marriage

Road Tripping Day 11 & 12

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I don’t want this feeling to end. I wish I could wrap it up and keep it in a little box so whenever I want it back, I could have it in a moment’s notice.

La Familia.

Growing up in a Sicilian household, the importance of family was instilled in me from the day I was born. I learned early on to have respect for one’s family and culture. To this day, my mother makes sauce on Sundays and speaks Sicilian to her parents. And yes, I too now make this sauce but no, not every Sunday. Many of those days, I’m at my folks.

The reason for the silence on my blog the past two days is that I literally did not have one moment to formulate my thoughts because I filled every second with family while in my birth town of Buffalo, NY. I was so blown away by the amount of love and respect and joy that swirled around me in the past forty-eight hours that I didn’t want to mess with it one bit (which I believed I’d have to do to write this post.)

In some ways, my Aunt J has always felt like a second mother. This says a lot because I am not truly comfortable with most people. But the relationship we formed when I was 0 – 10 stuck and despite great distance, I feel at home with her. Her children, my first cousins have been everything to me. Best friends. Family. A godson. And being back with them this weekend made it seem like no time or distance had passed between us. Talks were deep and beautiful and funny and wine-filled and lovely and special and so many more adjectives but I’ll stop…

In short, it was magical. And I didn’t want the feeling to end.

It was a ride and I’m already sad to be off but here’s a sneak peek of it:

The long way there. Hehe but we made it! Smiles, love, warmth, family, childhood. Grandparents. Love. Remembering the past while mixing it with the future. Intro’s to my husband. Tons of intros! Beautiful children, like the one’s we once were. Family. Love. Party time! Hands moving. Mouths going. Good times had by all. Smiles on a ninety-six year old. Family. Love. Niagara Falls! Majestic. Good food. Laughs. Pictures. Water. Lots and lots of water. Wings and pizza. Final dinner. Great times! Laughs galore. Family. Love. Tour of old hood. Husband. My love. My life. Late night chats. Early morning chats. Family. Love.

Till tomorrow…

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 10

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Leaving D.C. & Maryland behind, we headed back on the road with a destination of Buffalo, New York – the place of my birth and early years. I will always have a special spot for this city but what’s really the best, is I still have a ton of family here and I couldn’t be more excited to spend the weekend with them all.

We arrived at the home of my aunt a little later than planned because we opted to take the scenic route through the back streets of Pennsylvania and upstate New York.

The view was utterly amazing. Green foliage was everywhere and the trees were as plentiful as they come. The weather turned a little colder as we drove through what was called the Pennsylvania Wilds. Driving through the Allegheny National Forest was a real treat and provided us with stunning landscapes and views.

And along with this beautiful scenery came some observations…

  • Southern hospitality does not extend beyond the Virginias and damn, I missed it. D.C. was were I found most people to be down right rude and impatient. One local told me tourist pedestrians are known to be “speed bumps” – and I witnessed  the truth of that. Pedestrians are moderately tolerated but word of advice, do not cross when you see an oncoming car. (I thought my Lyft driver was going to seriously run over a clueless jaywalker right there in front of the Capitol Building.
  • Gas prices jumped drastically between Maryland to Pennsylvania.
  • Dollar stores are everywhere. Literally, everywhere.
  • Road kill is sad, no matter how you look at it.
  • It’s often worth it to take the long way.
  • The leaves are just starting to change colors and the beauty of this event is magical. I wish we had it more in Southern California…
  • Taxidermy is a big business in the Pennsylvania forests.

Till tomorrow….

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 7

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Today we left the Carolinas and made our way north to the Maryland/Washington DC area. My husband was born and raised in Baltimore and I have always wanted to see our nation’s capital so lucky for us, they’re very close to one another.

But getting there from the North/South Carolina border took us a good eight hours, with only a few stops. Traffic near the D.C. area can rival what one sees in L.A., though their freeways are not seven lanes, on both sides…

Thankfully, my love let me be the passenger so I could soak it all up without having to keep my eyes on the road (though I did try to be a second pair for him when the rain came down.)

I stared out the car window for many hours today, and with the help of some Apple music streaming, I thoroughly enjoyed the greenery that sped past as I made some more observations along the way, which I thought I’d share with you now, along with some lessons learned as well:

  • found out what a beltway is today (we don’t have them in California, right?) For those who don’t know, like yours truly, it’s a circular highway in an urban area.
  • Virginia means business when it comes to speeding. There are cops right along the freeway and every few miles, one will see a sign detailing the state’s strict speeding rules (and yet, their typical speed limit is 70mph… Catch up Los Angeles!)
  • Apple maps is hands down superior over Google Maps (though my husband would argue otherwise, hehe…)
  • Humidity can make a day of 65* feel twenty degrees warmer, no joke.
  • Rest stops aren’t as scary as I’ve made them out to be in my head. Or is that just the ones on the east coast?
  • I pee quite a bit more than I did as twenty-something, and what better time to realize that when in a car for eight hours. (TMI?)
  • Bug bites come in all shapes and sizes and they suck. Period. And I can’t stop SCRATCHING!!
  • As strange as it is, I literally cannot pronounce the word “Potomac”, not for the life of me.

 

Till tomorrow…

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 6

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

Today was a lazy day hanging out in the Carolinas.

My husband and I explored the local areas and soaked up the culture of both North and South, being by the border to both.

As someone who doesn’t like to be inactive, lazy days are not typically something I enjoy. But while on vacation, my husband helped show me how relaxing can be just being in the moment and enjoying one’s surroundings. He even marveled at my ability to let him drive slowly (normally, I get nauseous and tell him to step on it.)

Being in the moment enabled me to talk to the locals in a deeper way than I normally do. I talked to a young waitress fresh to the area and learned she was there to help her dad care for her grandfather. I bought a used book from a community thrift store where the sweet old lady behind the register chatted with those around her and smiled warmly as she wished me a good day in such a genuine manner. I smiled at passersby and thought about how little I take the time to just stroll without thinking about my to-do list.

I literally took the time to smell the roses today and made a point to vow to myself to continue this when I return home.

See, I loathe laziness but by definition it implies lack of effort. Being in the moment, however, is not a lack of effort. In fact, it’s the opposite as one needs to focus on what is in front of them if they are to be in the moment.

I realized today that being lazy is not synonymous with being in the moment and for some reason, I make that wrong association.

This all means getting out of one’s head. Not an easy thing for me to do but I’m trying and this trip (and my patient husband) is helping to show me how.

Till tomorrow….

#roadtripping

 

Road Tripping Day 3

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I’m finding that there is definitely something special about getting out of dodge that goes beyond the trip itself.

I have no idea what day of the week it is. And I don’t mind.

Leaving town has taken me out of my routine and damn, I like it.

Routine by definition means a fixed schedule, but life around you doesn’t run on one so why should you?

Hitting the open road has enabled me to be much more in the moment rather than in my own head, trying to get to the next thing on my to-do list. It’s helped me get to know my husband better through new experiences and situations. And it’s allowed me to see what I miss from my routine and question if it’s actually something I should be missing.

Hmmmmm……

Now look, I get it. It’s good to keep a routine precisely because life doesn’t, allowing one to control as much as possible. But while I understand this importance of routine,  I’m only now realizing the importance of interrupting it.

True learning is not about facts,
but about conscious appreciation
of the experience of living.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Till tomorrow…

 

 

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 2

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Today, we spent the entire day with my husband’s mother and it was such a pleasure to sit and just be, present in the moment with the woman who raised the man I ended up marrying.

She is a gem and I couldn’t be any luckier to have this woman in my life. Seriously. She’s not online so this isn’t being written to score any points :)

Tonight, my husband and I stepped outside at ten at night to take a walk in the backwoods of central florida. I mean, straight up backwoods where a mile away there’s a sign to leave the bears alone.

Yeeeeeaaah.

Probably not the best idea to take a stroll under the pitch-black sky. After maybe twenty steps and we couldn’t see our hands in front of our faces, we turned back around.

But before stepping inside the house, we paused. And thank the heavens we did. I discovered something tonight…

Nature has an orchestra.

And it is unbelievable. From crickets to frogs to owls to sounds belonging to who knows what. There was a melody that sounded like music to my ears. Unbelievable.

Surreal.

Ethereal.

But before we could ponder it all, a very loud noise sounded too close for comfort, so in we went. Quickly.

But man, was that something. I always believed nature speaks if you listen but tonight I learned it sings too.

Till tomorrow…

 

#roadtripping

 

 

Road Tripping Minus One: Countdown

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Two years ago, my husband and I took an eleven-day road trip honeymoon from California, through Oregon, up to Washington and then back through Idaho and Nevada, before returning home to Los Angeles,  California.

It was intense, to say the least. I filmed this newly married journey of ours and turned it into a short documentary (for more info, go here.) We were both newbies to road tripping and our schedule proved to be wayyyyyyy too jammed….

But we learned.

And we’re heading back out there.

This time we’ll be tackling the east coast, starting in Florida, heading through Georgia and the Carolinas, up to D.C., and further north to upstate NY, with a finale in Canada. Passports, check!

And this time we’re doing it in fourteen days and going only one way.

See? We learned.

With our home secure and well-watched, we’re heading out tomorrow, before the sun rises since American Airlines decided to change the noon flight I booked to a six am’er. Who knew those even existed?!

I invite you to come along for the ride with us.

Inside of doing any video documentation (I can’t do that to my husband again!), I decided to do a writing series, complete with photos.

I promise to be truthful.

I hope to learn and pass that on.

I hope to meet people different than myself and I hope to talk with them, peacefully and curiously.

I hope to eat amazing food.

I hope to enjoy every moment with friends and family along the way, appreciating that we are able to be together (I was born and raised in Upstate NY and have a ton of family there. My husband was born and raised in Baltimore and spent a chunk of his life on the east coast.)

I hope to be safe and have a shit ton of fun.

Please join me. Expect posts daily but who knows, with spotty internet. But that will be the only reason a post is delayed till the next morning.

And let me know your thoughts and any fun pointers you have along the way. Especially looking for cool things off the beaten track.

Cheers!!

 

“The wise man travels to discover himself.”
James Russell Lowell

 

40 Years of Wisdom

/ christinaparisi / 3 Comments

In five days, I will be forty years old.

The twenty-one year old Christina would probably be in awe of a few things, like the fact I’m not a size 0 anymore and I quit smoking cigarettes and my husband is in the other room…

As I was driving home from work last tonight, I was thinking of the coming of this new era for me and some things I’ve learned along the way, like when I was six and I backed my little legs (both of them) up against the exhaust of a newly parked 1970s motorcycle muffler.

You can see #6 below for the lesson learned on that one because I decided to list my “words of wisdom” in order of age, taking some creative license with the first couple seeing as I’m not quite sure I remember being two.

Each of these lessons have remained important to me to this day so I thought I’d pass them on in honor of turning forty. I hope you enjoy them… and the little stories I included along the way.

40 Years Of Wisdom

1. Breathing is a most important thing.

2. My mother makes me more at ease than anyone in the world.

3. I love my family but my brother and I are very different.

4. Playing outdoors is a really fun way to spend your time.

5. School is interesting. But I question if all rules need to be followed…

6. Engines are very hot and second degree burns are no joke. The scars have lasted to this day so point being – Be Aware Of Your Surroundings.

7. We all make bad judgements. Such as being in second grade and pooping your pants and not doing anything about it until you get home… (TMI?)

8. Teachers can be very effective. Thank you Mrs. Riordan. We all hoped to get your class!

9. I love my family, with props to my father who works very hard for his family and my Aunt J. who speaks her mind bluntly but has a heart of gold.

10. Life can suck and be beyond your control.

11. I am different from many other people I come across.

12. Fight for what you want. A big thank you goes to my parents for allowing me to make the choice to go to public school rather than private Catholic school for seventh and eighth grade.

13. This monthly interruption of your body is a thing all women must go through. Men do not. (Which begs the question, would men want to if it meant they could experience childbirth? Talk amongst yourselves…)

14. Boys are fascinating and the dark-haired, tall ones seem extra appealing to me… I am one of those with a type, considering all three of my long-term boyfriends (with one becoming my husband,) were dark-skinned with dark hair and had a height of 6’0 or above.

15. My parents and I will not always agree on things.

16. Driving = freedom with responsibility

17. I am much better writing essays than I am solving math problems.

18. College = freedom with responsibility

19. Friends can be your family too.

20. Whenever I try to fit in, I end up sticking out even more. Faking things just isn’t in my blood. (Sorority life was not for me, though I did meet some amazing girls when I lived in for the year, and one of whom has become a best friend for life.)

21. Drinking Alcohol = freedom with responsibility. (Bonus lesson learned – no matter how much you win, you will lose to the house overall when playing video poker in casinos in Vegas BUT you will likely have a lot of fun doing it while drinking free watered down cocktails at one in the afternoon so it’s important to question first if you’re okay with that.)

22. Difficult choices bring lots of pain. Make them anyways.

23. The road of post-college life is not straight. Not. At. All. And you are the driver so don’t let anyone else take the wheel.

24.  Servers make a lot of money in Los Angeles. But you earn every penny by directly dealing with people who are hungry and been sitting in traffic for two hours to go ten miles.

25. Age creeps up on you. But question, what’s really in the number?

26. Making films is the main thing I want to do in life, though I adore the hell out of writing and should do something about that.

27. Fulfilling a life goal is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can go through. I made my first short film after working odd film jobs for years and just talking about it without doing it. (I have now made seven, played at festivals around the world, write about filmmaking and have a feature script getting some nice attention, which hopefully will lead to making it as my feature film directorial debut… stay tuned!)

28. The years of life go by fast. (Oddly, 28 was a hard year for me. I was tested plenty by the universe and did not pass them all…)

29. My father is my biggest fan. And I am so very lucky to have him as a father. (This is around the time I finally realized it.)

30. I am not always as in control as I think. It’s important to see things as they are, not as I wish them or want them to be.

31. I am not perfect. And neither are all my choices. And I do not have all the answers like I thought I did at 21.

32. My parents are my true best friends.

33. Love comes in all forms. (My nephews taught me how to break down the wall I built, not wanting others to get too close… that is until they entered my life.)

34. I can be the change I want.

35. I must try. I must earn what I want. I must be honest with myself. The rewards will come. (They honestly do!)

36. True love does indeed exist. And holding out for it was one of the best choices I ever made.

37. Relationships take work and are not one-sided. Being in one means thinking beyond oneself. (Ask my husband, as this is not always easy for me but he shows me how through his own actions Every Single Day.)

38. Positive energy begets positive energy. Period. Just try it. You get what you put in. Yin and Yang. Cause and effect.

39. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. And when two people support each other, the sky is the limit.

40. Breathing is a most important thing. (And aging is inevitable.)

Am I an asshole?

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

I need a lot of alone time.

Definitely more than the average person and probably even more than the person who thinks they need a lot of alone time. Ask anyone who has lived with me, dated me or well, tried to get to know me.

I’m not saying this as some badge of honor. Oh no. It’s a problem and I know that.

But it’s me.

I like to spend time alone. I need it. As weird as it sounds, I’m still getting to know myself and without time alone, I don’t feel entirely free to do that.

Is this different from others? Or am I just more vocal about it? I seriously don’t know but hell, I’m coming clean on my blog right now.

I need a lot of alone time.

Do you?

Someone once said that if you can’t spend time alone, than you’re hiding something from yourself. Wait… Is that just a thought I had from all my philosophy study? I seriously don’t know. But I struggle with original thought when I study from the masters. Are we not to build upon them though?

I digress….

I need a lot of alone time.

But what do you do when that need hurts those you love?

Which side do you fulfill…?

Pause for a moment.

Today, I was talking to my father. Not about this. Not at all literally BUT in the conversation we were having, he asked something about living in reality….

And I was struck!

(Not the first time my father said a statement seemingly simple and yet, so therapeutic….)

Have I adapted to the fact that I am no longer living as one? Married, you are living as two. Individuals, yes. But choices no longer are your own because of the commitment you’ve made to another individual…

What then, if you need alone time?

Is that selfish?

Are you an asshole?

What say you?

Yes, you heard right. My husband and I have decided not to have kids.

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

I get it. I’ve been married for almost two years now; I’m about to turn forty next month; and I adore my nephews and niece.

I understand the need for some to ask me: “Are you going to have children?”

What I don’t understand though, is the unasked-for advisement that comes next, after I’ve confirmed the fact that they did hear right – my husband and I are not having children.

It’s a choice. We weren’t told we couldn’t have them (though the odd thing is, since neither of us have ever tried or been in that situation, we don’t really know if we actually could do it naturally… but I digress.) Let’s put it this way. We could have all the money in the world and we’d still be making this decision. It’s not the expenses, though that IS a freaky thought these days.

So, what’s the reason? Everyone wants a reason. And we’ve thought about it, because, well, we want one too.

If I had to say a main reason, it would be that both of us want whatever time we have left on this planet to be spent how we want, not how it’s best for offspring. See to us, having a child is THE ultimate responsibility and to be frank, we’re choosing to go another way.

Call us selfish. That’s fine. We are in this regard. But isn’t it great that we know this about ourselves, therefore making it a good thing we aren’t bringing children into the world? And if you really think about it, what we’re doing is… well, the smart thing.

But oh, the advisement….

I’ve heard everything… passionate pleas to give it more thought, details on how to freeze my eggs (for when I come to my senses no doubt), stories of regret, sermons on my “duty”, stares of awe…

On the flip side, however, I do get the occasional high-five and/or big smile of understanding. Those rare souls are rays of sunshine, not because they’re of similar mind (some have children of their own, like my parents!) but because they see it as a choice.

And isn’t that the whole point?

Children are a choice we make with our bodies. Or welcoming those from other’s bodies into our lives.

And in my opinion, this choice should be taken extremely seriously.

I know my husband and I do. Very much. Hence, our decision…

(One final thought for now in case it comes up… if my choices don’t adhere to your religious beliefs, please know you can take comfort in the fact that I have to deal with any consequences you think will come, not you. Also, don’t forget that if YOU have children, THEY have to deal with YOUR consequences. Why not focus on that?)