dating

Butterflies

/ christinaparisi / Leave a comment

You know that common expression, “He/She gave me butterflies”?

Well, one could argue it implies someone is smitten, nervous, excited. And it’s probably because one is in the presence of someone else who makes them happy but also a little sick at the same time, mostly because they really like being around this particular person but then this same person also makes them nervous in that they could not like them back. Come on, you know what I mean… (And if you don’t, wow, I’m sorry for you! Get out there and learn…)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it because I recently felt butterflies. And I forgot what a wonderful feeling they are. It reminded me of being in high school, when I was so thrilled that a popular senior wanted to date me, an insecure sophomore, or when in college, after bluntly asking the boy I liked if he just wanted to be friends, he came to my door five days later and we spent the next four years together.

I think the trick is to find someone who gives you butterflies forever, in the excited way since the sick way should disappear after a while. While every day my not be a honeymoon in any relationship, I think it’s this feeling that acts as the glue for when they’re not.

Butterflies. They begin with a cocoon, which isn’t the most attractive of things and is only partially complete, and then they turn into a beautiful thing that spreads its wings and flies. One could argue that’s like one person finding another, who makes them and their world even better.

God, am I turning into a romantic? Likely not, but… I do love the romantic period of the 19th century… hah

stereotypes

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One night when I was waiting tables at a restaurant, my boss and I had a conversation about a table who defied the typical stereotypes and we were both pleasantly pleased. Anyone who has waited tables knows about the stereotypes of certain customers… but without going into them, sorry!, let me just say they are there for a reason. It’s always nice, though, when they get proved wrong. And this got me thinking…

It’s a common stereotype that women, especially those in their thirties, are baby crazy and looking to settle down so they can have children. Well…..

I’m one of those who defy this stereotype. I’m thirty-four and I do not want children. When I was in my twenties, I was on the fence about the whole baby thing. Never being one to have that maternal instinct but rather one who craved a filmmaking career, I didn’t give children much thought. But then, when I entered my thirties, I began to think of whether or not it was something I wanted because obviously nature has a clock in regards to this. Around this time, my brother and sister-in-law had a child and because of my flexible schedule, I became a weekly babysitter to my beautiful nephew. At first, I wasn’t thrilled about changing diapers and dealing with baby issues but as soon as he came into this world, I fell in love with him more than I thought I was even capable of. He and I have become incredibly close since and I cherish him but my nephew helped me learn that although I think I am great at being an aunt, I am not made to be a parent. And I truly came to the realization that plain and simple, I don’t want children of my own.

Now, back to the stereotypes. Many say women want babies and are baby crazy and trying to get a guy to start a family but you know what, being on the other end of the stick, as a women who doesn’t want babies, let me tell you. It’s not just women. Men can be just as baby crazy. And being a woman in her thirties who doesn’t want children, I have come to think it can be more difficult than being a woman who does, because most men out there want children.

Anyway, my point of writing this blog is to demonstrate that while stereotypes may exist for a reason, they are not true in all circumstances so take heed the next time you so quickly apply them.

Trust me. There are exceptions.

And thank God for that because for me, who doesn’t like speaking in generalities, one of the coolest things in life is when stereotypes are proved wrong.

kryptonite

/ christinaparisi / 2 Comments

For all those who know about Superman, you’ll clearly know about Kryptonite. But for those who have lived on another planet and don’t know what that means, kryptonite is an ore and according to my Wikipedia, “the one weakness of an otherwise invulnerable hero.”

Okay, I know I’m not invulnerable but I’m going to make a comparison here. Seriously, I have my shit together when it comes to my career, my goals, my family and friends. I have made any and all sacrifices I’ve needed to in order to continue making films and I barely bat an eye because I know that it’s exactly what I want in life. I will stand up to any and all who stand in my way and I never balk at confrontation. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, just setting up my argument. The bottom line is, I know what I want and will not settle for anything less…. when it comes to my career.

And as far as family and friends go. Well, I didn’t use to take this seriously but about five or so years ago, I realized how important family and true friends are and I have consciously made a point to be loyal and care about all those who are true to me. I hope I have shown that to those who are close to me but I suppose, you will have to ask them if that is true. I do believe it is.

My personal life in regards to men, however, well… that’s another story. Because I have spent so much time on trying to get my films made, I’ve been able to ignore the personal aspect of my life for quite some time. Having had two long-term boyfriends, one for three years in high school and another for four years in college, I’m able to say that I get what it means to be in a relationship but it’s not a focus of mine. An aspiration, yes. One that will maybe happen one day but if it doesn’t with someone who rocks my world, well, then, it doesn’t. I don’t want anything less. That said, I realize I have a problem. I tend to go for exactly the wrong type of person and today, when one of my friends told me I was being the cliché, it finally hit me. I am f’ed up in this regard. And I need to change my behavior.

Not easy, people. Not easy at all. And I think there are many of us who can relate to partaking in bad behavior with the opposite sex.

Why on earth would one care about someone who doesn’t care about them? Why would anyone ever give the time of day to someone who ignores their thoughts? Why would anyone consider someone who treats them with little respect? It’s crazy, right? I know. Yet, I partook in that behavior. And I’m totally embarrassed and realize that while I may have my shit together in other regards, I have some things to learn in regards to my personal life. I’m glad I won’t settle but I’m not glad I pursue exactly who I shouldn’t. Why would one who treats you bad be on your list of someone worthy of getting to know???

Kryptonite. Some men are this for me. And I need to find my shield to it. Could it just simply be logic?

Damn…

I think it is.

Sabotage

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“Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something).”

This is the definition of sabotage, according to… you guessed it, my Apple dictionary, which my blog readers know very well is my go to dictionary for definitions… and new readers will soon learn.

I write today about sabotage because I’ve become aware of the fact that I do this.

TO MYSELF.

And in particular in my relationships with men.

Now, I will choose to draw blood before I do anything harmful to my films or my filmmaking career but when it comes to my personal relationships with men, well…

I’ve recently come to realize that while I may not run from them, and do in fact look for them on occasion, it’s only a matter of time before I out right sabotage them.

My career goals have never been a problem for me. They have been clear, precise, and something I want with all my heart. But my personal romantic goals have been… well, let’s just say a bit more unclear. Now, I should disclose that I’ve had two looooong relationships in life, one in high school (3 years) and one in college (4 years), so I can say that I’ve been on that side of the line and know about it. But since then, and that’s about, to be completely honest, over ten years ago, I haven’t lasted longer than five or so months with someone and even that’s probably pushing it. Now, it’s been easy to ignore since priority number one for me has been my films and my filmmaking career, which let me tell you is not an easy thing to accomplish in life, but as I get more into the swing of things in my field, certain aspects of my behavior in this arena are dawning on me.

Now, I’ve made attempts to date in the past. And I have, with numerous guys. Hell, I’ve even used online dating sites. But nothing has stuck. And this weekend, the reason why hit me.

I sabotage things with men so I won’t get hurt and have to deal with any of it.

I went to a wedding last weekend and met a really attractive and nice guy. So naturally, after talking and dancing with him, I proceeded to drink too much, ignore him and then leave without saying so much as a goodbye. And this isn’t the first time I’ve done such odd behavior around guys. Typically, if you like me, I won’t like you. If you don’t want to be serious, I’ll be serious. If you’re nice, I’ll be mean. If you’re mean, I’ll be nice. If you ignore me, I’ll believe I want to be with you. If you don’t ignore me, I’ll make sure you soon do. It’s all soooooo stupid but I admit, I partook in this behavior and only now, at thirty-four, do I realize that I’ve largely sabotaged my own love life. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I’m not going to get too involved into dwelling on the past. The past is the past and so be it. But the exciting thing is that this knowledge is now going to come in handy in my future, not that I want to marry the next guy I meet but… I’m just going to be me, let the chips fall where they may and not be so scared about dealing with anything. And so, since I’ve learned something priceless, I thought I’d share it with my readers. And this is it…

If things aren’t going your way, seriously, stop. And ask yourself one question:

AM I THE REASON?