filmmaking

Isolation

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

As I realize my previous short films aren’t getting as much attention as I would have liked them to get on the festival circuit, I’m once again faced with the question – “what’s next?”

Ah…. a question that never really goes away but rather needs to be decided upon continuously if you are at all a conscious person who plans to decide their own fate as much as possible.

Fortunately, I’ve already decided that I will make films until I take my last breath, so at least I’ve passed the stage of that question where I pondered whether I’m doing what I really want to do since this is quite the challenging life choice. But now, my focus is turned to the question of how to make films that reach an audience… and while there are many great answers to this question out there, every filmmaker has to decide this for themselves. Do you try to appeal to the masses? Do you stay true to your message and personal style? How can art be anything other than what its creator wants it to be? But then, is the artist willing to simply have enough money to enable them to live and little more? And the jobs one must have on the side to have any money? And why is it that the work of many artists aren’t recognized for what they are until many years after they’re put out in the world? How much does timing have to do with an audience’s willingness to embrace a particular work of art? And the questions go on and on…

But there’s that one that will inevitably enter an artist’s mind after they finish something – what’s next?

I try to learn from my past and apply it to my future but I have this tremendous stubborn and prideful streak that refuses to stand aside and create something that doesn’t feel natural or right to me. But then, I want my films seen. I get advice from many who have taken an interest in me or my career and while I am grateful for any interest, I do believe that this is something that has to come from within me. I have to answer this question myself, though I definitely do use the advice toward that goal.

Hence, isolation.

I think it would be best if I just lock myself up and think and write until I have the answer but it seems the older I get, the tougher it is for me to choose this path. For one thing, I cannot go longer than a few days without seeing my nephew. For another thing, I value my friendships (family or not) more than I think I ever have before and very much want to spend time with them. Not to mention I no longer live alone. But at the same time, I love isolation when I’m trying to figure something out.

It’s a similar problem to the one in which I want to make the films I want to make but I also want them seen.

So I wonder, can someone do two things that may seemingly not go together?

I’m not sure, but perhaps instead of isolating myself, I should isolate that answer.

Hm… I think I just found out what’s next for me.

Keep on Truckin’

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

As I approach the middle of 2010 with only a couple of festival screenings under my belt for my latest short film, “Rhythm of Causality”, I am reminded once again that being a filmmaker isn’t easy.

As the festival submissions start to dwindle and I have less and less to hear back from, certain thoughts start to invade my mind: “This was the short based on my feature.” “This is the largest scale short I’ve ever made.” “This is the one that I thought best represented my work.” “So few have been able to see it!” “Why oh why God does this happen to me??????”

Okay. Slight exaggeration. But only slight. I know being a filmmaker isn’t effortless. I’ve known this all along. And I made the conscious decision to go after this dream with the full knowledge that it is difficult, heart-breaking, risky, hurtful, and pretentious but then… it’s also wonderful, thoughtful, creative, honest, and everything I’ve ever wanted for my life.

So, I take the good with the bad.

I guess that’s what life is all about. We weigh our options. We make our choices and if we go for the hard stuff, we decide if the struggle is worth it.

And then we keep on truckin’.

Guess it’s time to write the next short…

Yes, master.

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The other day, the wireless router for my computer was having trouble and I couldn’t get online. After trying a few times, I thought, okay, well, I’m sure it will be fine soon. Maybe an hour goes by and I try again. No better. I start to wonder if maybe something is really wrong. But I continue working, which I was doing on my computer, and thought, well, I’m sure it will be fine by morning. I should clarify that I’m a reader for a production company and I do these things called “coverage” which are reports basically on the assignment I’m given, whether it be a script, book, play, etc. Anyway, to make a long story short, I hand in my coverage via email to my boss at whatever deadline I’m given. And in this case, I had to have it in the next morning. So, I finish my work, sleep a few hours and wake up to revise and edit it before handing it in. Bad news. Internet is still down. I start to worry. I try all the troubleshooting I know how and still nothing. I go to another computer in the house, a PC laptop (I’m a MAC user and it’s a desktop) and plug the router directly into it. It works. I hand in my assignment with only minutes to spare. And then I breath.

Flash forward to today. I’ve been known to drop things. And my phone has been, well, dropped a few times. But suddenly, it just decided to call it quits today. And I realized I couldn’t get any calls, make any calls or do practically anything with it. I learned this around 11am. By noon, I was panicking. Shit, my job could be trying to get a hold of me. Man, what about all the festivals I’ve submitted my film to? What if today is the day I get a call? Crap, what about my friends who need to get a hold of me? And my mom who calls 911 if I don’t call her back immediately? And what about text messages? I’ll never be able to retrieve those. And the photos I have saved on it and blah, blah, blah.

I had to tell my mind to shut the hell up. It’s a phone for Christ sake. And that’s when I realized how truly dependent I’ve become on technology. And it kinda made me sick to my stomach. I remember the days of high school, and yes, I’m about to date myself right now, where “landlines” didn’t exist, they were just known as phones. We had actual answering machines and if you were out of the house, either you used a pay phone or you didn’t make a call. No one could just get a hold of you at any time, anywhere. We didn’t talk about the “internet” and “social networking.” If you wanted to see photos of someone, you had to actually be in the presence of the actual photo.  And while there are definite benefits to the advancements of technology, it has also, in many ways, taken over our lives and one has to stop and ask, do we control technology? Or does it control us?

And not all new technology beats its predecessors. When I listen to vinyl records, I’m reminded of this. When I watch a 35mm film, it’s depth of beauty is more haunting than any digital film I’ve ever seen.

As today progressed, and I got used to not having a cell phone, I have to admit. It was kinda freeing. And though I will go get a new one tomorrow, I will always remind myself that it is I who holds the power. Not it.

The Reality of Rejection

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What does rejection even mean? Sure, it implies a refusal of sorts but if one rejects something, what qualifies them as the final arbiter? Nothing. Well…okay, perhaps, if they reject something on the grounds of science, they have a solid point, but for this blog, I’ll be discussing art. And art is subjective. So, how weighty is a rejection?

In the eyes of the creator, often times it’s meaningless. In the mind of the audience, it can be influential, but those with a head of their own, will hopefully draw their own conclusion. I can’t tell you how many times I disagree with the supposed “top critics” and find beauty in “rejected” pieces of art, often made by those who create for the sake of their art rather than for the sake of appeasing the masses or those who dangle a paycheck in front of them. (Hence, the often poverty of artists.) But I should note that this is a decision of the individual artist, to decide what path they plan to take, with no one telling them what is right or wrong as only they can determine that…

Perhaps though, E.B. White said it best when he remarked, “Your whole duty as a writer is to please  and satisfy yourself, and the true writer always plays to an audience of one. Start sniffing the air or glancing at the trend machine and you’re as good as dead, although you may make a nice living.”

The 2010 film festival circuit begins soon and as an independent filmmaker, I find myself once again faced with the inevitable reality of being “rejected” and dealing with such. Considering this is my fourth time out there, one would think I’ve grown a hard shell to rejection but the truth is, although I will continue to create work that is true to me, the rejection is never fun nor easy. I have no children but my films, in a sense, are my progeny. And not wanting to play favorites, I still must say this latest short film, “Rhythm of Causality”, is especially significant for me because it is based on the feature film I am raising financing for and plan to fight to the end to get made.  I’ve grown with this short and nurtured it for the past year and a half of my life, and now, I feel this strong desire to protect and defend it. But then I realize, NO, Christina,  “Rhythm of Causality” needs to take on a life of its own now and deal with the realities of the world, both wonderful and harsh. I can be there to guide it but it will be what it will be. Kind-of what many wish their parents would remember. They’ve raised us but now, we are our own person. I’m starting to understand how difficult that actually is…

10.13.09

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As many of you may or may not know, things are looking a little…bleak in terms of finance available for independent films. With few distribution deals being negotiated at top festivals, Indie production companies scaling back, timid and cautious investors, and a host of other factors, many filmmakers may be feeling a bit worried if they are seeking finance for their feature film.

But are things ever going to be perfect? I believe that the economy moves along a current that flows up and down. It’s about peaks and valleys. And right now, I’d say we’re in a valley.

Sure, we could wait to reach the peak again but why not just keep climbing? I’m not suggesting one should ignore reality, but rather take that reality and mold it themselves, instead of waiting for it to be molded by others.

In the encouraging words of an old proverb:

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

(but let us not forget to do so without causing harm to others or to ourself.)