. Beyond that, is it really fair for you to stay?

9. Asking for recommendations is like asking a parent who their favorite child is – no one should have to pick. Nor does anyone want to. And in this case, all taste buds are different. If the servers favorite dish is shrimp linguine and you’re allergic to shellfish, you just wasted everyone’s time. The bottom line is you know what you like. Look at the menu and choose. Otherwise, ask your server to order whatever he/she thinks is best and let them do their thing.

10. Don’t wait forever to pay your bill. You received a service. Pay for it when the bill is given to you.

11. Use those wonderful ideas you have on how to improve a menu by opening up your own restaurant and learning for yourself how annoying and disrespectful that actually is.

12. If you are really as close to the chef as you say you are, they’ll know you are in their restaurant and so will we, so there’s no need to name drop.

13. “Have it your way” is BURGER KING’S slogan. Remember that and go there if that’s what you’re looking for.

Salute!

Together, Not Against

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My boyfriend and I have been in our new place for a few months now but we have yet to accept that we have a third roommate, our neighbor’s television.

Our neighbor is LOUD. And she watches television incredibly often (does she work, I don’t know?) and it’s always on decibel 900. (I hope that’s loud, I’m actually not so sure about the whole decibel thing…) She also SLAMS her front door shut and talks at the TOP of her LUNGS as she yaps on the phone for hours. And did I mention she likes to do wall-shaking laundry at two o’clock in the morning?

But hey that’s life. I’m very fortunate and I know it and if this is the worst of my problems, I should shut the hell up. But there was one particular morning, my boyfriend and I learned an important lesson and I’d like to share it with my readers.

We had gone to bed the (Sunday) night before around one in the morning. The television in our neighbor’s apartment, which happens to share a very THIN wall with us, had droned on and on from eight until only God knows since we managed to fall asleep despite the noise.

Then, at around 7:30 in the morning, the television came back on. It sounded like Oprah on crack and a LOUD studio audience. My boyfriend and I were jolted awake and neither of us were happy about it. I grabbed my eye cover and yelled about the noise all the way to the bathroom while my boyfriend grunted and sighed. Under the covers, I tried to will the damn thing off. My boyfriend covered his head with the blanket. Nothing worked though. Cackling middle-aged women were practically in our bedroom at eight o’clock in the morning.

We got more pissed as the minutes passed. I started devising a plan and spoke it out loud despite my boyfriend’s snap, “No talking. It’s too early.” I continued talking about the letter I was going to write to my neighbor and how I would make my point as effectively as possible, using manipulation even if I had too (the things we say when we’re tired!), and I wasn’t done… But my boyfriend got upset and said that we could kiss our apartment goodbye (dramatic much?) and how I’d only be rocking the boat and causing trouble and that she’d probably start to do it even louder.

We laid opposite each other, having gone from practically hugging to no longer touching. I was upset. He was upset. And then, practically at the same time, we both breathed and looked at each other and realized what was happening. My boyfriend hugged me and said that it’s crazy for us to be taking it out on each other right now. I agreed and squeezed him back, thinking, this isn’t about me. Or about him. Or about our neighbor.

It’s about US.

We’re in this together.

We are not against each other.

It may sound simplistic but I’ll tell you this, my whole perspective at how I see the world changed in that moment of realization. Dramatic, much? Yeah. But moments that shape us qualify for such, no?

Not all technology is a Godsend?

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A few weeks ago, I walked into my kitchen and was greeted by an intense, plastic-burning, foul-like smell. My boyfriend was seated at the kitchen table, so I looked at him and said, “What’s that smell?” He replied, “I know, right? Is something burning?” “Yeah baby, something smells wrong,” I replied. We both started searching for the reason behind the pungent odor our kitchen had suddenly taken on. We unplugged and plugged things in until at last, we determined the culprit!

The microwave had died.

Now, I’ve had this microwave for a solid ten years or so. It’s done its job and done it well. I wasn’t sad to part with it or anything but when my boyfriend turned to me and said, “Let’s just not have a microwave,” I was thrown off. No microwave? Seriously? What is this? The Flintstones era? But then I thought about it and soon realized, yeah, it would be nice to not nuke things. It zaps away the nutrients anyway and practically begs for junk food. Last year, I learned stove-top popcorn was THE way to make popcorn and I haven’t gone with the “microwave” kind since. I should have seen this coming but I didn’t…

At first, I was apprehensive. When I reached for leftovers the very day we decided to be microwave-less, I nearly had a stroke. How in hell was I going to heat this up? But then, DUH! Stove top. Have you ever had fried spaghetti? If not, you need to try it. Right now. It’s amazing that I forget sometimes how much so when I just pop it in the microwave and take the easy (though much less tasty) way out.

This was followed by a night in which we made baked potatoes. In the oven. They took much longer, sure, but they were WAYYYYY tastier. Crispy skin, soft inside. YUM. And try reheating french fries in the oven. Delish. Not soggy mush like what happens when you put them in the microwave…

As the days passed, I hardly missed the microwave at all. In fact, the opposite happened. I was forced to use the oven and stove for all types of cooking. Even boiling water was now always in a kettle rather than on a spinning plastic disc but you know what? The food and drinks tasted better. MUCH BETTER, And it’s not wishful thinking, it’s a fact. As proof, try reheating a slice of pizza in the microwave versus the oven. It’s the epitome of what is wrong with the microwave. Rather than crisping the dough and melting the cheese like an oven does, the high-watt voltage machine burns the whole damn thing, bubbling the cheese while zapping and shrinking the dough. Seriously. Test this for yourself at home.

I could go on and on about how much I love not having a microwave, which I absolutely NEVER thought I would say, but instead, I’d rather pose two questions:

Is all technology a Godsend? And if not, why are we as humans not more selective?

Differences

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I will be moving in with my boyfriend next week. This will be my first time living with someone who isn’t family or a roommate. I’m very excited but also a bit nervous. I love change but it’s not the easiest thing for me to do.

As we make preparations for our new abode, I’ve noticed that moving in with someone really magnifies the differences between you both. Fortunately, my boyfriend and I agree on the big things, the deal breaker stuff, you know things like “you don’t smoke crack, right?” and “alone time is important!” But we are most certainly different and this whole moving-in process has had an interesting way of illuminating these differences…

I think moving in with someone can go one of two ways. Yes, I’m basing this on what I’ve seen from others who have moved in with each other and I’m generalizing, but I think it all boils down to two roads: either you allow your differences to conquer your relationship and you two become opposing sides rather than a partnership OR you allow your differences to compliment each other and provide each of you opportunities to demonstrate love, patience, understanding and compromise.

I believe in washing towels after every other use, my boyfriend does not.
He likes the sheets tucked in when making the bed, I leave them hanging out.
My boyfriend likes the sink counter to be dry while I don’t notice it either way and therefore, often leave it wet.
I need a fan on while I sleep, even in the cold. He hates it.
I like to snack. He likes full meals.

We are different. Compromise is needed.

I love to vacuum and sweep, he’s great at dusting.
He cooks healthy protein-based meals, I cook Sicilian-style.
I buy the first thing I see, he researches and asks questions.
He’d rather not deal with it, I face it head-on.
I’m obsessive about organizing, he’s obsessive about detail.

We are different. Sometimes it works to our advantage.

But allow me to get to the point. This whole moving-in-with-my-boyfriend process has been quite enlightening for me. I’m glad I waited to live with someone until I thought it was really right, especially because I don’t think I would have lasted longer than a month. Differences often have a negative connotation with them. And personally, I’ve been from the camp of liking things the way I like things. Sure, I thought I had great reasons for such but now, only after I found someone who was able to reach inside me in ways no one else ever has, I’ve come to realize differences aren’t so bad and in fact, are often great.

Perhaps it’s a good barometer for a relationship – the more the relationship is right for you, the more the differences are right for you too?

Acupuncture

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A month ago, I was at the Abbott Kinney Street fair with my boyfriend. We had come upon a booth for an acupuncture school. He had tried it before and as for myself, having read some Chinese philosophy, I had been intrigued in the past about this type of medicine but had yet to experience it. This school was offering free assessments and herb acupressure on the ears, which by the way, say a lot about you. As does your tongue. So we both decided to give it a try.

My boyfriend’s assessment went very quick. Extremely quick, actually. He was finished before my intern even got through asking me preliminary questions as she felt my ear lobes. After some time later, I had learned I had a slow pulse and needed more protein in my diet, big time. My intern acupuncturist had me captivated with information about our mind, our blood and our health. She knew and learned so much about me by simply touching my earlobes and looking at my tongue. I could have sat there for hours but I saw my boyfriend’s patience in the bright sun wearing a little thin so I tried to wrap things up. Before I left though, she gave me her card and an offer to try acupuncture for free at her school’s clinic.

I met back up with my boyfriend, who I had to find by calling his cell since he drifted away, which I don’t blame him, and together we talked about what happened to the other during all the earlobe touching. I then learned why things took so long for me. I need to be healthier. His intern told him, and I quote, “Your ears are very healthy. You are a very healthy person.” Needless to say, my intern did not tell me that.

Fast forward to last week when I brought the coupons my boyfriend and I received at the booth to his house and made an appointment for acupuncture for both of us. We were fortunate to get the same time and day and while he saw a randomly assigned intern, I requested the girl I had met at the fair.

And now for today. After quickly jogging her memory about who I was, the intern acupuncturist remembered meeting me and told me she was glad I came in to give this a try. She did a much more thorough analysis of my health this time. Her questions were those many doctors don’t ask, which I found intriguing because of my sudden awareness of how important they really are. Questions such as, “How’s your libido?” “Do you eat a lot of protein? “How thirsty are you throughout the day?” “Do your fingernails show good blood circulation? Let’s see… They do!” (You can press down on your nail beds and once you release the pressure, if they return to regular color quickly, your blood has good circulation.)

After a great and LONG conversation, the intern checked my vitals (all good!) and then had me put on a gown. I laid down on my chest, with my arms on my side, and she did a procedure called CUPPING. It was fascinating to experience. In certain places, after heating a cup with flame and moving it over my back with the help of oil, she would leave it there and it would create a suction of sorts. Once it was removed, it felt great. I have two red circles on my back right now, which she said will happen if I have toxin-stuff to be removed. So, yeah, I have toxin stuff. This was then followed by four acupuncture needles being placed in various parts of my body. It was a jolt when a couple of them went in but the other two I barely felt. An energy aromatherapy of sorts was used during some of this process as well.

Before I left, I was feeling better just thinking about the information I learned today and how I wanted to implement it into my daily life. I told my intern so and knowing I’m on a budget, she advised me to spend my time and resources on herbs and vitamins right now, to help clean my system and get my pulse and blood moving along better. She also advised some herb treatment that could help with my OCD, which makes me ecstatic because not one doctor I’ve seen for OCD has offered a natural medical solution to this problem. I thanked this intern several times as she slipped me her card and email address, advising me to see her whenever I wanted to discuss my process or do some more cupping or acupuncture.

I learned more in this hour-and-a-half long visit than I have in years at other doctor’s office visits. And I’ve never had a doctor’s office visit that lasted this long!

With the healthcare situation being what it is in the US right now, with primarily government, pharmaceutical companies and health care insurance firms deciding what’s best for us, I can’t think of any better time than now to begin to learn about alternative medicine.

But I have to walk the talk.

From now on, I’ll be writing one blog post a month detailing my experiences with Chinese medicine, alternative medicine and my adventures in the world of yoga, which is something I’ve added to my life recently but have yet to get serious about. It’s time now though. I want to do it.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”
– Lao Tzu

Going the distance.

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I want something badly. Very very badly.

I want to be able to make my films.

I should disclose that I’ve been fortunate enough to have made five short films, most of which received at least some attention at festivals and screenings, but I have yet to make my first feature. It’s written though. And while it’s had the same title for the past ten years, the drafts it’s gone through… oh my! Tens upon tens. But now, it’s finally where I want it to be, or very close HAH, as my writing partner and I fine tune the last act.

And speaking of a writing partner, for the first time since I began my filmmaking career many years ago, I have chosen to write with someone. Never thought I could, or should I say would, but it’s working out and has elevated my feature script to a place I wanted to take it but didn’t on my own. It’s hard to admit that but it’s the truth and I have grown to absolutely love the writing partnership I’ve formed with a friend of mine I’ve known for over ten years. What one of us lacks, the other makes up for and together, we work as a team. We are brutally honest with each other. It’s wonderful. And in addition to this feature, we’ve written a short film that we are dying to make but alas, the funds have not revealed themselves yet. We’ve tried though. For over a year now, we’ve been submitting our short script to every grant app and short film contest we come across that can help us. We got a nice nod from Slamdance as a quarter-finalist in their 2013 Screenplay Competition but other than that, nada.

I refuse to sell my soul. I will not be a filmmaker-for-hire. I come with my project and vice versa. Case closed. I have no interest in making something I don’t whole-heartedly believe in. I work day jobs and make ends meet, so fortunately, I can continue with my plan. That said, I need money to actually make my films. It’s a tough one. I try hard not to shoot union because of all the extra crap that comes along with it but I firmly believe in paying my crew well and being allowed to shoot where I’m shooting. WHERE ARE YOU MONEY?? HOW DO I GET TO YOU??

Right now, my writing partner and I are waiting to hear if a short script we wrote as part of a contest is going to get made. We made it to this point but now, the top five will be selected out of the fifty of us who are waiting to hear…

This part sucks. I feel like I’m always waiting to hear if my film is going to be picked over other ones, whether it be our script or finished product. The waiting is the worst but I suppose if the job was easy, everyone would be doing it and there would be way too many films.

Speaking of which, why are all the movies these days either tent-pole comic book action movies or “small films” that stare Robert DeNiro and Ryan Gosling? Can’t some of us smaller storytellers get a share of the audience without spending a zillion dollars on casting and marketing? What if the only available books were paperback romance novels and comics? Wouldn’t readers demand more choices? Why are moviegoers accepting this or are they not but rather turning to television where the real genius is being used in terms of storytelling (though TV series and films are very different entities.)

Sigh.

Anyway, we should find out by Wednesday. It will either be a day for celebration or yet another “no, thank you” email to add to our overflowing file box.

One day that box is going to grow dust from lack of use. I just hope it’s sooner than later…

Communication

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There are times I like to be silent. Not talk. Not listen to others talking. Just be with me and my thoughts.

Sometimes though, these moments don’t exactly match with what my boyfriend has in mind. I love him, but he does like to talk and I love getting excited when he gets excited and I love reveling in his good news or comforting him with bad and I really love hearing how passionate he is about music and his business.

But…

There are times I like to be silent. Not talk. Not listen to others talking. Just be with me and my thoughts.

At first, my conscience spoke to me and sternly said, “Christina. You love him and you should listen to him even when you don’t feel like it.” So, I did. Two things started happening, though. I either zoned out and let my mind drift or I forced myself to listen and felt phony about it as I made impatient faces to myself (and perhaps the car occupants nearby…)

Not particularly enjoying either of those, I decided my next option was to change the subject and then slyly get off the phone/walk out of the room. This didn’t work either. All that ended up occurring was me interrupting him. And that’s just rude.

And then came tonight.

As I drove home after working a double, I called my boyfriend to say hi but my mind was exhausted and I was realllllly wanting some alone time. After several minutes of talking and a story started that didn’t appear to be too short, I decided I was just going to be honest with him. I simply said, “Baby, my mind is tired and I can’t really listen right now and I don’t want to zone out but I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later, okay?”

There was a brief pause but then he said, “Sure, baby. No problem. I understand. Call me later.”

We hung up and I began to think about this…

Then, I decompressed. Got home, took a hot shower, did a facial scrub, wrote a blog post. And now, I feel a whole lot better.

Off to call my boyfriend!

“First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.”
Epictetus