family

4 Days Till Christmas – Giving Back

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Who better to give back to than a pair of loving grandparents?

When I was a child, I admit my grandparents were not my primary focus. Don’t get me wrong. I loved going to grandma’s because it typically meant I was going to see my extended family, in particular my cousins who were all around the same age, and have a great time while the adults chatted at the big table but I should mention the adults all spoke in Sicilian to one another so none of us kids could understand much of what was being said.

But my Nonna and Nonno were always happy to see me and I especially remember my grandma’s cooking and the smell of onion and garlic wafting throughout her house, no matter which room you were in. Tomatoes from the backyard were always used to make sauce, a Sunday tradition for us Sicilian folk, and all seemed right with the world back then… ah, famiglia!

It was only a few months ago that I introduced my Nonna and Nonno to my husband, Don. They were unable to come to the wedding unfortunately, as they’re in their nineties, but it was very important to me that they meet Don and I wasn’t willing to risk anymore time so we went this year. It was a wonderful visit and they welcomed him right in. He got to see a little slice of my past while meeting two people that mean a great deal to me.

Sorry to take the scenic route to my point… Today, I wrote a letter to my grandparents (in their native language, which I’m still in learning-mode on!) to say hello, happy holidays and to let them know I love them both very much. I am waiting to mail it though, because I want to print a few photos to include in the envelope but didn’t get out of work in time to go do it. Tomorrow morning though, I’ll be printing and mailing and I hope when they get my card, it puts a big smile on their faces.

“Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.”  –  Alex Haley (American writer, 1921-1992)

#givingbackblogseries #givingback

8 Days Till Christmas – Giving Back

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It’s 8 days till Christmas!!

And today I decided to give back by spending time with my nephews in a positive and educational way.

I see my nephews, ages 8 and 6, weekly, unless I’m out of town. It’s a commitment I made to them when each was born. Flash forward to today, this weekend, and time was a little limited with my work schedule and their schedule, but we made it work.

During the two and a half hours we hung out, we did a map puzzle of the United States WITHOUT looking at a picture, drew dinosaurs (I’m pretty confident I could beat most in a trivia game about the Triassic period, I’ve been quizzed by an 8 year old, but I digress…) and then ended the morning with a few games of “hide ‘n find”, a game we made up which is a little like “hide ‘n seek” but instead of hiding ourselves we hide toys and then the other two have to find them and if it starts to take too long, we turn on the game of “hot and cold” too (it’s very fun!)

I witnessed smiles on two children’s faces today and the sounds of their laughter and “I love yous” were enough to make me want to give back to them until I am no longer able. They are the future and I want to help guide them toward a positive and healthy one by giving them their auntie’s time, attention and love.

La tua famiglia è tutto, as my grandparents would say.

Till tomorrow…

#givingbackblogseries #givingback

 

Family Weekends

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This past weekend has been a bit of a blur. My whole family was (mostly) all together from Friday to Sunday since my sister was in town.

I know family means different things to different people but at its core, to me, it means a deep connection among a group of people, often associated with a blood relation though not exclusively.

Growing up in an Italian-American (Sicilian) household, I was first generation born in the states. Both cultures were always mixed in our family and still are. It means a great deal to me to keep the traditions of the past alive while developing new ones.

Whomever one determines their family to be, weekends of togetherness are oh so important, are they not? What better way to deepen the connections, air grievances, laugh together while knowing one another’s peccadillos and psyches? Few people in one’s life will have the type of history you do with your family members… perhaps it is this concept that connects family more than anything else.

“The past could be jettisoned . . . but seeds got carried.”
― Joan Didion, Where I Was From

Time moves fast. My advice. Make time for your family and what better way than a weekend all together?

 

(Also, If I may, I’d like to share a guest post I wrote for Write Naked, where I interviewed the lovely Director of Publicity, Caroline Sun. I hope you enjoy!)

Road Tripping Day 14

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The past two weeks have been some of the most amazing days of my life. Traveling the east coast with my husband as we visited close family and friends allowed me time to explore the great outdoors, see cities and states I hadn’t before and learn about love, life, myself and my relationships on a deeper level.

And I’d like to extend a big thank you to all who have come along for the ride with us.

If I had to say what I learned most from the trip, it would be how much I love my husband.

The universe gave me a chance to see how important the commitment I made to this man is to me and I have a new-found excitement for getting to be with him everyday, for all the days we are given.

I also learned a few overall lessons and made some observations that I thought I’d share with you for the last of my Road Tripping posts…

  • Bug spray is something now at the top of my packing list when traveling. Especially to the east coast.
  • Tim Horton’s is very popular on that same east coast. (FYI, it’s a coffee place for those like myself who didn’t know.)
  • Nissan Versas are a great rental. Smooth ride. Excellent mileage. Comfortable. (And no, I’m not getting paid by them…)
  • Subway fast food restaurants are everywhere. Literally everywhere.
  • Do not put on mascara while the car is moving.
  • Overpacking is a waste. I learn more about it each time I travel. Biggest takeaway – Ask myself if I really will wear/use/read it. If I hesitate, don’t bring it.
  • Priceline is my favorite travel website.
  • Heated hotel pools are also a favorite of mine.
  • My hair hates humidity, but I was prepared this time. I came armed with serum and a straightener.
  • Lyft is a Godsend.
  • Sometimes, Denny’s can in fact hit the spot.
  • Each state has different rules for speeding. Some take it insanely serious. Others, almost invite it. My advice – pay attention and act accordingly, unless you want to waste your money and time.
  • Rain is very different on the Atlantic/Pacific coasts. Atlantic is unpredictable, wild, warm, odd and part of life. Pacific is periodic, wet, cold and quite seasonal.
  • I love to collect things and my bottle cap, seashell and magnet collections grew rapidly over the past fourteen days.
  • I missed my bed, getting the mail and family the most while I was gone.

I am already looking forward to another trip. Stay tuned, as I hope you’ll join me then as well.

Cheers!

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Day 13

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The last destination on our east coast road trip was Toronto, Canada.

On the two-hour drive to get there from Buffalo, my husband and I reflected on the wonderful trip we’d just experienced over the past twelve days.

And a big thank you to all who have come along for the ride. It’s been fun going through it with readers and participants :)

Toronto is not entirely new to me. Growing up in Buffalo, Canada wasn’t really another country. It was the city next door. It was Niagara Falls. (Yes, the Canadian side gives the best views. BUT the Buffalo side gives a great sight of the rapids, unlike anything other. And it’s still America, so you don’t have to deal with going through the border. (It’s the getting back through the American side that has become a pain in the ass. I felt like I was being interrogated, but I digress…)

We live in a different world from the days of my childhood when my dad would pay fifty cents and go in and out of Canada with little effort. Terrorism is suspect though and America does not mess around. TSA even took the jar of Georgia peach jam I got for my mother. Sad… I felt invaded when they went through my whole bag and undid the great packing job I had strategized over but don’t get me started.

Toronto was fun and the view from the C & N building was no joke. 181 floors up. And there was a lightning storm happening while we strolled around as our ears popped. My husband was bummed a bit that the outer walkway was closed but to be honest, I was fine with staying behind the glass. (Please excuse the rain drops on the shot above; I tried my best.)

It was a wonderful way to close our two-week road trip, which started in Central Florida and ended in Toronto, Canada.

Tomorrow will be my last post for my road tripping series. Stay tuned as I list observations from the trip as a whole….

#roadtripping

 

 

 

 

 

Road Tripping Day 11 & 12

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I don’t want this feeling to end. I wish I could wrap it up and keep it in a little box so whenever I want it back, I could have it in a moment’s notice.

La Familia.

Growing up in a Sicilian household, the importance of family was instilled in me from the day I was born. I learned early on to have respect for one’s family and culture. To this day, my mother makes sauce on Sundays and speaks Sicilian to her parents. And yes, I too now make this sauce but no, not every Sunday. Many of those days, I’m at my folks.

The reason for the silence on my blog the past two days is that I literally did not have one moment to formulate my thoughts because I filled every second with family while in my birth town of Buffalo, NY. I was so blown away by the amount of love and respect and joy that swirled around me in the past forty-eight hours that I didn’t want to mess with it one bit (which I believed I’d have to do to write this post.)

In some ways, my Aunt J has always felt like a second mother. This says a lot because I am not truly comfortable with most people. But the relationship we formed when I was 0 – 10 stuck and despite great distance, I feel at home with her. Her children, my first cousins have been everything to me. Best friends. Family. A godson. And being back with them this weekend made it seem like no time or distance had passed between us. Talks were deep and beautiful and funny and wine-filled and lovely and special and so many more adjectives but I’ll stop…

In short, it was magical. And I didn’t want the feeling to end.

It was a ride and I’m already sad to be off but here’s a sneak peek of it:

The long way there. Hehe but we made it! Smiles, love, warmth, family, childhood. Grandparents. Love. Remembering the past while mixing it with the future. Intro’s to my husband. Tons of intros! Beautiful children, like the one’s we once were. Family. Love. Party time! Hands moving. Mouths going. Good times had by all. Smiles on a ninety-six year old. Family. Love. Niagara Falls! Majestic. Good food. Laughs. Pictures. Water. Lots and lots of water. Wings and pizza. Final dinner. Great times! Laughs galore. Family. Love. Tour of old hood. Husband. My love. My life. Late night chats. Early morning chats. Family. Love.

Till tomorrow…

#roadtripping

Road Tripping Minus One: Countdown

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Two years ago, my husband and I took an eleven-day road trip honeymoon from California, through Oregon, up to Washington and then back through Idaho and Nevada, before returning home to Los Angeles,  California.

It was intense, to say the least. I filmed this newly married journey of ours and turned it into a short documentary (for more info, go here.) We were both newbies to road tripping and our schedule proved to be wayyyyyyy too jammed….

But we learned.

And we’re heading back out there.

This time we’ll be tackling the east coast, starting in Florida, heading through Georgia and the Carolinas, up to D.C., and further north to upstate NY, with a finale in Canada. Passports, check!

And this time we’re doing it in fourteen days and going only one way.

See? We learned.

With our home secure and well-watched, we’re heading out tomorrow, before the sun rises since American Airlines decided to change the noon flight I booked to a six am’er. Who knew those even existed?!

I invite you to come along for the ride with us.

Inside of doing any video documentation (I can’t do that to my husband again!), I decided to do a writing series, complete with photos.

I promise to be truthful.

I hope to learn and pass that on.

I hope to meet people different than myself and I hope to talk with them, peacefully and curiously.

I hope to eat amazing food.

I hope to enjoy every moment with friends and family along the way, appreciating that we are able to be together (I was born and raised in Upstate NY and have a ton of family there. My husband was born and raised in Baltimore and spent a chunk of his life on the east coast.)

I hope to be safe and have a shit ton of fun.

Please join me. Expect posts daily but who knows, with spotty internet. But that will be the only reason a post is delayed till the next morning.

And let me know your thoughts and any fun pointers you have along the way. Especially looking for cool things off the beaten track.

Cheers!!

 

“The wise man travels to discover himself.”
James Russell Lowell

 

40 Years of Wisdom

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In five days, I will be forty years old.

The twenty-one year old Christina would probably be in awe of a few things, like the fact I’m not a size 0 anymore and I quit smoking cigarettes and my husband is in the other room…

As I was driving home from work last tonight, I was thinking of the coming of this new era for me and some things I’ve learned along the way, like when I was six and I backed my little legs (both of them) up against the exhaust of a newly parked 1970s motorcycle muffler.

You can see #6 below for the lesson learned on that one because I decided to list my “words of wisdom” in order of age, taking some creative license with the first couple seeing as I’m not quite sure I remember being two.

Each of these lessons have remained important to me to this day so I thought I’d pass them on in honor of turning forty. I hope you enjoy them… and the little stories I included along the way.

40 Years Of Wisdom

1. Breathing is a most important thing.

2. My mother makes me more at ease than anyone in the world.

3. I love my family but my brother and I are very different.

4. Playing outdoors is a really fun way to spend your time.

5. School is interesting. But I question if all rules need to be followed…

6. Engines are very hot and second degree burns are no joke. The scars have lasted to this day so point being – Be Aware Of Your Surroundings.

7. We all make bad judgements. Such as being in second grade and pooping your pants and not doing anything about it until you get home… (TMI?)

8. Teachers can be very effective. Thank you Mrs. Riordan. We all hoped to get your class!

9. I love my family, with props to my father who works very hard for his family and my Aunt J. who speaks her mind bluntly but has a heart of gold.

10. Life can suck and be beyond your control.

11. I am different from many other people I come across.

12. Fight for what you want. A big thank you goes to my parents for allowing me to make the choice to go to public school rather than private Catholic school for seventh and eighth grade.

13. This monthly interruption of your body is a thing all women must go through. Men do not. (Which begs the question, would men want to if it meant they could experience childbirth? Talk amongst yourselves…)

14. Boys are fascinating and the dark-haired, tall ones seem extra appealing to me… I am one of those with a type, considering all three of my long-term boyfriends (with one becoming my husband,) were dark-skinned with dark hair and had a height of 6’0 or above.

15. My parents and I will not always agree on things.

16. Driving = freedom with responsibility

17. I am much better writing essays than I am solving math problems.

18. College = freedom with responsibility

19. Friends can be your family too.

20. Whenever I try to fit in, I end up sticking out even more. Faking things just isn’t in my blood. (Sorority life was not for me, though I did meet some amazing girls when I lived in for the year, and one of whom has become a best friend for life.)

21. Drinking Alcohol = freedom with responsibility. (Bonus lesson learned – no matter how much you win, you will lose to the house overall when playing video poker in casinos in Vegas BUT you will likely have a lot of fun doing it while drinking free watered down cocktails at one in the afternoon so it’s important to question first if you’re okay with that.)

22. Difficult choices bring lots of pain. Make them anyways.

23. The road of post-college life is not straight. Not. At. All. And you are the driver so don’t let anyone else take the wheel.

24.  Servers make a lot of money in Los Angeles. But you earn every penny by directly dealing with people who are hungry and been sitting in traffic for two hours to go ten miles.

25. Age creeps up on you. But question, what’s really in the number?

26. Making films is the main thing I want to do in life, though I adore the hell out of writing and should do something about that.

27. Fulfilling a life goal is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can go through. I made my first short film after working odd film jobs for years and just talking about it without doing it. (I have now made seven, played at festivals around the world, write about filmmaking and have a feature script getting some nice attention, which hopefully will lead to making it as my feature film directorial debut… stay tuned!)

28. The years of life go by fast. (Oddly, 28 was a hard year for me. I was tested plenty by the universe and did not pass them all…)

29. My father is my biggest fan. And I am so very lucky to have him as a father. (This is around the time I finally realized it.)

30. I am not always as in control as I think. It’s important to see things as they are, not as I wish them or want them to be.

31. I am not perfect. And neither are all my choices. And I do not have all the answers like I thought I did at 21.

32. My parents are my true best friends.

33. Love comes in all forms. (My nephews taught me how to break down the wall I built, not wanting others to get too close… that is until they entered my life.)

34. I can be the change I want.

35. I must try. I must earn what I want. I must be honest with myself. The rewards will come. (They honestly do!)

36. True love does indeed exist. And holding out for it was one of the best choices I ever made.

37. Relationships take work and are not one-sided. Being in one means thinking beyond oneself. (Ask my husband, as this is not always easy for me but he shows me how through his own actions Every Single Day.)

38. Positive energy begets positive energy. Period. Just try it. You get what you put in. Yin and Yang. Cause and effect.

39. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. And when two people support each other, the sky is the limit.

40. Breathing is a most important thing. (And aging is inevitable.)

Am I an asshole?

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I need a lot of alone time.

Definitely more than the average person and probably even more than the person who thinks they need a lot of alone time. Ask anyone who has lived with me, dated me or well, tried to get to know me.

I’m not saying this as some badge of honor. Oh no. It’s a problem and I know that.

But it’s me.

I like to spend time alone. I need it. As weird as it sounds, I’m still getting to know myself and without time alone, I don’t feel entirely free to do that.

Is this different from others? Or am I just more vocal about it? I seriously don’t know but hell, I’m coming clean on my blog right now.

I need a lot of alone time.

Do you?

Someone once said that if you can’t spend time alone, than you’re hiding something from yourself. Wait… Is that just a thought I had from all my philosophy study? I seriously don’t know. But I struggle with original thought when I study from the masters. Are we not to build upon them though?

I digress….

I need a lot of alone time.

But what do you do when that need hurts those you love?

Which side do you fulfill…?

Pause for a moment.

Today, I was talking to my father. Not about this. Not at all literally BUT in the conversation we were having, he asked something about living in reality….

And I was struck!

(Not the first time my father said a statement seemingly simple and yet, so therapeutic….)

Have I adapted to the fact that I am no longer living as one? Married, you are living as two. Individuals, yes. But choices no longer are your own because of the commitment you’ve made to another individual…

What then, if you need alone time?

Is that selfish?

Are you an asshole?

What say you?

Yes, you heard right. My husband and I have decided not to have kids.

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I get it. I’ve been married for almost two years now; I’m about to turn forty next month; and I adore my nephews and niece.

I understand the need for some to ask me: “Are you going to have children?”

What I don’t understand though, is the unasked-for advisement that comes next, after I’ve confirmed the fact that they did hear right – my husband and I are not having children.

It’s a choice. We weren’t told we couldn’t have them (though the odd thing is, since neither of us have ever tried or been in that situation, we don’t really know if we actually could do it naturally… but I digress.) Let’s put it this way. We could have all the money in the world and we’d still be making this decision. It’s not the expenses, though that IS a freaky thought these days.

So, what’s the reason? Everyone wants a reason. And we’ve thought about it, because, well, we want one too.

If I had to say a main reason, it would be that both of us want whatever time we have left on this planet to be spent how we want, not how it’s best for offspring. See to us, having a child is THE ultimate responsibility and to be frank, we’re choosing to go another way.

Call us selfish. That’s fine. We are in this regard. But isn’t it great that we know this about ourselves, therefore making it a good thing we aren’t bringing children into the world? And if you really think about it, what we’re doing is… well, the smart thing.

But oh, the advisement….

I’ve heard everything… passionate pleas to give it more thought, details on how to freeze my eggs (for when I come to my senses no doubt), stories of regret, sermons on my “duty”, stares of awe…

On the flip side, however, I do get the occasional high-five and/or big smile of understanding. Those rare souls are rays of sunshine, not because they’re of similar mind (some have children of their own, like my parents!) but because they see it as a choice.

And isn’t that the whole point?

Children are a choice we make with our bodies. Or welcoming those from other’s bodies into our lives.

And in my opinion, this choice should be taken extremely seriously.

I know my husband and I do. Very much. Hence, our decision…

(One final thought for now in case it comes up… if my choices don’t adhere to your religious beliefs, please know you can take comfort in the fact that I have to deal with any consequences you think will come, not you. Also, don’t forget that if YOU have children, THEY have to deal with YOUR consequences. Why not focus on that?)